Sweeetie Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) I have been talking to a guy from an online dating site for 2 weeks, via text and Facebook chat. He asked me out a few days after we'd started messaging each other and we set a date for tonight- before we had even spoken over phone/Skype. Yesterday was our first "face-to-face" and "hearing each others' voices" meeting via Skype, we arranged a time to talk that suited us both and we said we would make it a half-hour session because I had somewhere I needed to be after that. We had wanted to do it earlier but I was sick and couldn't talk for a week. The Skype meeting didnt go well at all. There were a lot of awkward silences but that wasn't the only issue. He kept interrupting the chat saying "One minute, I've gotta go check on my food" because he was due to have his dinner afterwards, so he was disappearing from the room and left me waiting for 2 minutes, twice. He wasn't even facing his webcam full-on when we were talking- I was looking at his side-profile (I think he has 2 computer screens) and he was typing a bit during our Skype conversation hence he was doing other work when we were talking! The guy is 25, he has been single for 4 years and he works as a computer engineer. All the people in his team are at least 40 so he doesn't have much of a "young life" and also not much of a social life, he's one who keeps himself to himself hence why he has been single for so long (he told me this). On top of that he doesn't get to meet people of his age due to his job. All his evenings are spent inside his bedroom playing computer games. This might have been the cause of his lack of tact/ poor manner during our first Skype meeting; he simply didnt know how to present himself. I'm the opposite; I'm a 23-year old girl who loves the "young life" and has good manners and good social skills and I noticed a lot of differences between us during the Skype conversation. I could not feel a connection or any chemistry between us at all. Immediately after the conversation ended I asked my friends for advice on whether I should cancel our date tonight, they said it's up to me as one would. I just don't want to ruin his evening; we had planned this date 2 weeks ago. He is taking a 1-hour train journey to come and meet with me tonight. We live in different cities and he insisted on coming to my town rather than me going to his neighbourhood, we are going for a drink or dinner. And he will be coming with false hope. Should I cancel the date or just see how it goes? Edited June 8, 2013 by Sweeetie
SJC2008 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I never heard of the term social skills until I came to loveshack. People here metion it so often it's as if more people than not don't have social skills lol.
Leigh 87 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I have not had a good first meeting with someone before that I ended up falling in love with. First impressions count, but there are cases where they can be overlooked. I mean, what is the harm in one date? You have everything to gain if it worked out, and nothing to lose since it is just one date. I would have still met him, as there is a chance he just presents himself badly. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 The awkward silences don't bother me (apparently they're like Japanese water torture to most people). The side profile, getting up a lot and typing do. If he wanted to skype he should of set the time aside and payed attention. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 The awkward silences don't bother me (apparently they're like Japanese water torture to most people). The side profile, getting up a lot and typing do. If he wanted to skype he should of set the time aside and payed attention. Same here. But most people take them as a HUGE sign that they should never see that person gain. I can like someone and actually be too anxious because I like them and that can result in awkward silences at the start. 1
Author Sweeetie Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 The awkward silences don't bother me (apparently they're like Japanese water torture to most people). The side profile, getting up a lot and typing do. If he wanted to skype he should of set the time aside and payed attention.[/QUOTE] Exactly. It is weird though because he was the one that was really enthusiastic about us having a Skype; he had asked me a few times before if I "wanted to Skype tonight" but I had to decline due to being sick/busy evening. Perhaps because he knew that we already have a date planned, he felt that he didn't have to put much effort in. Either way I doubt that things will progress after tonight's date. He is not what I am looking for. I hope he doesn't try to kiss me at the end of it
todreaminblue Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 see how it goes sweetie you never know.....i wish you all the best....deb 1
Author Sweeetie Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Ah I'm being tempted to cancel the date. I know there will be no point in doing it, he is not my type, I am not attracted to him. What can I say, ideas??? How about "my best friend just lost her boyfriend and she needs me" (this is actually true). I am one to never like hurting people hence my hesitation to cancel a date, but in this case I think I will be hurting him more if I choose to go on the date and him putting in time and effort with the travelling etc, only for us to have a pointless evening together when I won't be attracted to him. I could not even be myself with him on the Skype chat; I felt like I was much more mature than him and our conversations just didnt flow.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I wouldn't worry about awkward silences. It might just be nervousness, and that goes away. Chemistry is something that you can't judge until you meet in person. What would bother me is distractedly multitasking during your planned Skype session (preparing dinner in another room, typing, etc.). Here it's more poor social skills than lack of interest. Also, his social history would cause me concern. You sound poorly matched. You have to decide whether his seeming deficiencies are acceptable to you. Certainly, it won't hurt to go on a date then decide. Sometimes you get a very different impression in person when you meet. In the future, defer agreeing to a date until you've finished your screening. What is the purpose of Skyping if regardless of outcome, you end up dating him anyway. It was a pointless screening step that delayed meeting unnecessarily. 2
Keenly Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Ah I'm being tempted to cancel the date. I know there will be no point in doing it, he is not my type, I am not attracted to him. What can I say, ideas??? How about "my best friend just lost her boyfriend and she needs me" (this is actually true). I am one to never like hurting people hence my hesitation to cancel a date, but in this case I think I will be hurting him more if I choose to go on the date and him putting in time and effort with the travelling etc, only for us to have a pointless evening together when I won't be attracted to him. I could not even be myself with him on the Skype chat; I felt like I was much more mature than him and our conversations just didnt flow. Just do it, and stop trying to poke holes in it. You are chickening out on the date, maybe the guy was a little shy? Just try it, you have nothing to lose. If you don't like it, leave. If you do like it, you took a chance and it went some where.
sillyanswer Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 How about "my best friend just lost her boyfriend and she needs me" (this is actually true). It might be true but it invites for the date to be rescheduled, which you don't want. Just tell him the truth that you just aren't feeling it any more after talking on skype and you don't want to go ahead with the date.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Personally after a meeting like that I'd probably cancel. I can tell when I'm not going to be interested in someone and I don't have a problem talking to people or conversation. If it's not there it's not there which is fine, but I'm pretty good at reading people quickly w that kind of interaction as well...however when it's right it's right to me and just flows...so knowing and experiencing that dynamic before, there isn't much of a temptation for me to have to compromise a connection or force chemistry...I can get to know someone and connect in some way I'm sure in time...but what's the point? I'm often surprised how insistent people are to force something or keep probing for a connection, I guess some just need to give it time...but I'm a pretty open guy from the get-go, sure I've been nervous or anxious before but from my experience it just clicks w the right person. Something has to be there or feel right. Not to mention the guy seemed distracted and preoccupied for your first conversation....horrible impression if you ask me, unless you knew beforehand....little things like that are important to me such as etiquette and competence on what is appropriate or respectful or else that person is just not on my level on that and is likely to conflict down the road of compatibility...plus if they're so busy how much time or attention can they give you from their lives...probably not much if they can't set aside 30 mins for a first phone call, I just don't understand personally why people let so much slide when they supposedly have a standard. 3
elle2012 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 try it! just always carry pepper spray when u meet anyone online lol. even if he acted weird thats typical guy behavior. guys do that all the time. plus he must like his own profile view haha. have a night off maybe he will give off a better impression when you both meet!
Phoe Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I personally would give it a try, he may be much easier to vibe with in person. Talking through a computer screen is awkward for some... I have no issues socializing with people face to face but skyping or talking on the phone with people is just a ridiculous time for me, lol. If I had to pass a skype test before ever going on a date with a man, I surely would never get another date for the rest of my life! He may be the same way 1
KatZee Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Honestly, if you're not attracted to him and he's not your type, then don't even waste his time. Push all that other stuff aside, he's a homebody, he's socially inept, he didn't even bother giving you his full attention... you're just not into him! I don't think you have to lie at all. Just say, listen it was great talking to you face to face, but I'm going to have to cancel tonight's plans. I feel horrible having you spend the money to come to me when I don't see this going anywhere. I mean it sounds kind of harsh but it's better than lying about your friend's dead family member or whatever, because he's NOT going to get the hint from that. He's going to still be around, still trying to hang out with you. How many lies are you willing to tell to cancel plans? Just be straight. 1
Author Sweeetie Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Thank you for all your advice guys. I have decided to go on the date tonight, I would not be able to cancel a date and hurt someone like that, so I will look at it as just a friends meetup, and that will be it after that. 2
Estate Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I never heard of the term social skills until I came to loveshack. People here metion it so often it's as if more people than not don't have social skills lol. It's not to be laughed at. It's important and not a lot of people really spend any time or effort on it. To the OP... it's hard to tell... I'm an software eng too and I know there are a lot of "socially awkward" guys in our line of work, not all though. He seemed like he just didn't know what he was doing, the right thing to do was just focus on your chat but often these guys are so insanely nervous talking to a girl they kinda act weird until they are comfortable. Its hard to say about the date, he might be fine in real life. But first mistake was the skype date, just don't do it. I can talk for days in person but phones and skype is so impersonal I lways feel so awkward having long conversations, I only call people if it's for something, I prefer to speak in person otherwise... I know people want to "vet" others before the date but I just think it's not the way to go. 1
Author Sweeetie Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) It's not to be laughed at. It's important and not a lot of people really spend any time or effort on it. To the OP... it's hard to tell... I'm an software eng too and I know there are a lot of "socially awkward" guys in our line of work, not all though. He seemed like he just didn't know what he was doing, the right thing to do was just focus on your chat but often these guys are so insanely nervous talking to a girl they kinda act weird until they are comfortable. Its hard to say about the date, he might be fine in real life. But first mistake was the skype date, just don't do it. I can talk for days in person but phones and skype is so impersonal I lways feel so awkward having long conversations, I only call people if it's for something, I prefer to speak in person otherwise... I know people want to "vet" others before the date but I just think it's not the way to go. I like your post, thanks. I understand that there are guys who are not used to meeting/talking to girls and don't know how to act, just as there are girls who are in the same boat, but personally they're not my type of guy, it contrasts a lot with me and I wouldn't be attracted to this kind of person. I'll give him a good time tonight since he is travelling all the way from his city just to see me, and it'll be the last time. Also the reason that I wanted to skype him before meeting was to remove the awkwardness that comes with a first date with someone you've never spoken to or seen before, and also, not to sound shallow but to get an idea of the level of attraction to him so that I know how much time to invest in getting ready Edited June 8, 2013 by Sweeetie
thatone Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Ah I'm being tempted to cancel the date. I know there will be no point in doing it, he is not my type, I am not attracted to him. What can I say, ideas??? How about "my best friend just lost her boyfriend and she needs me" (this is actually true). I am one to never like hurting people hence my hesitation to cancel a date, but in this case I think I will be hurting him more if I choose to go on the date and him putting in time and effort with the travelling etc, only for us to have a pointless evening together when I won't be attracted to him. I could not even be myself with him on the Skype chat; I felt like I was much more mature than him and our conversations just didnt flow. You hurt people by lying to them, which you are trying to justify doing and which women do in general all of the time. What you mean to say is you don't want to confront the issue you're involved in, so you're going to let someone else suffer (in however small a way) so that you don't have to.
globetrotter01 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 This guy sounds like me, I'm around the same age, 23 years-old never had a social life and also keep to myself, I have also been single for all my life. It's really weird, I was always outgoing and hardly shy during high-school and college, yet I never made a social connection with anyone.
Estate Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I like your post, thanks. I understand that there are guys who are not used to meeting/talking to girls and don't know how to act, just as there are girls who are in the same boat, but personally they're not my type of guy, it contrasts a lot with me and I wouldn't be attracted to this kind of person. I'll give him a good time tonight since he is travelling all the way from his city just to see me, and it'll be the last time. Also the reason that I wanted to skype him before meeting was to remove the awkwardness that comes with a first date with someone you've never spoken to or seen before, and also, not to sound shallow but to get an idea of the level of attraction to him so that I know how much time to invest in getting ready I totally understand but I think you answered your own question then. If someone being a little awkward about a phone date is a turnoff then this just isn't the guy for you. But like I said, I don't even talk for hours with friends or family, I'm just not a phone guy but I'm very social in person. I also always think I look weird on webcam but I'm not a mess in real life... but maybe that's just me. If I'm getting the right impression of him though, he probably likes you but you're gonna have to make all the moves if anything is to happen here tonight. It might devastate the guy if you cancelled but personally I'd rather not go through a date where the girl isn't interested. There's nothing worse than sitting through a dat when the girl is clearly not into it, I just want to get out of there, I feel like we're both wasting our time.
Geiss Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Did you know what he looked like before you Skyped him?
Robert Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Let's keep the insults off this thread, if you don't think you can post on topic without insulting the thread starter then either don't post or take the infraction, thanks
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