ladydesigner Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Well I am truly sorry for you. I've played the role of hurting someone that much, and it is not a role I would ever play again. I really hope you find comfort in why you are R and a path that is right for YOU! because you are most important. I think you deserve better. (I'm on the other end) but I will admit fully that my H deserves better than me. Though I never badmouthed him, I did enough to know that he can do much better. Thank you for this. It's been a long process, but I continue to grow, learn and get stronger not only from my A but my WH's. That's all we can really do ya know 1
loredo21 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 really. You don't HAVE to say anything on social media. It seems more of a "cover" when someone has to gallantly profess their love for their spouse. "Oh look at this potted plant W worked on all day, she's so wonderful" ONE freaking potted plant. really? I'm sorry but from the "Other's" viewpoint, knowing all the bad **** they said about their W, it is sooooo cheesy! When H and I were doing wonderfully I NEVER blasted it on FB. And when H and I were doing horribly I NEVER tried to make it seem like it was the complete opposite. We KNOW you had an affair asshat! Stop trying so hard. Sheesh. 2
loredo21 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Thank you for this. It's been a long process, but I continue to grow, learn and get stronger not only from my A but my WH's. That's all we can really do ya know And I wish you all of the best. Some stuff may fire me up(this topic in particular cause I JUST made a thread about it over there), but I've been through a hell of a lot myself lately and wouldn't wish an ounce of the pain I feel on anyone else. 1
Author chaser0195 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Yeah but that mentality is an entitled one. She was good enough to him for him to marry in the first place. He already made the promise of fildelity so its not her to stay amusing enough to him to keep him faithful....he should be more concerned with what he is bringing to the table for her. I divorced my husband after i found out he cheated and told lies about me. He dumped the ow and begged to stay with me...but i wasnt having it. I dont buy into the "fog". Sorry. But regarrdless of infidelity or not, how can you tell other people that don't see or talk to her what a witch she is but go home or announce to the world through FB that she is amazing. If I really felt my spouse was awesome enough to praise on FB then I wouldn't go out with friends the very next night and tell them she is so horrible. 1
C00kie Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Just typical. Most people who feel the need to proclaim their "love" on social media are trying to prove something to the world. And if they need to prove it to the world, it means they need to prove it to themselves. I've never seen so many people pretending to be who they're not, but I guess it shows. Nothing wrong with stating your love, but this is not love. He'd been bad mouthing her and now he's back at his comfort zone trying to convince himself and others that he's so happy and has such a wonderful life. Or maybe, just maybe, he didn't put much thought into it, he just posted it. But as to love her? He doesn't love her. You don't bad mouth someone you love, specially if it's your wife. Being unfaithful is one thing, and bad mouthing goes way beyond that. 3
Author chaser0195 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 You have a lot of self respect and stick to your principles, that's why. To the OP- i would venture that in most cases what people put on their social media is what they would 'like' to believe. You want to see what someone is insecure about? Check their social media lol. When I was happy and in love (both in my A or my M or just in life in general) the last place you'd find me was on social media reinforcing. It's just for show. That said, it might be true- but the primary thing is its FOR SHOW. He put that there for the added motive of making sure everyone saw it. To prove something that should just be proven by private actions. It's lame-o. Don't worry about it.[/quote Thank you! You said exactly what I was thinking. 1
loredo21 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Im a recovered bwow. Im way over that and currently just a regular woman engaged It just doesn't sound like you're *that* over it. I would think being on both sides at one point or another would leave you a little more open minded. Guess you just figured out what works and what doesn't...
Author chaser0195 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Just typical. Most people who feel the need to proclaim their "love" on social media are trying to prove something to the world. And if they need to prove it to the world, it means they need to prove it to themselves. I've never seen so many people pretending to be who they're not, but I guess it shows. Nothing wrong with stating your love, but this is not love. He'd been bad mouthing her and now he's back at his comfort zone trying to convince himself and others that he's so happy and has such a wonderful life. Or maybe, just maybe, he didn't put much thought into it, he just posted it. But as to love her? He doesn't love her. You don't bad mouth someone you love, specially if it's your wife. Being unfaithful is one thing, and bad mouthing goes way beyond that. When you read this stuff on anyone's FB and you have heard them say otherwise it makes you wonder, who are they trying to convince? Us or themselves? 1
Author chaser0195 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Just typical. Most people who feel the need to proclaim their "love" on social media are trying to prove something to the world. And if they need to prove it to the world, it means they need to prove it to themselves. I've never seen so many people pretending to be who they're not, but I guess it shows. Nothing wrong with stating your love, but this is not love. He'd been bad mouthing her and now he's back at his comfort zone trying to convince himself and others that he's so happy and has such a wonderful life. Or maybe, just maybe, he didn't put much thought into it, he just posted it. But as to love her? He doesn't love her. You don't bad mouth someone you love, specially if it's your wife. Being unfaithful is one thing, and bad mouthing goes way beyond that. You are right. Who knows what his intentions were or if he had any at all when he posted it but it makes you question it when you hear the complete opposite come out of his mouth.
C00kie Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 When you read this stuff on anyone's FB and you have heard them say otherwise it makes you wonder, who are they trying to convince? Us or themselves? Both, but if they need to convince US it's because they're not sure of it themselves. That's what triggers it. Real love and affection are meant to be shown in private and with atitudes that actually match words. This is clearly not the case, he's putting a show for everyone to see so that maybe he can go to bed feeling a (delusional) sense of happiness, success and fulfillment. I totally agree that if you wanna know someone's insecurities, check their fb. Whatever it is that they're so keen on showing, you bet it is totally failing between four walls. 1
psm04 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 People always show the "good" side of their life on FB, and sometimes, that good side isn't really good, but what is ideal in the FB world. This is why I wish I could just deactivate my profile, but I can't due to family members who I don't get to see or keep in touch with. It's a big sham. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I have uploaded a pic of me and my husband on FB, and asked him to "Like" the picture, even though he hates fb and never gets on it. It was for show. As for my OMM, I've looked his wife up on FB and felt so jealous to see her picture and her perfect nice caring profile, but I also know some of the stuff that she's said and done. Most of what's on facebook is far from reality. 2
loredo21 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 it all just seems so...scripted...whether it's the BS writing the script or the WS...or both...it's really a sad way to have to live.
C00kie Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) The focus should be on yourself and figuring out how you got yourself into that mess and how to prevent it from happening again. I can say with 100% certainty that what xmm does or doesn't do.......matters to me, none at all. I hope he got his shyte together and stopped being a lying pos but.......if he did or didn't it makes no difference in MY life now or in the future. Agree...spying on social media won't do anyone any good - specially because it's all bulls*** that will make you fantasize about something that may not even exist. You will only get yourself into a spiral of torture that won't lead you anywhere. His life now has nothing to do with you - so go your own way as the music says and let him follow his. Just leave it be. However...we are human beings and social networks were made for us to spy on (kind of, lol). Sometimes you just can't control the urge. It's only natural! In a months time you'll look back and think he's a loser, with this pathethic behaviour of desperatly trying to show a life he definitely ain't living. Edited June 8, 2013 by C00kie 3
loredo21 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 i was sooo on the road to that. Was feeling indifferent. And a little snooping the other day sent me down. I still think he's an ass, but seeing them as a "happy family" only hurt me. I hate his stupid face.
C00kie Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 i was sooo on the road to that. Was feeling indifferent. And a little snooping the other day sent me down. I still think he's an ass, but seeing them as a "happy family" only hurt me. I hate his stupid face. That's the first impact, the natural reaction. It makes you feel small again, unloved, unchosen for a moment. And that's when you fall apart. How can they be so happy while you're feeling so miserable, right? It's just a picture. People smile at pictures. People stand next to their spouses...don't think much into it. Try to think: if he's happy - great for him, everyone's entitled to find happiness. If he's not - too bad! Got what he chosen. And you're no longer a part of that. Just don't let this feelings of anger or remorse eat you up. Let it go. Focus on yourself. Think of something else 4
loredo21 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I have praised my fiance in status updates but i have had health issues and he does alot for me. Its once in a while. Sometimes he will post a lyric on my page or will we post on eachothers picture. Its not constant, but we have done it right but there's a think called overkill. as insiders it probably screams out at us. We are probably just more aware of it because we know the real deal...
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I have been told that my exMM has been praising his wife and marriage on his social media pages. I actually laughed when I heard this. It's funny to me because he bad mouths her to others. Not just me but to his friends too. Then he announces to the world what an amazing wife she is and how he is so blessed that she is part of his life. Blah blah blah. To me, and others, it seems like he is just putting on a show to make everyone think his life and marriage are picture perfect. Told by who? Or are you looking at his facebook page? If he is your exMM and the A is over, why should it matter what goes on in his marriage, what he posts about on facebook? Why are you focusing on him? Who cares.. Let go and forget all about him. 2
Quiet Storm Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Mm are phony fakers. Usually in most aspects of their lives. But keepin it real... Most ow would love it if mm buttered them up on Facebook. It's validating. 7
HopingAgain Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I guess the unpopular opinion on here would be that possibly he's speaking well of her because its really how he feels and he loves her. Possibly. This type of stuff, the online checking and creeping, makes me so glad my FB is locked down tight in privacy settings and that hubby doesn't even bother with social media. It does seem kinda unsettling that OW would be peeking long after its over, dissecting the lives of MM and his intentions towards his wife/family,'etc. 5
SweetiePie12 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Agree...spying on social media won't do anyone any good Why is it spying? If you're connected, and you look at their page, your face will show up in the top friends.
SweetiePie12 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I guess the unpopular opinion on here would be that possibly he's speaking well of her because its really how he feels and he loves her. Thereby sweeping under the rug the duplicity and hyprocity of it all. This type of stuff, the online checking and creeping, makes me so glad my FB is locked down tight in privacy settings and that hubby doesn't even bother with social media. Unless you have a sum total of 5 friends, you don't know who is whom. It does seem kinda unsettling that OW would be peeking long after its over, dissecting the lives of MM and his intentions towards his wife/family,'etc.
SweetiePie12 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 But keepin it real... Most ow would love it if mm buttered them up on Facebook. It's validating. Could also put you in the hot seat. No thanks. Who needs that kind of mass attention from outsiders.
HopingAgain Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Thereby sweeping under the rug the duplicity and hyprocity of it all. Unless you have a sum total of 5 friends, you don't know who is whom. What rug sweeping? The affair in itself is a hypocrisy. Now that its over, its not s stretch to believe that a MM would be trying to do damage control, feeling relieved or grateful wife took him back, sucking up, or all of the above. And what does number of friends on social media have to do with anything? Thankfully, I do know all of my FB friends as I don't befriend strangers or even casual acquaintences. Reading through.this type of stuff just adds another great reason to be aware.of who is added to a "friends" list... 4
Author chaser0195 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 I have praised my fiance in status updates but i have had health issues and he does alot for me. Its once in a while. Sometimes he will post a lyric on my page or will we post on eachothers picture. Its not constant, but we have done it But do you go out and tell others how horrible he is after praising him? If not then its kind of irrelevant?
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