christinaIUP Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=indigo][/color] My boyfriend is for the first time in our 3 year relationship going to a bachelor party at a strip club. The last few bachelor parties that he was invited to he was unable to make it, so he wants to make it a point to attend this one. My personal opinion on strip clubs is that I hate them, I hate everything about them, but because he was unable to go to the last few of his friend's parties, I can put my opinions to the side. The problem is, is that he is telling me that if a stripper comes up to him to give him a lap dance then he cannot refuse her. It's like him refusing to give her money and if he does that, then he will look like a dork in front of his friends, or maybe worse get thrown out because the girl he refused told on him, maybe saying to the bouncer that he was a jerk to her. Ultimately I hate the thought of him going to the strip club to begin with, but its even worse if I have to think about a naked girl rubbing up against him. When I tell him that I would feel much better about it if there were no lap danced alowed , he basically says that they are pretty much "mandatory". Is this true?
savethedrama4allama Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 I'm a woman, so perhaps I'm not the authority on this. But I would say that the pressure to engage in lap dances varies from club to club. HOWEVER, He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. So he gets kicked out? Big deal. I think he's just using the "mandatory" thing because he either 1. wants a lap dance or 2. doesn't want to look like a puss in front of his buddies. The bottom line is that if he doesn't want a lap dance, he doesn't have to have one. No business can "make" you do anything, though they can force you to leave if they want to. But if he doesn't want the lap dance, he will take that risk. At least he made an effort to show up for his friends.
Author christinaIUP Posted October 8, 2004 Author Posted October 8, 2004 Honestly, I dont think that he would necessarily "not want" the lap dance, its just that he makes me feel that if he would happen to get one, and according to him it is inevitable, that I shouldnt be mad because he couldnt do anything about it. I mean, I dont want him to be embarassed in front of his friends, and I dont want to "restrict" him from going, its just he makes it seem that there are consequences if he doesnt let this girl dance on him. I am uncomfortable with this and would like to know that if the girls in these clubs are all over the men and if lap dances are a "requirement" in most clubs.
savethedrama4allama Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Okay, well from the clubs around here (Detroit area) no, lap dances are not a requirement. Not in the least.
Merin Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Lap Dances as a requirement Crap! NO there isn't a "Law" or "Special Rule" that requires a guy to get a lap dance.. IN FACT if the guy isn't all about paying for the lap dance and is a cheap a** the chances of him getting a lap dance isn't real good. BUT damn, I'm sure there are a lot of guys that "wish" that was a requirement... "Babe.. You know I DIDN'T want a lap dance.. they MADE me have one.. and I hated it so much.. but rules are rules..." Blah! If your boyfriend isn't hittin the atm before he goes.. and is just going to have a good time with his friends.. lap dances are not mandatory, he doesn't have to participate.
savethedrama4allama Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by Merin2 Lap Dances as a requirement Crap! NO there isn't a "Law" or "Special Rule" that requires a guy to get a lap dance.. IN FACT if the guy isn't all about paying for the lap dance and is a cheap a** the chances of him getting a lap dance isn't real good. BUT damn, I'm sure there are a lot of guys that "wish" that was a requirement... "Babe.. You know I DIDN'T want a lap dance.. they MADE me have one.. and I hated it so much.. but rules are rules..." Blah! If your boyfriend isn't hittin the atm before he goes.. and is just going to have a good time with his friends.. lap dances are not mandatory, he doesn't have to participate. Merin speaks the truth. AMEN.
ps123 Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Yup, like the others said, hes full of it. Lap dances are NOT required and he will not get thrown out for refusing. I havent been to a club in years, but the times I went, the women would walk by and offer and if you showed any hesitance at all, theyd move on to the next guy. Theyre not going to waste thier time with a guy who doesnt want one. To them, time is money. The excuse about feeling like a dork in front of his friends if he says no is also a load of crap. If his friends give him crap for not wanting a lap dance, when they know he has a girlfriend...then he needs new friends, or he needs to learn to stand up to them.
Author christinaIUP Posted October 8, 2004 Author Posted October 8, 2004 Thanks for the input. He's going tonight, so we'll see what he has to say when he comes home. I'll let you know
Naive Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 All I can say is LAP DANCES ARE NOT A REQUIREMENT, if anything you have to pay them before they give him a lap dance!
FolderWife Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Are you going to be mad if he gets a lap dance now?
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 He's going tonight, so we'll see what he has to say when he comes home. So you're staying home alone on a Friday night while boyfriend gets to go out an play "pin-the-twenty-on-a-titty" with his drunken frat buddies???? Get dressed. Gussy up and go call some gal pals! Don't wait at home like the dutiful little girlfriend worrying yourself silly all night about what he's up too. Instead, go out on the town and have some fun of your own and let HIM wonder why you're not home to nurse his hangover when he gets back. Remember, don't succumb to your boyfriend's double standards. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
GirlDown Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 [quote I am uncomfortable with this and would like to know that if the girls in these clubs are all over the men and if lap dances are a "requirement" in most clubs. this alone tells you something...you don't like the idea, he knows it, and he's buttering you up so you don't get mad when he does get a lap dance. the girls, of course, are all over the men...that's the whole point, to make them WANT lap dances so they get paid. if they were mandatory, this would never be an issue. the only thing they can enforce is the payment (and, obviously, their policy on touching, IF ANY!) no strip club forces lap dances on anyone. i have seen many men say "no thanks, hun, not tonight" and the strippers do not get insulted...this is their JOB. some of these girls are nasty and ugly as hell, and guys don't want them on their laps even if THEY were being paid themselves. saying no is always an option. however, maybe you should have said to your boyfriend in a very, very, almost sickeningly sweet way ..."i trust you. even if you worry about what your friends think, i think you respect me enough to know the difference between offending me and offending a naked stranger trying to get your money. you know what matters more to you, and you'll do the right thing." and THEN see what he said. my guess...he's planning on and looking forward to a lap dance...without your bitc*ing afterward. he's alrady gotten his excuse--"but honey, i told you this would happen, it's not MY fault" some people don't have a problem with lapdances ( i, for one, couldn't care less) but you obviously do, and he is trying to cover his ass to not get in trouble with you over it. maybe instead of saying anything about it all, when he comes home, say that "hmmmmm...you've been thinking, and you thought maybe the two of you should go to one together one night as a BONDING experience. just so you could, you know, understand that isn't in fact the man's choice, that he is bullied into it by evil naked females!" hahaha, okay maybe that wouldn't be the greatest approach, but good luck anyway. this dude is not being honest with you, and obviously feels the need to lie. that's the part that's troubling, strip club or no strip club.
tiki Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Nashville (15 miles from home) just had a prostitution bust in a strip club. Detectives walked in to "open sexual acts between clients and dancers during private dances". They got busted for prostitution. Strip clubs (in my opinion) are nasty places. And they harbor a little of everything nasty. Ewww. The only thing that should be mandatory is your commited boyfriend NOT going.
quankanne Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 two thoughts: 1. go clubbing, as Enigma suggests. Afterwards, tell your honey that you were offered $100 by this really hot guy at the club for a private lap dance, but that you didn't want to disrespect him, so you turned him down. Then have one of your girlfriends stop by the house a week later while you're not "available," giving your man several twenties folded up and saying that she wasn't going to hold it any longer for you, then immediately leave ... 2. find out which strip joint he's going to, then arrange for the ugliest woman you can find (someone so not what he'd expect a stripper to be) to be the first to offer him a lap dance.... Hell, it'd be WORTH embarassing him if he's going to be pussy-whipped by his friends!
Adunaphel Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 I suggest that you inform him that, if he gets a lap dance, there will be consequences. (like, you might decide to go to a club and get a lap dance yourself, or to dump him) And, if he actually gets a lap dance, let there be consequences (I strongly advise dumping him). From my personal experience, many people(guys and ladies) who pull crap like this It's like him refusing to give her money and if he does that, then he will look like a dork in front of his friends, or maybe worse get thrown out because the girl he refused told on him, maybe saying to the bouncer that he was a jerk to her. to justify doing something that upsets their SO will ignore your feelings until they really understand that putting up with their crap is NOT your only option. Sorry if I sound bitter, but my bf would still be going to fraternity meetings where girls(*not* strippers but his female friends) happen to show their nipples, are asked to walk around in underwear or even to take all their clothes off (underwear included) had I not used the 'do it again and I'm gone' approach. And he used the same excuses.....friends who'll make fun of him and so on, like you bf who "can't say no to a lap dance"
Naive Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I love this saying!!! I had such a long time since I've heard it!
SoleMate Posted October 9, 2004 Posted October 9, 2004 What girl wants a lap dance? I'm looking more for a full, naked body massage (private spa setting, of course) from some well-built, yet slightly dumb, rent-a-man. But seriously, your bf sounds like a wimp. "Oh honey, I never had a lap dance and all the guys are getting them! I want one too, or they will laugh at me!"
Adunaphel Posted October 9, 2004 Posted October 9, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate What girl wants a lap dance? I'm looking more for a full, naked body massage (private spa setting, of course) from some well-built, yet slightly dumb, rent-a-man. I think the bf would start getting mad and saying that *being touched* is not the same as *just looking* (even if usually lap dances aren't exactly 'just looking'), that it is different, and so on.
Author christinaIUP Posted October 11, 2004 Author Posted October 11, 2004 Well, apparently he said that I was worried over nothing and that neither him or his friends got any lap dances, just the bachelor. Supposedly they(the strippers) were focused on him all night. He has never gone to strip clubs since we have been together, it was just for this occasion. But if he did make it a regular thing, then I would certainly look into some of those ideas you have posted on here for getting back at him. As far as me not going out that friday night, I most certainly would have, but since Im new to the area (moved here for him nonetheless) I dont know anyone to go out with as of now!
tiki Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 First off, thanks for the reply. I'm glad everything worked out. I bet he wasn't the center of attention at the party, I think that's a valid point. I hope you feel better about the whole thing.
zara Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 i have NEVER worked in a club where lapdances are compulsory - what a load of cr*p!! (although i would love it if it was, too many guys just come in for a free ogle at us and to drink beer!) I agree with the others, he is a wimp and making lame excuses to indulge in something he knows will upset you. i LOVE the suggestion of getting a girlfriend to drop by with money for you! Or i tell you what, why don't you go down to your local place and get a job there, or just tell your bf you've been offered one! As long as you trust that he is not lying to you aboout not getting a dance, becasue i agree that is the most worrying aspect of the whole thing. Maybe you should get yourself down to the nearest spa for a massage! you might meet some new people not to mention enjoy a bit of attention from a "well built rent-a-man"!
Stone Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Here we go again.... ( sorry I just can't stay away from the strip club posts) The girls in the strip club don't care about anyones man they only care about making money and yes if you walk in to a strip club you will be approcahed by dancers for a lap dance ( that's why they are there) usually there are rules set by the club, state, or county for touching, grinding ect. that MOST dancers follow. I can understand why spouses get jellous about the strip club, I danced for several years and I don't like my b/f to get dances but at the same time you can't judge the girls dancing it's their job. They aren't there to meet men they are there to work and that's it. All dancers are not sluts and prostitutes. At bachlor parties the BACHLOR is the center of attention, usually the guest of the bachlor buy him dances and watch and laugh drunkly as their friend is getting his last look at a naked girl... I think they are harmless.
zara Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Stoneheather - you're not the only who can't stay away from strip posts! We should set up our own little strippers advice forum!
Stone Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Hell Yea! I think clubs are compeletly misunderstood, people see them on T.V and assume it's a nasty, dirty experience.
zara Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 they do. People only ever see the sensational side of it on tv/ in films/ the media - they think all dancers have drug or alcohol problems and are 'dragged' into dancing and that we are prostitues or some how desperately unhappy. I guess the reality is too darned dull! a tv show or film about a bunch of well adjusted women with husbands, children, good educations sitting in a dressing room sqeezing each others spots and talking about Nip/Tuck wouldn't gather much interest!
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