aloneinaz Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) I didn't call/text or email my now one week old ex. What I did do is let my curiosity get the best of me yesterday. Like all of us fresh from a break up, I've been having some rough days. Poor sleep, not hungry, don't want to do anything, etc. Yesterday I felt ok and played golf w/friends. I really enjoyed it and came home feeling much better. I was hungry, felt like I'd come to grips that this on/off relationship wasnt going to ever work, etc.. So, what did I do? I was curious to see if the ex joined back up on a dating site that she didn't think I knew she was on before. Sure enough, there she was w/a fresh profile and pictures. It hurt but not like I thought it would. I got pissed not sad and turned my old profile back on (id been on this site before we'd met). I even used a couple pic w/her cut out. I shouldn't have been surprised as she and I have done this in the past when we'd get mad at each other and break up. We'd both go online and start dating like little kids only to miss each other and get back together in a couple of weeks. Through yesterday afternoon, I felt ok. Actually, the best I'd felt in a week. Then this am, i woke up at my usual 330am and looked to see when she was on and if she'd viewed my profile. I did this a couple of times. I realized that I was cyber stalking her and felt terrible. It also made me anxious, nervous and upset. I took my profile back down and don't plan on going on those sites anytime soon. I'm really struggling that she's moving on so quickly. Long story short, it really jacked me up today. I see why people SCREAM no contact so we can heal from these break ups. I had to fight off contacting her today. The last two fights and breakups, she reached out to me after a couple of weeks then last time I reached out to her after two weeks. We got back together both times. This makes not contacting her again that much harder because it's our pattern. I feel like such a wimp. I miss her (despite knowing it's the right decision) and also miss her kids that I really loved. From my other posts, its clear that I need to come to acceptance that's it's really finally over. I'm just not wanting to have to go through the next few weeks and months of this pain, sadness and loneliness. I guess I have no choice though. So, again, note to self-- leave her alone, heal and move on with my life. Thanks for reading. Edited June 7, 2013 by aloneinaz 2
LifeGoesOnMan Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 **** hurts, I know, I'm going through same thing, it takes super self control not to look at her facebook profile. NC is the way to go, don't even partake in anything that could be associated with her if you can and sadly...suck it up.
BC1980 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Just take the advice of everyone on here. Everyone is saying that breaking NC set the back miles and just invited more pain. About 3 weeks after my ex dumped me, I had the bright idea to go get the last of my things from his house. Well, it felt really good to walk into his house and have all the memories come flooding back. That was just great. Of course, I started crying, making a fool of myself in retrospect. So what did I accomplish from that self-inflicted experience? Well, I put myself through more emotional torture, lost some self-respect, looked pathetic to him I'm sure, then drove away with my things. Basically, what I accomplished was more heartache, and I drove away by myself. Whenever I even think of contacting him, I remember that episode, and it cures me right away. Don't look at anything to do with her. It's not worth the emotional torture it causes YOU.
Author aloneinaz Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 I blocked her on Facebook after getting my things two days after we broke up. I don't have her on anything else. TRUST ME.. I learned a lesson today. I'd already deleted pics, numbers, etc off my phone. Texts? GONE. I've gone through my home and pitched anything that reminded me of her. She stayed here a couple of weeks ago for 10 days with her kids while her house was repaired. I cleaned the bathroom she used and vacuumed up her hair, etc.. Felt odd, like I was "cleansing" the bathroom and the house from her.. I think the biggest thing that bothered me by seeing her on that site was that she's in a position to go on dates while I'm struggling pretty good. If my anxiety, insomnia, hurt, lack of appetite would improve, I could rally and date as well. I just know it's not the right thing. I've done it before during our short break ups cause I knew she was. It's simply hollow and unfulfilling when you're in this mindset. But.. this is her routine. She's doesn't like to be alone and hasn't been w/out someone in her life since her divorce two years ago. She hides from her personal issues, past relationships by distracting herself w/dating. She's told me a couple of times she knows she needs to stop doing this but clearly still is. It's not my worry now.
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