aisuru Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I don't think they're conflict-phobic - it sounds as if they might be a little scared, because you sound 'controlling' - ! Running the relationship? Cruise Director? What are you, an Admiral?? ('Landshark' sounds quite apt..... maybe you need to re-examine your methodology, some.....?) You're on a roll today. 1
Author landshark Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 I don't think they're conflict-phobic - it sounds as if they might be a little scared, because you sound 'controlling' - ! Running the relationship? Cruise Director? What are you, an Admiral?? ('Landshark' sounds quite apt..... maybe you need to re-examine your methodology, some.....?) Well Tara after reading some of your stuff, I knew that I'd get an honest response from you. Controlling? Hmmm...a little, I didn't try to be, just tried to be "proactive" in being a source of happiness for her because she was a great source of happiness for me for most of the relationship. I'm just always a man with a plan. Admiral of the ship? Oh boy that's a new one. She was definately conflict phobic, on my account partially? I own that but yes, I'm definately re-examining the methodology cuz clearly it fell on it's face. Thanks Tara for the brute criticism...
Author landshark Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 You're on a roll today. She sure is. My gut feels like I've gone fifteen rounds with Floyd Mayweather.... 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Pffft! Floyd Mayweather's a pansy. I made him cry.
Author landshark Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 So that you understand, it doesn't have to be this way. The neediness aspect is the fierce desire to find someone who you can relax with and lean on. The need to control the relationship might have something to do with fear of rejection and vulnerability. Does any of this sound familiar? 8 - Enneagram Type Eight: The Challenger tbf, think you're on to something, I'll chew on this tonight... 1
Author landshark Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Pffft! Floyd Mayweather's a pansy. I made him cry. Hahahahahaha, did you chew his ear off, Tara???
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) No. he hasn't seen the movie, but I told him Bambi's mother dies. Edited June 11, 2013 by TaraMaiden
aisuru Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 No. he hasn't seen the movie, but I told him Bambi's mother dies. WHAT!? Ruthless.
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Yeah, I know. merciless. The guy's a twat, he had it coming. (Are we off-topic??) 1
Author landshark Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Yes Tara, we are, but boxing works, no I'm not a cont:cool:rol freak but love the cruise director thing!
Author landshark Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 After thinking about control, abandonment and vulnerability I sit here guilty as charged. Throw in some defensiveness too. By taking on the cruise director persona, I say that it shows that I care and want to take initiative to do fun things and keep the relationship fresh. On the flipside it reeks of control and conceals a deep buried fear of rejection and abandonment. This has been a tough few days (or six months for that matter) as I take the extended tour of hell, but healing and learning are coming together. NC is truly the only way to feel the pain, and walk the minefield of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance, not with temporarily anesthetic breadcrumbs that only hit the reset button. Sure, I wish she'd call but I know this too, will pass...when I'm through with the work... 1
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