ChckDlta Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Strange twist to my BU story... For about a month I had the crying myself to sleep and asking why this happened... The spotty NC and the wishing he would be the man I knew he could be. Then Sat night happened. He text me to have a drink. I broke NC and accepted. Fast forward to 10 drinks later and there was a lot of crying (him, not me) a lot of truth telling (both of us) and a plan to each heal apart, try to re-establish the strong friendship we began with and him working to fix whatever is broken in him. I was feeling so much love for this man at the time- I ran with this horrible plan. We HUGGED goodnight (no kiss- nothing mushy) and went our own way, both agreeing to work on ourselves and keep the goal of being together in our hearts. I was all in to "fix this". Thank goodness Monday workday stepped in. Instead of not talking. We talked, laughed and smiled at each other- both doing well at the "plan". As we parted ways at the end of the workday, he said "I love you". I asked him to refrain from that as we were trying to start over and heal. He then went into a rant about why am I being difficult he just wants to communicate that he loves me and always will as a friend. The world halted right there. As a what?? he then proceeds to tell me that he never said "i love you" as romantic love but "you know, I love you to death. We're friends we are cool as hell. Like my brother." (yes, this from the mouth of a 40 y/o man!) You may think this sent me off crying and hurting. It did the exact opposite. I spent 5 years caring for, loving, making love to, sharing a home with him and his kids and supporting a man who told me he loved me EVERY DAY... who now claims it was "You know, like friend love." All I could do was bust out laughing say "I just can't" and walk away. Haven't talked since. He is so baffled and hurt... and I am so done and over it. The magic off switch. I don't know what that was- truth or BS or a mistake or what and I don't even care. Not caring is the most welcome feeling. I haven't not cared in so very long. I have slept every night this week for the first time in 5 weeks! Ahh.. I hope the not caring lasts. . . if you read to the end of this thank you, just had to get it out. Comments welcome (I mean really, this such a wtf moment) but for the first time, not looking to solve a thing. Feeling rather ok.
aisuru Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 He sounds like a tool. I'm glad you sound emotionally strong with this. Good for you!
KPChick000 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Nice! Hoping, too, the indifference lasts for you! Enjoy the sleep
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