Would this be a deal breaker for you?

[alexjames88]

Stop talking to us and talk to your man. Otherwise all i can see that will happen is you will start to convince yourself you have tried everything. Yet he has not responded. So you will change in your mind eventually and give up. When in reality all you have actually done is talk to strangers and not communicated with him properly. Hard to read I know. But I hope you take the advice.

[lamaga]

You cannot make someone happy. But you are questioning it. Do you not think he cannot feel this? He will have felt it already. This would of made him more unhappy.

 

In the long term you are in danger of letting this breed in your own mind. Despite what you say now you do not like it. It is the genesis for breaking up with him if you allow it. I say these things to help you. Please understand in no way am I trying to criticize you or be bad to you. I am just trying to get you to see what is going to happen.

 

No, he can not feel this because I am incredibly caring, attentive, loving and very much into him and showing him that at all times. Also, I am not questioning if I can make him happy. I am sure we are very happy with each other.

 

Stop talking to us and talk to your man. Otherwise all i can see that will happen is you will start to convince yourself you have tried everything. Yet he has not responded. So you will change in your mind eventually and give up. When in reality all you have actually done is talk to strangers and not communicated with him properly. Hard to read I know. But I hope you take the advice.

 

Why are you on this forum?

I am here to get some advice, since I tend to be impulsive and I sometimes like to hear other people's opinions before I do anything without thinking properly about it first.

 

And I HAVE talked to him about this and we are working together very well, slowly but surely addressing every issue while also enjoying our time together and not clog it up with negativity. After all, we are still getting to know each other.

[alexjames88]

God I just read your replies and somehow know why you women are not in a loving relationship...What is the point of a relationship if you do not help the other person?

 

You all talk about deal breakers and what you expect these men to do. Why can you not stop being selfish for one moment and start helping these people you apparently loved at one time.

 

Everywhere I read it is like you are just looking for the perfect man. They do not exist. They are perfect if you help them. Stop trying to find the perfect qualities and accept you fell in love for a reason. So what there are problems now? Work on them. You all seem to abandon men very quickly when it is not what you like. A bad attitude and a recipe of eternal unhappiness. You all know this.

[alexjames88]

Sorry Lamaga. You are fooling yourself. No way this will last the way you are going honey. Despite what you say you are still on here acting the total opposite of what you say. Obviously you feel very differently than what you are showing him. No woman would come here and post what you have if they were happy or felt that they were working things out with their partner. Never in a million years. You know it.

[lamaga]

God I just read your replies and somehow know why you women are not in a loving relationship...What is the point of a relationship if you do not help the other person?

 

You all talk about deal breakers and what you expect these men to do. Why can you not stop being selfish for one moment and start helping these people you apparently loved at one time.

 

Everywhere I read it is like you are just looking for the perfect man. They do not exist. They are perfect if you help them. Stop trying to find the perfect qualities and accept you fell in love for a reason. So what there are problems now? Work on them. You all seem to abandon men very quickly when it is not what you like. A bad attitude and a recipe of eternal unhappiness. You all know this.

 

Bad attitude? I am not abandoning him. We are still in the dating phase getting to know each other and are not even talking about 'love' yet. However, I see a potential partner in him and I asked in another threat how I should go about confessing my feelings for him. You must be talking about somebody else but certainly not me - in my eyes you seem jaded, and come to this forum to attack people because you once got disappointed yourself... Or are you trolling? Because I can't follow your argumentation anymore.

 

 

 

Sorry Lamaga. You are fooling yourself. No way this will last the way you are going honey. Despite what you say you are still on here acting the total opposite of what you say. Obviously you feel very differently than what you are showing him. No woman would come here and post what you have if they were happy or felt that they were working things out with their partner. Never in a million years. You know it.

 

You are generalizing...

Edited June 7, 2013 by lamaga

[Maleficent]

What's wrong with having deal breakers?

 

Dating someone with depression is not for everyone - it can be exhausting and to be honest - even I wouldn't date a guy like the one described in this thread.

 

Recently I decided I have only one item on my 'list of requirements' in a boyfriend potential and it is also a dealbreaker

 

People are not in loving relationships because people have learned to love things and use people.

simple as that.

[Maleficent]

 

 

 

 

You are generalizing...

 

Just ignore him.

I doubt he knows better than you how you really feel for this guy.

[lamaga]

Just ignore him.

I doubt he knows better than you how you really feel for this guy.

 

Yeah, it just can be frustrating that some people are ignorant like that.

 

Anyway... Thanks for your words, I am pretty sure I want to be with him despite his issues - nobody is perfect... and he is a really amazing guy who makes me very happy.

[Maleficent]

Yeah, it just can be frustrating that some people are ignorant like that.

 

Anyway... Thanks for your words, I am pretty sure I want to be with him despite his issues - nobody is perfect... and he is a really amazing guy who makes me very happy.

 

There you go.

And I also think you should tell him how you feel

[lamaga]

There you go.

And I also think you should tell him how you feel

 

I've thought about it but I will wait another week and see if he makes any moves.

[lamaga]

Dont worry about us, its about you and him

 

I did not hear you say things that are okay with him.

Its like a bunch of issues that he have.

 

I think certain people will only be happy when they meet their real soul mate that

accept them for who they are.

 

Because you posting this topic makes me think that you have doubts and

you are not okay with it.

 

I think its to soon for you to say much.

Maybe you should keep it only on getting to know each other if you like him

and dont feel sorry for him but have respect for him.etc.

 

Because if you go serious with him at a certain point it will get more difficult for you because then you will really see what he told you.

 

 

So if you already dont feel okay about it, stop the dating!

 

And i would prefer someone with no health issues.

Because it will ask to much of one. And with kids, it will get harder and

your kids can suffer on it 2.

But if its the soul mate, it will work out some how.

 

I don't feel sorry for him.

I feel okay with what he has confessed to me, I never said I am not okay with it. The reason I came on this forum with this concern is: I wanted to know if other people had similar issues or not. Just because I want to know if other couples can cope with this doesn't mean I am unsure about if I can be with him and accept him for who he is or not. I completely accept him for who he is.

I believe informing myself about his illness includes asking how other people cope with this. Getting advice first hand can be helpful, that's why we are on this forum, or not?

Just because I come to ask for advice here doesn't mean I don't talk to him about it. We have had long conversations and have been completely honest with each other about everything.

Please don't jump to conclusions based on little information.

Thanks.

[lamaga]

well read again. i did not say you dont.

i said if you!!!!!!!!

and beside that wasn't your questions. you just asked what we think about it. thats different then asking if we have experience with that.

beside its up to you to get information and not leave it to us to inform you about it.

 

 

Yes, it is up to me to get information, and it is also up to me how I get it. I get

I really am wondering still how some people on LS think it's appropriate to condemn people for coming on here when they are on here themselves.

I am being denunciated for asking for advice. Jeez... Next time I guess I just act on my impulses, do something wrong and hate myself for it after...

Edited June 7, 2013 by lamaga

[youngnlove89]

The guy (28) that I (26) have been dating for the past 1,5 months, confessed to me that he has been diagnosed with clinical depression during teenage years, but that he is coping well these days. He also suffers from insomnia since age 7 and I think the two go hand in hand sometimes. He needs special patterns in his life, like go to sleep at a certain time and have his routines and all. He takes medication for the insomnia. (He's very honest about all his issues).

He generally is a very sensitive guy, has sensitive skin, is lactose intolerant, has allergies, cries easily, etc... (he cried in front of me 3 times already... maybe I should address that in another post). In stressful situations he can't easily cope, gets frustrated and nervous, and I've noticed that sometimes his self-esteem is not very high... he can't be assertive and he's also very shy...

 

Anyway, I read all this and think... this guy sounds nuts. How can it be I am so attracted to him? I mean, yeah, I know all his positive sides, his great personality, his views on the world, how honest, affectionate and caring he is and how happy he makes me... so I don't really see these other aspects all the time -- (In fact, I feel very lucky to have won his heart, because in my eyes he is perfect).

 

But reading it all at once, if this was somebody else's boyfriend, I'd say he seems like a bad match.

 

What do you guys think?

Would this be a deal breaker for you??

 

Your boyfriend is not crazy or nuts, but simply has a chemical imbalance. I also have one. The way you described your boyfriend is almost exactly how I would describe myself. I cry easily. I take anti depressants, I get anxious, have sensitive skin and allergies, I am shy etc. I've also been depressed for a long time. My boyfriend would never classify me as "nuts" or anything of that sort. Ever. He has never ever even brought it up. Instead he has supported me 110%.

 

And I don't ever believe he would need to question strangers if he cares or loves me or if he wonders what other people think about me. He would not care what other people would have to say about my issues. Simply because he knows how he feels about me and doesn't need validation.

[lamaga]

Thanks to everybody who has been helpful, understanding, sensible and non-accusatory.

[lamaga]

Your boyfriend is not crazy or nuts, but simply has a chemical imbalance. I also have one. The way you described your boyfriend is almost exactly how I would describe myself. I cry easily. I take anti depressants, I get anxious, have sensitive skin and allergies, I am shy etc. I've also been depressed for a long time. My boyfriend would never classify me as "nuts" or anything of that sort. Ever. He has never ever even brought it up. Instead he has supported me 110%.

 

And I don't ever believe he would need to question strangers if he cares or loves me or if he wonders what other people think about me. He would not care what other people would have to say about my issues. Simply because he knows how he feels about me and doesn't need validation.

 

 

I don't think he is crazy or nuts!! God beware, I know I am full of flaws and have health issues myself, things that are not easy to deal with sometimes either.

I don't question how much I care for him, I don't question if I have feelings for him (let's not talk love yet - we just started dating), and I don't care what other people have to say about his issues. I accept, respect and admire him for the person he is and he is all I ever wanted in a man!

Simply hearing a story like yours helps me understand his situation though, and that's all I've looked for on here.

Thanks.

Edited June 7, 2013 by lamaga

[miss_jaclynrae]

Yes it can work, for me it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

 

 

 

On thing I would do is seriously sit down and think about what his health issues mean to you. Could you live with him having them? What would he require from you? Are there sacrifices you would have to make? Would it be worth it I you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sort of different but the same, my boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic. From the get go he was honest, and I was honest with him and tried to learn more as to discover what the impact would be for me. I then told him I needed to figure out if I was willing to make a lifestyle change to give us a chance and he was very understanding.

 

 

 

 

I ultimately decided that I was willing to do a great deal if it meant we could be together. He also knew pretty soon about my own health issues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's great he is so honest and open, but don't feel bad if you don't think yu could handle it. It the connection is there though, I fully think you should give it a shot!

 

 

 

 

My man suffers from bouts of depression, he has cried a few times, he gets anxious and needs things in his life to run smoothely otherwise he doesn't cope well. We have a pretty good schedule and not to mention we are a no alcohol household. There are so many other things we both have to deal with. It has been life changing, yes. But, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and our life may not be perfect but I don't regret my decision at all. He is a wonderful man, even with his problems, and he has taken me with all my issues as well.

 

 

It's just up to you to decide if YOU think it is worth it.

[youngnlove89]

I don't think he is crazy or nuts!! God beware, I know I am full of flaws and have health issues myself, things that are not easy to deal with sometimes either.

I don't question how much I care for him, I don't question if I have feelings for him (let's not talk love yet - we just started dating), and I don't care what other people have to say about his issues. I accept, respect and admire him for the person he is and he is all I ever wanted in a man!

Simply hearing a story like yours helps me understand his situation though, and that's all I've looked for on here.

Thanks.

 

I wasn't trying to be mean by the way. Just stating my situation.

 

You obviously care about him, but his depression shouldn't get in the way. Is he taking meds for it?

[lamaga]

I wasn't trying to be mean by the way. Just stating my situation.

 

You obviously care about him, but his depression shouldn't get in the way. Is he taking meds for it?

 

 

As far as I know he is taking meds, yes for depression and insomnia.

He seems to have fair control over it as long as he keeps routines.

When we went on vacation this week for 4 days he got out of the routine (which I think was good for us because we were confronted with his sensitivity and dealt with it pretty well, like a couple would). And also of course we had a great time together and got closer.

I do care for him deeply and just want to make sure that he realizes that and that his health issues are NO dealbreaker for me and that I don't think of him as "too difficult", like he told me his ex-girlfriend thought him to be.

[PogoStick]

LS is weird and full of haters. They should be excited that there are loving women like you in the world. You keep saying it's going well so keep at it.

[lamaga]

LS is weird and full of haters. They should be excited that there are loving women like you in the world. You keep saying it's going well so keep at it.

 

Thanks PogoStick, you made me feel whole again :lmao:

[shexy]

Everybody has issues - if you like him and you're enjoying being with him, don't let his medical issues make a difference. There's still such a big stigma about behavioral health conditions when there really doesn't need to be. Plus, he's getting the correct treatment. It's the UNtreated behavioral health issues that are a problem.

[lamaga]

Everybody has issues - if you like him and you're enjoying being with him, don't let his medical issues make a difference. There's still such a big stigma about behavioral health conditions when there really doesn't need to be. Plus, he's getting the correct treatment. It's the UNtreated behavioral health issues that are a problem.

 

They don't make a difference to me. I am trying to understand him and be as sweet as can be. I feel though that he is more insecure about it than he should be - like.. for him it's more of a stigma than for me.

Could this be because he is American and I am German? I didn't grow up with that mindset but I have lived in the states a fair amount and know how a lot of (not everyone's, of course, don't want to start a fight over that here) people's perspectives are on the issue...

 

I really don't think his health issues are a dealbreaker, he's so open and honest about everything and I appreciate that. However, I do think he himself has had bad experiences with telling people in the past and they might have turned their backs at him. I am not like that, and I want to make him understand that I am different.

Edited June 8, 2013 by lamaga

[sillyanswer]

What do you guys think?

Would this be a deal breaker for you??

 

If it's well-managed to the point where there aren't any symptoms that would impinge on my life then it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Otherwise, it would depend on the degree of impact.