SiaLv82 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Moving on from a breakup is easy in your 20's. You have a group of unattached, single friends to associate with and most weekends can count on hangs outs and bars to drown your sorrows. In your 30's, your friends are married with children, no one is into the bar scene anymore and everyone sort of assumes that you are at the very least "attached" to someone else. Three weeks out and I am having a very rough time of letting go of a dear male friend of mine. We became intimate and it went up in smoke. We didn't end on bad terms thankfully but it was under the assumption that neither of us would call each other. He wanted to stay friends and I could not. His reasoning for it not working was due to a woman whom he had interest for. He told me maybe in a few months once he was over her. Emotionally I could not handle and knew it was best to just cut him out of my life. Any suggestions on best ways to move on in your 30's? I think this time around it just may be time. I keep thinking to contact him since i miss the friendship but I know that would not be best.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 All you can do is build a life for yourself so engaging that interaction with friends, a SO isn't needed to fill it up. Then you can be open to meeting new people online and in real life. One good bit of advice I've seen is to go out and find a group of same gender unmarried friends you can hang out with and commiserate about single life with. I know how you feel. I'm 32 and it feels like everyone I know is married or partnered, and have been for 5 to 10 years or more. 2
esteem-jam Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Yep, I notice people around 30 taking walks with their children, their partners, and they dont care much about peoples who are not in their immediate circle of friends. But I think, if you do meet someone 30-35+ and they are single, not married, no children, those persons are REAL. They have probably been thtough heartbreak or some problems which prevented them a healthy long-term relationship. They are realistic, they know that sometimes **** happens. Though, also be careful, because they may not be over their unsuccessful behaviours, and they may be bound to repeat some of the old mistakes aka "Hurt people hurt people." 1
Feelin Frisky Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Your 30's are the years of determination. I advise being decisive and resolute. There isn't time to linger on. It's not a bad thing to be single and free in your 30's. You have opportunity others don't because they made their life choices younger. So, realize you're still young enough but don't waste it on half-measures. Good luck. 2
SuperGeek Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) I'm recently divorced (3 years ago) and have been single for nearly all of my 30s with one fling after another basically. I can't seem to make a relationship last beyond a few weeks to a few months at this point for a variety of reasons. I've pulled myself out of the dating world again because I'm tired of the rejection and tired of the games. The last one I dated was a divorced single mom who had a daughter about 7 years old. Her ex husband was such a control freak that I had to leave the relationship. On top of that, dating in general is just so complicated and emotionally draining that I don't really do it as much now. I'm content with being alone and having my freedom. I can totally feel you when it comes to this age group being mostly married. All my coworkers are married with kids OR they are divorced with kids. Even worse are the married people who confide in me that they are miserable and are looking to have an affair. I never engage in affairs with the married women as that's just a recipe for disaster. If there is one piece of advice I can give you, make sure you be cautious about dating divorced people in their 30s. Many of them are still grieving and not ready to date at all and you'll get used as a rebound. As others have suggested, the best thing to do is to go to meetups and make friends that way. I went back to university for awhile to work on a graduate degree, started a business, and have travelled quite a bit. The nice thing right now is I can travel anywhere and do whatever I want because I have the financial means to do so -- it is not uncommon for me to book flights to Asia or Europe on a whim if I'm bored. Like you, I was struggling for a long time with making friends and enjoying my 30s single, but you will eventually get to the point where you enjoy it. SuperGeek Edited June 9, 2013 by SuperGeek
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