I can feel falling in love with him. Do I tell him?

[lamaga]

After 6 weeks of very intense dating and a 4-day vacation together, with my guy being incredibly sensible, sweet, kind, loving, caring and all that stuff, I wonder if I should tell him about how strongly I feel for him.

We are not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are exclusive and he hasn't been with anyone but me since his last relationship that ended in December.

 

There were moments of opportunity, but at this point I really feel more than just infatuated and would like to tell him that I have sincere feelings for him.

HE has said that he likes me a lot, and he said that a few times.

However, where I come from that doesn't say much, and I feel certain that I like him more than just 'a lot'. He labels me usually as his 'companion' and mentioned we are 'dating' and 'lovers' but never the boyfriend/girlfriend talk, and never a clear 'I want to commit" kind of talk either. I've stated on here before that I am wondering where things are going and people have said I should just give it some time... but.. I can't keep it for myself any longer...

 

I almost bursted it out ("I think I am seriously falling for you"), two or three times on this vacation, and ended up not doing so, because I was scared he might be freaked out -- Yes, I do have a history of dating guys with commitment issues, however, I feel he is different, despite him not putting a label on us yet -- he seems like a relationship kind of guy, wants kids and marriage within the next few years, knows what he wants in life, is secure in his job, always talks about how sweet his parents are together and how much they are still in love, etc, and how he wants that too.

Anyway, long story short, I have a feeling we have this amazing connection, and I my intuitive feeling says he feels it too.

 

He is incredibly shy and sometimes a bit insecure, so I wonder perhaps that is why he hasn't said anything about how HE FEELS FOR ME (I can seem pretty tough, I am pretty independent, and sometimes guys are intimidated by the way I act, however,he knows me by now, and in the past 4 days on our vacation I think I have shown my softer side as well.)

 

Should I make the move?

Or is that unattractive?

Is it too early to burst this at him?

 

I feel very strongly for him and I think I can't hold it inside much longer, otherwise I wouldn't be myself anymore... I am scared he might feel emasculated if I do so... Or even perhaps that he doesn't see our relationship the way i see it? Should I just wait until he makes a move? I have asked this before on here, but it's getting difficult for me to keep my feelings inside... This vacation really did it for me...

 

Seeing him on Monday. What do I do?

[TaraMaiden]

You AREa couple.

 

You ARE an Item.

 

Throw caution to the wind, and tell him.

 

if you don't know him well enough by now, to know he feels the same....

 

Why do you say you are not BF/GF?

 

Of course you are! Exclusive for all this time?

 

please, hun!!

 

Tell him.

Take his hands, gaze into his eyes, and tell him.

 

If he backs off, he's a damn fool.

 

let us know how it goes, and we'll take it from there!

[pcplod]

I got to the end of your second paragraph before I came to the conclusion that you are actually infatuated and being impulsive. It sounds as if he does neither infatuation or impulsiveness.

 

Why not just enjoy the moment, the experience, without making any grand statements? Remember the old maxim, "Act in haste, repent at your leisure". It is old, but it holds good as it always has.

 

Put it another way, if you have not found something about him that gives you either some doubt or concern, even if it is only that he is 'too perfect', then you don't know him, yourself, or the dynamics between you well enough.

 

Love, will do that to you. Bursting with insanity and insensibility.

[lamaga]

I got to the end of your second paragraph before I came to the conclusion that you are actually infatuated and being impulsive. It sounds as if he does neither infatuation or impulsiveness.

 

Why not just enjoy the moment, the experience, without making any grand statements? Remember the old maxim, "Act in haste, repent at your leisure". It is old, but it holds good as it always has.

 

Put it another way, if you have not found something about him that gives you either some doubt or concern, even if it is only that he is 'too perfect', then you don't know him, yourself, or the dynamics between you well enough.

 

Love, will do that to you. Bursting with insanity and insensibility.

 

 

We both have our issues and I am well aware of his flaws (I recently posted about that as well, and you will see there's a lot). I don't think he is too perfect at all. We are highly compatible and appreciative of each other. I know this is not just infatuation, otherwise I wouldn't have made this post.

[TaraMaiden]

If you think you can accept and cope with his issues (saw your other thread) and not take them on board as your own (fatal mistake!) and he takes responsibility for them,. and doesn't use you as a crutch or prop, and carries on trying to 'improve', then it should, in theory, work very well.

 

if you're with him because you want to, or think you can, fix him - then forget it.

 

be with him as a partner, but put being "unqualified, unofficial and unacknowledged personal therapist" completely out of your mind.

 

You're there to be his other half, not his remedy.

[lamaga]

If you think you can accept and cope with his issues (saw your other thread) and not take them on board as your own (fatal mistake!) and he takes responsibility for them,. and doesn't use you as a crutch or prop, and carries on trying to 'improve', then it should, in theory, work very well.

 

if you're with him because you want to, or think you can, fix him - then forget it.

 

be with him as a partner, but put being "unqualified, unofficial and unacknowledged personal therapist" completely out of your mind.

 

You're there to be his other half, not his remedy.

 

 

I don't think I can fix him, nor do I want to, that has never been in my interest. I wouldn't want any guy to try to fix me either. I like myself the way i am and I accept him for who he is and he told me he accepts me for who I am.

[TaraMaiden]

In that case, what currently you find endearing, ultimately in time, may become intolerably irritating.

 

It's not uncommon at all, for a person's 'quirky little traits that go up to make them so fascinating' over a long period, turn into 'annoying, grating persistent habits that really annoy the schytt out of you.'

[Star Gazer]

I got to the end of your second paragraph before I came to the conclusion that you are actually infatuated and being impulsive. It sounds as if he does neither infatuation or impulsiveness.

 

Why not just enjoy the moment, the experience, without making any grand statements? Remember the old maxim, "Act in haste, repent at your leisure". It is old, but it holds good as it always has.

 

Put it another way, if you have not found something about him that gives you either some doubt or concern, even if it is only that he is 'too perfect', then you don't know him, yourself, or the dynamics between you well enough.

 

Love, will do that to you. Bursting with insanity and insensibility.

 

After reading your other thread about him, I have to echo this.

 

I think you're strongly infatuated and a little impulsive, whereas your guy is very sensitive. If you were to tell him you love him, I think it would ... like, mean more to him than it does to you, and if/when you were to decide that the R isn't working for you, he'd be... absolutely devastated, moreso than your average person.

 

I guess I'm saying tread carefully for the sake of this guy's feelings and long-term emotional well-being.

[lamaga]

After reading your other thread about him, I have to echo this.

 

I think you're strongly infatuated and a little impulsive, whereas your guy is very sensitive. If you were to tell him you love him, I think it would ... like, mean more to him than it does to you, and if/when you were to decide that the R isn't working for you, he'd be... absolutely devastated, moreso than your average person.

 

I guess I'm saying tread carefully for the sake of this guy's feelings and long-term emotional well-being.

 

 

I don't think it would mean more to him than to me. He is not co-dependent and I think he definitely is looking for companionship and a partner in crime, not somebody who he can pass on his problems onto. Actually, it scares me even a bit to get turned down by him. We are very compatible in many ways and compliment each other amazingly, something we both have come to appreciate.

[Star Gazer]

I don't think it would mean more to him than to me. He is not co-dependent and I think he definitely is looking for companionship and a partner in crime, not somebody who he can pass on his problems onto. Actually, it scares me even a bit to get turned down by him. We are very compatible in many ways and compliment each other amazingly, something we both have come to appreciate.

 

I didn't say he was co-dependent or not looking for companionship. I said he's sensitive, more sensitive than you, it seems. For his sake, I'd tread carefully. Unless it's mad burning, soul-consuming love that you really see lasting a very long time, keep it to yourself.

[lamaga]

I didn't say he was co-dependent or not looking for companionship. I said he's sensitive, more sensitive than you, it seems. For his sake, I'd tread carefully. Unless it's mad burning, soul-consuming love that you really see lasting a very long time, keep it to yourself.

 

So how will I ever find out if he feels the same about me if I keep it to myself?

Of course I can't tell yet if we will be together for rest of eternity, but all I know is that I would at least like to try, since he is incredibly wonderful and I want to be with him and nobody else.

[MidwestUSA]

I hope you will heed Star Gazer's well intentioned advice. Until you "feel it" to the point of not needing the input of everyone here as to your next move, consider holding back. Let it happen naturally and mutually, because if it's meant to be, that's the way it will go down; it's only been six weeks.

[TaraMaiden]

Giove it a bit longer then.

 

It's been 6 weeks.

If you still feel; this way at the end of July, and barring him saying anything....

 

wait until then.

 

Summer days have a way of turning heads....

[youngnlove89]

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I too felt that love feeling that you described. I wanted to say it after 2 months! But I refrained because I asked myself what I really knew about him. Could I justify it as love or just infatuation? Ask yourself these things:

 

Have you had your first disagreement, argument, fight? How did you handle it? How did he handle it? Did you come to an agreement in a cordial manner?

 

Do you know what makes him tick?

 

Do you know what makes him smile when he is upset?

 

Do you know his favorite food?

 

Do you know his deepest darkest secret? Can you tell him your deepest darkest secret?

 

Have you met his family/friends?

 

Can you trust him?

 

When he upsets you can you forgive and forget?

 

When he farts, leaves the toilet seat up, has bad breath in the morning, chooses to hang out with his friend instead of you one night, needs his alone time occasionally, can you handle him at his worst moments?

 

Have you had to make decisions together?

 

Have you spent enough time with him to know him enough to say I love you?

 

I realized that it wasn't "love" back then. What I was feeling was a rush of good feeling chemicals running through my body and even though I really really liked this guy, I couldn't justify it as love. I hardly knew him, even though we talked a ton and shared stories with each other, I didn't have that time and experience yet to know if this was love. Didn't mean I wouldn't eventually love him, but I knew I needed more time. So did he. This was the phase where we were still learning about each other.

 

I didn't say it first either. One year later, we were sitting in the spa having a beer and talking, he grabbed me, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I love you and I have for awhile, but I wanted to wait because it's not something I just throw around." I knew then he meant it because waiting for that moment, being patient and not rushing, is love. It isn't something to throw around.

 

We've been together for 2+ years now. We've definitely have had our ups and downs for sure. But I can conclude that I do love that man and he loves me. That's the good feeling, knowing that after all the ups and downs, all the embarrassing moments, lackluster moments, happy moments, sad moments and mad moments...I love him and he loves me.

[lamaga]

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I too felt that love feeling that you described. I wanted to say it after 2 months! But I refrained because I asked myself what I really knew about him. Could I justify it as love or just infatuation? Ask yourself these things:

 

Have you had your first disagreement, argument, fight? How did you handle it? How did he handle it? Did you come to an agreement in a cordial manner?

 

Do you know what makes him tick?

 

Do you know what makes him smile when he is upset?

 

Do you know his favorite food?

 

Do you know his deepest darkest secret? Can you tell him your deepest darkest secret?

 

Have you met his family/friends?

 

Can you trust him?

 

When he upsets you can you forgive and forget?

 

When he farts, leaves the toilet seat up, has bad breath in the morning, chooses to hang out with his friend instead of you one night, needs his alone time occasionally, can you handle him at his worst moments?

 

Have you had to make decisions together?

 

Have you spent enough time with him to know him enough to say I love you?

 

I realized that it wasn't "love" back then. What I was feeling was a rush of good feeling chemicals running through my body and even though I really really liked this guy, I couldn't justify it as love. I hardly knew him, even though we talked a ton and shared stories with each other, I didn't have that time and experience yet to know if this was love. Didn't mean I wouldn't eventually love him, but I knew I needed more time. So did he. This was the phase where we were still learning about each other.

 

I didn't say it first either. One year later, we were sitting in the spa having a beer and talking, he grabbed me, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I love you and I have for awhile, but I wanted to wait because it's not something I just throw around." I knew then he meant it because waiting for that moment, being patient and not rushing, is love. It isn't something to throw around.

 

We've been together for 2+ years now. We've definitely have had our ups and downs for sure. But I can conclude that I do love that man and he loves me. That's the good feeling, knowing that after all the ups and downs, all the embarrassing moments, lackluster moments, happy moments, sad moments and mad moments...I love him and he loves me.

 

THanks for this sensible post.

I definitely can check off a few points from that list but not all of them (some of which have to do with his friends and family living across the ocean). Anyway, I definitely think you are right with what you are writing.

I am not saying I love him, I think that falling for someone and Loving someone are two different things.... Being in love too... I just guess I can tell that I know we will love each other one day!!

ANyway, I think I will follow your advice and wait. Thanks!

[Drseussgrrl]

I dunno...

 

I think it's important to stay behind the man a step or two. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable but you've only been dating 6 weeks. At this point you really are just starting to get to know each other, and what you feel is pure infatuation. I realize this guy is of the "sensitive" sort, but he's still a dude and they tend to spook when they feel that we get more invested than they are, at least initially.

 

Just play it cool and keep enjoying yourself. Relationships that start out with a huge bang tend to fizzle just as quickly. At this point you should still be sussing out his ability to make you happy and be a good boyfriend long-term.

[lamaga]

I dunno...

 

I think it's important to stay behind the man a step or two. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable but you've only been dating 6 weeks. At this point you really are just starting to get to know each other, and what you feel is pure infatuation. I realize this guy is of the "sensitive" sort, but he's still a dude and they tend to spook when they feel that we get more invested than they are, at least initially.

 

Just play it cool and keep enjoying yourself. Relationships that start out with a huge bang tend to fizzle just as quickly. At this point you should still be sussing out his ability to make you happy and be a good boyfriend long-term.

 

Spot on! Thanks a lot for the advice! I have decided to wait it out and see what happens..

[BluEyeL]

I'd say, do not tell him and let him say it first. But what do I know?

[lamaga]

I'd say, do not tell him and let him say it first. But what do I know?

 

 

 

You are right and I have come to the same conclusion thanks to some insightful comments on this thread and thinking about it some more... I would like for him to say it first anyway, don't feel like scaring him off...

[lamaga]

You AREa couple.

 

You ARE an Item.

 

Throw caution to the wind, and tell him.

 

if you don't know him well enough by now, to know he feels the same....

 

Why do you say you are not BF/GF?

 

Of course you are! Exclusive for all this time?

 

please, hun!!

 

Tell him.

Take his hands, gaze into his eyes, and tell him.

 

If he backs off, he's a damn fool.

 

let us know how it goes, and we'll take it from there!

 

 

Tara, since we have gotten back from our trip on Thursday he's been very restrained. I haven't heard from him today and yesterday we only talked for a short moment on Facebook chat. He is not the big communicator when it comes to texting/calling/chatting and DOES WORK A LOT (especially now I assume, since we were on a 4 day vacation and he has to catch up with work he couldn't do while he was spending time with me). He told me once the reason he sometimes is so restrained with me is because he is scared of getting hurt.

The reason I say we are NOT BF/GF is because it has never been outspoken by either of us. He always calls me 'his companion', once called me his 'ladyfriend'. I am unsure why he doesn't have the balls to put a label on it. We are spending so much time together and everybody I know who sees us together thinks we are a couple.

[Drseussgrrl]

Tara, since we have gotten back from our trip on Thursday he's been very restrained. I haven't heard from him today and yesterday we only talked for a short moment on Facebook chat. He is not the big communicator when it comes to texting/calling/chatting and DOES WORK A LOT (especially now I assume, since we were on a 4 day vacation and he has to catch up with work he couldn't do while he was spending time with me). He told me once the reason he sometimes is so restrained with me is because he is scared of getting hurt.

The reason I say we are NOT BF/GF is because it has never been outspoken by either of us. He always calls me 'his companion', once called me his 'ladyfriend'. I am unsure why he doesn't have the balls to put a label on it. We are spending so much time together and everybody I know who sees us together thinks we are a couple.

 

Just mirror his actions. If he's pulling back a little, he could just be facing some uncertainty about where your relationship is headed, or he could just be busy, or any number of things.

 

Now is NOT the time to tell him you're falling for him. Do yourself a favor and wait until he reaches out to you. Cool, calm, collected. Oh - and have something fun in mind to tell him that you were up to.

[sweetheart5381]

I can identify with OP here. I have been dating a great guy for the last 6 weeks that I am falling for and it's hard to hold back. We are compatible, affectionate, caring and responsive to one another's needs. When we first met there was something absolutely magnetic that neither one of us could deny. (We are both seasoned in relationships as well )

 

I've thought long and hard about how I feel about him. The only thing I could think of to describe it is that I seriously miss him when he isn't around. I am attached to him, much like I suspect OP has become attached to her man. It's a precursor to love.

 

My suggestion would be that OP looks her man in the eye (or through text or phone call) and tell him that she misses him when he is not near her. When I told my man (through text, we were apart due to schedules, kids, etc) he said he missed me too and told me that he couldn't wait to see me again He shows me all the time, but saying it is pretty awesome.

 

All you have to say to him is I miss you - I bet he will understand

[Star Gazer]

So how will I ever find out if he feels the same about me if I keep it to myself?

 

That sounds more like a test, than simply wanting to express your "love" for him. If/when you say it, it should be because you want him to know how *you* feel, not because you expect/want a particular response.

[Star Gazer]

The reason I say we are NOT BF/GF is because it has never been outspoken by either of us. He always calls me 'his companion', once called me his 'ladyfriend'. I am unsure why he doesn't have the balls to put a label on it. We are spending so much time together and everybody I know who sees us together thinks we are a couple.

 

In the OP, you said you're exclusive. Have you actually had an "outspoken" conversation about that? That you're exclusive to each other?

[lamaga]

In the OP, you said you're exclusive. Have you actually had an "outspoken" conversation about that? That you're exclusive to each other?

 

Yes. When we started sleeping together 2 weeks into dating I told him that I don't like to share and he told me that he is 'of course' not seeing anybody else and that he is only with me and would like it if I also don't see other people.

 

Then again last week we talked for a bit and he told me I am the first girl he even kissed since the break up with his last girlfriend in December 2012.

He is very honest about these things. He said he is only seeing me and has no desire to be with other people.

 

That's as far as we have gone talking about exclusivity.