Inappropriate Age Gap?

[TaraMaiden]

Yep, mostly...

 

As for me... I work around all men. I get to see first hand their behavior and hear things they never tell their wives and girlfriends.... It's a blessing and a curse.

 

Ah. That explains a lot.

 

I get it now.

Tar, brush, and all that.

[Ninjainpajamas]

My mother was 17 when she met my father. They married 26 days before her 21st birthday.

 

You have no idea of the traumatic events in between.

All generated by my mother's (Italian) family.

 

But it worked for them.

 

In the end, only the people themselves can effectively judge whether this is feasible or not.

 

I'm most disturbed by your improper use of the saying ships passing in the night, please google the correct usage. As for your age gap being inappropriate that's all in your head and the heads of any one else who chooses to think that way. It's your choice, but if it makes you feel better you have my approval.

 

My parents had a 20+ year age difference. Happily married till death.

 

Don't turn this into a personal attack because your parents were so far apart in age and they "worked out" that you'd stick a flag in the ground on make an argument on that basis...how emotionally influenced and biased can you possibly get for crying out loud! It doesn't even explain anything, you might as well be a preacher and when someone asks a hard question simply reply "It is difficult to understand my child, you must have faith and you must simply follow this direction because I said so without further explanation...you're too stupid to understand with your puny little human brain, so don't even try it, just follow the word"

 

That argument has no basis, value, and no meaningful application towards anyone else relationship nor does it belong in the year 2013 where people don't have to give a crap about religion, tradition, social, family and peer pressure (as much) and can actually get on the damn internet and get some objective views from people they may not otherwise converse with and hopefully make the right decision for themselves...if they've got the brains for it.

 

Now you guys want to send all these young girls into the arms of old men on the basis on what your parents did (even though these damn men know what they're doing!) without ever really being able to objectively judge or distinguish what truly happen and occurred in their relationship then go ahead...but IMO that's a sad basis for an argument to actually influence others who are much more vulnerable and exposed these days considering all of the differences in today's society...but noooo, without consideration you just chalk it up to "my parents did it...works for some" even though I'd bet my left nut you couldn't make a convincing argument beyond that and the fools in the "I don't need an explanation, derrrr, sounds good to me" are going to follow not because it makes any damn sense but because they want to believe.

 

You can't break it down, you can't understand...not only is the information not existing in your minds in how it works, it doesn't make any rational sense anyway, you're going off the basis that someones personal opinion or feeling is the same on the topic and agree with you based on their own flawed, twisted and manipulated perspective mainly derivative of emotional elements.

 

It's simple why women date younger women, but some people choose to complicate it and make it about something more...it's the same reason old men jack off at a computer screen to teen porn or hang out in a strip club and watch young 20 year old's working themselves through college...and it has nothing to do with love or compatibility.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[TaraMaiden]

:laugh:

 

Yes, right.

Well, you're entitled to your opinion I guess.

Fortunately, you are as right to have your opinion, as these people are to have a relationship.

[tbf]

In case you're unaware, the prefrontal cortex or decision making/logical thinking part of our brains doesn't fully develop until around 25 years old. With this in mind, people are prone to greater change and development prior to 25. It's also the cause of stupid decision making/immaturity by certain teens and young adults and why they can appear flighty.

[HonestNeurotic]

I'm 10 years older than my husband. I figure - women live about 10 years longer anyways - so we should die around the same time - right?

 

My favorite mistake was 11 years younger. My ex husband - 5 years OLDER. He's like an old man. He actually used to work with Larry Fortensky before he met Liz Taylor. Wow. That brings back some memories...

 

What about Zsa Zsa Gabor?

 

Pablo Neruda's wife was 20 years older. Though I think I'd feel a little creepy - I was 20 when I had my daughter.....

 

What does that matter if you're happy with the situation? It makes a difference if you're planning on having children maybe - and the woman is 40+.

 

The only problem we have with the age difference is when he tries to tell me how things were in the 60's - and he wasn't even born yet!

 

Who care how old someone is if you enjoy being with them?

[runningfar]

Ten years is nothing. Your attitude is astounding.

I hope you live a long and healthy life, i would hate to see you experience a man leaving you due to feeling "chained" when a unplanned illness happens.

.

 

 

I have a dear friend who's first wife who was 15 years younger decided that she didn't want to be a caregiver when they got older and left him after 5 years of marriage. She married a guy 5 years younger than her.

Many years later... original man is in great shape - runs marathons, looks hot... Her new husband had an illness and is on dialysis. Oops. She apparently complains about her lot in life a lot, real "victim". What a selfish woman who doesn't know what love is!

 

Another of my friend's parents had a long and happy marriage despite an age gap until her mother (the younger by 18 years) passed away in an accident. Her dad is still going strong.

 

 

I want to be with someone I love. If someone I lvoe needs care later on, I'm happy to do it. Hope they feel the same.

 

 

Not that anyone has to be in an age - gap relationship but the feeling superior because they don't choose to be or judging those who do along with it is l-a-m-e.

[FitChick]

John Travolta. dated Diana Hyland - 17 years his senior. She died in his arms, of cancer.

 

let's look at other 'age-gaps where women are older.

 

10 Years

 

Candace Bushnell . . . Charles Askegard

Katherine Helmond . . . David Christian

Madonna . . . Guy Ritchie

Liza Minnelli . . . David Allen Gest

Lorrie Morgan . . . Jon Randall

Priscilla Presley . . . Marco Garibaldi

---------------

11 Years

 

Greer Garson . . . Richard Ney

---------------

12 Years

 

Mariah Carey . . . Nick Cannon

Daryl Hannah . . . David Blaine

Susan Sarandon . . . Tim Robbins

Dorothy Squires . . . Roger Moore

---------------

13 Years

 

Lucille Ball . . . Gary Morton

Deborra-Lee Furness . . . Hugh Jackman

Pam Grier . . . Kevin Evans

Kathy Najimy . . . Dan Finnerly

---------------

14 Years

 

Rosanne Barr . . . Ben Thomas

Chrissie Hynde . . . Lucho Brieva

Bernadette Peters . . . Michael Wittenberg

Mira Sorvino . . . Chris Backus

Raquel Welch . . . Richard Palmer

---------------

15 Years

 

Demi Moore . . . Ashton Kutcher

Brigitte Nielsen . . . Mattia Dessi

---------------

16 Years

 

Fran Drescher . . . John (boyfriend)

Ruth Gordon . . . Garson Kanin

Tina Turner . . . Erwin Bach

Heidi Van Pelt . . . Taran Noah Smith

---------------

17 Years

 

Katie Couric . . . Brooks Perlin

Isadora Duncan . . . Sergei Esenin

Vanna White . . . Colby Donaldson

---------------

18 Years

 

Francesca Annis . . . Ralph Fiennes

Juliet Mills . . . Maxwell Caulfield

Mary Tylor Moore . . . S. Robert Levine

Tilda Swinton . . . Sandro Kopp

---------------

19 Years

 

Janice Dickinson . . . Tommy Fry

---------------

20 Years

 

Lorraine Bracco . . . Jason Cipolla

Edith Piaf . . . Theo Sarapo

Helena Rubenstein . . . Prince Artchil Gourielli-Tchkonia

Norma Shearer . . . Martin Arrounge

Dinah Shore . . . Burt Reynolds

Elizabeth Taylor . . . Larry Fortensky

---------------

21 Years

 

Barbara Hershey . . . Naveen Andrews

Lillian Vernon . . . Paolo Martino

---------------

23 Years

 

Carol Burnett . . . Brian Miller

Terry McMillan . . . Jonathon Plummer

Ivana Trump . . . Rossano Rubicon

---------------

24 Years

 

Sam-Taylor Wood . . . Aaron Johnson (She: 42, film director. He: 18, actor. Year met: 2008, during an audition.)

---------------

25 Years

 

Joan Collins . . . Robin Hurlstone

Merle Oberon . . . Robert Wolders

---------------

31 Years

 

Ellen Barkin . . . Sam Levinson

---------------

32 Years

 

Joan Collins . . . Percy Gibson

Norma Ferriera . . . Chris Harvey (British couple. She: 50: He: 18 when met. news story)

Martha Raye . . . Mark Harris

---------------

34 Years

 

Gina Lollobrigida . . . Javier Rigau y Rafols

 

Some are now divorced. Many are still married. Others have died.

The fact remains: They married.....

 

And I am older than my husband.

 

I am saving that list to give to friends who disapprove of my dating younger men.

[LOSTnMT]

My ex was 11 years older than me and we were together for 14 years before she started screwing a 27 year old ex felon that just got out of prison. She was 51 at the time.

 

Age doesnt mean a damn thing if you respect and love each other.

[Zio Corda]

My wife and I started getting to know each other when she was 17 and I was 32. We got married soon after she turned 19. It's been great...when I read this thread to her she yelled: "Tell him to go for it, the sex is GREAT!"

 

Couple of things: Neither of us went to college. We work together in our own business. Neither of us want children (ever). We're experiencing our world travel together (I would have do so sooner but didn't find anyone to go with, and didn't want to go alone).

 

Something else that helps us is that I look and feel 10 years younger than the average guy my age. She and I are very much on the same level intellectually, have the same sense of humor, same political views and religious beliefs. Our social circle covers the full spectrum of ages, cultures and backgrounds.

 

So can it work out? Absolutely.

[RedRobin]

I have a dear friend who's first wife who was 15 years younger decided that she didn't want to be a caregiver when they got older and left him after 5 years of marriage. She married a guy 5 years younger than her.

Many years later... original man is in great shape - runs marathons, looks hot... Her new husband had an illness and is on dialysis. Oops. She apparently complains about her lot in life a lot, real "victim". What a selfish woman who doesn't know what love is!

 

Another of my friend's parents had a long and happy marriage despite an age gap until her mother (the younger by 18 years) passed away in an accident. Her dad is still going strong.

 

 

I want to be with someone I love. If someone I lvoe needs care later on, I'm happy to do it. Hope they feel the same.

 

 

Not that anyone has to be in an age - gap relationship but the feeling superior because they don't choose to be or judging those who do along with it is l-a-m-e.

 

I believe it is the man who is being selfish in those scenarios. Knowing what I know now about the dynamics of most large age gap relationships, I wouldn't knowingly date a man who was in a relationship with someone young enough to be his daughter certainly... I'd have my doubts if he made a habit of being with women more than 10 years his junior.

 

Talk about a control freak.

 

I recently was asked out by a guy my own age who I heard had dated a woman more than 20 years younger than him (almost half his age)... he asked her to marry him and she said no. That was about a year ago.

 

Nope. Not touching that one with a 10 foot pole. I want an equal... not some dufus who has to hit the kiddy pool for dates.

 

I'm not the only one who feels this way either...

 

What If Men Stopped Chasing Much-Younger Women? - Hugo Schwyzer - The Atlantic

[TheBigQuestion]

I met a girl last December while we were both performing a Christmas play together. There were some shared looks, brushes against each other, and an overall mutual attraction, but I was uncomfortable making a move since she was 18 and I was 29.

 

We ran into each other and caught up with each other a couple times since then since we ran in some extended social circles, but kept it casual.

 

Two nights ago I had a training seminar for an organization I volunteer for, and as fate would have it she was there and came up to me as soon as I entered the building. Apparently we've both been volunteering for this group for several years, but as ships passing in the night, never seeing each other.

 

So we sat together. She laughed at my jokes, which I always appreciate. And as we were leaving I asked if she wanted to grab a bite to eat with me. She did. We ate and talked. When we left she gave me her phone number and said we should do this again.

 

And I want to. But I'm 30 now and she's 19. A flipping 11 year age gap. Never before would I have even considered dating a girl so young and with college and most of her 20's left to experience.

 

So I don't know what the right thing to do is.

 

Do as you please. Do not be swayed by people who discourage your pursuit of this woman just because she is 19. Some posters think that young women are basically infants and that you're the big bad wolf trying to take advantage of them. Others don't like relationships with large gaps for a whole host of reasons. However, do be mindful of the fact that a serious relationship with an 11-year age gap does present some unique challenges. Find out what those are and be ready to face them.

[RedRobin]

Your not the only one....but you are definitely in the minority.

 

Only on LS. I don't personally know any people with large age gap relationships.

 

The only one I've heard of is the friend of this guy I won't date... His friend is a former drug addict turned Jehovah's witness... Yea, THAT is healthy...

[Eggplant]

My father is married to a woman 11 years younger. My mother is married to a man 15 years younger than she.

 

I dated a man seriously who was 9 years older. I thought it perfect, but ironically my parents were freaking out that he was too old to have babies.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You must be pretty closed minded if you havent dated outside your age range a few times. I have gone 17+ and -15 from my age. And quite a few in between those ranges.

 

Age shouldnt make or break a relationship if you enjoy the person you are with.

 

If you can't bang the little marbles together in your head to really just really objectively and rationally look at how far and wide the experience is from someone with that gap in age difference, then you're just defiant and delusional for the sake of your own benefit and reasoning of participating in the activity you "believe" in engaging in or accepting...It's clearly and obviously using "common sense" and very transparent if you allow it, there is no reasoning to justify or rationalize that natural and obvious incompatibility factor except for your own delusional and simplistic hollywood made love stories examples or examples of the men who engage the behavior itself...which is clearly explaining nothing, because the justification is "love conquers all", it's like convincing children of how something works with a simple example riddled with holes that any adult would see through.

 

You should be asking yourself how in the world you are able to relate with someone so clearly out of your own generation and experience and how you could possibly not exploit those advantages, what were you living in, a cocoon that stood still through time? why in the world would you take advantage or have someone else take advantage of the massive landslide of relationship and dating experience that someone has with that kind of an age gap, how can that possible be equal? it's laughable that the possibility can even be suggested and any level-headed mind can quickly distinguish that.

 

Not to mention a justification with someone who is still in their teens!, how pathetic can you be as a man, how ludicrous and comical can you expose the level your own intelligence and rationalization or lack of, not to mention being merely ethics, would you as a father be ok with your 18 year old daughter dating a 40 year old man? what kind of BS would you tell yourself to make that right? and yet the best you can do is merely hobble together and agree on a topic by force in numbers or by even using examples of dysfunctional yet unaware individuals as examples such as celebrities who live in a completely different reality than the rest of us, rather than any display of coherent explanation to even attempt to "justify" your opinion or point of view...because there really is none maybe that's why!

 

Man, could there possibly be a group of people blowing more smoke up their own @sses on the forum...shets just common sense and makes so much sense on so many levels that are not even mentioned...the refuting examples are laughable and not even worth challenges, there's really nothing to challenge, I can't believe that real grown adults are actually this blinded...I'm basically arguing with myself because I'm the only one making any damn sense.

 

I don't even smoke, but right now I feel like puffing on a cigar in a recliner, sipping on a small glass of whiskey because this shets surreal and clearly I've stepped into another dimension of reality on this thread. It's got like that weird entertainment value of watching ants carrying food down the congo line.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[SJC2008]

I'm in the same situation with a girl I like, I'm 31 and she's 19/20. When I was younger I never would of considered it but now I'm thinking about it. One thing that opened my eyes to it was when my friend who was 26 at the time started dating (it was an instarelationship that lasted 2.5 years) an 18 year old. At first I was like man talk about robbing the cradle but I didn't see an age difference at all. They were both on the same level (she wore the pants though), looked good together and had a pretty good R until it fell apart.

 

I've talked to people aobut asking her out, specifically my uncle and he says who cares? Guys at work tell me to ask out girls at my school and I tell them how old I am and they say who cares? I don't know if I can do it but I might.

[GB25]

I'm in the same situation with a girl I like, I'm 31 and she's 19/20. When I was younger I never would of considered it but now I'm thinking about it. One thing that opened my eyes to it was when my friend who was 26 at the time started dating (it was an instarelationship that lasted 2.5 years) an 18 year old. At first I was like man talk about robbing the cradle but I didn't see an age difference at all. They were both on the same level (she wore the pants though), looked good together and had a pretty good R until it fell apart.

 

I've talked to people aobut asking her out, specifically my uncle and he says who cares? Guys at work tell me to ask out girls at my school and I tell them how old I am and they say who cares? I don't know if I can do it but I might.

 

Good luck with that..is she mature? does she party?

 

Its tough i have tried

[LOSTnMT]

It's interesting to read some of the thoughts on this subject and there are some valid points on both sides.

 

I just know from personal experience that if I like somebody I don't really notice age unless it's dramatic like 15-20 years. I never ask how old somebody is that I am dating. I haven't dated that far from my own age maybe 5-8 years on either side but if I liked a person I wouldn't care how old they were if we were compatible.

[TheBigQuestion]

I wouldn't date someone significantly younger or older than myself, but I have no reason to believe that anyone who is open to doing so is being sinister. I've never understood why people often jump to that conclusion.

[Ripnet]

... not sure why so many women fail to do the math on this.

 

I'd rather be alone and celibate than be chained to a much older man and be his caregiver. Sorry. Just won't.

 

11 years is much older in my book.

 

It used to be up to five years older for me... but if they don't have a history of dating women that much older than themselves, then I won't date them either. Don't like hypocrites in any form it takes.

 

Maybe the man will end up taking care of you if you got sick like cancer. Not hoping you get it but illness can come about. Maybe you will be disabled and he will be taking of you. If you're alone who is going to take of you?

 

I am usually interested in women much older or younger than me.

 

My brother in law is 14 years older than my sister. Guess what he takes of her. He works his job comes home, does dishes sometimes cooking then off he goes to work on his project or volunteer. When he's older she will probably look after him. It's a true partnership.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Maybe the man will end up taking care of you if you got sick like cancer. Not hoping you get it but illness can come about. Maybe you will be disabled and he will be taking of you. If you're alone who is going to take of you?

 

I am usually interested in women much older or younger than me.

 

My brother in law is 14 years older than my sister. Guess what he takes of her. He works his job comes home, does dishes sometimes cooking then off he goes to work on his project or volunteer. When he's older she will probably look after him. It's a true partnership.

 

Is that a definition of a "partnership" or a well invested security blanket?

 

I'm sure there are some nice thai girls that don't even speak english that you could import to take care of you...at least it's more honest and transparent to what the reality is.

[SJC2008]

This is going to sound cynical but another reason I'm warming up to reasonable age gaps in dating is that I've realzied most couples don't have emotional intimacy, they're basically monogmouns fwb's. So if that's how it is who cares if you're dating a younger woman?

[Ripnet]

Is that a definition of a "partnership" or a well invested security blanket?

 

I'm sure there are some nice thai girls that don't even speak english that you could import to take care of you...at least it's more honest and transparent to what the reality is.

 

Partnership is about helping each other out.

[CryForNoOne]

I'm 41 and currently dating a 27 yo. We've talked about the age gap and we're both fine with it. She's never dated anyone older than her. I've never dated anyone younger than me. Our age gap never raises eyebrows because I'm in good shape and look like I'm in my mid 20's. Really the only time it comes up is when she breaks out the "old man" jokes. It's usually a jab about reminiscing about life before television, automobiles, or something equally absurd. That being said I've gone on several dates with women in their mid 20's and they seemed WAY too young for me. It really depends on the individual. I'm sure many older men (and women) are specifically targeting youth for its obvious advantages. Meanwhile some younger women (and men) are too immature to be with someone much older...

[RedRobin]

This is going to sound cynical but another reason I'm warming up to reasonable age gaps in dating is that I've realzied most couples don't have emotional intimacy, they're basically monogmouns fwb's. So if that's how it is who cares if you're dating a younger woman?

 

Well, if I'm going to settle for a monogamous FWB, I can get that with just about anyone.

 

Don't need to settle for some old guy. That's for sure. Or, if so, he better have lots of money and be buying me things I can keep or sell after he kicks. Helps if he's open minded and lets me sleep with younger men too.

 

Just sayin'...

[Harlequin_Dog]

I say go for it- but really be careful.

 

I've always tended to date older- my current partner is 7 years my senior. I've never had trouble relating to my partners, and while I get some older men just want a young person for their youth, you can spot those types a mile away.

 

However, OP- speaking as a young college-aged person, get to know this woman. At her age, there is a possibility she will want to experiment with things. Like sex (think kink or orientation), or alcohol, or low level drugs like weed. All these behaviors are hyper common to see in college, so you have to see if you're ready to deal with that.

 

Though she could also completely skip that type of stuff. It really all depends on her personality. But I say go for it. Talk to her, get to know her more, see where it goes!