Inappropriate Age Gap?

[Zio Corda]

If you can't bang the little marbles together in your head to really just really objectively and rationally look at how far and wide the experience is from someone with that gap in age difference, then you're just defiant and delusional for the sake of your own benefit and reasoning of participating in the activity you "believe" in engaging in or accepting...It's clearly and obviously using "common sense" and very transparent if you allow it, there is no reasoning to justify or rationalize that natural and obvious incompatibility factor except for your own delusional and simplistic hollywood made love stories examples or examples of the men who engage the behavior itself...which is clearly explaining nothing, because the justification is "love conquers all", it's like convincing children of how something works with a simple example riddled with holes that any adult would see through.

 

You should be asking yourself how in the world you are able to relate with someone so clearly out of your own generation and experience and how you could possibly not exploit those advantages, what were you living in, a cocoon that stood still through time? why in the world would you take advantage or have someone else take advantage of the massive landslide of relationship and dating experience that someone has with that kind of an age gap, how can that possible be equal? it's laughable that the possibility can even be suggested and any level-headed mind can quickly distinguish that.

 

Not to mention a justification with someone who is still in their teens!, how pathetic can you be as a man, how ludicrous and comical can you expose the level your own intelligence and rationalization or lack of, not to mention being merely ethics, would you as a father be ok with your 18 year old daughter dating a 40 year old man? what kind of BS would you tell yourself to make that right? and yet the best you can do is merely hobble together and agree on a topic by force in numbers or by even using examples of dysfunctional yet unaware individuals as examples such as celebrities who live in a completely different reality than the rest of us, rather than any display of coherent explanation to even attempt to "justify" your opinion or point of view...because there really is none maybe that's why!

 

Man, could there possibly be a group of people blowing more smoke up their own @sses on the forum...shets just common sense and makes so much sense on so many levels that are not even mentioned...the refuting examples are laughable and not even worth challenges, there's really nothing to challenge, I can't believe that real grown adults are actually this blinded...I'm basically arguing with myself because I'm the only one making any damn sense.

 

I don't even smoke, but right now I feel like puffing on a cigar in a recliner, sipping on a small glass of whiskey because this shets surreal and clearly I've stepped into another dimension of reality on this thread. It's got like that weird entertainment value of watching ants carrying food down the congo line.

 

That is some impressive wordcraft. I don't agree with a word you said, but I am in awe at how well you said it!

 

My wife's dad said the same things you just did, only with a lot more swearing. And...well, we've proven him wrong. A 15 year age gap is nothing between the right people.

[tbf]

Ninjainpajamas, you kicked unbelievable butt in this thread. At 18 or 19, my father would have pulled out the grenade launcher and leveled any 30 year old who tried to dry hump himself into the mile perimeter.

[SJC2008]

That is some impressive wordcraft. I don't agree with a word you said, but I am in awe at how well you said it!

 

My wife's dad said the same things you just did, only with a lot more swearing. And...well, we've proven him wrong. A 15 year age gap is nothing between the right people.

 

He's a deep guy! Whatever you do don't ask him "How's the weather?" lol.

 

There are ligitimate arguments on both sides of the spectrum and like I've said I've seen an IRL example of a couple with a big age gap (18&26) where I didn't see the age difference. In addition to my previous cynnical post, most relationships are one sided anyway. The man is either controlling and/or abusive or the woman is controlling. Rarely do I see couples in healthy balanced relationships.

 

For me I don't think I could do it if it came down to it. It certainly wouldn't be something I'd get into so I could control or manipulate her, it' not in my nature. Besides, the 18 year old female wore the pants in my friends relationship like I said earlier.

[Zio Corda]

There are ligitimate arguments on both sides of the spectrum and like I've said I've seen an IRL example of a couple with a big age gap (18&26) where I didn't see the age difference. In addition to my previous cynnical post, most relationships are one sided anyway. The man is either controlling and/or abusive or the woman is controlling. Rarely do I see couples in healthy balanced relationships.

 

For me I don't think I could do it if it came down to it. It certainly wouldn't be something I'd get into so I could control or manipulate her, it' not in my nature. Besides, the 18 year old female wore the pants in my friends relationship like I said earlier.

 

I can't help but notice that the arguments against are always wild generalizations and assumptions about experience gaps and controlling/dominating behavior and crap like "we all know what's really going on". That camp is never interested in the details or the individuals. But relationships are ALL about the two individuals involved.

 

My wife and I were best friends almost from the day we met. Our love grew out of that friendship, and our attraction and romance grew out of that love.

 

And we went through hell with her dad. He threatened to kill me, he threatened to kill her, he even threatened to kill his wife's family if they took my wife in. Ironic that I was supposedly this predatory pedophile up to no good with his daughter, and yet he was the abusive controlling freak all along. I was willing to risk his threats for her though and I suspected he was full of it anyway. Just another 2 year old that never grew up throwing a tantrum.

 

In the end it was all up to her. He wouldn't allow her to leave the house without him. So she left, on the small hope that I still loved her after having no contact for months. Of course I did! And the rest is history. Now he takes us out for dinner every few months trying to repair the relationship he devastated between himself and his daughter.

[CryForNoOne]

My wife and I started getting to know each other when she was 17 and I was 32. We got married soon after she turned 19..

Just curious how long you've been married or your ages now?

[Zio Corda]

Just curious how long you've been married or your ages now?

 

We're just coming up on our first anniversary. Maybe that's why things haven't degenerated in the cesspool of lies and disease that RedRobin predicts.

[dasein]

Didn't read whole thread. Never foreclose opportunities over something like age alone. Explore all opportunities you encounter. People and culture are crap and being picky or overly exclusive is unwise. IMO if you meet someone who is interested and interesting, pursue it until -real- issues arise.

[dasein]

That is some impressive wordcraft.

 

I disagree, it's straight from the ageist cliche-ridden textbook, not impressive in the least. I have dated many younger and older women, and find no more propensity for pleasant company due to more age alone. Younger women can sometimes be wilder and less reliable, but they don't navigate with baggage to the extent many older women do. I prefer women closer to my own age, but believe the quoted long post of NP's to be mostly cliche'd nonsense.

 

In a world where people grow up faster and faster, one's intellect, social grace, charm, wit, culture, knowledge, awareness, have very little to do with raw age IME, and this applies to men as well. Cool people generally start out cool and duds, duds. They tend to stay that way, and if they do grow, it is more a function of the tools they started with, the choices they make, than the clicking off of months on a calendar.

 

Most of the perpetual age gap whinging here on LS is a function of pure resentment, individual baggage, or an overly politicized, feminized culture founded on "abuse hysteria" that constantly seeks to infantilize young adult women and demonize men of any age into predators, with little grounding truth underneath.

[melodymatters]

Wow, in what other relationship between two people would both parties basically be called pathological ?!? Most people are fine with gay, interracial, different cultures or religions, but two people meet, get along, fall in love and if the birth certificates aren't within 5-10 yrs it's automatic doom, gloom, and mental illness.

 

One of the most common refrains from people outside age gap R's is the "controlling" thing. I have always been such a free spirit, hippie/punk/artist type chick, that whether I dated older (in my teens and 20's) or younger (in my 40's) There was NO way I was letting anyone control me, nor did I have any interest or feel any need to "control" the younger partner. Some of us just don't even THINK about controlling our partners, we just like who we like. Not that complex really.

 

And yeah, I WAS a caretaker to a spouse : a 16 yr younger spouse who developed severe epilepsy. And I ended up burying him in his mid twenties.

 

After 2.5 yrs of complete non dating, I felt ready and went out with three guys my age and they all were messed up in some way. I did not assume ALL men in their 40's were stalkers or had girlfriends I didn't know about, just these three. At the same time I happened to be enjoying a great friendship with a guy at work who was in his 20's and that led to love which led to marriage. He is not some weak willed idiot, and I am waaay too lazy to control anybody, and neither of us are even close to desperate.

 

His two best friends are around 27 with GF's around the same age from what I can tell. BOTH these friends are jealous of my husband as their gfs are overweight and quite plain. Are ALL mid 20's girls overweight and plain ? OF COURSE NOT. Will my good looks last forever ? OF COURSE NOT. Might my husband and I have a deep enough bond and love and friendship that even when I don't turn heads everywhere we go, he will still love me, Melody ? I believe it's at least possible if not probable as he is a very deep and good person.

 

And of course he could always die first as I learned too well four yrs ago.

 

So, yeah, back off with the "EVERYBODY ALL OF THE TIME" judgements, because you wouldn't do it with any other category of relationship in which there was loyalty, friendship and abiding love and respect.

[dasein]

Wow, in what other relationship between two people would both parties basically be called pathological ?!? Most people are fine with gay, interracial, different cultures or religions, but two people meet, get along, fall in love and if the birth certificates aren't within 5-10 yrs it's automatic doom, gloom, and mental illness.

 

Sums it up very nicely, and calls the notion of "tolerance" into question where a couple in question doesn't fall into a politically favored group and may even go against current sociopolitical conventions. "Live and let live" appears to be a selective notion for some unfortunately.

[runningfar]

Wow, in what other relationship between two people would both parties basically be called pathological ?!? Most people are fine with gay, interracial, different cultures or religions, but two people meet, get along, fall in love and if the birth certificates aren't within 5-10 yrs it's automatic doom, gloom, and mental illness. .

 

No joke.

 

I do see some disturbing behavior and characteristics in this thread (not naming any names), but it's not people who happen to fall in love without regard to age.

[123321]

If she was a similar age, I'd recommend you don't get too much invested too soon, try to have fun together and get to know each other, and let nature take it's course. Since your age is a bit different, my advice would be precisely the same.

[Ripnet]

I dated an older woman much older. She was more immature than the younger women I have dated. Maturity doesn't come with age. I do think marrying at 19 is too soon. However I don't know her and maybe she is very mature for her age.

 

My brother in law is 14 years older than my sister. He treats her well, no controlling or anything.

[William]

Moderation stopped by and cleaned up a bit of the inappropriate social climate we're attempting to steer into a more appropriate direction for our forums. Our thanks to the participants for their cooperation. Carry on.

[EasyHeart]

When I was 28, I dated a 17 year old for a few months. She was pretty and nice, so I never thought much about the age difference. There was no sinister plan on my part, and to the best of my knowledge I didn't traumatize her or destroy her life in any way.

 

OTH, if any 30 year old comes sniffing around my 19 year old niece, he'll get a himself a pantload of buckshot. Jes sayin'.

[tbf]

When I was 28, I dated a 17 year old for a few months. She was pretty and nice, so I never thought much about the age difference. There was no sinister plan on my part, and to the best of my knowledge I didn't traumatize her or destroy her life in any way.

 

OTH, if any 30 year old comes sniffing around my 19 year old niece, he'll get a himself a pantload of buckshot. Jes sayin'.

Out of curiosity, how do you reconcile this dissonance? It's okay for me but not for anyone else?

[GorillaTheater]

Out of curiosity, how do you reconcile this dissonance? It's okay for me but not for anyone else?

 

You start viewing things with a different lens when it becomes your young daughters or nieces at issue. You know, that I-will-f*cking-kill-you-with-a-rusty-gravel-rake lens.

[SJC2008]

You start viewing things with a different lens when it becomes your young daughters or nieces at issue. You know, that I-will-f*cking-kill-you-with-a-rusty-gravel-rake lens.

 

Right! Dads and uncles know what the boys want!

[carhill]

But I'm 30 now and she's 19. A flipping 11 year age gap. Never before would I have even considered dating a girl so young and with college and most of her 20's left to experience.

 

So I don't know what the right thing to do is.

 

OP, here's an anecdote I shared in another thread. You might find it and the surrounding discussion, mostly a response to a young lady's opinion of the attention from older men she was getting, enlightening. Good luck and, given the circumstances you described, IMO there's no reason not to see where it goes.

[TheBigQuestion]

Out of curiosity, how do you reconcile this dissonance? It's okay for me but not for anyone else?

 

I'd like to hear this too. I really don't see what's wrong with large age gaps in relationships, regardless of the gender of the older partner. Granted, I'm not yet old enough to be a parent of a daughter who is of dating age, but I can't imagine being able to hold such dissonant views on the matter. Either I will come to see such relationships as presumptively (thought not conclusively) unhealthy and/or abusive and get protective of my younger female relatives accordingly, or I will maintain my present viewpoint and evaluate such relationships on a case-by-case basis.

 

As an aside, I'm pretty amused by all the rhetorical muscle-flexing here. If I ever do find myself in a situation where I'm dating someone much younger than me, no, her father is not going to shoot me or even beat me up. Even in crappy neighborhoods and bad families, those are rare occurrences, and on the outside chance that anything of the sort ever DID happen to me, I would do the responsible thing see to it that the guy gets f**ked by the long dick of the law in both the criminal and civil courts. The worst that will happen is that he will get angry, yell a lot, and alienate his own daughter, much like a poster described above in his own large-age gap relationship.

[William]

As the thread starter has not returned to add anything to this posting since its inception, we'll close it with the advisory to alert us should they wish to comment further. Thanks.