Do men actually cry over this?

[todreaminblue]

As men we are expected to tough things out. Breakups with women we love can be hard. What a lot of women don't realize break ups are very hard for a man. One reason is because society doesn't allow us to be as emotional as women so that is why seeing or hearing about a man cry has you wondering.

 

 

I dont know joystick........i have comforted a lot of men........many have cried on my shoulder.....opened up to me .......i have never treated them any different from females i am friends with......i dont see a man crying i see someone overwhelmed...i think there are many women who feel as i do...showing emotion isnt a sign of weakness....i was told it was..conditioned to not show emotion myself..i believe different......i feel there a lot of women who see men who show emotion as strong individuals who arent scared to show emotion. who arent scared to let the world see vulnerability...it is a lot easier to be stoic and conform to a societal stance than to be different and exposed vulnerable and raw.....i like men who dont need to spit and polish who they are to fit in.....who say yeah im feelin vulnerable.....and i can express that......deb

[skydiveaddict]

In the end, the guy left her. I've heard from others that brieftly after the break-up, he was seen on a club crying on 2 different occasions.

 

The reason I'm wondering is because men are usually known for showing anger and frustration when they're dating a girl like my friend. But haven't heard of one being in tears.

 

Yea, real men shouldn't cry in a club.

 

But I will admit to having cried in private, with no one else around. But I would never cry around the other guys.

 

There is one very important exception to that. Getting a dear j. The soldier is a million miles from home with no where else to go and know one else to lean on. It's acceptable then.

Edited June 8, 2013 by skydiveaddict

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think your friend has severe emotional issues with men or drastically doesn't understand them at all. So much so that she doesn't even give creed to the fact that men are human beings with feelings. What's her relationship like with her Dad?

 

On that note, despite her awful behavior, I am rather turned off by coming into a thread and seeing names like "bitch" and "c*nt" thrown around. Despite her awful behavior that she should be called out for, when I hear people that use these names, I begin to feel less sympathetic to the actual problem.

 

Something to keep in mind for both genders. If you want the other gender to understand where you are coming from, it's best not to use terrible names that stereotypically are used to negatively describe their gender, even when it's applied to the lowest behavior of the lot. It's not rocket science to figure out why this isn't a good idea.

[Dubiouis]

I think you're pretty messed up yourself if you think she's a friend just because she treats you ok.

She seemed like a good friend. There are some people that can be bad to their partners but kind to their friends. I thought it was just some anger she had towards male figures but that it would go away and get out of her system soon. I think it's more serious than what I thought.

 

But then over the phone she began telling me a secret and immediately told me not to tell anyone. She told me a bit more about her abuse and how her father killed her dog in her face and had a smile. She was 12 then. She described her father as an evil man who was never sorry for anything.

 

What shocked me the most was her story of getting pregnant at age 16 and how she threw herself down the stairs, just a couple steps. She told me that was done on purpose and how they all still believed it was a miscarriage. This is when I cut her and told her I had to do some errands. That's bad for even a teen to do. If I didn't want a child, I would go to the police department and make sure they find a foster family. I don't know if I should tell this to anyone or it's too late by now. She's already 24 years old. She told me it was done out of desperation and how the bf left so she couldn't handle that. I think that made her anger towards men grow more.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Dubiouis

[Dubiouis]

I think your friend has severe emotional issues with men or drastically doesn't understand them at all.

Yes, she does and is a lot more than I thought.

 

So much so that she doesn't even give creed to the fact that men are human beings with feelings. What's her relationship like with her Dad?

Her relationship with her dad is terrible. She hates him. Base on what she told me, that man sounds like a sick person.

[Dubiouis]

She doesn't sound like an Alpha at all. An Alpha doesn't need to bring others down in order to bring themselves. The fact that she does this shows how weak she is inside. It's no different than an abusive man.

No, she isn't. She's creeped me out by what she told me over the phone. Usually friends don't tell on each other nor go NC but what she said sounded serious.

[Woggle]

Being abused does not give somebody the right to abuse others. My mother's abuse would not excuse me if I ever abused women which I don't.

[Dubiouis]

Being abused does not give somebody the right to abuse others. My mother's abuse would not excuse me if I ever abused women which I don't.

I'm glad to hear there are people that don't repeat the cicle of abuse. Though, I think some abused people are more susceptible to damages from years of abuse than others. Some like my friend react in anger and others like you just can't bear hurting others the way they were hurt as kids.

 

I'm beginning to think Erica is beyond repair since she isn't showing any signs of seeking help on her own. I just hope her anger doesn't escalate.

[TaraMaiden]

One of these days it will backfire on her. Some guy will not tolerate it, and may retaliate....

And sadly, in her eyes, it will merely confirm her suspicion: That all men a bastards.

 

She really needs a wake-up call.

And I'm really not sure how she will get that, but when she does, it won't be pretty......

[Dubiouis]

One of these days it will backfire on her. Some guy will not tolerate it, and may retaliate....

And sadly, in her eyes, it will merely confirm her suspicion: That all men a bastards.

True and sadly she would probably get the guy thrown in jail. She sounds like that type of woman that is capable of ruining a man's reputation/life.

 

After we spoke, even I don't even want to try intervening. As you stated before, I'm concerned she can turn on me too if she think I've going against her.

She really needs a wake-up call.

And I'm really not sure how she will get that, but when she does, it won't be pretty......

If she is indeed a narcissistic, sociopath (as she didn't seem to regret stopping her pregnancy years ago, in her own words when we spoke ''Couldn't handle it, had to get rid of it'') then I'm not sure if there is even a cure for that. The way she spoke made me feel totally uncomfortable as if I weren't dealing with a somewhat rational and at least sane person.

 

I'm considering breaking ties with her.

[TaraMaiden]

I would think that to be an excellent consideration.

 

Mud sticks.

 

You really don't want to be associated with someone who's so abusive she fails to recognise her own serious issues, and considers them not only right and accurate, but justified.

 

And if she asks why you don't talk to her any more - tell her that.

[Woggle]

I'm glad to hear there are people that don't repeat the cicle of abuse. Though, I think some abused people are more susceptible to damages from years of abuse than others. Some like my friend react in anger and others like you just can't bear hurting others the way they were hurt as kids.

 

I'm beginning to think Erica is beyond repair since she isn't showing any signs of seeking help on her own. I just hope her anger doesn't escalate.

 

That's because in her mind she is right and she is just standing up for herself. Some people have a get them or they get you mentality and she seems like an example of that. I will be the first to say that I have issues but I don't abuse women.

 

This sounds very similar to how my mother treated my father and in her mind at least she wasn't being a doormat like her mother. Eventually when my father left she turned her rage on me.

[joystickd]

I dont know joystick........i have comforted a lot of men........many have cried on my shoulder.....opened up to me .......i have never treated them any different from females i am friends with......i dont see a man crying i see someone overwhelmed...i think there are many women who feel as i do...showing emotion isnt a sign of weakness....i was told it was..conditioned to not show emotion myself..i believe different......i feel there a lot of women who see men who show emotion as strong individuals who arent scared to show emotion. who arent scared to let the world see vulnerability...it is a lot easier to be stoic and conform to a societal stance than to be different and exposed vulnerable and raw.....i like men who dont need to spit and polish who they are to fit in.....who say yeah im feelin vulnerable.....and i can express that......deb

 

I say otherwise society doesnt give men a pass to be as emotional. We even see it on here with men being seen as bitter when they vent women say basically the same stiff but are not seen as bitter

[TaraMaiden]

don't move the goalposts.

We're talking about crying, not bitterness.

 

And you're wrong about 'society not giving a pass to men to be emotional'.

You must live in the 'Land of Stone' because there's no stigma attached to men being emotional, where I come from.

 

Quite the opposite.

[sillyanswer]

Well my best friend Erica was known for having the upper-hand in a former relationship. According to her, they would have sex only when she wanted it,

 

As opposed to what, having sex when she didn't want it? Her view seems quite healthy!

 

she never approved his cousin nor his male friends and basically she would win all the arguments. I recalled seeing her once shoving him and screaming like a mad woman.

 

Oh. Well then I can see why he might leave her. Fair enough!

 

Anyway, yes, I'm sure men cry over a lot more things than they admit... just not so much in public.

[spiderowl]

Sounds like she was abusive and, like any partner who has been abused, he's taking a while to get over it.

[King_Crimson]

Sounds like my ex lol.

 

I came out of an emotionally abusive relationship just like that one. It took me almost 2 years to recover from that, and 3 years to find someone else. I didn't really cry... I was more 'numb' from it all I guess.

 

Poor guy, I definitely feel for him. On the flip side, it's a good life lesson; helps teach you how to set your boundaries properly. I'm sure he'll get through it eventually, just needs to find a good girl.