Lolita_Sky Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I'm trying so hard not to become bitter and angry but it just seems like no matter how optomistic I am about finding a good man EVERY single man that comes into my life breaks my heart. I tried to be so good to them I NEVER did the things their exes did to them. But they all just tossed me to the curb. And you know what's worse?? NONE of them ever wanted me back or regret treating me so bad. WHY am I going through all of this? What did I do to deserve this type of treatment?? I am 25 and NONE of my relationships have lasted longer than 10 months!! WTF is wrong with me?!! Am I that horrible of a person?? Am I really not worth fighting for? Its like the good men aren't attracted to me and only go for the slutty good for nothing women. I feel so underappreciated and undervalued. I just hate men right now they've done nothing but hurt me to no end. All my male friends just want to **** me, none ofthem are my real friends. Men are filthy stinking DOGS!!! 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I'm trying so hard not to become bitter and angry but it just seems like no matter how optomistic I am about finding a good man EVERY single man that comes into my life breaks my heart. I tried to be so good to them I NEVER did the things their exes did to them. But they all just tossed me to the curb. And you know what's worse?? NONE of them ever wanted me back or regret treating me so bad. WHY am I going through all of this? What did I do to deserve this type of treatment?? I am 25 and NONE of my relationships have lasted longer than 10 months!! WTF is wrong with me?!! Am I that horrible of a person?? Am I really not worth fighting for? Its like the good men aren't attracted to me and only go for the slutty good for nothing women. I feel so underappreciated and undervalued. I just hate men right now they've done nothing but hurt me to no end. All my male friends just want to **** me, none ofthem are my real friends. Men are filthy stinking DOGS!!! I know that you have been hurt horribly by your ex, and it is natural to want to lash out, but it's not really fair to target a whole group of people just because they happen to share the same gender as the real target of your venom. The majority of men are good people. Just like the majority of women are. If none of your past relationships have worked out, and none of your friends are respectful, then I would suggest that the common theme is you. I am not implying that you are a bad person or that you deserve this treatment, but it does seem like you probably go after a certain type and it is definitely not a "nice guy". Nice guys don't lie, they are respectful, responsible, mature, caring, and really want to get to know a woman. They are not just "chasing" women for no reason. I think that if you took a step back and objectively look at your ex boyfriends and your friends you would see common personality flaws. These flaws are exclusive to bad people and shouldn't be applied to men in general. Trust me, most of the men out there are good guys, but it is just hard to notice them when you the bad behavior by a few is so glaringly obvious. Give the nice ones a chance and I think you will be pleasantly surprised. 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 @Lolita BustedUp is right, not all men are bad, you've just had some bad luck. There is such a thing as a "nice guy", but NOT in the traditional sense, meaning basically they're doormats for some not-so-nice women. Those types of guys give and give, usually to someone who is more than willing to keep taking, without giving back in return. YOU sound like a female version of that kind of "nice guy" You sound like a very genuinely nice young woman, and I'm sure you'll find a genuine nice guy. Don't allow your bitterness to interfere with your future, all guys aren't bad, nor are all women. Of that were true, I'd have thrown in the towel. Nope!
Author Lolita_Sky Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 I've been hearing that for far too many years that not all men are bad. But as far as I can see they are. I'm tired of my heart being trampled on. No more I'll be the trampler if this is how it has to be. Having to go through continuos heartbreak when you've done nothing wrong. Its cruel. Well I'll be just as cruel. And as for me going for bad boys I never went for those types. I always went for guys who appear to be NICE GUYS. But when things go sour they bail not wanting to work on the most basic of things. I'm always hearing about how women need to habe patience with men when it cones to them committing to them and getting their act together. Well I'll be d*mned if I have to sit back stay COMMITTED to him while he goes out and have fun with whoever whenever! What about having patience with me? I know I'm not perfect but I certainly don't have crazy issues going on like some other women. I'm NOT the type to be somebody's doormat. I have always stood up for myself when I felt my boyfriend did me wrong. My exes are the ones with issues not me. I'm TIRED of always being the "nice one" treating them with respect when they could give two flying sh*ts about how I feel. My most recent ex swore to me, looked me straight in the eye and said he cared about me and said I was the perfect girlfriend. Well why the **** did he cheat on me and leave me for another woman? Why?!! I kept asking throughout the whole relationship if he was ready for a relationship or involved with anyone. He PROMISED me he wasn't. Then he breaks up with me then sleeps with another woman that very same night. Do you know how crushing that was to find out. I did nothing to this man but try to be a good girlfriend. I hope he burns in a ****ing fire for hurting me like this.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I don't blame you one bit for being extremely angry, you have every right. Just don't let it consume you. I have had my fair share of women who did the same thing to me, so I know how it feels. As far as why this is happening to you? Probably just a string of jerks, but honestly, we aren't all like that. Lots of guys on this forum have been tossed aside, hurt, trampled and damaged. The one thing I won't do is turn into my ex and mistreat the next woman I date. It's not fair to her. Please don't let a couple jerks sour you that way, as you seem like a very decent person, you're just very hurt and angry right now, and you're entitled. Take time away from dating, take a breather in order to care about YOU. It'll probably give you a fresh perspective. Believe me, I DO understand your anger, but the next guy might genuinely be a good, honest, decent guy. You don't want to lash out at him for other jerks stupid mistakes, ya know?
esteem-jam Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I read the 1st post. My first reaction and thoughts - your nickname Lolita, you know thats a sexual hint?! Your avatar picture - shows loose top which shows your neck, chest, breasts, decolt`e. Curly flowing hair. I dont see bling bling though. Still, maybe you should tone it down a little, the first impression you show?
Author Lolita_Sky Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 @Brokenhearted Thanks alot. I feel like you really related to me. I am slowly recovering. I am trying my hardest not to become bitter and lash out at men who don't deserve it. I have just had a string of bad experiences with men from my childhood on up. Seeing men do my mother wrong and my own father bailing out and not wanting to be in my life. I have some major issues I need to work.out. I thought I had an idea of what a good man was but I guess I was dead wrong. Since I never had a male role model to teach me what kind of men to look out for I have to feel my way and go through A LOT of heartache in the process. I already have a bit of resentment toward men bottled up inside me be cause of a lack of a father figure and also because of all the no good men my mom dated going in and out if our lives. I don't know how to address this problem and how to get over it so that I can have a healthy meaningful relationship with a man. 1
Author Lolita_Sky Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I read the 1st post. My first reaction and thoughts - your nickname Lolita, you know thats a sexual hint?! Your avatar picture - shows loose top which shows your neck, chest, breasts, decolt`e. Curly flowing hair. I dont see bling bling though. Still, maybe you should tone it down a little, the first impression you show? This username is only used for my account on this site. Along with the photo. That photo is nearly three years old. Also I don't put myself out there like that. I present myself very respectfully. 1
It's Just Me Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I don't know how to address this problem and how to get over it so that I can have a healthy meaningful relationship with a man. Stop trying to be perfect with the next guy. You are you. And if that's not good enough for him, tough bananas. Move on.
Author Lolita_Sky Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Stop trying to be perfect with the next guy. You are you. And if that's not good enough for him' date=' tough bananas. Move on.[/quote'] I am myself. Always. I'm the same as I was before we officially date. Accept for the affection and the amount of effort. I don't go above and beyond. I just do things that a normal girlfriend is suppose to do. They still breakup with me. I'm starting to think maybe it is something srong with me. Because it makes no sense that all my realationships last only a a few months. I've never in my life been in a relationship that has lasted a whole year. My own family calls me a slut because they seem to think I just jump from relationship to relationship when that isn't the case.
d0620 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) Nothing wrong with your name or picture...anyway It's harder for black women to find a good man than it is with other races if you want to stay within your race. The population is much smaller and to be frank black men have more to choose from in ranks much higher than they are in terms of worth and they actually don't appreciate or deserve it. The best I can say is open your options, date outside your race, and don't settle. Good if you end up finding a good black man and good if you find a nice (other) I am tired of having to accept a man with a thousand baby mothers, works in a restaurant, GED, ex-cons and many sideline women. NO THANKS... The worse part is the black men who I do see with education, money, and some family values go to date outside their race. I say follow them...I love black men,but I don't want just anybody. Ms. Lolita a little bluntness hopefully people don't take it the wrong way Edited June 9, 2013 by d0620
Author Lolita_Sky Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 @D0620 Thank you for the wonderful advice. I too feel the same way about black men. However I have dated in and outside of my race. I see the same exact problem in all the other races I've dated. There are no good men in any race. It's hard finding q good man period. That I've come to learn a VERY long time.
Justletgo Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 As others have already said, not all men are like that. And I am sure not all women are like my ex. I think the problem is we are just somehow attracted to people like that, which leaves us open to be hurt by them. 1
Author Lolita_Sky Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 As others have already said, not all men are like that. And I am sure not all women are like my ex. I think the problem is we are just somehow attracted to people like that, which leaves us open to be hurt by them. No I am not naturally attracted to cheaters. He put on a facade and pretended like he was this good guy with good intentions. I gave him plenty of opportunities to leave. I asked him tim and time again if he wanted to be in a relationship. He insisted that he did. Then one day he breaks up with me through text and then sleeps with another women the same day he breaks up with me. No I would never allow a man to cheat on me and get away with it. I told him and all of my other exes this. I will not be misstreated I won't up with it. So if he ever does come crawling back I would never take him back. He has already shown me what he's capable of. I wowould be a fool to take soneone like him back. 1
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