LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) Yep. Looks like I was in denial. Everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm an utter mess and I'm scared. I wake up feeling anxious. This morning I could hardly breathe. I can't think straight. My mind is completely cluttered. I'm back at square one, only I feel worse this time. Because he treated me even worse than last time and I'm angry with myself for allowing it to happen, to let him treat me that way. I'm angry because I love him. Yet, I don't know why I do! The last time we broke up I wasn't able to find out a thing about him. Which I really liked and I counted myself lucky for that - but this time I can, and do, far too much! I've blocked his actual friend page on Facebook, plus it's all set to private. But he recently created a fan page for his band which I'm not able to block!!! I know where he'll be gigging, I know who he'll be with and I can't even explain what seeing his pictures do to me. I feel stupid! He's out getting on with it and enjoying life while I'm in agony from missing him! I haven't stopped crying all day. A part of me thinks 'Right, come on get a grip, he isn't all depressed. You have to move on, NOW!' But it doesn't work like that does it! Though it should be enough to pull myself together! What really makes me angry is how lovely he is to everyone on there, how everyone thinks of him as some little angel!! What? Am I the only person he treated like crap? Is he infact a really nice person? Did I do something to deserve the poor treatment? Am I the horrible person? The knowledge of him being fine should give me the strength and power to get a grip. I prefered not knowing. Edited June 7, 2013 by LostGirl11
KPChick000 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Just like your title says, ignorance really is bliss. Please do not go to his fb fan page anymore. I know it is difficult to resist checking up on him, but look at how much you're hurting right now. Remember this moment and the pain, and use it to control the urge next time. Better yet, deactivate your fb for a while so you don't get tempted to log on. You're having a bad day, but you'll get through it. Try to distract yourself- go for a walk or call up a friend. You will feel better.
CorridorE Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) Yes, ignorance is bliss... I unfriended my ex but didn't block him. I think I might change that soon because not knowing anything is better, even on little things... Mind if I let it out? I have a close friend who's a mutual friend of my ex. They lived next to eachother when we first started going out, but haven't been neighbors for around 2 years. Anyway, my friend is having a rough time right now and put up a status on fb about feeling alone, like no one gives a sh*t about him, and he feels like a failure in his life. I commented telling him how it'll be okay, just a rough patch, people love him, etc etc... and then a few hours later my ex commented "I know exactly how you're feeling. I've been feeling the same way a lot lately." And now, as the first bit of info I've heard asbout him in over 2 months, it's got me thinking about him, giving me a bit of false hope that maybe he and his new gf aren't working out which is horrible... and I'm worrying about him some. Worrying about the guy who cheated on and lied to me, leaving me with nothing... I wish I hadn't have seen that. Back to you - you're taking in so much new information about him from that page that it's tearing you down. Your mind is so cluttered because you allow yourself to know what he is doing and where he is Once you give up looking at that fan page, you'll have so much less to worry about and you can just focus on you. And don't let it get to you how everyone sees him as a great guy. You used to see him that way too, yes? But if any of them reaally get close to him, I'm sure they will find out differently at some point, just as you unfortunately did. Don't let yourself be concerned with it. And you aren't a horrible person. The only one you are hurting right now is yourself. Distract yourself and I hope you feel better soon. Edited June 7, 2013 by CorridorE
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I just can't stop looking!! I'm in a state, I feel really anxious and desperate, I want to call him so bad. I just want to hear his voice! What the **** is wrong with me!!!!
Zahara Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 You want to hear his voice? Why don't you replay this in your head, with his voice, "'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again." Better yet, call him. Then come back here and whine about how he treated you like schytt again. Maybe you need another big wallop upside the head before you learn.
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 You want to hear his voice? Why don't you replay this in your head, with his voice, "'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again." Better yet, call him. Then come back here and whine about how he treated you like schytt again. Maybe you need another big wallop upside the head before you learn. I don't mean to be an annoyance. I wish I never met him. I just don't know what to do. If I could click my fingers and forget him believe me I would. 1
CorridorE Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I just can't stop looking!! I'm in a state, I feel really anxious and desperate, I want to call him so bad. I just want to hear his voice! What the **** is wrong with me!!!! Do you run a buisness page through fb that you need for work or have co-workers that you absolutely must stay in constant contact with over fb? If the answer is no, I think it's time to take a break from fb all together for a while. Maybe deactivate your profile just for a month or two to get yourself back on the right track. And nothing is wrong with you, we've all had those urges... but you need to try to start controling them. If you can't do it slowly overtime, then you have to completely cut out the source from your life for a while.
Zahara Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I don't mean to be an annoyance. I wish I never met him. I just don't know what to do. If I could click my fingers and forget him believe me I would. No one said anything about being an annoyance but if you choose not to help yourself and play helpless victim with, "I can't stop looking" then no amount of being beaten over the head by your ex is ever going to make you step back and stop yourself being your own worst enemy. You've learnt nothing from the many times he has treated you like schytt. You don't know what to do? You suffer the pain and you push forward. There is no simple fix from a break-up. You take care of yourself. You stay away from what hurts you. You accept that after 47 times of being hurt, you are choosing to say enough. When will you finally say, "I feel pain, it's a feeling, it's not the end of the world, I know I deserve better, I will not allow him to control my life, I WILL and I MUST stay away from his page because my healing comes first and I have to protect myself." This "I can't stop looking" BS is like you purposefully lighting your backside on fire and wondering why you burn. It's a choice. There is no such thing as I can't but I must. Many lessons but zero learning. 3
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Do you run a buisness page through fb that you need for work or have co-workers that you absolutely must stay in constant contact with over fb? If the answer is no, I think it's time to take a break from fb all together for a while. Maybe deactivate your profile just for a month or two to get yourself back on the right track. And nothing is wrong with you, we've all had those urges... but you need to try to start controling them. If you can't do it slowly overtime, then you have to completely cut out the source from your life for a while. No, I don't really need Facebook but it does help pass the time. I also don't want my ex to think I've blocked him! Like he's got the better of me! I feel like....If I don't check his page then I won't find out if he is seeing anyone. And yes, I do want to know, even though it will kill me atleast I'll know and push myself even harder to move on. I'm probably not making sense! I ****ing hate all this Facebook ****!
CorridorE Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 No, I don't really need Facebook but it does help pass the time. I also don't want my ex to think I've blocked him! Like he's got the better of me! I feel like....If I don't check his page then I won't find out if he is seeing anyone. And yes, I do want to know, even though it will kill me atleast I'll know and push myself even harder to move on. I'm probably not making sense! I ****ing hate all this Facebook ****! Wait... I thought you already blocked his main profile? And so what if he knows you did? Trust me, you don't want to know. You DON'T. I thought that too until I saw that my ex was dating again. It was absolutely horrible, always a setback... not a push to move on like you think it will be. And he already is moving on, whether or not he has an official girlfriend. Let the need to get your life back be its own motivation, and don't make it about him.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I was pretty close to being over it, but what got me to the point of real indifference is seeing a pic of her with a new guy.. I got upset for about an hour, then it was just as if someone took the weight of the world off my shoulders..She is his problem now..Let her eff up his life now...Im done...completely... I will say it helped to see that she put on, what looks like, about 40 lbs and doesnt even look like the same person I knew.. In this case ignorance wasnt bliss, it was holding me back from really killing any hope I possibly had.. Your results may vary. TFY
Sneaky Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Hello, I was in a comparable situation so I figured I would weigh in. I did not block my ex either from the social network platform we use and I have no intention to. However seeing her have fun with other people while completely ignoring me hurt too much. In the end I just took the decision not to visit again until I no longer care, no matter how long it takes. Yes the place helps pass the time but in the end it is not worth it to stick around when it is driving you berserk at every turn.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 No, I don't really need Facebook but it does help pass the time. I also don't want my ex to think I've blocked him! Like he's got the better of me! I feel like....If I don't check his page then I won't find out if he is seeing anyone. And yes, I do want to know, even though it will kill me atleast I'll know and push myself even harder to move on. I'm probably not making sense! I ****ing hate all this Facebook ****! If you had any self-control, I'd say just block his news feed (so you don't get notificiations on his status updates, pictures, etc.) and don't click on the page. But it doesn't seem like you are capable of controlling your urges, so you should block him. Why would you care if he knows you blocked him? He has no hold on you, nor does he want to. He won't see it as a victory over you -- he probably won't care at all or he'll be confused. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Wait... I thought you already blocked his main profile? And so what if he knows you did? Trust me, you don't want to know. You DON'T. I thought that too until I saw that my ex was dating again. It was absolutely horrible, always a setback... not a push to move on like you think it will be. And he already is moving on, whether or not he has an official girlfriend. Let the need to get your life back be its own motivation, and don't make it about him. Sorry, yes I did block him but then decided to unblock him. Just hate the idea him having power (His profile is set to private so I can't see anything) I meant, if I deactivate my acount he will know that too!
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I was pretty close to being over it, but what got me to the point of real indifference is seeing a pic of her with a new guy.. I got upset for about an hour, then it was just as if someone took the weight of the world off my shoulders..She is his problem now..Let her eff up his life now...Im done...completely... I will say it helped to see that she put on, what looks like, about 40 lbs and doesnt even look like the same person I knew.. In this case ignorance wasnt bliss, it was holding me back from really killing any hope I possibly had.. Your results may vary. TFY Yep. This is exactly it. But I know I shouldn't be snooping because it kills me a little more everytime. I know once I see he has a new girlfriend I'll be like '**** you' Yeah, it will probably sting but I'll just end up hating him then I'll be indifferent. But....that means I could be snooping until I see that, and that could be for while! Argh, I don't know. I'm the one that suggested to make a fan page! Ha! 1
CorridorE Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 thefooloftheyear... My worry is that in LostGirl's case, eventually finding out he's in a new RS will just intensify the urges to fb-stalk. Because for some people it works, but for others who have a difficult time saying no to temptation, that knowledge opens the doors to a thousand new questions - How long have they known eachother, is he happier with her, does he treat her better, and, if deep down she wants him back, have they broken up yet? She said it herself, ignorance is bliss. Cut him out completely. Only then will it start getting better from here.
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 If you had any self-control, I'd say just block his news feed (so you don't get notificiations on his status updates, pictures, etc.) and don't click on the page. But it doesn't seem like you are capable of controlling your urges, so you should block him. Why would you care if he knows you blocked him? He has no hold on you, nor does he want to. He won't see it as a victory over you -- he probably won't care at all or he'll be confused. I don't have him as a friend. It's his fan page I'm talking about, which I'm not a fan of but I can still see everything when I go on to it. Which I shouldn't, I know. An no, I have no will power at all.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Sorry, yes I did block him but then decided to unblock him. Just hate the idea him having power (His profile is set to private so I can't see anything) I meant, if I deactivate my acount he will know that too! So what? What does it matter? Why are you so worried about what he could possibly think -- he doesn't care what you think.
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 So what? What does it matter? Why are you so worried about what he could possibly think -- he doesn't care what you think. I don't know. It will piss him off though, that I do know. When we broke up last time he kept calling my phone then hanging up just to check if I had blocked him! I just don't want to piss him off I guess. Plus, to me, it means he's still has all the power.
CorridorE Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I don't know. It will piss him off though, that I do know. When we broke up last time he kept calling my phone then hanging up just to check if I had blocked him! I just don't want to piss him off I guess. Plus, to me, it means he's still has all the power. If he called your phone just to see if you had blocked him, it means he was concerning himself with your choices and was worrying about what you did/ thought of him. Doesn't that make you the one with some of the power? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I don't know. It will piss him off though, that I do know. When we broke up last time he kept calling my phone then hanging up just to check if I had blocked him! I just don't want to piss him off I guess. Plus, to me, it means he's still has all the power. You aren't fighting him. You are fighting your own self-destructive impulses. He isn't the enemy. Stop thinking about him and take care of yourself. You are just wasting your time with this stuff. Completely ass-backward thinking. 2
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 If he called your phone just to see if you had blocked him, it means he was concerning himself with your choices and was worrying about what you did/ thought of him. Doesn't that make you the one with some of the power? I don't want power. But I don't want him to have it either.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I don't want power. But I don't want him to have it either. Who cares. Get power for yourself. The hell with him. 1
na49 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 You act like he wakes up and thinks "Hehe LostGirl11 sure is miserable! I'm so happy because I know she is! She blocked me on facebook! well I'd better go smash my girlfriend now!" Block him and move on with your life. He doesn't care about you, whether he's concerned whether you blocked him or not doesn't mean squat.
CorridorE Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I don't want power. But I don't want him to have it either. ...I don't follow you. Just block him. You're thinking about this all too much.
Recommended Posts