foreverpink Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) I met Kyle at a bar about three months ago. We exchanged numbers, but I wasn't really expecting anything out of it. Until I met Kyle, I had never gone out with a guy I'd met at the bar. Kyle texted me after three days, and then we started texting each other back and forth. We had pleasant conversations and we did flirt with each other a lot. His text messages were extremely long, so I felt like we were hitting it off. This kept going on for about four weeks, so I started to get frustrated. I texted him and told him that I wasn't interested in playing any mind games, and I told him to have a nice life. He texted me back right away, and asked me to meet him. We hung out, and he was really nice to me. Then, a week later... he asked me out to the movies. We decided to share the food, and ended up getting some frozen yogurt. He asked me what flavors I liked, but ended up getting all the flavors that I didn't like. Hence, he ate all of it. He also made me pick out movies, but ended up choosing a movie that wasn't on my list. I was quite irritated by his behaviour, so I decided that I didn't want to see him anymore. After ten days, he texted me. I didn't really respond with much enthusiasm, but he still insisted that I meet him for just an hour. I decided to give him a chance. He had something behind his back when I saw him. It was a bowl of frozen yogurt with all my favorite flavors. I thought that was really cute, and then we had a hot make-out session. About two weeks after that, he invited me over to his place. He cooked my favorite meal for me, and he treated me very well. Then, we went to his bedroom. I decided to go against my rules, and we ended up having sex. He didn't text me at all after that, and I got kind of worried. Then, one day, he ended up visiting me at my work place. I thought that was really cute of him to surprise me like that. We started texting each other again. The only problem was that he only texted me, and flirted with me. However, he wouldn't ask me out again. I started getting irritated with his behavior so I started cutting my texts short. He ended up inviting me over to his place, and we had sex again. It's been two weeks, and I haven't heard from him since. What is the deal with this guy??? Why is he so... unpredictable? Does he even like me or he just likes playing games? Ps. The first night I spent at his place, he shared some personal stories with me. About his family, and stuff. Thanks! Edited June 7, 2013 by foreverpink
BluEyeL Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 The deal is that, sadly, he wants you to be his booty call and he doesn't want a true relationship with you. 2
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 It's REAL obvious what this guy's deal is. He wants an easy lay... which you are. (Sorry to be harsh). But you give it up just because he bought you some Froyo which probably cost what, 5 bucks? He doesn't text you unless he wants to see you for free sex. He's not unpredictable at all. In fact, he's TOO predictable. 2
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 The guy is not unpredictable at all -- this type of behavior is extremely predictable. He texted a lot because he liked the chase and then you give it up each time he contacts you. Sorry, but you are just a booty call. 6
PutARingOnIt Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 You're on booty call status. No texting or talking until it's time to hook up. If you are fine with that, cool. If not, on to the next. 1
Author foreverpink Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I was in an abusive relationship for three years. I am just getting back in the dating game after a year and a half of being single. Kyle told me we were casual, so that is why I didn't question him when we saw each other every few weeks. It's after the sex that he stopped texting me as much. I guess I should have mentioned that since the sex, I am the one who initiated contact. He didn't really text me back, but he showed up at my work instead. I thought that was his way of redeeming himself. I had sex with him because the moment was right. I don't know.. I should have waited, I guess. You guys are probably right. Even for casual dating, his behavior doesn't seem right. I am not going to text him or call him anymore. It's better I stop now before I get attached. It just sucks that I am finally starting to trust men, and this happened...
Author foreverpink Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I couldn't help but notice you're putting the onus of getting in touch/setting something up 100% on him. Why? I texted after we first had sex, but he didn't really respond to it. Instead, he showed up at my work few days later. I don't want to initiate contact again.
PutARingOnIt Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I was in an abusive relationship for three years. I am just getting back in the dating game after a year and a half of being single. Kyle told me we were casual, so that is why I didn't question him when we saw each other every few weeks. It's after the sex that he stopped texting me as much. I guess I should have mentioned that since the sex, I am the one who initiated contact. He didn't really text me back, but he showed up at my work instead. I thought that was his way of redeeming himself. I had sex with him because the moment was right. I don't know.. I should have waited, I guess. You guys are probably right. Even for casual dating, his behavior doesn't seem right. I am not going to text him or call him anymore. It's better I stop now before I get attached. It just sucks that I am finally starting to trust men, and this happened... As soon as you fall back and stop initiating contact, he will contact you. His little wheel will start spinning, wondering why you haven't contacted him.
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 It just sucks that I am finally starting to trust men, and this happened... Your trust meter needs a tune up. Your BS meter also needs to be worked on. If a guy is only contacting you to get booty, you're nothing serious. If he's not talking to you between sex, you're just booty. If he goes AWOL after sex, you're just booty. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Yep, gotta agree with the other posters here. If a man wants you to be with him, and only him, he will make a serious effort and do everything he can to make that happen. He will make it clear that he values you for much more than sex. I have known a few players/fwb type guys that acted exactly as you detailed OP. I would not waste my time on this guy.
Author foreverpink Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 She's not making any effort herself. He told me that we were just casual, and that his ex was too clingy. He felt suffocated around her. That is why I am trying to give him space, but I still want to see him. Last time I texted him, he didn't respond. How am I supposed to evaluate that? I like him, but I don't want to come off as desperate.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Do you have a question? Evaluate the fact that he hasn't texted you? He doesn't care to. That's all. Move on. Anyway, the frozen yogurt debacle should have been enough warning. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 She's not making any effort herself. Of course she is. She is initiating and he only answers/comes around when it is good for him. He shows up when it is good for him, it's not about her at all. This behaviour is no mystery to women - that's why OP is posting. Two people that are into one another know that it is truly give and take and do their part, that's just common sense. He's looking for an ego boost and an easy lay til he finds "the right girl" for him. In manspeak, that what "casual" means.
Author foreverpink Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Since my texting behavior is of so much importance... Here it is. I did text him first a couple times but that was before the sex, so I didn't care to mention it in this post. His texting behavior has been awful the entire time. He has a "3 day" rule. I would text him back in maybe a couple hours. All of his text messages have been 3 days apart. I got kind of used to it. Since the sex, he hasn't initiated texting. He didn't respond to mine the first time. Few days later, he comes to my work to surprise me. So, I started texting him again. This time, I am expecting him to contact me first. I am starting to feel like I am the only one who wants to talk to him since we had sex. Texting went from 3 days to ten days or no text messages at all. If I didn't care about this guy, I wouldn't be posting about him.
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Your texting behavior is NOT important. At all. What is important is that you gave it up the first time and again, the second time you guys hung out without actually getting to know each other. Now you are just there when/if he wants sex.
TaraMaiden Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 foreverpink, this is what you can do, if you so choose... Click on a person's name. Select "View Public Profile" to the left you will see "*person's* profile" and underneath, 'send message' and User lists'. Click on 'User Lists'. There, you will see two options. Chose the one you want, (I usually go for the second one) and click on it. You will be asked to confirm. That's how it's done!!
Author foreverpink Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Your texting behavior is NOT important. At all. What is important is that you gave it up the first time and again, the second time you guys hung out without actually getting to know each other. Now you are just there when/if he wants sex. I admit that it was my mistake for sleeping with him after only 3 dates. I was just living in the moment. I just didn't want to play any games or play hard to get or anything. I guess I am still new to this dating scene, and need to work on my dating skills.
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I admit that it was my mistake for sleeping with him after only 3 dates. I was just living in the moment. There is no problem with that - but you can't second guess a guy's motives when you present yourself to him that way. I just didn't want to play any games or play hard to get or anything. I guess I am still new to this dating scene, and need to work on my dating skills. Trust me - I learned this one the hard way as well. I ALWAYS had sex early on and it took me 20-some years to learn that the dating etiquette works differently if you truly want the guy to stick around for bit. They might SAY it isn't true, but -- trust us girls -- it is... If you like a guy, you need to hold out before sex to see if they are worthy of sticking around or not. 5
Sunshine87 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 It's okay forever pink. Don't beat yourself up over it. He isn't a very nice guy. He probably would have acted the same way even if you waited for 2 months. He was after sex and once he got it, this was bound to happen. He is not relationship material. That is the crux of the matter. Many people had sex early and they ended up in serious relationships or even married. While I am not an advocate of early sex, you need to sometimes step back and understand the sort of person you are dealing with. He just wants casual sex and I'm not sure that playing games with him for eg playing hard to get would have changed his core desires. Next time, be more careful about the sort of men you choose to sleep with. That is the most important thing. Obviously, you should try to get to know q guy better before sleeping with him. But I maintain that the crux of the issue is you tha you slept with a guy who isn't interested in anything serious. Like many of the posters mentioned, this is typical player behaviour. He responds 3 days apart- that's ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Don't contact him anymore and if/when he does, don't sleep with him. He isn't worthy of your attention. He will only drain you emotionally and take from you physically. I'm sorry you are going through this. But best to cut loose now.
clia Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 He told me that we were just casual, and that his ex was too clingy. He felt suffocated around her. That is why I am trying to give him space, but I still want to see him. Last time I texted him, he didn't respond. How am I supposed to evaluate that? I like him, but I don't want to come off as desperate. The fact is that if he wanted to see you, he would contact you. He hasn't done that. He hasn't even responded to your texts. Additionally, he told you that you were just casual. When a guy tells you that you are just casual, believe him! He's not lying. So...I'm not sure where the confusion is coming from. I know it hurts, but your best bet now is to just move on. You can't make him want something more serious with you, want to be with you if he doesn't, or text you back.
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 She's not making any effort herself. A woman should never put effort into a dude that tells her she's only "casual" and who only contacts to get laid. 1
TheGuard13 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Here's the thing. What has this guy done wrong, exactly? He flat out told her he only wants something casual. His behavior (and in some ways, hers) bears that out. The issue is whether that's what she wants or not. Doesn't look like it is. She got into a casual relationship with a guy she thinks she might be getting attached to. Probably best to end it if this isn't what she wants. You guys are probably right. Even for casual dating, his behavior doesn't seem right. Actually it's pretty much spot on. Hence the word "casual".
Sunshine87 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Sure, he wanted a casual relationship. But not responding to her texts is pretty........mean. He is acting like she isn't even worthy of a text. Sure, a casual relationship is pretty much a no strings attached relationship. Not emotional attachment, no constant communication etc. But refusing to response to her text message is downright unkind. I respond to text messages regardless of whoever sent them. It's simply common courtesy to respond. OP, pls cut this guy off. 2
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