starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I've been on 3 dates with this guy so far, and things were going great. We talk every single day, and pretty much take turns initiating conversation through text/phone. On Tuesday, he texted saying he was really bored because he had been home all day. I suggested we go out and do something. He said "Well, I'm actually making dinner right now and I'm really bad last minute and I haven't showered. I was thinking we could do something Friday or Saturday unless you have any ideas for something to do today." I said I didn't really have any ideas for a Tuesday (because he sort of made it sound like he didn't want to hang out) and we continued texting for a few more hours. Since then, we have continued to text daily. Now it's Friday and he's been texting me all day, but hasn't mentioned a thing about seeing me tonight or on Saturday. Finally, I decided to just ask him. I texted "hey, I was just wondering if we're going out this weekend? I was just wondering bc I want to figure out my weekend plans." He texted back "Oh. Ummmmm. Well what are you doing tomorrow?" He doesn't seem too excited/interested in seeing me, and really, I don't believe for a second that he doesn't remember it's the weekend. So what the hell is going on here, and what should I do? He makes no sense to me. He is always contacting me and I felt like the dates went great, but then he acts like this at other times. Please help.
KatZee Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Well, you can just come out and ask. I'm in the same position as you. I'm talking to a new guy, we've been out three times together and it's gone great. I guess he was unsure of what was going on because last night he sent me a text that said: "Are you interested in me, or do you just want to be friends? Just not sure which way you might be leaning." Short, sweet, and to the point. And since I'm interested, I told him so. No sweat! Just ask. 3
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Well, I texted back saying I have plans for Saturday because he sounded so unenthusiastic and I'm not going to chase after him. Here's the conversation that followed: Him: "Well just have me as a back up. If your plans fall through we'll try to plan something last minute if I don't have plans by then. We've been seeing each other pretty regularly so we can push it back to next week." Me: "I just asked bc I remember you saying you wanted to do something on Fri or Sat when I asked if you wanted to do something on Tuesday, so I just wanted to be sure. Yea that's cool." Him: "You're absolutely right, my bad. Yea it would be cool but it ain't no thing it not. I'll be around." Can anyone give me any advice. Am I worrying about nothing? We talk pretty much every single day, just last night he was asking when my birthday is, and he's generally been nice. Should I be worried?
KatZee Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Well, I texted back saying I have plans for Saturday because he sounded so unenthusiastic and I'm not going to chase after him. Here's the conversation that followed: Him: "Well just have me as a back up. If your plans fall through we'll try to plan something last minute if I don't have plans by then. We've been seeing each other pretty regularly so we can push it back to next week." Me: "I just asked bc I remember you saying you wanted to do something on Fri or Sat when I asked if you wanted to do something on Tuesday, so I just wanted to be sure. Yea that's cool." Him: "You're absolutely right, my bad. Yea it would be cool but it ain't no thing it not. I'll be around." Can anyone give me any advice. Am I worrying about nothing? We talk pretty much every single day, just last night he was asking when my birthday is, and he's generally been nice. Should I be worried? I already gave you advice. Really just quit the games. You're beating around the bush. Just send a text that says just what I wrote above. You will have your answer as to what his intentions are, instead of trying to decipher every single message he sends you. Then you can either carry on as you are, or you can cut your losses now before you waste any more time on a person who thinks not seeing you "aint no thing." 4
todreaminblue Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 i second what katzee said ...just ask him what's up.....why wonder when you can know for sure.......deb
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 I already gave you advice. Really just quit the games. You're beating around the bush. Just send a text that says just what I wrote above. You will have your answer as to what his intentions are, instead of trying to decipher every single message he sends you. Then you can either carry on as you are, or you can cut your losses now before you waste any more time on a person who thinks not seeing you "aint no thing." He just asked me on our 2nd date whether I was interested in a relationship, friends, or just if I was just dating people casually. I told him I was a relationship type of person, and he said he was too. He also said however, that he takes a little while to make up his mind about entering into something serious. I told him I felt the same way, and that I wanted to get to know him better before we made any decisions, and that we should "get to know each other for a while and see how things go." He agreed, and was very sweet for the rest of the date. So it seems sort of redundant for me to now bring it up again...
Sunshine87 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I don't think you should bring up . Kat's guy asked her what she wanted. That's different from the lady asking the man what he wants. Why dont you give it a week and if he continues with the same behaviour, consider bringing the specific concern up. It is still early days. You dont want to come across as clingy or whiny especially as have not known each other for so long. Start to detach a bit. Step back. Observe him. Don't say a word about meeting up. Give it a week. 1
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 And also, I've known this guy since August, but we started dating in May (we met in college). For our third date he invited me over to his place but told me on the phone that he wasn't trying to have sex with me. I didn't believe him but I thought it would be a good chance to go over there and figure out his intentions, and just leave if he tried anything and end it there. When I went over, he was extremely sweet. He ordered dinner, set out candles on the dinner table, and we cuddled and watched movies. He didn't try anything beyond kissing and was a gentleman. Then, a week later, despite contacting me every single day, he all of a sudden thinks it "aint no thing" if we don't see each other. I don't know about you guys, but usually when I meet someone I'm really into, I realllly want to spend time with them and see them. It's something I look forward to. It's not a "aint no thing" situation to me. Maybe I'm overreacting.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 I don't think you should bring up . Kat's guy asked her what she wanted. That's different from the lady asking the man what he wants. Why dont you give it a week and if he continues with the same behaviour, consider bringing the specific concern up. It is still early days. You dont want to come across as clingy or whiny especially as have not known each other for so long. Start to detach a bit. Step back. Observe him. Don't say a word about meeting up. Give it a week. I agree. Plus, like I said, he pretty much already HAS brought up this conversation 2 weeks ago, so there would be no point for me to bring it up again.
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 On Tuesday, he texted saying he was really bored because he had been home all day. I suggested we go out and do something. He said "Well, I'm actually making dinner right now and I'm really bad last minute and I haven't showered. I was thinking we could do something Friday or Saturday unless you have any ideas for something to do today." I said I didn't really have any ideas for a Tuesday (because he sort of made it sound like he didn't want to hang out) and we continued texting for a few more hours. Since then, we have continued to text daily. Now it's Friday and he's been texting me all day, but hasn't mentioned a thing about seeing me tonight or on Saturday. How did you respond to the bolded? Did you expect him to hold it open for you without you making plans?
Treasa Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Should you be worried? No. This is a guy you barely know. Why worry about that? I also don't think it's good to communicate so much. I'm not an advocate for playing games, but when you're always available, always texting, and then make it way too easy for them by chasing them, they tend to get bored. Get super invested and super busy with your own life, don't be so fast to answer texts (it's ok to get back to him after a couple of days have passed; see above where you barely know him) and then see what happens. 1
Sunshine87 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I understand. We all do. But when dating, it's best to keep your expectations low. Trust me. I know it can be difficult especially once you develop an emotional attachment. But you need to learn to keep your expectations low until he proves himself or indicates that he wants to get serious. Three dates is early days. He might still be checking you out....feeling things out etc. Probably talking to a few other girls too..maybe. At this point, he really owes you no obligations. So don't demand for any. It's hard I know, I know. But the earlier you master this, the better.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 How did you respond to the bolded? Did you expect him to hold it open for you without you making plans? I told him I couldn't think of much to do on a Tuesday night (since he didn't seem too enthused about hanging out) and told him the weekend would be fine. He then started sending me photos of his artwork and we started texting about something else and I didn't want to push it, so I didn't bring it up again.
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I told him I couldn't think of much to do on a Tuesday night (since he didn't seem too enthused about hanging out) and told him the weekend would be fine. He then started sending me photos of his artwork and we started texting about something else and I didn't want to push it, so I didn't bring it up again. Then you don't have plans with him. Plan to do something else, and if he asks again, say you already made plans. He sounds like he's already comfortable, or that he doesn't really care one way or another.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 I understand. We all do. But when dating, it's best to keep your expectations low. Trust me. I know it can be difficult especially once you develop an emotional attachment. But you need to learn to keep your expectations low until he proves himself or indicates that he wants to get serious. Three dates is early days. He might still be checking you out....feeling things out etc. Probably talking to a few other girls too..maybe. At this point, he really owes you no obligations. So don't demand for any. It's hard I know, I know. But the earlier you master this, the better. I absolutely agree that 3 dates is early, but at the same time, it's a little insensitive to tell someone that it "aint no thing" if you can't see the person, especially if you're the one who said you wanted to do something on the weekend. I wouldn't have asked him otherwise, I won't chase him. I just think he could have put it a little more nicely. I was actually trying not to be rude since he had mentioned going out this weekend, and I wasn't sure if he was going to ask sometime soon so I delayed making plans. For him, it seemed to not be much of a concern though. I am a little on the sensitive side, but I don't think I would say the same thing to a guy I was really interested in. At the same time, we've been on 3 dates but have known each other since August. He was interested in me but I had a boyfriend. As soon as he found out that we broke up, he asked for my number.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Then you don't have plans with him. Plan to do something else, and if he asks again, say you already made plans. He sounds like he's already comfortable, or that he doesn't really care one way or another. Thanks for your time/advice, I really do appreciate it. Unfortunately I really like this guy but he doesn't seem to quite feel the same yet. I am not a game player. I'm really open with people I date, but it seems so many men just don't want that. They want teenager back and forth nonsense.
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Him: "Well just have me as a back up. If your plans fall through we'll try to plan something last minute if I don't have plans by then. We've been seeing each other pretty regularly so we can push it back to next week." 3 dates isn't "seeing each other pretty regularly." Him: "You're absolutely right, my bad. Yea it would be cool but it ain't no thing it not. I'll be around." Ick.
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Thanks for your time/advice, I really do appreciate it. Unfortunately I really like this guy but he doesn't seem to quite feel the same yet. I am not a game player. I'm really open with people I date, but it seems so many men just don't want that. They want teenager back and forth nonsense. Why do you really like him? What relationship qualities does he bring to the table?
Jon Tenzo Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 "are you interested in me, or do you just want to be friends? Just not sure which way you might be leaning." this. Do. Tomorrow.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 He justed texed again saying "Friends? Lol come on I admitted you were right for once!" (just a joke we have because he'll jokingly never admit that I'm right about something). Eh, I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Why do you really like him? What relationship qualities does he bring to the table? Honestly? He's EVERYTHING my ex was not, and that was a horrible decision I made at the age of 18, and let the relationship go on for 5 years. Unfortunately, when I say he's everything my ex was not, I also mean that he is NOT the few GOOD qualities my ex had. I guess you can never have it all!
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Honestly? He's EVERYTHING my ex was not... That doesn't answer my question. What relationship qualities does he bring to the table?
Jon Tenzo Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 OK reading the other posts it seems like this guy is a real joker. Good luck reading him because I can't.
Sunshine87 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I absolutely agree that 3 dates is early, but at the same time, it's a little insensitive to tell someone that it "aint no thing" if you can't see the person, especially if you're the one who said you wanted to do something on the weekend. I wouldn't have asked him otherwise, I won't chase him. I just think he could have put it a little more nicely. I was actually trying not to be rude since he had mentioned going out this weekend, and I wasn't sure if he was going to ask sometime soon so I delayed making plans. For him, it seemed to not be much of a concern though. I am a little on the sensitive side, but I don't think I would say the same thing to a guy I was really interested in. At the same time, we've been on 3 dates but have known each other since August. He was interested in me but I had a boyfriend. As soon as he found out that we broke up, he asked for my number. Lol. You remind me of..........me! I am very sensitive, intuitive and emotional. That combination isn't the best when handling the instability that comes with "dating". But I got so tired of the emotional highs and lows that I forced myself to detach, be more patient and to refrain from reacting impulsively to bad behaviour. Of course his response was pretty annoying. "it aint a thing". Would love to smack his face lol. (J/k). He sounds relaxed.....implicitly saying "chill out..what's the rush"? While you expected that he would be fairly excited and eager to set up another date! I get it. But what to do? Give it a week. Getting worked up will do nothing but stress you, especially as thinks it's "not a thing". In addition, sometimes you need to hold back from speaking your mind. Sure, you would love to give him a piece of it but hold back for now.
Sunshine87 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 He seems like a joker. You seem too mature for him. He liked you when you had a boyfriend, but now that you are single, he seems rather relaxed.
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