Dubler Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Been with a girl for about a 1yr. Everything going great. I don't mean that in a deluded way either, she was genuinely happy. We saw each other often and we were planning a holiday for August. Even the night before I saw when she invited me over for dinner I saw the smile on her face when she opened the door to me. We just lay about on the sofa watching tv and cuddling. When she got up in the morning at 6am she txt me straight away to say what a good night she had. And yet by 5pm that day she had finished with me over the phone saying it was a compatibility issue? There were no changes to our relationship, how can we be compatible for 11 months but not in the 12th? Why talk about holidays? How do you deal with that? It's like a bereavement? Her actions do not stack up with her words? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
todreaminblue Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 No i havent ever......it is strange....and unusual sounding to me....but then i haven't dated in a very long time.......maybe that is the norm now i would hope not........i would never do that to someone nor would i expect it done to me....i would explain at least why i thought it wasnt working .....in detail.....it wouldnt be a sudden tornado and complete change.....the only thing i can think of is soemthing major happened ...a death maybe or another relationship something drastic to affect such a change in her....deb
Author Dubler Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Where do I go from here? I don't wanna let her go I can't believe her reasoning about compatibility? There was no change in our relationship so why would you let it go a year if you thought this? On top of that I'm not delusional. She was happy. Her smile when she opened the door the night before was genuine, her hug and kiss was genuine? Why txt the morning of the dumping and say she had a great night? I've had breakups before and you always know when they are coming, the calls taper off, the sex tapers off and you 'know' in your gut things aren't right. Never experienced a wild card like this before She won't talk to me much however says she wants to remain friends? I'm a bit lost now guys and would appreciate your advice.
SimonSerenade Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I've experienced this before, it's probably the hardest kind of break up but more times than most in this situation, it's a phase and they come back, you don't have to be dillusional for her to be a good actress, my ex faked a lot of love and sincerity, even though the sex went dry and the phone calls slowly became less and less, I just assumed it was nothing to do with me and just one of those phases that women go through from time to time. It does seem very out of the ordinary for you, my first girlfriend ended It like that, we were together for a long time and honestly, we were great at the point where she left me so it made no sense to me, I think you need to dig deeper and understand this, I think you deserve at least that and she should give you that, for closure if nothing else.
StraylightRun24 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Hey Dubler while your relationship was longer than mine it also seems to have ended with her seemly changing her mind over night. It hurts, is completely confusing, and a tad infuriating when it ends when things seem to be going good. Here's my story from back in January. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/369938-broken-up-because-lack-spark The replies in the post give some really good outside perspectives and advice. A lot of the posters on here are awesome! The only advice I can give you is try not to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out her reasoning. Sadly sometimes there is very little reasoning behind it and even if you get the answers they might not be 100% honest. I'm speaking from personal experience!
totallylost5040 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 StraylightRun24, I'm going through the SAME thing!!! But she did give me some reasons... it really sucks, i'd really appreciate some advice, she actually still wants to be friends since we were friends beforehand.... I'm just not sure on what to do, because we have mutual friends as well.... She contacted me 2.5 weeks after NC with her and asked how I was doing and all that.. then hit me up on IM and I shot the **** just for a bit, then said I had to go. Right now I really don't know what to do. However I am working on myself... volunteering now, got a promotion, working out... Any advice or guidance? its hard as hell right now, because we shared very AWESOME memories and all that when we went to vacation and stuff.
StraylightRun24 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 StraylightRun24, I'm going through the SAME thing!!! But she did give me some reasons... it really sucks, i'd really appreciate some advice, she actually still wants to be friends since we were friends beforehand.... I'm just not sure on what to do, because we have mutual friends as well.... She contacted me 2.5 weeks after NC with her and asked how I was doing and all that.. then hit me up on IM and I shot the **** just for a bit, then said I had to go. Right now I really don't know what to do. However I am working on myself... volunteering now, got a promotion, working out... Any advice or guidance? its hard as hell right now, because we shared very AWESOME memories and all that when we went to vacation and stuff. I think the things you are doing to work on yourself is an extremely good start for your overall healing. I'm not sure I really should be giving any advice or guidance out because I'm over 5 months out of a 3 and half month relationship and I'm still struggling somewhat. Don't get me wrong I'm a lot better than I was a couple of months ago, but when I have a bad day now it's a REALLY bad day! However I do have myself to blame since I never deleted/blocked her on facebook. I cave every month and a half and look at it and regardless of what she's doing or even lack of what she's doing it gets me down. Honestly, and this is quite pathetic, her FB is the only connection I have to her now and for my own reasons (shall we call them delusions? lol) I can't bring myself to break that one connection.... So my advice, like so many others have said numerous times on here, is to stay NC and that means even social media!
Author Dubler Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I can understand what is being said about the spark or the excitement of a new relationship tapering off etc but I honestly don't feel like that is the case here. We had great chemistry the night before and she was even talking about houses in about 6 months or so? She was clearly happy to be committed long term? I'm not sure how to play this at all, I want to have her back We haven't had much contact since it was over. I txt her asking to meet to explain what had happened and she wouldn't. I feel as though she knows if we meet then we will get back together, maybe she doesn't want the relationship at the moment? But then why not just say? Judging from the dreaded social media sites she seems quite happy. She was taking part in a Marathon a couple of weeks back and I txt her to say good luck and I got a reply saying thanks but that was it? Where do I go from here? Please advise
aloneinaz Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 no contact, no contact, no contact. Delete her from your social media as well. I know it hurts like hell but you have to do it. I wouldn't reply to her attempts to talk to you either unless she spells out she made a mistake and wants you back. Then, you have to ask yourself if you even want her back? How would you trust her to not do it again? My now ex did it to me 4 times then always promised she wouldn't do it again. Guess what...
Author Dubler Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Hmm I dunno about no contact. Certainly as a tool of self healing I have used this in the past as a means of going cold turkey. But in this case I want her back? Does nc really bring them back? I know I have to move on and I will but at some stage but I am not ready too. I don't wanna chase her or be needy though. I don't want to use the word 'tactics' but are there any methods to spark interest? Force the issue as such? No contact is great for healing no doubt, I want a re-conciliation though. I know she still has feelings.
BC1980 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 If you are using NC as a way to get an ex back, you are really giving them the control. Your actions are based on trying to get a reaction out of your ex, and that's a really bad place to be. Once you take control, you will be in a much better place. It's hard no doubt, but it beats the heck out of vainly chasing after something and giving up your control and self-respect.
BC1980 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I've had breakups before and you always know when they are coming, the calls taper off, the sex tapers off and you 'know' in your gut things aren't right. Never experienced a wild card like this before I can almost guarantee you she was thinking about ending things for awhile. I was thrown a similar "wild card" after 3 yrs. Well, come to find out he had been dealing with some feelings for awhile. It's more than a little scary to think people can hide feelings like that. The thing is that I ignored all the red flags that this guy was a terrible communicator. Be glad you got out of this relationship before wasting 3 yrs. like I did. Lack of communication will destroy a relationship and destroy the trust along with it. 1
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