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When did you make the decision to have sex with someone else?


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Posted

First off let me make clear this post is NOT to judge or to tell anyone what they did was wrong and it is not try to change anyone's mind or behaviors on anything. I am simply seeking to understand what some of the thought processes and decisions were.

 

PLEASE NO BLAMING, SHAMING, JUDGING OR BASHING!!!

 

OK so now the actual question, at what point did you make the decision to have sex with someone else? What went through you mind to where you decided it was time to be with someone else? How much time past between the time you decided you were going to have sex with another person and you actually did it?

 

"It just happened" does NOT count and will not be accepted as an answer. At some point people make a conscious decision for a penis to go into a vagina. That is a process, and a pretty complicated one that can be stopped or derailed at thousands of different points. Sex does not "just happen."

 

The reason I am asking is I want to know and understand what goes on in the mind of someone who has sex behind their partner's back and how that decision process works.

 

Again, NO JUDGING, SHAMING, BASHING ETC!!!!! It's OK to not agree with someone else's decisions or behaviors but it is important to try to understand what lead them to that place.

  • Like 6
Posted

Excellent question IMO. My wife had a ONS many years ago and just confessed it a little over a year ago. It was with someone she met and struck up a conversation with in a diner in another state while there for a custody hearing with her ex. Things eventually ended up at his house, in his bed (not her ex- the OM).

 

In the course of our many conversations about that night she has tried (and I believe that she has tried sincerely) to figure out exactly why she did what she did. She thinks at different times that it had to do with insecurity about our relationship, being flattered by the OM - i.e. low self-esteem, which she definitely had at the time, or just the idea that she just decided to get laid. Alcohol was also part of the situation, although she has said many times that that is not an excuse. She knew what she was doing, and she knew it was wrong, but she did what she did.

 

After these dozens of conversations I have pretty much come to the conclusion that she truly doesn't know the answer. We have probably beaten 4the subject to death, and I have said to her many times that the answer isn't simply "it just happened", because as you said, at some point somebody wanted to put a penis into a vagina and somebody else wanted them do that, and the process could have been halted at many points along the way. That is probably the hardest part to understand......"Did you think of me at this point?? Did you think of me at that point?? Remember me back home taking care of the kids while you were doing what you were doing 1200 miles away??"

 

Don't know the answer.....all I know is that I couldn't and wouldn't have done the same to her. We are together and working hard at our relationship. I truly believe we're better now than before, but I also wish to hell that she hadn't allowed an OM to park in my garage.

  • Like 1
Posted
First off let me make clear this post is NOT to judge or to tell anyone what they did was wrong and it is not try to change anyone's mind or behaviors on anything. I am simply seeking to understand what some of the thought processes and decisions were.

 

PLEASE NO BLAMING, SHAMING, JUDGING OR BASHING!!!

 

OK so now the actual question, at what point did you make the decision to have sex with someone else? What went through you mind to where you decided it was time to be with someone else? How much time past between the time you decided you were going to have sex with another person and you actually did it?

 

"It just happened" does NOT count and will not be accepted as an answer. At some point people make a conscious decision for a penis to go into a vagina. That is a process, and a pretty complicated one that can be stopped or derailed at thousands of different points. Sex does not "just happen."

 

The reason I am asking is I want to know and understand what goes on in the mind of someone who has sex behind their partner's back and how that decision process works.

 

Again, NO JUDGING, SHAMING, BASHING ETC!!!!! It's OK to not agree with someone else's decisions or behaviors but it is important to try to understand what lead them to that place.

 

Good luck!

 

Every AP thinks....it just happened.....we were friends and it just got outta hand...I wanted to help her with a project, her child, her life....blah, blah, blah....

 

ONLY in IC, MC, with the aid of a seasoned professional, do WSs realize how much they fueled the attraction, BEGAN keeping it secret, and took a thousand steps to keep it going to the point of no return.....

 

But I am interested in what others may have to contribute....so I will shut up now, except to add....

 

Read up on the chemical brain changes that occur in cocaine addicts.

 

Peace out, Spark.:laugh:

 

it is about that irrational....

  • Like 2
Posted

I wanted sex. I looked for it, and found someone else that was married that would not interfere in my everyday life. It didn't just "happen" and in fact, my first affair was totally planned with someone I knew to be a serial cheater.

 

That went on for four years. Then I went and searched for another MM on a married dating site. (which was really quite an overwhelming experience - I did not KNOW popular it was) I also had an in depth conversation about the lack of sex and how I wasn't happy with it with my husband, and now I have an open marriage - but it's still a don't ask/don't tell kinda thing - so it's really still like this secret.

 

I wanted a regular sex partner, with no strings attached? But how silly is that, as of course there is a commitment of sorts. My MM fell in love with me, and it's created a bit of conflict for me. It's very good and frankly, I'm surprised at MYSELF for feeling the way that I do. It's unlike any experience I've had in that area of my life, and I've had a lot before I remarried. But I have to remind him - that NO, we are not meant to have anything more than what we do have. Sometimes I think I should break it off before it can have some nasty ending.

 

I thought I would be okay in a marriage without sex as my husband is everything else that I can deal with in living with someone all the time. Total understanding of me and my eccentricities. We do belong together.

 

I'm not "proud" of what I did, going behind my husbands back. That part I have immense regrets about. But I absolutely positively knew what I was doing, where I was steering my relationship, in my first affair.

 

This statement is why I posted my honest and blunt answer:

 

Again, NO JUDGING, SHAMING, BASHING ETC!!!!!

 

I've had many opportunities to connect with someone in the workplace. But I have this code against dating in the workplace, even when I was single. I'm probably not like most women that way. We're all different.

Posted (edited)
"It just happened" does NOT count and will not be accepted as an answer. At some point people make a conscious decision for a penis to go into a vagina. That is a process, and a pretty complicated one that can be stopped or derailed at thousands of different points. Sex does not "just happen."

On one hand, I completely agree with you, and this refrain is exactly what many of us who have done our time in BS territory have struggled with. But let me make two points about your comment.

 

The first is about dissonance. I think for many affair participants, the whole situation is so dissonant that they need a psychological defense mechanism to kick in in order to continue to make sense of themselves and their place in the world. How often do we hear "I'm not the kind of person who cheats..." or something similar. Nobody actually comes out and says the objective truth: "It turns out I was the kind of person who cheats..." It's nearly impossible to accept being that person, and certainly impossible to accept that you have chosen to be that person, so you have to do whatever contortions are necessary to see yourself and the world in a way that fits together. And so there's a dissociation that happens - major denial - and the closest you can come to a consistent world is to look at it as something that happened to you, instead of something you chose.

 

Second, the very fact that the process could have been "stopped or derailed at thousands of different points" means that the vast majority of those points were not, individually, tipping points in the process - make or break moments. Which means that individually, they can be rationalized; objectively, the overall process is a slippery slope leading to no good, but in each little moment, it's just harmless flirting, then it's just a harmless drink, then it's just a harmless white lie to cover it up and avoid misunderstanding about what was just a harmless, blah blah blah... etc. etc. etc... And at every level you adapt to the rationalizations so they become the new norm, and the incremental process just keeps happening right down the slippery slope.

 

All of this is facilitated by our human defense mechanisms that help us avoid distress and trauma, and which give us the extremely powerful tool to LIE to ourselves with amazing creativity and depth.

 

So when you hear someone saying "it just happened" (which I have personally experienced...), on one hand no, it's NOT an acceptable answer, but paradoxically, I also accept that for many people, it's their only answer; the process - death by a thousand cuts, boiling the frog - having proceeded incrementally, covered up and rationalized the whole way down by a thousand twists of mental gymnastics.

 

Having said all of that, I find HonestNeurotic's comments to be admirably honest, and I don't say that because she owes me anything, but because she is clearly able to be unflinchingly honest with herself, and I believe that is generally unusual in the slide towards and through an affair.

Edited by Trimmer
  • Like 8
  • Author
Posted
In many cases a better question would be to ask the cheater "When did you make the decision to be fully committed to your spouse?" and you will find the answer to that is "Never."

 

Which is precisely why the cheating "just happened." There was never a real commitment to the spouse. The cheating was only a matter of time, circumstance, and opportunity.

 

I do disagree with that. I think the vast, vast majority of married people walk down the aisle and make their vows with sincerity and fully believing in their commitment. I don't think many people are consciously intending and planning to cheat at all.

 

I think that 10, 15, 20 years down the road things change, passions ebb and real life with it's disagreements, arguments, stresses, disappointments and daily irritations etc etc etc etc etc etc etc start to take their toll and the grass on the other side starts to look greener and greener.

 

At some point the grass on the other side just looks a little too green to resist kicking off their shoes/socks and taking a little stroll through it.

 

I am curious as to hear people recount their experiences when they made the final decisions to kick off their shoes and actually stroll through the green grass.

  • Author
Posted
I wanted sex. I looked for it, and found someone else that was married that would not interfere in my everyday life. It didn't just "happen" and in fact, my first affair was totally planned with someone I knew to be a serial cheater.

 

That went on for four years. Then I went and searched for another MM on a married dating site. (which was really quite an overwhelming experience - I did not KNOW popular it was) I also had an in depth conversation about the lack of sex and how I wasn't happy with it with my husband, and now I have an open marriage - but it's still a don't ask/don't tell kinda thing - so it's really still like this secret.

 

I wanted a regular sex partner, with no strings attached? But how silly is that, as of course there is a commitment of sorts. My MM fell in love with me, and it's created a bit of conflict for me. It's very good and frankly, I'm surprised at MYSELF for feeling the way that I do. It's unlike any experience I've had in that area of my life, and I've had a lot before I remarried. But I have to remind him - that NO, we are not meant to have anything more than what we do have. Sometimes I think I should break it off before it can have some nasty ending.

 

I thought I would be okay in a marriage without sex as my husband is everything else that I can deal with in living with someone all the time. Total understanding of me and my eccentricities. We do belong together.

 

I'm not "proud" of what I did, going behind my husbands back. That part I have immense regrets about. But I absolutely positively knew what I was doing, where I was steering my relationship, in my first affair.

 

This statement is why I posted my honest and blunt answer:

 

Again, NO JUDGING, SHAMING, BASHING ETC!!!!!

 

I've had many opportunities to connect with someone in the workplace. But I have this code against dating in the workplace, even when I was single. I'm probably not like most women that way. We're all different.

 

Thanks for sharing that. That was very open and honest of you and you did a good job of providing some of the background of your experiences.

Posted
So the problem here is your husband doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

Is he a closeted gay, possibly?

 

 

Oh no! He's just very asexual, that's all. I describe him as sort of an absent minded professor dude. All of his parts function perfectly well. He's not a prude at all - he adores some of the most perverse erotic art. He never even lived with a woman before he met me, he was 32 then. He's 10 years my junior. It's not sex with ME, it's sex at all. Even masturbation. We've talked about it. And I literally know where he is all of the time.

 

We VERY open minded when it comes to issues of morality. If he were gay, he'd be open about it. We truly don't care about those things. We're both emotionally detached people. We're both eccentric - weird. We hold "normal" jobs but we're writers and artists. He knew at a young age that he never wanted to be married and have kids as he didn't want that responsibility - he had goals and dreams for his life that couldn't really be pursued by doing what most folks do. Yes, we got married - sort of to make the families "happy" - but we don't care about that - we WILL be together til the end. I've never been a believer of the courtly love stuff, I'm really kinda guy like in my brain, a social outcast from a young age (though not anymore - I learned to act "normal") and we are perfect together except for that ONE thing. I knew going into the marriage, living together, dating, that he was just not into sex really. We didn't even have a "normal" wedding. If he wasn't who he was, I would still be single. I was married for 17 years with three children. Made me crazy.

 

My first affair - there were no words of love or anything like that at all. This one has rather confounded me. It has emotions attached to it, which I didn't think I would be open to. I do realize that my story is not the norm. I also don't believe that sex, by itself, outside of a relationship is necessarily "wrong", if that's all that it is. It seems - from my lurking here on LS - that is just not the case. I also do acknowledge, recognize, that there is this addictive quality in this affair by the adoration that MM gives me. Like skydiving. But I did not pursue this situation for that feeling, as I didn't KNOW that I could really feel that way. If that makes any sense at all.

 

Sorry if this is a threadjack.

Posted

'It just happened' is a bit like the fairy tale ending 'they lived happily ever after'. It's nonsense of course - no-one is happy 24 hours a day for ever, there will be rows, and money worries and days when one partner is a bit down, and problems with the kids. It's just a nice simple and inaccurate way of saying something complex. And it's so much bullsh*t. And while it doesn't matter in a fairy tale it DOES matter in a marriage.

 

I interrrogated my H - I wrote myself a list of questions that I simply had to have the answers to. And he answered them. It wasn't nice for either of us but it was neccessary. Originally he said 'it just happened' but I wasn't buying that, in the slightest. So I got a blow by blow account of what happened and when and who did what. it was distasteful and unpleasant like performing an autopsy on a rotting corpse, it would have been easier to just bury it as it was, but I didn't want to do that.

  • Like 1
Posted
I do disagree with that. I think the vast, vast majority of married people walk down the aisle and make their vows with sincerity and fully believing in their commitment. I don't think many people are consciously intending and planning to cheat at all.

 

I think that 10, 15, 20 years down the road things change, passions ebb and real life with it's disagreements, arguments, stresses, disappointments and daily irritations etc etc etc etc etc etc etc start to take their toll and the grass on the other side starts to look greener and greener.

 

At some point the grass on the other side just looks a little too green to resist kicking off their shoes/socks and taking a little stroll through it.

 

I am curious as to hear people recount their experiences when they made the final decisions to kick off their shoes and actually stroll through the green grass.

 

I think first you need to perceive you have dissatisfactions and mild irritations in your marriage, but then again, who doesn't?

 

So you start to YEARN for greener grass.

 

Then you need to have an ENVIRONMENT that is conducive to finding or stumbling upon a potential AP, or you are creting the fantasy within yourself. Internal and external environment is important.

 

Lastly, you need a SUPPLY of potential partners of the opposite sex.

 

For many, this is at work or work-related colleagues, vendors, co-workers, PTAs, Little League Fields, or creative or athletic clubs.

 

It's a perfect storm of motive, mindset and availability.

  • Like 3
Posted
I do disagree with that. I think the vast, vast majority of married people walk down the aisle and make their vows with sincerity and fully believing in their commitment. I don't think many people are consciously intending and planning to cheat at all.

 

I think that 10, 15, 20 years down the road things change, passions ebb and real life with it's disagreements, arguments, stresses, disappointments and daily irritations etc etc etc etc etc etc etc start to take their toll and the grass on the other side starts to look greener and greener.

 

At some point the grass on the other side just looks a little too green to resist kicking off their shoes/socks and taking a little stroll through it.

 

I am curious as to hear people recount their experiences when they made the final decisions to kick off their shoes and actually stroll through the green grass.

 

That grass is not green, it's brown. This is why many WS want to come back!

  • Like 2
Posted
First off let me make clear this post is NOT to judge or to tell anyone what they did was wrong and it is not try to change anyone's mind or behaviors on anything. I am simply seeking to understand what some of the thought processes and decisions were.

 

PLEASE NO BLAMING, SHAMING, JUDGING OR BASHING!!!

 

OK so now the actual question, at what point did you make the decision to have sex with someone else? What went through you mind to where you decided it was time to be with someone else? How much time past between the time you decided you were going to have sex with another person and you actually did it?

 

"It just happened" does NOT count and will not be accepted as an answer. At some point people make a conscious decision for a penis to go into a vagina. That is a process, and a pretty complicated one that can be stopped or derailed at thousands of different points. Sex does not "just happen."

 

The reason I am asking is I want to know and understand what goes on in the mind of someone who has sex behind their partner's back and how that decision process works.

 

Again, NO JUDGING, SHAMING, BASHING ETC!!!!! It's OK to not agree with someone else's decisions or behaviors but it is important to try to understand what lead them to that place.

 

 

Maybe they never made a decision to NOT let it happen...so that's why it "just happens"...because they never went about preventing it. I think without some precautions and boundaries an affair could be something that would easily happen. People like sex, it's instinct...

 

I hope noone takes that as me justifying it...I'm a BS who left his WW over this stuff. If anything I'm pretty damn bitter...

  • Like 4
Posted
In many cases a better question would be to ask the cheater "When did you make the decision to be fully committed to your spouse?" and you will find the answer to that is "Never."

 

Which is precisely why the cheating "just happened." There was never a real commitment to the spouse. The cheating was only a matter of time, circumstance, and opportunity.

 

This is profoundly true for some cheaters.

 

In the culture I'm from, this is probably the predominant answer. These men love their wives as much as they can and want to be married, but were never fully committed. Their mentality is that being sexually faithful is unnatural for men and they believe they can be married and take care of their wives and family and still have an OW on the side, without it being a big deal. Their idea of commitment isn't monogamy, which is the interesting aspect. Some women accept this and turn a blind eye, so long as the man doesn't flaunt it in their face and still takes care of her and some do not accept it so these men make sure to lie and hide it.

 

It's a false belief that commitment phobic people all avoid marriage. Nope, some of them still marry, just simply still see themselves as single and cheat within their marriage unflinchingly. I think this is my dad, who is a serial cheater. So yea I do think some men really planned to be faithful and committed then something happened; for others, the better question is indeed when did they decide to be faithful, and for some the answer is: they didn't really plan on it.

  • Like 2
Posted

I'm still waiting for a WS to appear here Old Shirt.....

  • Like 1
Posted
When did you make the decision to have sex with someone else?

Hopefully, when you make the decision to stop having sex with your current partner.

 

Since we live in an imperfect world, when you selfishness overrides your sense of integrity. It's as simple as that

Posted
I'm still waiting for a WS to appear here Old Shirt.....

I've put a lot of thought into this question and I'm still not sure what the answer is. I had a six-month affair that included two months of actual sex, so it was a very gradual build-up. It started with my husband, me and OM (who was his best friend) discussing an open relationship. This left it open for a lot of possibilities. My husband was initially okay with the idea, but the more we talked about it, the more he was unconvinced. I wanted to begin immediately, as did OM.

 

I don't think I initially intended to cheat, as such, but I'm not sure. Early on, OM and I had a discussion where I asked him if, if my husband said "no," he would be interested in doing it anyway, just once or twice. He said "no." So clearly I intended to at some level or I wouldn't have asked. But at this point, if my husband had said no firmly, and I had stopped spending time with OM (or OM decided to respect my husband's wishes), it still could've been avoided. But I'm not sure, because my mindframe at that time was very interested in straying. So if it hadn't been him, it may have been someone else.

 

OM and I were friends and were working on a project together, so I often went over to his house. Gradually, we began building up. He suggested that, since we might get permission any day, we should become comfortable with each other, which at the time meant he put his arm around me. Eventually this led to making out, which turned into dry humping, which became naked, which led to "accidentally" having sex (we stopped very quickly as it WAS accidental, regardless of the ridiculous situation we had put ourselves in, but that didn't keep us from having sex for real the next time I saw him.)

 

It was this weird two-fold thing, as far as intentions went. On the one hand, I needed the slow build up to allow my mind to keep allowing the next step. If we had jumped into sex, I may not have been able to go through with it, or may have gone directly to my husband and confessed. But by the time we actually got down to it, I was so complicit in the whole thing that it was already an affair long before there was any penetration. At the same time, the whole time I knew what this was leading up to, and I was torturing myself by giving myself permission one step at a time.

 

I think I actually made the decision to really and truly have sex with him AFTER he first penetrated me. And yet, I made the decision to have sex with him when I first asked if he would be interested in cheating. And then I made it again and again so many times in between. It was a million little decisions. I'm not sure that makes it better; in some ways that might make it a lot worse.

  • Like 2
Posted

Oldshirt, as far as being fully committed, that was actually one of the things that I discovered in all of this, after my husband found out. I realized that the whole time we'd been married (6.5 years), I'd been looking at other guys. I'd been thinking of the relationship as temporary, or that some day I'd be allowed/able to stray. I didn't really conceive of myself as monogamous. I did in the sense that I didn't want to live with anyone else or raise children with anyone else, but part of me always thought that if I wanted to, I'd be able to have sex with someone else.

 

Part of this is that my husband and I have always taken a very liberal approach conversationally about this. We've talked a lot about open relationships, etc. But it should've been clear to me that this was a fantasy. He very clearly would never be able to accept me being with another guy, but I chose to ignore that because I didn't want to believe it.

 

With a little bit of perspective, I can understand why he wanted to be with only me, why having another relationship, or even sex, on the side, could lead to a damaged relationship, or even simply a more shallow one if both sides were in agreement. But at the time I wasn't willing to accept that.

  • Like 1
Posted
It was this weird two-fold thing, as far as intentions went. On the one hand, I needed the slow build up to allow my mind to keep allowing the next step. If we had jumped into sex, I may not have been able to go through with it, or may have gone directly to my husband and confessed. But by the time we actually got down to it, I was so complicit in the whole thing that it was already an affair long before there was any penetration. At the same time, the whole time I knew what this was leading up to, and I was torturing myself by giving myself permission one step at a time.

Indeed, thanks for your comments. Your thoughts do sound a lot like what I mentioned earlier:

 

...the very fact that the process could have been "stopped or derailed at thousands of different points" means that the vast majority of those points were not, individually, tipping points in the process - make or break moments.

 

...at every level you adapt to the rationalizations so they become the new norm, and the incremental process just keeps happening right down the slippery slope.

Posted

The first time was a matter of hours and happened early in the marriage. What went through my mind is this OW is off the chart hot, but I was much younger then. The next however many times was when a willing partner presented herself while traveling on business, one lasted for about 6 weeks but the majority were ONS's. In my current long term affair, it was much more planned, thought about and structured. I meet her and we had lunch and dinner a few times before the sex started. It has been years at this point. It requires coordinating work and travel schedules and some financial planning for me, my wife and OW, it gets very hectic at times. I have a couple of FWB partners out of state where I travel for business, I usually call or email them that I will be in town and we meet if it works for our schedules, which it usually does.

Posted

I had no plans to ever cheat and I was not looking. Then I met xMM and had an honest conversation with myself. I made a very clear decision that by being his friend I was opening up the possibility I could end up in an affair. over the next few months I allowed xMM to persue me. I enjoyed the attention and I was super attracted to him. Our conversations quickly got steamy 3 months in. A month later we had sex. We built it up so much with flirting that it was like 5 months of forplay that started with words, progressed to touching and ended in sex. The physical affair lasted only a month.

 

I am ashamed of what I did. What i clearly chose to do to my H and his W. I did not allow myself any justification but rather tried not toget caught. We weren't either. I confessed everything to my H. xMM is lying to his W.

 

H and I are starting our R process. Because I became 2 people during the whole of my A he had no idea, not even in hindsight. The whole situation has become a mess where everyone, including myself, is hurting inside.

Posted

The night tequila and stupidity made her and I decide whoring around behind my wife's back was a good idea. The cold light of day the knowledge of what I had done and who I had done it with blew my psyche wide apart.

Posted

I made my vows fully and completely intending to keep them till death. I won't go into the next dozen or so years.

 

I read this book and spent a few months trying to be perfect because none of the other things including talking and begging had worked and still nothing changed. And something in me said "F it." That wasn't when I decided to cheat but I know looking back it was when I instantly became vulnerable. I threw myself into other things and did a few projects at work with someone who became a friend. And he complimented me and was really attentive and I liked it and allowed myself to go farther and farther in flirting bit my bit because it felt good. And after a really bad thing with my husband I talked to this man about it because we had already crossed into talking about my marriage and he invited me over to just hang out and relax and watch a movie and talk. But I knew almost 100% that wasn't really what he was asking and I said yes. That was the conscious decision but I had to have decided unconsciously sometimes before then.

 

With the things that I have done years later it was definitely a conscious angry choice that I made not long after he announced to me that sex was over.

Posted

I think this is a great thread, with some insightful and honest - albeit painful - comments.

  • Like 1
Posted

I had hundreds of chances of having sex while married, no BS hundreds!!!, I was faithful 22 years 8 months and 3 days. She confessed of an Affair for a year and therapy for over a year, while lying to me. I REALLY let it pass since it happened 9 years before... i tried to rebuild our marriage, went counseling, traveled with her a lot, remodeled the house, bought her a new car, invited her to dinner twice a week, .... I felt alone, she could not "connect with me", she boycotted a lot of my advances, and we ended up having sex seldomly and to top it off it was always in her terms, her time and her needs, of course I was pissed.

 

Into my life enters this super cute blonde, ex model, sucsessful business woman, intereted in me and she kissed me and made some advances, I really wanted her so a very emotional relationship started, she went away for 9 months, and she returned and told she was crazy about me and not even those 9 months would make her forget me... so I made a promise to myself ...if I get more than 40 days without sex, I would ask her... It happened I asked her she complied, I made love to her like a crazy starved soul abandoned on an Island... she went nuts about me.... yep I did cheat, but I tried my best to save my marriage.... now I know I am in a direct crash course to divorce.... bad but Ii dont want to settle to a loveless life... (more so when there are tons of people who really love me).

 

Sorry if it sounds bad....now I really dont care anymore.

  • Like 5
Posted
I had hundreds of chances of having sex while married, no BS hundreds!!!, I was faithful 22 years 8 months and 3 days. She confessed of an Affair for a year and therapy for over a year, while lying to me. I REALLY let it pass since it happened 9 years before... i tried to rebuild our marriage, went counseling, traveled with her a lot, remodeled the house, bought her a new car, invited her to dinner twice a week, .... I felt alone, she could not "connect with me", she boycotted a lot of my advances, and we ended up having sex seldomly and to top it off it was always in her terms, her time and her needs, of course I was pissed.

 

Into my life enters this super cute blonde, ex model, sucsessful business woman, intereted in me and she kissed me and made some advances, I really wanted her so a very emotional relationship started, she went away for 9 months, and she returned and told she was crazy about me and not even those 9 months would make her forget me... so I made a promise to myself ...if I get more than 40 days without sex, I would ask her... It happened I asked her she complied, I made love to her like a crazy starved soul abandoned on an Island... she went nuts about me.... yep I did cheat, but I tried my best to save my marriage.... now I know I am in a direct crash course to divorce.... bad but Ii dont want to settle to a loveless life... (more so when there are tons of people who really love me).

 

Sorry if it sounds bad....now I really dont care anymore.

 

I don't think it sounds bad at all, actually very famliair.

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