Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I said, DO the same. Not BE the same. I was saying that instead of not understanding where im coming from he needs to learn about me and how to handle me when i'm upset. Each person has a set of keys to them, the key i need him to find is the key to open up the understanding of how to deal with me when i'm upset instead of firing me up even more. Get what im saying
ThaWholigan Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 This is so bogus. OK, a few things: 1. Your BF is not an Alpha Male. If he was, he wouldn't have been so bothered in the first place and he probably would have had more cognizant about your emotional state enough that he would have known that sex would be off the table while you're crying and all over the place. I can understand that he would be a little frustrated because you sound like someone who cries about a lot of things (that would even annoy me after a while), but there are some young women who are just like that for some reason. Again, should have been more aware of that. 2. Your "best guy friend" needs to go. I personally think both these guys need to go, but he needs to go. He may have been your friend for a long time, but he's going to be the cause of problems in a lot of your future relationships because he has been holding a candle for you ever since you were both young. Why would you even be friends with him if you knew that years ago? Do you realize it won't end well? 3. You need to go be by yourself for a bit and wise up. You sound like you're still a teen........well, you're 20, that's to be expected still. The constant calls, the arguments over the phone - you need to learn some perspective. Don't give so much of yourself to these guys hoping for some kind of validation. You're not doing them any favors, and you're certainly not doing yourself any.
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Well then what do i do about this ?! I'm getting off work earlier today.. so i was thinking about swinging by his house and talking about all this instead of going shopping, as was originally planned..... do you suggest i not go to his house ? I just think it's the more mature thing to do, to talk things out.
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 He gets bothered.. i don't want to say a LOT but sometimes about other guys around me. He believes i'm a great catch and ALL of his friends & family tell him how lucky he is to have me, etc. (i do a lot for him). & he tells me the same. Ex. we were at a club and he got really mad at me for going to the bathroom with his sister and her friend. He told me that at the club, he should know where i am at all times incase something happens. He's very over protective and back in his early 20's he used to get in a lot of fights, etc. & was just living a life his family didn't approve of, until i came in. I can't tell my best friend of 12yrs that we can't be friends anymore. Thats just not gonna happen. Ever since our huge 6 months of not talking, thigns havn't been the same and we don't talk or hang out at all. just here and there. So i don't see this as a huge deal.
ThaWholigan Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 He gets bothered.. i don't want to say a LOT but sometimes about other guys around me. He believes i'm a great catch and ALL of his friends & family tell him how lucky he is to have me, etc. (i do a lot for him). & he tells me the same. Ex. we were at a club and he got really mad at me for going to the bathroom with his sister and her friend. He told me that at the club, he should know where i am at all times incase something happens. He's very over protective and back in his early 20's he used to get in a lot of fights, etc. & was just living a life his family didn't approve of, until i came in. I can't tell my best friend of 12yrs that we can't be friends anymore. Thats just not gonna happen. Ever since our huge 6 months of not talking, thigns havn't been the same and we don't talk or hang out at all. just here and there. So i don't see this as a huge deal. Well you have to make him know that sex/relationship with you will NEVER happen. He needs to understand that. It will be a big deal to any man who dates you, and likely it will be a big deal to your best friend himself. If you want to go have your heart-to-heart with him, then go do it. But you have to gently and objectively make it clear that he has to meet you halfway and try to remain emotionally consistent with you so that you feel safer. Personally, I think you should move on - you seem to have found yourself in between 2 extreme stereotypical men here. So stereotypical that people here (including myself) are questioning whether you are even legit or not. It's so bread and butter that a child could see.
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I just think it's the more mature thing to do, to talk things out. YOU may think this is the mature thing to do, but obviously you guys are on two different pages right now. This is what women do. We talk. We like to sit and converse with our partners. Tons of men hate this. They avoid it. They want to sweep it under the rug. They don't want to deal with the drama. An emotionally stunted guy is going to run when you even mention the word "talk." He's not going to want any part of it. Especially since all you seem to do is cry at the drop of a hat. You need to relax with that. You shouldn't be bawling every time something goes on in your life.
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Trust me I KNOW what you're saying LOL But i've always been the kind of person where i believe in working things out and solving things together and not giving up. Always looking at the positive, etc. As for my best friend, he KNOWS that nothing will EVER happen. We even talked about it the other day on his birthday on the phone. He said that he accepted that fact and he's okay with whoever i date, just as long as they're not *******s to me because he knows how gentle i am. & the thing is, im VERY book smart, but very dumb when it comes to being street smart. My parents wouldn't let me do anything or even go out until senior year of high school. Where as my bf is VERY street smart and not so book smart. It's nice though, because he teaches me a lot about people and how deceiving they are and that i shouldn't believe everyone, etc. It's really nice, i feel like i've grown a lot. In turn, i'm helping him and supporting him with his dreams of being an engineer
Treasa Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I was in the OP's position. Almost exactly. The supposed "brotherly" best friend is the best man I've ever met in my life, and I'm glad I never let go of him, and that he never wanted anyone else. She'll mature eventually. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Don't get it twisted LOL i don't cry as much as it may sound on here. I actually rarely cry. I do get teary eyed and pull it back and not cry a lot when my feelings are hurt. but the way i release stress or anger is i cry. So it's not because i'm "sad" it's because i'm usually stressed or angry.
hppr Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I had no one else to call to comfort me but my best guy friend of 12 years. He was totally there for me. Cheered me up. Date him instead? 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I was in the OP's position. Almost exactly. The supposed "brotherly" best friend is the best man I've ever met in my life, and I'm glad I never let go of him, and that he never wanted anyone else. She'll mature eventually. We'll see. Sometimes it takes a long time for a woman to even think about him in such a way - sometimes it doesn't happen. It would take a shift for both of them.
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 So it's not because i'm "sad" it's because i'm usually stressed or angry. OO. I get this then. When I blow up I cry. And it always makes me more mad b/c I'm not crying b/c I'm sad. My face just decides to erupt in tears when I'm trying to lash out at someone. Hate it. It's actually uncontrollable.
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 YES!!!!!! oh lord, yes you understand! lololol
clia Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Well then what do i do about this ?! I'm getting off work earlier today.. so i was thinking about swinging by his house and talking about all this instead of going shopping, as was originally planned..... do you suggest i not go to his house ? I just think it's the more mature thing to do, to talk things out. Go shopping. Do not cancel your plans. Why on Earth would you go over to his house when he's been ignoring you? Why? Why? Why? He's ignoring you because he doesn't want to talk to you. Going to his house uninvited is not going to change that.
Recommended Posts