StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Hi there all, I found out that my girlfriend put up a match.com profile a couple weeks ago. I know it really shouldn't be a big deal, but I was just wondering.... How would you bring this up to her delicately? Or should I just not say anything at all about it to her? Thank you.
mammasita Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 WHAT? Why wouldn't this be a big deal?? Why is your girlfriend opening a dating profile? Last time I checked that was grounds for dismissal. Ask her WTF she's doing. .....but maybe the first question you need to answer is why were you on the site? 5
will1988 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Two questions. 1. Why on earth do you think it is not a big deal that your GF posted a profile on an OLD site? If I found out my fiance did that she would be leaving tonight to move back home. Don't put up with that. Ask her about it. However, she will probably tell you some lie. Truth is, she is looking to either cheat, see whats out there, and or leave you! 2. How did you find out? Did you snoop through her emails? Or, do you yourself have a Match profile that you also check, and saw here online? 1
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Well, to answer your questions, honestly, with how much she's been ignoring me lately, I checked a couple sites to see if she was on there, and she was on match.com. Yes, nosy on my part, I know, just that little voice inside telling me to dig a little.
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 WHAT? Why wouldn't this be a big deal?? Why is your girlfriend opening a dating profile? Last time I checked that was grounds for dismissal. Ask her WTF she's doing. .....but maybe the first question you need to answer is why were you on the site? Grounds for dismissal? How so? I can't really just come right out and ask her. I have to go about it the right way as to not upset her or sound accusing. So, how do I bring it up delicately?
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Why do it delicately? Create a profile yourself, send her a message via Match that you have found her attempts at cheating, and tell her you are done with her. 2
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Why do it delicately? Create a profile yourself, send her a message via Match that you have found her attempts at cheating, and tell her you are done with her. I don't really want to make a profile. I really don't have any evidence of "cheating." Tell her I'm done with her? I can't do that.... That's not really my decision to make. I'm kinda hoping someone out there may have run into this issue before and had some advice as to how they handled it in a delicate way.
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I really don't have any evidence of "cheating." You have evidence of intent. Tell her I'm done with her? I can't do that.... That's not really my decision to make. WHY NOT? She is clearly indicating that she is looking elsewhere - and for what? Why are you so concerned about being "delicate?" Why not come right out and tell her what you found? If you do, you should be aware of the concept of Gaslighting. She will likely turn it on you and make it seem like YOU did something wrong.
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 You have evidence of intent. WHY NOT? She is clearly indicating that she is looking elsewhere - and for what? Why are you so concerned about being "delicate?" Why not come right out and tell her what you found? If you do, you should be aware of the concept of Gaslighting. She will likely turn it on you and make it seem like YOU did something wrong. Why not? Well, because, me being the guy and her being the girl, she gets the say in who is done. I want to be delicate, because I don't want to upset her or make her angry. This "gaslighting" concept is kinda interesting, but it seems to be centered around "abuse," and there's no abuse going on. If she wants to explore other options, maybe I DID do something wrong. If I did, I hope that she would tell me.
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Why not? Well, because, me being the guy and her being the girl, she gets the say in who is done. Please don't say you seriously believe this! Relationships are a process of communication, affinity, and agreements - not one person dictating to another. This "gaslighting" concept is kinda interesting, but it seems to be centered around "abuse," and there's no abuse going on. Not necessarily correct. There is abuse in trust if you believe your GF gets to dictate the parameters of the relationship. If she wants to explore other options, maybe I DID do something wrong. If I did, I hope that she would tell me. It sounds like she has you very well manipulated into believe she gets to run the show in the relationship and perhaps what you have done wrong, is let her have that much control. Take back control - stand up to her - and confront her. She won't tell you anything as long as she feels like she can get away with her shenanigans. She is walking all over you.
GorillaTheater Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Why not? Well, because, me being the guy and her being the girl, she gets the say in who is done. I want to be delicate, because I don't want to upset her or make her angry. Sticks is just f*cking with us. Nothing to see here. 2
MomsSpaghetti Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I've seen this a lot on Loveshack. A guy is (supposedly) going out with a girl, then finds out she made an online dating profile in the meanwhile. I'm curious about how she intended to carry out her plan. Was she gonna meet these guys secretly for dates?
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Please don't say you seriously believe this! Relationships are a process of communication, affinity, and agreements - not one person dictating to another. Well, we've all heard that this is the case before, but everyone knows it's not true. Not necessarily correct. There is abuse in trust if you believe your GF gets to dictate the parameters of the relationship. It sounds like she has you very well manipulated into believe she gets to run the show in the relationship and perhaps what you have done wrong, is let her have that much control. Take back control - stand up to her - and confront her. She won't tell you anything as long as she feels like she can get away with her shenanigans. She is walking all over you. Well, of course she gets to "run the show." Hey, I don't make the rules, I just follow 'em. Stand up to her? I'm not sure that's exactly a good idea. I WANT to confront her.... I just want to do it in a way that doesn't make me seem like that ******* controlling type guy.
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Sticks is just f*cking with us. Nothing to see here. How exactly am I "f*cking" with you??
GorillaTheater Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 How exactly am I "f*cking" with you?? Never mind me, stud. I think you should pay for her internet and dating site memberships.
CarrieT Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Well, of course she gets to "run the show." Hey, I don't make the rules, I just follow 'em. Okay - I am outta here. You are pussy-whipped.
pteromom Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Well, of course she gets to "run the show." Hey, I don't make the rules, I just follow 'em. Stand up to her? I'm not sure that's exactly a good idea. I WANT to confront her.... I just want to do it in a way that doesn't make me seem like that ******* controlling type guy. There's controlling, then there's communicating. You have EVIDENCE that she is actively seeking someone else. You don't have to yell and scream and be an a-hole about bringing it up, but there is also no reason to bring it up delicately. You need to be direct. A healthy relationship is a partnership of equals. The partners work together to create "the rules" in the relationship, and to make sure both people have their needs met. One of your needs is to know that your girlfriend is loyal to you, and you have evidence she is not. You have a right to point it out. Or... you can just not say anything and let your gf use you until she runs off with someone else.
baRx Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) I don't really want to make a profile. I really don't have any evidence of "cheating." Tell her I'm done with her? I can't do that.... That's not really my decision to make. I'm kinda hoping someone out there may have run into this issue before and had some advice as to how they handled it in a delicate way. oh dude. man the hell up already! get it through your head. YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS CREATED AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE. do you know what that means? THAT MEANS SHE'S TELLING THE WORLD SHE'S SINGLE AND IS LOOKING TO EITHER HOOKUP OR FORM A NEW RELATIONSHIP. why does this not anger you? why the HELL are you sitting there saying it's not your decision to make? did you tell her when you hooked up with her that it was okay for her to go online to meet other guys? screw being delicate, how about being a man and ending this relationship? why on earth would you ever want to bring this up delicately? sounds like she wears the pants, huh? Well, of course she gets to "run the show." Hey, I don't make the rules, I just follow 'em. Stand up to her? I'm not sure that's exactly a good idea. I WANT to confront her.... I just want to do it in a way that doesn't make me seem like that ******* controlling type guy. no wonder she's looking for someone else, you have no backbone. controlling? do you even know what being controlling is? obviously not. obvious troll is obvious. Edited June 7, 2013 by baRx 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Sticks is just f*cking with us. Nothing to see here. Eggs-actly! Why do LSers keep falling for this? 1
pteromom Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Eggs-actly! Why do LSers keep falling for this? Because whether or not the OP is serious, thousands of people read LS, and someone else might read some advice that helps them.
Woggle Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 There are just no words to describe something like this. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Hi there all, I found out that my girlfriend put up a match.com profile a couple weeks ago. I know it really shouldn't be a big deal, but I was just wondering.... How would you bring this up to her delicately? Or should I just not say anything at all about it to her? Thank you. How do you know she just created the profile are you sure it isn't an old one?....even if it is old...it is still wrong for her to be trolling lookign for males.......there isn't a really delicate way to deal with this...i think the most delicate thing you can do is tell her the truth...it upsets you....you don't want her to be on that site it is a threat to your relationship and if she doesn't want to close the account....that tells you how invested she is in your relationship...... don't be delicate when she is hurting you....that's not a delicate situation but one that needs to be nipped in the bud........and it isnt delicate to cut something before it takes root.......so your situation she has put you in, cant be handled delicately....best wishes........deb
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Okay - I am outta here. You are pussy-whipped. O.K. CarrieT, thank you for your comments and feedback. There's controlling, then there's communicating. You have EVIDENCE that she is actively seeking someone else. You don't have to yell and scream and be an a-hole about bringing it up, but there is also no reason to bring it up delicately. You need to be direct. A healthy relationship is a partnership of equals. The partners work together to create "the rules" in the relationship, and to make sure both people have their needs met. One of your needs is to know that your girlfriend is loyal to you, and you have evidence she is not. You have a right to point it out. Or... you can just not say anything and let your gf use you until she runs off with someone else. Pteromom, thank you for the input. That word "needs" just kinda makes me cringe a little bit. You see, that's just it.... If she wasn't happy with me and wanted to run off with someone else, I wish she would just tell me. oh dude. man the hell up already! get it through your head. YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS CREATED AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE. do you know what that means? THAT MEANS SHE'S TELLING THE WORLD SHE'S SINGLE AND IS LOOKING TO EITHER HOOKUP OR FORM A NEW RELATIONSHIP. why does this not anger you? why the HELL are you sitting there saying it's not your decision to make? did you tell her when you hooked up with her that it was okay for her to go online to meet other guys? screw being delicate, how about being a man and ending this relationship? why on earth would you ever want to bring this up delicately? sounds like she wears the pants, huh? no wonder she's looking for someone else, you have no backbone. controlling? do you even know what being controlling is? obviously not. obvious troll is obvious. baRx, thank you for the input. First of all, you want me to get it through my head that my girlfriend created an online dating profile? Yeah, I know, that's why I started this thread to begin with. Also, if she's telling the world that she's single and wants something else, then why didn't she just tell me that? I don't know why it doesn't "anger" me. I guess, more than anything, it hurts to know that I failed to make her happy. No, I didn't tell her when I "hooked up" with her that it was O.K. for her to go online and meet other guys. That's pretty much something that doesn't have to be said. As far as "being a man...." that's why it's not up to me to "end this relationship." I want to bring it up delicately, because, as I said before, I don't want to make her angry. Eggs-actly! Why do LSers keep falling for this? Fall for what exactly, Cutiepie1976? Could you elaborate, please? Because whether or not the OP is serious, thousands of people read LS, and someone else might read some advice that helps them. There are just no words to describe something like this. No words to describe what? How do you know she just created the profile are you sure it isn't an old one?....even if it is old...it is still wrong for her to be trolling lookign for males.......there isn't a really delicate way to deal with this...i think the most delicate thing you can do is tell her the truth...it upsets you....you don't want her to be on that site it is a threat to your relationship and if she doesn't want to close the account....that tells you how invested she is in your relationship...... don't be delicate when she is hurting you....that's not a delicate situation but one that needs to be nipped in the bud........and it isnt delicate to cut something before it takes root.......so your situation she has put you in, cant be handled delicately....best wishes........deb todreaminblue, I know it was just recently created when it has the location that she's moving to and not where she's from, and says that she was active within 2 days. Thank you for your wishes and for the advice. I just find it hard to tell her what to do.
Author StringsAndSticks Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 This is what you do. Create a fake profile and chat her up. Make her feel uber sexy. Arrange a meeting....and show up for the meeting and say "congratz on your new single life!" Then go have drinks with another at the bar right in her presence. Well Beany, this is an interesting proposition, but really not really possible to pull off.... Well, without a plane ticket, anyway. Plus, it just sounds kinda sleazy. LOL
leafguy Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Not sure what to believe with this thread, but any chick that creates a dating profile on a site when she is in a "relationship" needs to be kicked to the curb. As far as you saying it is not your "place to end it." Then whose place is it. It surely isn't hers if shes screwing around like this. Again, why wait for her to end if if you have that evidence. Does it make sense to talk to her about it? Id say yes it does, but if her profile says single seeking partner, you have the writing on the wall already. Show some balls and tell her to f*ck off. Ive been a victim of being trampled on before, and its not fun. This is a classic case of a guy thinking he has done something wrong to make a girl unhappy. Truth is in my case too, I thought the same thing and it wasn't until it was over that I realized how good I was too her and that she was just a manipulative b*tch. Stick up for yourself if all this is true and go out with a little self worth and end it.
Recommended Posts