Issues: Ex or What?

[MissingHim2009]

Why would he want me to notice him?

 

I spoke to his sister yesterday who has yet to steer me in the wrong direction. She said she honestly thinks he still loves me but is really hurt by me and confused. She said to continue to work on me. Reach out when I feel better or give him two weeks of no contact at all for him to reach back to me, but if he does before the two weeks are over, ignore him completely. That way my medication is in my system for a month or maybe a little longer.

 

I am not sure. I am still hurt and just blah with the whole thing but I am working on improving myself. Going to therapy every week and taking my meds every day. I will get there in time.

 

Thanks

[TaraMaiden]

If he can't cope with you at your worst, why should he have you when you're at your best? That's selective affection.

You stick with the people you love through thick and thin...

 

Put it this way, had he been your husband, the "in sickness and in health" vow would have been trashed, wouldn't it?

 

He's unreasonable. And bless his sister, she means well, but by virtue of being his sister - she must have a little bias.... and I disagree with her about the "break NC in a couple of weeks".

 

It's not on you to keep him updated.

It is on you to keep him at arm's length.

[MissingHim2009]

Update:

 

Thursday I went to the hospital for a gallbladder attack. Some how he found out and we started talking again. All on him. I didn't go out of my way to speak to him or even try. I took my time texting him back. Sunday we finally met up face to face. I have been on meds for my bipolar disorder for almost a month. He told me he could see a change and wanted another chance to make this better. He thinks we can improve because I am improving. Tomorrow we will be going to lunch to discuss everything and set some rules.

 

Now my question is, what kind of rules should I set in stone? So far I am thinking of saying something like he can't throw the bipolar back in my face when I piss him off. He has to go to therapy at least once or twice with me. I am hoping he will end up going for himself though. He has to open up with me. That is a demand. =) He agreed to that one and has done a little bit so far in the past three days. Another thing in my rules I think I am going to say is he can't leave when crap hits the fan or gets bad, even if this has helped me more then ever.

 

Anything else? Ideas anyone?

Thank you.

[TaraMaiden]

He thinks we can improve because I am improving. Tomorrow we will be going to lunch to discuss everything and set some rules.

No, no, no, no, no!! He has no right to do this!!

What the hell - ?! Get out of here!!

 

You've done all the hard work, faced your demons and have begun to confront your condition and slay your demons - ALL ON YOUR OWN - and now things are better, he wants back in??

You're kidding me, right??

No. Please, you can't do this!!

 

Now my question is, what kind of rules should I set in stone?

"Get out of my life, never bother me again, and go find some other poor victim you can latch onto because it isn't me!!" Sounds fair to start with!!

 

How can you even consider this??

He's a weak-willed leech, who didn't support you when you needed his support most! How can you even consider his approach acceptable?

 

So far I am thinking of saying something like he can't throw the bipolar back in my face when I piss him off. He has to go to therapy at least once or twice with me. I am hoping he will end up going for himself though. He has to open up with me. That is a demand. =)

That is something he should have been by your side with, from the get-go!

Do you realise that Bi-Polar means you'll never be completely stable in your moods?

That's what Bi-polar does - it leads you to incredible highs and cataclysmic lows - and the medication balances those highs and lows out, makes them less extreme, more bearable, and tolerable...but it doesn't cure them. It manages them. It helps you steer your way through. And medication will change and adapt according to your changing needs.

 

Why wasn't he there when this was all first apparent?

Because life with you will always be a roller-coaster, and frankly, I don't think he has the spine or character to deal with that...

 

He agreed to that one and has done a little bit so far in the past three days. Another thing in my rules I think I am going to say is he can't leave when crap hits the fan or gets bad, even if this has helped me more then ever.

Too late.

Too little, too late.

 

You did this on your own.

You did this all by yourself.

He's surplus to requirement, because you've proven you can do this.

You're stronger, more determined, more informed, tougher, more powerful and so much more awesome than ever.

 

And THAT's what he sees, and that's what he wants.

And given his evident weakness last time, there's no way he will be able to promise you this, because if he didn't have the courage or character before, when you truly needed him more than ever, he can't guarantee its non-recurrence.

And you can't ask that of him, in view of his previous failure.

 

Anything else? Ideas anyone?

Thank you.

 

I've said all I want to say.

I think it would be a very bad idea to give him a foot in the door.

 

If you really must do this, tell him you give him 2 months to prove himself worthy of you, and to demonstrate, irrevocably, that he is your staunch supporter, ally and friend.

 

In my opinion, he'd be kicked to the kerb.

 

You are phukking awesome, girl. Truly, you are.

Start believing it, and acting it.

[MissingHim2009]

So I asked him to talk on Saturday. He agreed. We text all Saturday and Sunday. We met Sunday night and went for a walk. We caught up. It felt great. We hung out for like 5 hours. I cried on his shoulder. We kissed and then I did the baddest thing ever, I slept with him. Monday was great too. We were talking a lot. Today...I don't know what happened. We slept together and got lunch then he got really quiet. I later asked he if I did something to upset him. He told me that his body is always hurting now that I am around. He feels frustrated and angry with me. He won't open up. He said he didn't know how to do it and that he probably never will be able too. We ended up talking face to face tonight. Basically I feel played. He said that I was childish, the same me with tons of energy, and that I couldn't remember ****. Yeah. Its called depression. In a nice way he basically told me to **** off and that he is done completely with me. I feel hurt and stupid.

 

Now I am just sitting here looking at myself hating me because I knew this would happen. =l I hate him more than anything right now.

[TaraMaiden]

There is no name sufficiently low, vulgar of accurate for a man of his calibre. He played you for the thrill and the sex.

You wanted to believe him.

I can understand why.

But he played you, unashamedly.

 

Now - you hate him.

 

Good.

Lesson learnt.

 

Now, look at yourself in the mirror, and yell at the top of your voice:

 

"The bastard played me, and this was NOT my FAULT!!"

 

 

Never, ever let this man into your life again.

Tell his sister what a complete and utter schytt he has been - give her the full works - and tell her, furthermore, that you never ever want to hear his name mentioned again. Advise her that as far as you're concerned, she can be warned: Any attempts on his part to call you, contact you, connect with you or try to wheedle his way back in, will be met with the strongest rebuttal and justified hostility and scorn.

 

What a complete, total and utter C*nt.

[MissingHim2009]

Thank you! It is complete crap that he did this knowing how I felt, but then again he doesn't really know how he feels. I do feel stupid for being played and hurt that way but I can't do anything now about it. Just continue to keep moving forward and find me.

 

I am in a lot of pain. My heart is broken once again. My guard was down and I was used...played with. He is a jerk, but sadly I still miss the real us and who we were.

 

I will get through this. It has been 8 weeks of being single without him around to only get used this way. I told his sister everything but she has yet to comment back (she is at work).

 

Thank you