MrM8926 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for over a year and a half, and two months ago I moved 3 hours away from her. I'm 24, she's 26. I've loved very strongly before her; she claims I'm her first true, strong, future-together-abled love, and in fact I took her virginity. She's also foreign, from the Philippines, having only been here 4 years. A month ago, she started seeing a guy. I found out and confronted her two weeks into it, and she confessed everything. I never thought myself the type to be able to forgive a woman I loved for lying, hiding stuff, and cheating... but forgive her I did, immediately. After a week 'single', we agreed to give us a second chance. Now, about three weeks later, we seem to be doing well. Communicating a ton, texting, calling, chatting random stuff as well as serious stuff... thing is, I am having an extremely difficult time coping with my trust. She didn't sleep with the guy, just made out and went on dates, but she did straight up lie to me for a couple weeks. And she hid it relatively well. I'm finding myself having a daily issue of daydreaming of our future (travel, marraige, kids, etc) and feeling ephoria, bliss, contentness... then going to sudden and intense feelings of pain, vulnerability, and mistrust. I'm so lost right now because of all this, I'm a guy who has always dealt with any sort of problem and figured out my stuff, but with this... with her.. I'm so confused I have to ask random people your opinions and help. I love this girl more than anything, myself included. I want give her the world, and in turn complete mine. But right now, I need to know how to deal with the wounds she gave me, or else it'll end up tearing myself, and us, apart. Help please?
malxme Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I went through it too, a very similar situation. And from experience, all I can say is you have to give it time. You obviously have very strong feelings for her, you don't want to just give up and walk away. I personally believe if she really cares for you, she will put alot of effort into helping you learn to trust her again. This might be keeping in closer contact with you, being patient with you if you're hit with sudden attacks of paranoia, and just in general being understanding of how her actions have effected you. If your relationship is strong, I really believe you can get that trust back. You just need to be patient. Any time you think negative thoughts about what happened, remind yourself why you're giving your relationship another go. Think of happy trips you took together, think of a thoughtful present she got you, think of nice memories you have of her. Try to keep the negative thoughts at bay as much as you can. Its even harder via long distance, so if you can spend as much time as possible with her. Organize trips, video chats etc.
LittleTiger Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Welcome to LS - sorry it's under these circumstances. The one question that comes to mind for me is - what reason did she give for cheating on you so soon after you went away? It's great that you have been able to forgive her and make an attempt to move on but, if that reason hasn't been addressed, then you are at risk of her doing it again. Maybe you already know that, and that's why you're having trouble trusting her? If you have addressed the underlying cause, then you'll just need to allow time to do it's healing. While that's happening, she should be making every effort to re-earn your trust. If she isn't, then your feelings are probably justified. It takes two people to heal a broken relationship and the person who broke it should be the one putting in the most work! 1
justwhoiam Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 How long do you see each other? Or you haven't met her in two months, that is since when you left? Would it be a 3-hour drive? You should try and go there every week.
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