mfleck91 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I'm waiting for a message that will never come, a phone call that will never be made, a surprise visit that will never happen. I have put my entire life on hold because I just can't let go. I think most people don't WANT to let go, just as I don't. We want to believe that everything will work out and be ok. I know that there are other things I could be doing to keep myself busy but I don't have the motivation to do them. I just sit around all day waiting. So how do you let go? How do you get the motivation to do something else? How do you force yourself to do something you know you don't want to do? I repeat it in my head all the time, "she isn't coming back". I know that it's true, but I still don't accept it. I'm stuck and I don't know how to move forward from here.
chinacat sunflower Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 It's kinda like what alcoholics have to do while in AA. Step by step, day by day. It takes time, or until you meet someone else who will sweep you off your feet. That's how it is for me anyways. I hope you feel better.
Author mfleck91 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 It seriously sucks. My days consist of me doing nothing, hoping I hear from her. She's with someone else, a rebound, since the day we broke up. It's sad because I think that if she weren't with this other guy she would be thinking more clearly and would talk to me, but alas.
eucalyptus Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 My thought is that at some point you are going to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are going to realize that you can't stand another moment of obsessing about the f'd up situation anymore. Getting to this point is different for everyone. Personally, I'm almost at the 3 month post break up point and 10 week NC point. It has taken me this long to start to finally get sick of caring about the ghost who was my girlfriend. Sometimes in life it requires the pain of a problem to be worse than the effort to take care of that problem to actually make a change for the better. Be strong, dude. You can do this. Don't be impatient with yourself. You WILL get to the point of giving up on her sooner than later. No rules on this one. 1
sjbrooks91 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much. I can't escape the pain inside... That's from a song I like. Listen, I know what you're going through. I'm a girl who has been in love with a guy since 2011. I can't pinpoint the exact day but it just sorta happened I guess. We were never actually a couple, but we hung out a few times and texted here and there. From the moment he told me he wasn't interested in a serious relationship, I was crushed and never responded to any of his texts again. I decided to be with someone else who actually loved and cared about me. I figured then it would be better to be with someone who wanted to be with me than to allow myself to be strung around like a doll with someone that didnt give a damn about me. Soon after my decision to be with 'the right guy' I began to strongly miss the other guy. I haven't gone a day without thinking about him several times throughout the day and I'm still with this guy who adores me. It sucks because I do not feel the same way. There's no spark it physical attraction for him on my end of the relationship and the only person I would rather be with doesn't feel the same. I thought by now my feelings for him would have blown over, but they have not. It's like I become more and more in love with him each day and I haven't spoken to him in almost a year! It makes me sad. All I can do is hope that time will allow this all to fade out, but idk. It seems like I will always be miserable. It's tough, bilut I just wanna let you know that you are not alone. -Stephanie 1
zoobadger Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) My circumstances might be helpful. I really don't want my wife anymore. I'm not attracted to her and I don't think she's even very likable; but I still feel horrible that I've been rejected and replaced by a "better" man. I keep wanting her to feel sadness and remorse that our marriage and love has died, but she's happy because she's free and in love. So my point is this: a component of what you're feeling is wounded pride. I'm sure you do still feel affection and love for her, but a huge part of it is the bitterness of being rejected. A friend recommended reading some websites about death and grieving. You're currently in the denial stage where you're hoping for that phone call that you know, deep down, isn't coming. The goal is acceptance but we tend to fall back into denial before finally moving on. Edited June 8, 2013 by zoobadger
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Zoo, You have NOT been replaced by a "better man!!" Simply someone else. He'll never be you! And if you think for one second that her life is gonna be all roses forever? You're dreaming. She will in fact have regret, remorse. Just a matter of time. That being said: now you WILL live your life for you and your children. If she ever comes around (more than likely- once this guy craps on her) your job is to ignore the living sh*t out of her emotions/feelings! Been there, done that. You'll be the "winner" (hate to use that term) in the end.
maturityassets Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Its hard, but I think as others have said you will just get sick of it after a while. Even finding someone else new won't solve your problem. Having someone else in my bed last for example only lead to me have brief flashes of memories and imagining my ex doing the same thing as me with someone else. She just didn't choose to value love more than other things in life. You really want to have someone like that in your life?
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