paigej91 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Please read before answering. I'm a huge advocate of the "age doesn't matter" cliche myself. I really don't think it matters. Sure it can cause some barriers when it comes to lifestyles and what not, but overall I would think a 5 year age difference is not that much. However, when I actually think about it, the guy I've been going on dates with is actually at a different place in his life than I am. He's 26, and he's told me outright the thought of marriage scares him. At 21, I'm not dressing up in tight black dresses and heels on weekends. I have told him I'm looking for a relationship and not a fling, so hopefully he doesn't see me as a typical college student (I only have 1 or 2 semesters left of college, by the way). We connect very well and appear to be on the same wavelength. However, I still have a feeling though that we're in different phases of our lives. While there are certainly people getting married and settling down at my age, at his age, the majority of people he associates with are pairing off left and right. Most of his friends are married/engaged and I'm assuming it's the same for coworkers his age, too. Is it likely, then, he's looking for a "relationship that will lead to marriage"? Or is he only talking to me because I'm "young prey"? I just want help understanding the mindset of men this age who aren't married or engaged yet
DannyMason Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I wouldn't worry about it so much, OP. Give it a try and see how things work out! 1
drr6 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Sorry but can you formulate the problem a little better? You want a real relationship. He says he is afraid now of marriage. Those two statements are not incompatible. Does he want a real relationship? Do you want only a real relationship that could possibly lead to marriage? Is he opposed to marriage down the line? So far, not sure what indicates different wavelengths. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The fact that you think being 26 and not married or engaged yet is a significant thing speaks to how young your mindset is. Indeed I did get pretty involved with a young woman about your age. Mostly it was certain other people who had a problem with our age and race. Neither of us took it very seriously and one way or the other it would probably have ended soon as I am graduating with a MS soon and she will be staying behind. My thought at the time was that I could just keep a loose grip on her and have fun while she matured a bit more. Then, if we felt it a 3-5 years in, when she could really consider it with a fully grown neocortex, perhaps marriage. This is kind of what Jay-Z did with Beyoncé. When they met she was around 20 and he was 32. It worked for them. One word of caution. If your heart is really set on getting married, and this man isn't marriage minded at this point in his life, then how much of your life do you want to waste on waiting for him. Your best bet for a marriage minded man would be to look at even older men than him. They will have more wealth, experience, resources (money, education, connections), they will have their *hit more together, and really be ready to settle down. The bottom line. 25 or 26 and being married or engaged would be strange in this day and age, in the USA. He probably does not want to get married anytime soon, but may be willing to grow into that with you. IF you want to take that chance until you are 25 and he is 29-30 go ahead. Otherwise if you are really marriage minded look to an even older man. 1
Author paigej91 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Sorry but can you formulate the problem a little better? The "problem" is understanding the mindset of a man this age (generally speaking, of course. I know it won't apply to all men). I am not concerned about marriage at this point in my life at all, though I know it's something I want eventually. Being as young as I am, I just want to understand the male's perspective on dating at this age. I know from talking to my older friends that dating changes a lot after college (probably for many reasons). I think females start to think of marriage a decent amount by the time they're 26, but what about men? Do they still think like college guys or are they thinking similarly to women for once?
c57dood Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 There's tons of men and women in their 30's who never married. Add to that men and women in their 30's who are divorced from marrying in their 20's. You guys are both still young. 5 or 6 year age difference in your 20's isn't that much. Enjoy the company with each other, don't worry about marriage. 1
KathyM Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I know a lot of young guys who got married in their early or mid 20s, so some are marriage minded at that age. By late 20s, most men will have gotten married by then. Five years age difference is not that significant at that age. My husband is 6 years older than me. I started dating him when I was 18. My mother also married her husband (my father) who is five years older than her. Five or six years age difference is doable. When it gets to be 8 or more years older, there are usually problems involved, with one trying to control the younger one.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I'm in a happy healthy loving relationship with a man who is almost 9 years older than me. I also dated multiple men in their late twentys when I was 21/22. Age has nothing to do really with relationship compatibility. I've met men who wanted a relationship leading to marriage at 20 and men who isn't even have marriage on their mind at 28. The hardest part in dating is finding someone compatible with you, and that includes future wants and timelines.
GB25 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Im 29 and i have dated girls as young as you OP before...you sound like a mature person but here is what I have run into when dating that young and actually trying to make it work.. -Emotional Immaturity -Excessive Partying -flakiness -they dissapear without a trace -not knowing who they are or what they want Now this differs of course from person to person but this is what I have found when dating college girls..its fun to go out and have a good time but I tend to not take it seriously and just go with the flow with no expectations bc in reality its really really hard to make it work.. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Im 29 and i have dated girls as young as you OP before...you sound like a mature person but here is what I have run into when dating that young and actually trying to make it work.. -Emotional Immaturity -Excessive Partying -flakiness -they dissapear without a trace -not knowing who they are or what they want Now this differs of course from person to person but this is what I have found when dating college girls..its fun to go out and have a good time but I tend to not take it seriously and just go with the flow with no expectations bc in reality its really really hard to make it work.. This. Not to be too had on the younger women. One thing you have over older women is less emotional baggage. A woman married at 20 then divorced at 27 isn't the best for a never married 20-32 year old male. Divorce is breaking up X 100, add a couple of kids, and years of bad dates.
RedRobin Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 OP, You need to get to know the person you are talking about. Every one is different. However, if you want to go on stereotypes... It is incorrect to assume that older men are necessarily looking for marriage or commitment or relationships... or will be more faithful or anything else. Alot of those older men will have baggage themselves that they expect the younger woman to manage... and you will be obliged to manage it because you don't know any better. FYI.. All of my family are married to people close in age... within a few years... Only one or two divorces amongst all of my aunts, uncles, cousins.... etc. The only people I see in large age gap relationships (male or female) have dominance/submission issues or the people their own age are simply not interested in them. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 You forget, age is not indicative of maturity level. Most men in their mid and late-20s are still finding themselves. There are those who are more career oriented or their mindset is still on bachelorhood that they're not contemplating about marriage. You're 21 and it's good that you want a relationship. People who are relationship-oriented tend to want less drama and are less to get involve in casual relationships. Maybe you guys are on the same wavelength to dating, but you, like him, shouldn't have to worry about marriage right now. Enjoy dating and getting to know each other. Those are more important. 2
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I would probably date an 18 year old seriously. Seriously. 2
gaius Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 The last 23 year old I dated made me swear off women under 25. But you never know what the future might hold. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 The last 23 year old I dated made me swear off women under 25. But you never know what the future might hold. Why...?
hppr Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Honestly, age has little to do with maturity and relationship skills. I can think of plenty of people who are up there in their years and they are still basket cases when it comes to pretty much everything from relationships to finances to work ethic.
Zio Corda Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Paige, no 5 years really isn't a big deal and doesn't have anything to do with the 2 of you being at different points in your lives. There's 15 years difference between my wife and I and we're like 2 peas in a pod. 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm 25. Ideally, I'd like to have a relationship that is heading towards marriage. That's really where I'd like to see myself at this stage in life, though I've not been successful in getting anywhere near accomplishing that. I'd be worried that a 21 year old woman would think I was too old personally. Especially considering that I physically look close to 40. That said, I'd date anyone I dated seriously...
Mrlonelyone Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 25 feels so old. As I tell my sister you're "one quarter of a century old". It really isn't though. At 25 your neocortex is just about done fully growing in. That's a scientific fact. You are more mature than a 21 year old by far, but not that much. Perhaps it's more about the novelty of fully adult freedom wearing off as your credit card bills from age 18-21 get paid off. You have plenty of time to get married.
pink_sugar Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 My husband and I were 16 and 22 when we met. 24 and 29 now. No big deal.
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