It is a lonely life I lead.

[mw_75]

Hello! I’ve come to this website seeking some feedback, I think.

 

I am a 20 year-old Engineering student: I play two instruments and study jazz in addition to the engineering. I am an avid writer of fiction, poetry, song lyrics and anything in between. I am quite mechanically inclined (hence engineering, though you would be surprised) and restore old vehicles in my spare time. I am a dedicated skier and worked as a volunteer ski instructor until injury prevented that service.

 

In all, I feel I’m pretty blessed with my life. I have good friends and enjoy what I do. But the fact of the matter is: it is a lonely life I lead.

 

I have been single for over two years: in that time period I have had one date, which doesn’t really count considering she stood me up. I’ve never been the kind of person that has to be in a relationship, in fact I ‘ve dated only two girls in my life: neither of those relationships lasted very long or were terribly rewarding. More and more this is starting to weigh upon me, and I’m not entirely sure why.

 

As I’ve mentioned, I’m an active musician. I’ve played several shows this year where nobody I know is in attendance. This isn’t that big of a deal, but it sometimes feels like I haven’t got anyone to perform for. To elaborate, the other guys in the band have their significant others in the audience. They have someone to play for, a friendly face in an audience of hundreds, somebody to meet after the show, someone who cares for them. Don’t get me wrong, I love to perform and am eternally grateful that I am able to keep my music in spite of my major; but it’s a pretty bleak feeling having to walk home alone after a show.

 

I’m a practicing Catholic and attend a campus parish filled with wonderful people. I searched for someone there, but all of the girls are happily taken, and by good men too.

 

I’d really like to find someone special: someone to laugh with, someone to write for, to make music for and above all, to care for. I’d like to find someone not for reasons of lust or sex or social acceptance, but simply for companionship. That each may complete the other.

 

All I want to do is make that special girl happy. All I want to do is show her how much I care.

 

All I have to do is find her.

 

Assuming, that is, she exists.

 

 

Thoughts on my situation?

[Phoe]

my thought on your situation is that while you feel very alone, just know that you are very much so NOT alone in this situation and are NOT alone in feeling this way.

 

Many of us here feel just like you do and live in a similar scenario.

 

 

Time, patience, and a bright outlook are what you need. It's what I rely on to keep my head up. Sure, it doesn't work 24/7, I get down sometimes, but I maintain hope.

[Tinie]

Don't be discouraged. I'm 20 too, never been on a date. I'm in chemistry honours, one of the top students in my faculty. I have lots of hobbies, and I'm not shy at all. Lots of guys hit on me, I don't think I'm bad looking.

 

However my single-ness isn't the end of the world. The perfect man (or in your case, woman) takes some time to find. Enjoy your life. You're young. You can't rush these things anyway. It's not like the perfect girl will materialize out of thin air when you so desire her. Just breathe, relax. You'll find her. Go out there and meet people. Approach women. Maybe you don't know what you are specifically looking for. The more women you meet, the better idea you'll get of qualities that matter to you.

[USMCHokie]

I noticed there is one thing you never touched on...where do you fall on the scale of physical attractiveness...?

[mw_75]

Am I attractive? I don't know.

 

 

What I can tell you is that I'm:

-6 foot tall

-Built like a farm kid (broad in the shoulders, narrow at the waste)

-clean shaven

-clear skinned

-blue eyed

[USMCHokie]

Am I attractive? I don't know.

 

Based on your response, I'd say the first priority is to work on your physical appearance. Start going to the gym. Start reading about men's style and get some better clothes on yourself. Get a good haircut. Etc.

 

Secondly, I noticed a lot of your interests are solitary in nature. You need to spend less time with your interests and replace that with more social activity. It seems like you need an outlet outside of the contained world you're currently living in.

[Noproblem]

Just don't look for it and it will come your way.....

[mw_75]

I appreciate your input! Thank you! But you have to remember: I'm a regular performer on stage at my university, my church and in my home town. Thus I do know how to dress myself: my suits are custom tailored, cufflinks engraved shoes shined and my hair is well kept. I was even voted best dressed at my high school.

 

While I'm not especially athletic, I'm no sloth. I have a 32 inch waste and a good set of shoulders (i.e. I'm not scrawny).

 

I'm well mannered and well spoken.

 

There's always room for improvement though!

[USMCHokie]

Just don't look for it and it will come your way.....

 

Strong disagree.

 

Dating favors the assertive and proactive. Isn't "confidence" a desired trait in men? If so, then sitting back and waiting for it to come your way runs completely against the idea of confidence, doesn't it...?

[USMCHokie]

I appreciate your input! Thank you! But you have to remember: I'm a regular performer on stage at my university, my church and in my home town. Thus I do know how to dress myself: my suits are custom tailored, cufflinks engraved shoes shined and my hair is well kept. I was even voted best dressed at my high school.

 

Outstanding. Now does this expand to your casual day-to-day wear when you're not dressed up for performances...?

 

While I'm not especially athletic, I'm no sloth. I have a 32 inch waste and a good set of shoulders (i.e. I'm not scrawny).

 

Fair enough.

 

There's always room for improvement though!

 

I think the issue is that you just don't get out enough, and you get stuck seeing the same people every day, every week, and every month. You need to expand your social circle and do activities outside of your norm. This will take a proactive effort on your part.

[Mr_Flay]

Based on your response, I'd say the first priority is to work on your physical appearance.

 

How did you come to that conclusion? Did the words "farm kid" give you the mental picture of a yokel in suspenders with a straw between his teeth? I certainly didn't get that impression. After all, he said he was a musician; they're known for their smart outfits. And he said he was broad in the shoulders, yet you said he needed to hit the gym.

[DollWelch]

I’d really like to find someone special: someone to laugh with, someone to write for, to make music for and above all, to care for. Thoughts on my situation?

You should definitely put yourself out there, in every possible way imaginable. The sooner the better. Don't sit and wait for her. And the reason I say this is because, usually one of two things happen: a. you turn into a 35 year old bitter man ten to fifteen years down the line; b. you settle for less. Or c. an old hag like me.

 

TIPS

 

1. Hygiene and overall style. Do the research and/or check out what your peers are doing/wearing.

 

2. Get out. Of the house. This means, even if you have to forcefully introduce yourself or meet new people. Do it. You'll thank yourself later.

 

3. Confidence. Enough said.

 

4. Sadly, money. In other words, work hard in school so that you may be happy and do what you enjoy most: engineering.

[USMCHokie]

How did you come to that conclusion?

 

Because he said he "didn't know."

 

After all, he said he was a musician; they're known for their smart outfits. And he said he was broad in the shoulders, yet you said he needed to hit the gym.

 

What you wear during performances may reflect what he wears during all other hours. And having "broad shoulders" means as much about a man as being "curvy" means about a woman.

[Mr_Flay]

Because he said he "didn't know."

 

The smartest thing to say, IMO. On the forums, if you say you're attractive, you're full off yourself and need to be brought down a peg; if you say you're unattractive, then you seriously lack self-esteem and need to be tied to a wild horse and dragged down a dusty main street. Or is the latter for admitting you don't believe in the friendzone?

 

So the smartest response is "I don't know". Attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder, i.e. other people. You can't really judge for yourself as you'll always be both right and wrong, depending on whom you're asking.

[mw_75]

My casual clothing usually consists of an oxford collared shirt (various colors), jeans and boots (or conventional shoes, it depends on how I'm feeling).

[USMCHokie]

Attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder, i.e. other people. You can't really judge for yourself as you'll always be both right and wrong, depending on whom you're asking.

 

But you can make general assessments of one's attractiveness that would likely be accurate to a majority of folks. It's all about marketing yourself. Make yourself as desirable as you can to as many people as you can. Better to possess the traits that attract 70% of people than to have the traits that attract only 30%.

[Mr_Flay]

Haha, as regards marketing oneself we have a saying here that applies, "Every Gypsy, when trading his horse, sings his praise". But let's all assume that physical appearance isn't a problem for young master mw_75 here. He seems like a likeable fellow, and from what he wrote, both his heart and mind are in the right place. I detect no whining or self-loathing in his text, just the basic human need for companionship peppered with a little sadness.

 

OP, I would reiterate what USMCHokie said before, that you need to meet new people. Try to find new hobbies if you have the time, or join one-off meetup groups, or try looking online. For more advice, check the topical threads. Don't put any pressure on dating, just be sure you're meeting new people. If they are of the feminine persuasion, all the better.

[mw_75]

Thanks for all the responses folks! I'll try to put some of your advice into action. I'm through the weed-out year in the engineering program: so things should start to look up, I hope.

 

And I promise I won't get bitter!

[TheGuard13]

Thoughts on my situation?

 

So you're smart, talented, have an appreciation of art, and good with mechanical stuff? AND a decent human being who is relatively humble?

 

You're going to be fine. You're only 20. Inside ten years you'll be able to date any woman you want. Just make sure people see what you're capable of and who you are...you have to show them, most people are incapable of seeing beneath the surface at your age. Make friends, get out and meet people, and things will eventually start to happen.

[apple OR orange]

you are looking for something clearly life will not show you, take the very large hint and stop looking.

 

Your going to throw your life away by looking for something thats not going to happen, take the fact you have things others dont and do things with them you enjoy.

[straightshooter82]

you are looking for something clearly life will not show you, take the very large hint and stop looking.

 

Your going to throw your life away by looking for something thats not going to happen, take the fact you have things others dont and do things with them you enjoy.

 

Woah, that's way too negative. OP, you're only 20 and seem to have a good head on your shoulders, I'm sure you'll be fine. As others have suggested, get out of the house more and do whatever you can to meet more people. You're going to have to push yourself to talk to more women, unless you're a male model, the high quality women aren't going to chase you.

 

You mentioned that all the girls in your church are already taken, go to a different church every now and then. At your age I wouldn't worry about OLD or Meetup groups since it sounds like you're still in college and should have plenty of university groups to join to meet new people more natrurally. Best of luck, I'm sure things will work out.

[mw_75]

Again, I appreciate the responses I've gotten! I think things will start looking up, I only have 14 credits next semester thanks to six weeks summer school. Maybe my time has arrived?

 

It's nice to believe anyway!

 

But seriously, the feedback is wonderful! Thank you all!