Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Okay, so my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 6 months, though we've known each other longer. He just turned 25 and i am 20. Long story short, my whole family left to visit my home country of Ukraine to visit family. We only get to see our whole family once every 5-6yrs. I was really upset because this year i couldn't go (i got a new job & couldn't leave). On the day that my whole family was packing, i didn't want to be around that because it would make me cry, watching them go without me. So i went to my bf's house to just stay there a couple hours till they were done. While we were eating and his whole family was around us i began to cry because i wished i would have my family around me like he does. He wasn't very sympathetic, he just kept saying "stop crying, just stop it". After we ate, we went in his room and he didn't even ask me if i was okay or any of that. He told me he loved me and kissed me, but afterwards preceded in trying to get lucky. I denied him (for the first time) because i was REALLY upset. I was mad that he had done this, so i picked up my purse and keys and was about to go home without saying a thing, he told me to put it down and to just "come lay down" in a sweet voice. So i did, thinking he was going to be sweet and talk to me about everything. After we layed down he started to try again to get some and at that point i got really sad and pist. He was like "whats wrong" and i was like, with tears in my eyes, "i thought you were going to be sweet" and he just got on his phone and started watching YouTube videos and didn't say anything. so i got up and left. Crying while driving home. I had no one else to call to comfort me but my best guy friend of 12 years. He was totally there for me. Cheered me up. The rest of the night, i ignored my bf because i was upset, crying and just spending time with my family and saying bye before they left to Europe. He called 3x. sent a text and 2 messages on facebook. Telling me he loves me, etc. I went to sleep early because i was tired and in the morning just sent him a " :| " face on facebook because he sent me a smiley face. After work, i told him to meet me somewhere or Skype with me to talk (since we live about 45min. away from each other) & he kept asking what was going on and what was wrong. He then just wrote me and said to keep it to myself and that he was sick of my crap. I called him and we were yelling on the phone for about 20 minutes. He kept blaming me and saying it was my fault i didn't go to Europe and that i needed to get over it. I kept telling him that i knew it was my fault but i just wanted him to be here for me and make me feel better, even if it was my fault. He said he had to go eat and would call back later. He called me back as promised and was soooo sweet. Acting like NOTHING happened. I can't stay mad at him or anyone for that fact for long, so i just dropped it. My best guy friend dropped by that day to see how i was doing & during that time my bf called me and heard him talking in the background. He asked who it was and i told him it was my best friend, he just said "i'll just talk to you later" and hung up. I'm guessing he's a little jealous mixed with anger. I called him over 20x and he kept ignoring my calls. I texted him, wrote him on facebook. NOTHING.... The next day (today) same thing. I tried to write him on facebook. I can see he read everything and he hasn't replied. I havn't said "sorry" because there is nothign to be sorry for. But i just say to him thigns like "don't be mad baby i love you, call me" and things like that. He's done this before and right now i'm just going CRAZYYYY it bothers me sooooo much and i can't focus on ANYTHING else. HELPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
Treasa Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Dump him. He sounds incredibly immature and selfish. Maybe you should date your best guy friend. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 LOLOL no no! we've been friend sooo long and he's younger a year. & i just honestly see him PURELY as a brother!!!!!
Treasa Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 You might change your mind someday. Trust me, I am speaking from experience. I still think you should get rid of your boyfriend. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 trust me, it's been 12yrs and i get SOOOO uncomfortable when he tries to flirt with me or any of that. To the point where we at one point didn't speak for 6 months because he didn't understand that i wanted to be just friends. & i love my boyfriend lol i just don't know how to go about this
AMusing Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 The problem is that you didn't call him enough yesterday. Had you called him 31 times, he would've magically turned into a sweet, mature, supportive boyfriend. Try harder today. Or, you know, dump the loser & find someone better. Assuming, of course, that this is a real story. 2
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 ...why wouldn't this be a real story ? are you kidding me
MidwestUSA Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Okay, your boyfriend is 25 going on 13. Watching YouTube on his phone while you cry? Trying to score while you cry? Find someone who understands you; like your best friend, he sounds like a winner. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 if i go for another guy, trust me it won't be my best friend. Like i said, i've known him since i was about 8 and i PURELY see him as family. Even thinking about it makes me sick lol
MidwestUSA Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 if i go for another guy, trust me it won't be my best friend. Like i said, i've known him since i was about 8 and i PURELY see him as family. Even thinking about it makes me sick lol Well trust me, he sees you in "that" way, and is just waiting for an opportunity. Like allowing you to cry on his shoulder.
clia Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I called him over 20x and he kept ignoring my calls. I texted him, wrote him on facebook. NOTHING.... The next day (today) same thing. I tried to write him on facebook. Don't do this. Sending message after message and call after call will accomplish nothing except make you look like a crazy person. By this point, he may even feel justified in ignoring you since you are blowing up his phone. By ignoring you, he is sending you a message -- he does not want to talk to you. I have no idea why he's ignoring you, but the why doesn't matter at this point. In my opinion, you should leave him alone. If I were you, I would make fun plans with friends for the entire weekend and cease all contact with him. 1
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 LOLOL no no! we've been friend sooo long and he's younger a year. & i just honestly see him PURELY as a brother!!!!! Yeah. You may want to change your way of thinking. Seriously. Your boyfriend sounds like a complete a.ssbag. He's selfish, he's immature, he can't even bother to comfort you when you're upset, and you're going to chase HIM? Please let him go. This is highly toxic and dysfunctional. 1
tricolors Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 You shouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. It's probably not going to get better. Find someone who actually cares about you.
BluEyeL Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 OK, this is wrong at all levels, you are both immature. First, he is immature and selfish, OK. Second, you threw too big of a tantrum over not being able to go to Ukraine. So much crying and whining would have driven me crazy, and men kinda hate that kind of drama. Finally, now stop calling him and let him come back to you. The more you call, the worst you'll make things. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I feel like i should sit down and talk to him when he's calm and let him know how i'm feeling. He was worse in the past and it got better. I just don't have the heart to leave him, i love him. I've only had 2 boyfriends my whole life because my parents were VERY strict with me.
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 i LOVE you're honestly. It's very refreshing! See the thing is, im very sensitive and dramatic in general. I've toned it down A LOT over the past years. But my father died last year in Ukraine and i havn't gotten closure, which is one of the reasons i REALLY wanted to go to Ukraine, so i could visit his grave. My bf is a VERy "alpha" male. He has a very strong personality and is the complete and total "mans man". He has a HUGE ego but has learned to deal with me and put it down when he needs to.
SJC2008 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I'm surprised that 6 months in you didn't know your BF is a selfish pig who just sees you as a sex partner. I mean in other word he basically said 'I don't care about what you're going through let's have sex'. He knows he has the upper hand on you and does the ignoring crap until you toe the line. That's immature and manipulative. You should leave him.
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Well, when i told him that he should have been a gentleman and put my needs first he said, "you provoked me and kissed me and all of that, you can't just leave me hanging like that". I kind of saw where he was coming from i guess. His ex (idk why) but wouldn't give him any for MONTHS and he told me he was so angry with her. (idk why she didn't, but she left him for his best friend)
Treasa Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 He is NOT an alpha male. Alphas don't act like pricks, despite what some people may think. Alphas are more protective, if anything. If you stay with him, you're only teaching him how to treat you. 1
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Yeah, so even if you didn't write your age here, is very apparent you're naive and immature. You're making excuses for a guy who would rather try to stick his dick in you than actually make you feel better. This is a guy who tunes into his phone when you're upset. This is what you love? You think you're just going to "tell him to be a gentleman" and he's going to be your knight in shining armor? This isn't what's going to happen. He treats you like crap now, he's going to treat you like crap later. And the sooner you wake up and stop idealizing this pig, the sooner you're going to realize he's not all that great. He embarrassed you in front of his family, he's cruel, he's callous, he's out for his own physical pleasure, he can't even be bothered to respond to you. He's a typical a.sshole taking advantage of a sweet and naive girl. I saw this sort of crap in high school. The jock guy with the small sweet younger girlfriend, and I saw her crying ALL the time because of him. She'd be standing next to him in the halls when he was being all brash and abrasive and she'd be bawling and he'd be laughing. It was a complete joke. Please wake up. Your boyfriend is no prize. I don't care how many boyfriends you've had or how strict your parents are. This is no reason to stay with someone who isn't good to you. 1
KatZee Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Well, when i told him that he should have been a gentleman and put my needs first he said, "you provoked me and kissed me and all of that, you can't just leave me hanging like that". Are you kidding me? This is something a teenager says. Not a 25 year old guy. So because you kissed him, that is a green light for him to get into your pants? I don't think so. Caring guys are fine with kissing you and not taking it one step further. They don't try to guilt you by saying crap like "oh you left me hanging." The whole, "Blue balls will kill me" is something children say to get laid. I'm frankly disgusted that the excuses keep rolling in in defense of this guy. He makes my skin crawl. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 He's not like this all the time. A lot of the times when im pms'ing and bitching about dumb stuff he's there for me and understands and talks to me till i'm okay. Last weekend, i went to my dealership because my car was overheating and they said my radiator broke and that it would be $800 to fix it. (on my boyfriends bday) i came to his house in tears, because i don't have that money and i didn't know what i was going to do. He looked at me, smiled and hugged me and told me not to worry because he would fix it. The next day, he spent 7HOURS fixing everything, went to the Audi/VW/Porsche dealership and bought all new fluid for everything and paid for the new radiator, etc. I was soooo greatful! Also, for his birthday i was wearing a dress and it was cold out so he told me i was silly not to bring a jacket and gave me his. He always pays for EVERYTHING and opens all my doors. We get along for the most part, but when we have our arguments it's not taht great because he doesn't know how to fight "healthy". As you can tell, i LOVE to talk, and i like to talk everything out, where he learned from his ex to just take some time off and collect his thoughts. But as you can tell this drives me nuts. I think i'm gonna have a serious talk about this with him.
Geiss Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 To me it sounds like you cry a lot over spilt milk. Maybe the guy is just fed up with her crying all the time. Over nothing. You cry over auto repairs? I had an experience like that. A girl I was seeing would cry every time I left her house. Needless to say I couldn't handle that. I still comforted her but I was also like wtf. Some girls just cry too much. Maybe he is like oh boy here she goes again. I agree that it is a douchebag thing to do to try to get some while you are upset and crying. And then you have your friendzoned guy on standby who your boyfriend might resent you going to him for emotional support. Does he get a long with your friendzoned friend? Does he know that he wants you. I'm sure he does. 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Yes, i tell him everything and believe that you should ALWAYS be honest in a relationship. He knows that my best friend has had a crush on me since we were little kids & he knows that i don't like him like that. I think it just bothered him that im around him when i'm emotionally upset. I told my bf that my best friend was there for me when he wasn't and learned how i am and how to deal with me a long time ago and that he should do the same. So maybe knowing that he was around me when i was alone, in person, bothered him. After all, it is another MALE lol and he is very protective of me. & yes, i know i need to toughen up. He even told me that i need to toughen up, that little things break me and that im not strong. I am strong, VERY strong and have the biggest attitude, etc. towards everything except family and people i love. Which is a very little circle. I guess there are some things i still need to work on
Author Yulichka93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 oh, and my best friend has never met my boyfriend or any other guy i date because he gets jelous and just doesn't want to.
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