Bunnyrabbit Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I've put up with both physical and mental abuse for years. I don't mean to downplay but the physical abuse hasn't been that bad but it's bad if it's even there I know. By that I mean that he sometimes would get up in my face, push or threaten. But you end up staying because you concentrate on the good qualitites. I started reading my journal that I've kept and I can tell how I've been unhappy for years and question my marriage but I'm still here. So my question is: what did it take for you to finally take the step and leave? I feel like life is pushing me to be on my own and yet I'm still holding on. Even though I know it's bad for me and that I should be leaving I can't seem to move on. I understand this is all about my self esteem and my own issues. I started having some kind of awakening last year and read a lot of self help books that at least started this journey to self. We are so close to divorce and even though it's more painful that I ever imagined I can see that it's supposed to go that way. But how do I get myself to stop being emotional about losing my marriage and someone I still love and go ahead with what I have to do-what does it take??
Shocked Suzie Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-17-ways/ gotta love google was thinking the same the other day and posted this on my post... 1
coaches24 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 First step in my opinion is getting yourself out of the abusive situation. Whatever it takes. Get away from him, as far away as possible. If you have family or friends who are willing to help you out then go there ASAP. Once away seek counseling. Google abuse counselors and go to one. Keep going as long as it takes. One of the reasons you are so down on yourself is that you are allowing yourself to stay in a situation you KNOW you should get away from. Have to find a way to face all the fears you have of what will happen if you leave and get out. You won't be able to see or understand just how much better things will be for you without that abuse. It is truly amazing the things a person can get used to no matter how terrible. As bad as your situation likely is in your mind the fear of the unknown is greater than the fear of the abuse because even though your not happy with what's happening your used to it and there is a certain comfort level in knowing what to expect. When your going through it it seems real and natural to feel that way but if your on the outside looking in its as backward a way of thinking as there is. You need to try and realize that you are not alone. Women all over the world have gone through and are going through the same thing as you and they have the exact same fears and thoughts as you do. You CAN get away, and you WILL be alright once you do and get help and support.
Author Bunnyrabbit Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I'm just at loss with how I'm stuck. I have a great support system around me but I still choose to stay in this situation because I'm still thinking about all our memories and good times we had. I can't seem to focus on the bad times that I used to think of when we were together. Now when we are apart and not even living together. He took a job out of state and wanted a break. Yes, HE wanted a break. And I'm still sitting here wondering what I want! Figure that one out. I can't believe that I'm letting myself be treated this way and why it's so hard for me to file for divorce. My niceness and holding on to nostalgic memories will be my downfall because I couldn't take emotions out of this. I never thought it would be this hard and I can't seem to move on and take the next step!
Shocked Suzie Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I think talking to a counsellor would be a good step.. Years of unhappiness and abuse would take its toll on your self esteem. If there is no way you think he will change and you have had enough then maybe before you make the jump get yourself set up to make the move as easy as possible?? Will he be violent if you leave?? Sorry not much help, only understand how daunting it feels when you think of going it alone.... I think after what you have put up with it would eventually feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders! Once a decision is made and the first steps are made its not so bad All the best SS x
trippi1432 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Hi Bunny - Not sure if you saw my post on your other thread with the link, so I will do individual ones here to make sure you check them. Narcissism - Understanding Narcissism & Abusive Relationships : Melanie Tonia Evans Relationship Addiction / Obsessive Love : Melanie Tonia Evans Personal Boundaries In Relationships, Honoring Yourself : Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – Common Expressions & Behaviour : Melanie Tonia Evans Codependence to Independence to Interdependence : Melanie Tonia Evans Co-Dependency Issues - Learning How to "Let Go" : Melanie Tonia Evans There are more articles on the site I pointed you to previously that you may be interested in as well: Articles | Self Empowerment, Personal Growth, Awareness : Melanie Tonia Evans
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