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What does it mean if a guy invites you to his place but doesn't make a move?

SweetLikeCinnamon

By SweetLikeCinnamon
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SweetLikeCinnamon Established Member

SweetLikeCinnamon

Posted
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I'm 21, he's 24

 

I've liked this guy for a few months. I went to an event last night and then I joined him in a bar afterwards with a few others and we hung out for a few hours. The when we were about to leave he turned to me and said something like 'I'm just going to come out and say this, do you want to stay at mine tonight?'. I was pretty taken back and pretty much said no straight away and kept making excuses. Then when we were walking to the taxi place I changed my mind and told him that I'll come over for a bit but I won't stay. So we get to his and we sat in his room on his bed but he didn't try anything, which is what I was expecting. He was quite drunk and kept apologising for it and saying he was being a bad host. Then he told me he that he likes and and that we probably shouldn't be having this conversation when I'm sober and he isn't. He told me he likes me about 5 times during the night. I finally asked why he invited me back and he just said because he likes me. So we just spoke the whole night. He got more sober and just asked me a lot of questions about myself. He wanted to know about my childhood and what school/family was like and what I want to do after University, the first music I got into, that sort of thing. So I guess we were getting to know each other more. He also kept asking me how many days until I leave (as I'm going home for the summer) and how long I'd be away for. We had a nice chat, though it got a bit awkward at times and he commented on how it's odd to talk like this for the first time without loud music in the background (as we normally see each other at bars and so on). Then at about half 4am he said he should sleep and that I can sleep in the spare room If I like. I said I should go home.

 

Basically I'm a bit confused about what all that was about. When we were at his it seemed like hejust wanted to tell me he liked me and to get to know me more. But why would he invite me back to his just for that?

 

Any input would be great. I'm not sure what he wants. Thanks

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

That is kinda odd behavior for a young man bringing a young woman to his house :laugh:. Perhaps he wanted to get to talk to you one on one rather than just f*ck - and the alcohol fueled his dutch courage.

 

What do you think it was all about? And did you like him?

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted

I'd say the alcohol gave him dutch courage as well. It clear he really likes you so went for the invite but he sensed you were not really all that keen on any action so soon, plus he was pretty drunk and you were sober (not the ideal combo) so he deferred on a drunken grope for glory. For sure he wanted more than just chat, but wanted you to be giving off the signals that you would rather do more than just talk too.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I would ask him directly when he is sober....if he still shows interest in you when he isnt drunk........then you will know.....he seemed to treat you with respect when drunk....its actually a good sign....in my book...he didnt try and maul you..so...what he is after is a a bit of a mystery...ask him straight..deb

fiftyofsomethin Established Member

fiftyofsomethin

Posted
Posted

I don't understand this.

 

So you told him you didn't want to go over and so that clearly would give any reasonable guy, sober or drunk, that you weren't all that into him, so when you finally accepted he likely didn't want to scare you off or be disrespectful.

 

Think about it from his perspective. Every guy doesn't just want sex, SOME guys are decent enough to respect the girl and not try anything.

 

I mean, did you WANT something to happen? If you did, why not tell him?

 

I find it interesting that even the most "experienced" girls still don't realize that men don't "get" hints. We are all dumbas ses.

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SweetLikeCinnamon Established Member

SweetLikeCinnamon

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Posted

Thanks for the replies. I will try and talk to him about it tonight as I should be seeing him.

 

fifty - I like this guy so when he asked me to his place I assumed he was only interested in sex, so I declined. Though I thought about it for a little bit and then decided that I may as well go for it since it's been a while for me and I find him really attracted. My original response was that I couldn't go because I need to get home. When I decided to go I still told him that I would need to go back home at some point, so he could have bought that? I mean I did decide to come over so that should be something in itself.

 

So yeah, when I got there I was expecting sex. But when I saw that it wasn't happening and he wanted to get to know me more I was happy, as I do like him. So that's why I didn't do anything. But on the other hand I was a bit disappointed nothing happened as it was what I was expecting. If that makes sense?

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

Posted
Posted
So yeah, when I got there I was expecting sex. But when I saw that it wasn't happening and he wanted to get to know me more I was happy, as I do like him. So that's why I didn't do anything. But on the other hand I was a bit disappointed nothing happened as it was what I was expecting. If that makes sense?

 

So you are expecting sex and was shocked he didn't try for it? Not all males is aiming to get into your pants the moment he meets you.

 

What if he did? Would you go along with having sex with him?

 

Heavens forbid, I'm one of them. I wouldn't try entering her pants for at least a week if not much longer.

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

Posted
Posted

EDIT: Double Post.

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SweetLikeCinnamon Established Member

SweetLikeCinnamon

Posted
  • Author
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So you are expecting sex and was shocked he didn't try for it? Not all males is aiming to get into your pants the moment he meets you.

 

What if he did? Would you go along with having sex with him?

 

Heavens forbid, I'm one of them. I wouldn't try entering her pants for at least a week if not much longer.

 

 

Obviously I know not all guys want to have sex straight away. But to me asking someone up front if they want to stay at yours sounds like an invitation to sex. If he tried something I would have probably gone along with it.

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

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Obviously I know not all guys want to have sex straight away. But to me asking someone up front if they want to stay at yours sounds like an invitation to sex. If he tried something I would have probably gone along with it.

 

Well, I will give you that because I doubt I will invite someone to my own place (that is just an example since I don't have one right now) and not try to make a sexual attempt at her.

 

However.....

 

I can't say if I won't do something similar to what he did in the near future. Just invite a woman over, make dinner, have a good conversation, and end the night without having sex unless she makes a move towards it.

 

Perhaps he feels this is the better way to get to know you and he doesn't want you to think he is the same like all of the others. Of course, being partly drunk doesn't help him as you didn't see the true him in this enter ordeal but, if I was in his shoes and I was sober, this is the reason why.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

I think you made it quite clear that you weren't interested in sex (especially with the 'I won't stay over' statement), hence he didn't push for it. Not sure why you're wondering.

 

If you want sex, make it clearer, especially by not asserting that you 'don't intend to stay over'. If you don't, be glad he's a respectful gentleman.

  • Like 2
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

This sounds like something I would do. Except minus the drunk part.

 

Some guys just aren't smooth. I imagine the first couple times a woman ever comes to my place (if that ever happens) I'll be acting the same way...

Shepp Established Member

Shepp

Posted
Posted

what did you want? him to make a move or not? If you don't make that clear hows the poor bloke meant to know??

 

You told him you didn't want to go home with him and then changes your mind but said you didn't want to stay i.e. don't make a move

 

he did what you asked.

 

If you wanted him too why didn't you tell him? Whys it gotta be the guy? You could of just kissed the lad!

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SweetLikeCinnamon Established Member

SweetLikeCinnamon

Posted
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Posted (edited)

I wouldn't have thought that me saying I wouldn't stay over would come across as not wanting sex. I would think it would have translated as 'I'll have sex but leave afterwards'. Otherwise why would I bother going at all?

 

And as I said I would have probably wanted to have sex if it's what HE wanted to do. But I'm interested in him so obviously if he rather talk and get to know me better I'm not going to stop that from happening by just turning it into sex.

Edited by SweetLikeCinnamon
Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted
I think you made it quite clear that you weren't interested in sex (especially with the 'I won't stay over' statement), hence he didn't push for it. Not sure why you're wondering.

 

If you want sex, make it clearer, especially by not asserting that you 'don't intend to stay over'. If you don't, be glad he's a respectful gentleman.

 

Yeah, pretty much this.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I thought it was sweet of him not to push it. He made it clear that he liked you more than just easy sex.

 

Sidenote: If a man invites you over or tries to have sex with you the first night, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is not after a relationship.

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

Posted
Posted

It's ok to just talk or spend time together while getting to know each other. There is no legal requrement for immediate sex.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
Thanks for the replies. I will try and talk to him about it tonight as I should be seeing him.

 

fifty - I like this guy so when he asked me to his place I assumed he was only interested in sex, so I declined. Though I thought about it for a little bit and then decided that I may as well go for it since it's been a while for me and I find him really attracted. My original response was that I couldn't go because I need to get home. When I decided to go I still told him that I would need to go back home at some point, so he could have bought that? I mean I did decide to come over so that should be something in itself.

 

So yeah, when I got there I was expecting sex. But when I saw that it wasn't happening and he wanted to get to know me more I was happy, as I do like him. So that's why I didn't do anything. But on the other hand I was a bit disappointed nothing happened as it was what I was expecting. If that makes sense?

 

 

Maybe this guy was as confused as I am. You declined his offer because you assumed he just wanted sex. Then you were expecting sex but didn't get it.:confused::confused::confused:

jacg89 Established Member

jacg89

Posted
Posted
I'm 21, he's 24

 

I've liked this guy for a few months. I went to an event last night and then I joined him in a bar afterwards with a few others and we hung out for a few hours. The when we were about to leave he turned to me and said something like 'I'm just going to come out and say this, do you want to stay at mine tonight?'. I was pretty taken back and pretty much said no straight away and kept making excuses. Then when we were walking to the taxi place I changed my mind and told him that I'll come over for a bit but I won't stay. So we get to his and we sat in his room on his bed but he didn't try anything, which is what I was expecting. He was quite drunk and kept apologising for it and saying he was being a bad host. Then he told me he that he likes and and that we probably shouldn't be having this conversation when I'm sober and he isn't. He told me he likes me about 5 times during the night. I finally asked why he invited me back and he just said because he likes me. So we just spoke the whole night. He got more sober and just asked me a lot of questions about myself. He wanted to know about my childhood and what school/family was like and what I want to do after University, the first music I got into, that sort of thing. So I guess we were getting to know each other more. He also kept asking me how many days until I leave (as I'm going home for the summer) and how long I'd be away for. We had a nice chat, though it got a bit awkward at times and he commented on how it's odd to talk like this for the first time without loud music in the background (as we normally see each other at bars and so on). Then at about half 4am he said he should sleep and that I can sleep in the spare room If I like. I said I should go home.

 

Basically I'm a bit confused about what all that was about. When we were at his it seemed like hejust wanted to tell me he liked me and to get to know me more. But why would he invite me back to his just for that?

 

Any input would be great. I'm not sure what he wants. Thanks

 

It sounds like... to me... that he was just interested in hooking up but when you kind of said no that kind of made him realize that you are not 'easy' as they say. so when you changed your mind and decided to go in his house anyway, he knew he couldn't make a move at that point. just talk to him when he is sober, and tell him that you like him too, to give him the idea! because guys are kind of dumb at times.. you sometimes need to just flat out tell them, like he told you.

good luck! :)

crude Established Member

crude

Posted
Posted
Maybe this guy was as confused as I am. You declined his offer because you assumed he just wanted sex. Then you were expecting sex but didn't get it.:confused::confused::confused:

 

 

Basically she realized that she hasn't gotten laid in a while, and decided she wanted some.

Though I thought about it for a little bit and then decided that I may as well go for it since it's been a while for me and I find him really attracted.
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
Basically she realized that she hasn't gotten laid in a while, and decided she wanted some.

And by the time she changed her mind, he had consumed too much alcohol. Notice he repeatedly apologized for being drunk. Everyone stay sober and make your intentions known up front! It's so much more enjoyable that way.

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
Maybe this guy was as confused as I am. You declined his offer because you assumed he just wanted sex. Then you were expecting sex but didn't get it.:confused::confused::confused:

 

And this is why I no longer invite women back to my place or go to their's alone unless I've known them long enough where it's time to determine if their wasting my time or not.

hudson701 Established Member

hudson701

Posted
Posted

I much prefer sex sober as I'm a hundred times better at it and I want the girl to remember me for it! When I'm drunk even if I've taken home a really pretty girl all I wanna do is spoon and go to sleep, with sex being first thing on the agenda the following morning. Drunk sex is the worst sex- if you can't do it properly, don't do it all.

 

I must be getting old, but I have too much pride to give a girl a half-arsed time!

 

I was on holiday a few months back and within a few hours of my first night out I ended up going back to the hotel room with this stunning Algerian girl. I was tanked up to the max. She could not believe it when I said I just wanted to cuddle with her- she even asked me for sex haha! Suffice to say I took care of things the following morning with a horrendous hangover.

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