SinceYou'veBeenGone Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 My ex is still on my facebook but I have kept him blocked off my newsfeed so that I cannot see his posts or activity. Sometimes when we start talking I switch it so I see it. Bored as I am today, I decided to add him back to my news feed. Facebook has that "ticker" that shows activity. I saw him flirting a whole bunch on some girls post. That cut like a sharp knife and I feel so horrible. Why did I have to roll the mouse over my ticker? I am still not over him. It's so hard. I try to go on dating sites everyday. I talk to other guys as much as I can but I am just never into it. I don't know what to do but I feel so hurt inside. He broke up with me because of personal issues (not me). Yet when it happened he said he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get back together. Contradictory if you ask me. If you're not breaking up because of me why are you not sure of ever getting back together? How can he flirt so openly? I feel so tortured. I do this all the time to myself and I end up suffering. I go on his page for no reason. This is why I took him off my newsfeed last time! Some days I say to myself that I am never going to message him again. Other days I'm like screw it I want to message him. Some days I just want to delete him off my face book and not keep that friendship. But I just can't. I know if I made that choice he would be okay with it. But that is a bullet that I am not ready to digest. It's too permanent to handle. I have this urge to just talk to him now randomly about the dating world. It's never been brought up because it might be weird. But now that he openly flirts on facebook I don't see why not.
todreaminblue Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 My ex is still on my facebook but I have kept him blocked off my newsfeed so that I cannot see his posts or activity. Sometimes when we start talking I switch it so I see it. Bored as I am today, I decided to add him back to my news feed. Facebook has that "ticker" that shows activity. I saw him flirting a whole bunch on some girls post. That cut like a sharp knife and I feel so horrible. Why did I have to roll the mouse over my ticker? I am still not over him. It's so hard. I try to go on dating sites everyday. I talk to other guys as much as I can but I am just never into it. I don't know what to do but I feel so hurt inside. He broke up with me because of personal issues (not me). Yet when it happened he said he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get back together. Contradictory if you ask me. If you're not breaking up because of me why are you not sure of ever getting back together? How can he flirt so openly? I feel so tortured. I do this all the time to myself and I end up suffering. I go on his page for no reason. This is why I took him off my newsfeed last time! Some days I say to myself that I am never going to message him again. Other days I'm like screw it I want to message him. Some days I just want to delete him off my face book and not keep that friendship. But I just can't. I know if I made that choice he would be okay with it. But that is a bullet that I am not ready to digest. It's too permanent to handle. I have this urge to just talk to him now randomly about the dating world. It's never been brought up because it might be weird. But now that he openly flirts on facebook I don't see why not. i never added my ex to my face book account......because it wouldn't be right....i dont need to know in detail what he is up to....he tells me anyway what i need to know which is that he is ok and happy.....stalking an ex to me is invasive.....i just dont do it...because it actually invades my personal space and new life not his...but mine...delete your ex you will be happier embrace all what is in tomorrow and not yesterday...i wish you well.....deb
KPChick000 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Sorry that what you saw hurt you. But, remember, both of you are single right now. Just as you're on dating sites talking to other guys, he has the prerogative to talk to other girls. The best thing to do is to re-block him from your newsfeed. You don't want to know what he is doing. Try to focus on you, not him. 1
Author SinceYou'veBeenGone Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 You're broken up. He flirts so openly because you're "ok" with being his friend (when you're not), so he's living his life. You have to decide. You can't condemn him for acting like a single bloke when you have said it's ok. You might want to keep the friendship, bit you've built it on false pretences. When we have hung out recently (several times) he does not act like a regular friend. He still pays for me even though I offer. He still is very physical with me. Its just as physical as if we were in the relationship. So while we are not hanging out he flirts on facebook? That hurts. I want so badly to ask if he can be open with his feelings towards me but he never wants to.
Author SinceYou'veBeenGone Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 He gets the best of both worlds. Physical with you when he wants and the freedom to date and be physical with new girls. You arent his friend and just being used as this point so do yourself a favor and end your "friendship". As much as I hear and see people post horror stories in regards to Facebook... It makes me wonder why its so popular. I think people love the drama and being miserable. You're allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, otherwise he'd be with you. And you are so terrified cutting him loose and realising the potential of a real relationship with someone better, that you'll settle for this "pseudo" relationship. You don't need to ask him about his "feelings". You already have all the information in front of you. He's using you as a back up until something (in his eyes) "better" comes along. All you are doing by continuing to hang out with him, is resuscitating something that is already dead. He claims he doesn't want to date anyone right now or past tense (previously claimed that months ago). He literally can't go "out" and date due to circumstances for the moment.
Author SinceYou'veBeenGone Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 It is ironic because every time I see some flirting activity with someone else or anything like that, I am more tempted to reaching out to him. Like I have this urge to even text him now. I just don't want to seem like I can't let go since he never reaches out to me.
Leigh 87 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Do you know what I told myself about my ex? Unless I can handle the worst possible scenario with him and another women, I cannot handle knowing ANYTHING about him. At all. Unless I can happily smile the fact that he has found the love of his life and is so in love with her in a way he never was with me, then I cannot handle having him on my facebook. I cannot handle having anyone in my life knowing what he is up to. If it is unavoidable, tell mutual friends to NEVER inform you of his goings on in his life. If they are decent people they will respect he fact you will only get severely hurt. I hung out with my ex after the break up. He also said he cannot fathom being with other women yet because he is still in love with me. He wanted to work things out, as he is adamant we broke up due to our own issues and he swears he loves me enough to marry me. Now, even when it seems unlikely the worst could happen, you really have no idea anymore. In my gut I think it is unlikely my ex lied to me. But unless you have commitment from them and they are clear about wanting a life with you, you have to step back and avoid them entirely. The fact he is flirting with another girl is bad bad bad. His reasoning for leaving screams to me like, with the right girl, he would have wanted a relationship. It is a little disrespectful of him to openly flirt with others in front of you, knowing you're still his facebook friend. I know he is technically single, but common sense dictates that people with empathy will not flirt with others when their ex could see it. He does not owe you anything. Perhaps he assumes you really ARE okay with just friends. In fact, if it has been months and he has made no mention of wanting a relationship with you, you're falsely leading him on, to think you are okay with just "friends" A lot of dudes are not very perceptive! It may be obvious to US and to yourself, that you're totally into him still and have feelings for him, where as the fact you have tolerated this arrangement shows him that, well, you're down with just friends. He cannot sense that you want more. You really cannot handle having anything to do with this man. He does not want to be with you. You cannot handle anything less. You will lose all self respect if you continue this. You're giving all of yourself to a man who does not want you. 1
eleve82 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Boy have I heard this story many many times played out in my own life. Unfortunately, guys can and will often go out with other girls while telling you otherwise. Drop him fast and block him from Facebook. I blocked mine but as we share over 50 mutual friends I still have to see posts where he is tagged.
zoobadger Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) I've been doing the same thing with my wife. We're separated but I don't move out until the end of the month. Our 12 year marriage was a wreck and we should have divorced a couple years ago but we kept soldiering on because of finances and the kids. Anyway, she met and fell madly in love with an out of town guy she knows through her job. She hid it - very badly and incompetently - for about a month before I discovered it and confronted her. We decided to end things. But here's the thing: I'm desperately curious about the details of her romance. It's not healthy, I know, but I snooped her email and read her love letters to him etc. I guess it made sense to do it once just to confirm that it's not a physical and transitory fling, but going back a second and third time was just stupid and painful. So I understand the urge. But I'd recommend, in the larger sense, that you move on as I am. I'm moving into my own place at the end of the month, I've told my friends and family that we're through and I'm trying to make new friends on a dating site. I'm still freaked out by her affair for reasons I don't fully understand - I guess even if I don't want her anymore it's still painful being replaced by an upgrade, lol.... My challenge is that we have young kids so I can't just lock her away in a black place in my soul where I keep dreadful things I don't want to see or think about anymore. I have to be a good co-parent which means, among other things, caring for our children and cleaning up the dog's barf while she's having hot sex with Mr. Wonderful in his swanky hotel room downtown, lol. Yet I need to be civil to her for the sake of the kids. This is bad enough for them without dad openly hating and insulting their mother. In my head, I don't begrudge her the right to seek happiness with another man, but my heart is not so easygoing about it. I'm on a dating site and finding it pretty effortless to make new friends but only time is going to make this OK. Edited June 8, 2013 by zoobadger 1
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