OkCupid

[malibustacydoll]

I'm new to using okcupid and curious as to other's experiences.

 

What do you think if you go to someone's profile and it says instead of single, "seeing someone". Do you move on and not waste your time? Do you ask them if they are single? (Maybe they put that up to scare away creepers?)

 

Do you use the rating system? How many high ratings do you normally receive by other visitors? How many profile visitors do you normally get per week? (I am sure this varies by your location and other factors so just trying to get an overall feel for others' experiences.)

[hudson701]

Not enjoying my experience on this site at the moment. The girls really do think they're god's gift and seem to be holding out for the perfect specimen.

[salparadise]

I like it. It's the best free site and overall the users are higher quality. The match ratings, questions and test provide quite a bit of insight into a person's persona and preferences... even some things that you'd never ask them in person. Ratings- I only give 4 star ratings because they will notify you of a mutual 4+ star rating. I don't see any benefit to rating someone otherwise. I get about 10 visitors a week, but as a female you'll get a lot more, and you'll get a lot of creepers too. If you like creepers you'll have a ball.

 

I can't believe you don't understand what "seeing someone" means! Do you not want one of your own? You may be able to get a guy who's seeing someone to bang you, but chances are it will be a quick in-out-home-to-mamma kinda deal. Is that what you're looking for?

[apple OR orange]

just like all the other sites, no contact what so ever...

[Phantom888]

Free is never great. You get what you pay for. You get a higher quality crowd when people have to pay money to access.

[malibustacydoll]

I'm actually seeing someone and only on the site for friends. I have had friends talk about how they use the site to find dates AND friends and I just moved to a new area and thought I would try it. I have had the account for about 5 days and had over 200 views, 60 favs and a lot of messages. However, I don't think anyone is reading that I am not looking to date or they somehow are not taking that seriously. I'm about to deactivate it. I know there are other sites to find just friends; I am using Meetup too.

 

 

I like it. It's the best free site and overall the users are higher quality. The match ratings, questions and test provide quite a bit of insight into a person's persona and preferences... even some things that you'd never ask them in person. Ratings- I only give 4 star ratings because they will notify you of a mutual 4+ star rating. I don't see any benefit to rating someone otherwise. I get about 10 visitors a week, but as a female you'll get a lot more, and you'll get a lot of creepers too. If you like creepers you'll have a ball.

 

I can't believe you don't understand what "seeing someone" means! Do you not want one of your own? You may be able to get a guy who's seeing someone to bang you, but chances are it will be a quick in-out-home-to-mamma kinda deal. Is that what you're looking for?

[fiftyofsomethin]

In general, I have found that the women I find on dating sites aren't the type of women I want to meet anyways.

 

I know it sounds super douschey to base my opinion of a girl on looks at first, but think about it, in person you would do the same thing. And the girls on the dating sites are very very often just not on the "level" I would like them to be. Plus I prefer more confident and outgoing girls and if they were confident or outgoing there is very little chance they would feel the need to use a website in the first place. Now are the exceptions? Sure. But not nearly as many as would make it worth my time.

 

There's my $0.02

[MercuryMorrison1]

I've gone on a few dates with girls I've met threw Cupid, Nothing ever came of them though.

 

My luck has been better on Okcupid than on PoF, I've been messaged by a few girls on PoF that I was interested in, however they all seemed to live 500 miles away.

 

Overall I've learned, that as a guy online dating is a numbers game regardless of what site you use...You're best bet is to make a general message that you send out to LOTS of girls, and that's how you get results.

 

But so far in my experience online dating is usually more trouble than its worth. At least as far as the free sites go...I've never been able to justify spending money on it, thus I've never tried a ''pay'' site.

 

Just my two cents.

[fiftyofsomethin]

I find the quality of men on online dating sites to be very poor. Many are pining over an ex, doing it to get sexual experience or just sex, already have a gf/spouse, have problems in their life, poor social manners, very self centered, too high of expectations or always looking for a bigger better deal or are desperate for anybody. I met a few who seemed great in the beginning (I did OLD for almost 3 years and dated many many more guys than the few who seemed OK) but as time wore on the typical online-dating-male-personality came out. I know a few girls who did find somebody online but they found much better luck on paid sites.

 

Most of the guys on those sites arent looking for a great girl to have a LTR with either. Some will say they want that however.

 

I agree. But with girls. Plus it's not a great story to tell your kids when they ask where you guys met.

 

"my friend told me her parents met on a trip abroad in China, where did you guys meet?"

 

"on our asses while staring in front of a computer screen"

 

This is just dripping of steamy romance if you ask me.

[Geiss]

I find the quality of men on online dating sites to be very poor. Many are pining over an ex, doing it to get sexual experience or just sex, already have a gf/spouse, have problems in their life, poor social manners, very self centered, too high of expectations or always looking for a bigger better deal or are desperate for anybody. I met a few who seemed great in the beginning (I did OLD for almost 3 years and dated many many more guys than the few who seemed OK) but as time wore on the typical online-dating-male-personality came out. I know a few girls who did find somebody online but they found much better luck on paid sites.

 

Most of the guys on those sites arent looking for a great girl to have a LTR with either. Some will say they want that however.

 

Wow you pretty much covered everything there. So the special guy in your life will not have any problems in their life, not pining over an x, be sexually experienced but not looking for sex, have excellent social grace, unselfish and giving, no expectations, content to be alone, not clingy, and be satisfied with you.

 

Good luck with all that.

 

And just out of curiosity are you high quality? You have no problems in your life?

 

I find it kind of insulting basically calling me a piece of **** low quality scum. I use it. The OP is using it. My friend is. So we are all pieces of ****? I know lots of people that use or have used it in real life and they are not low quality people. I would like to know what your definition of high quality is. Lots of money. Big house and expensive cars. Well that's for the gold diggers. And I don't exactly consider gold diggers as high quality people.

 

Is there something wrong with trying to get sexual experience from online dating? Some people are shy you know, not so easy approaching women in real life. You should know if you've been on this forum long enough.

 

Anyways if I see someone say seeing someone don't waste your time and let them wait for their non creeper if that is their reasoning for doing it.

[Geiss]

I agree. But with girls. Plus it's not a great story to tell your kids when they ask where you guys met.

 

"my friend told me her parents met on a trip abroad in China, where did you guys meet?"

 

"on our asses while staring in front of a computer screen"

 

This is just dripping of steamy romance if you ask me.

 

You could just say the actual place where you met up for the first time.

 

And there isn't as much stigma these days about meeting someone online.

 

Who would say they met on a computer screen. So it's much better to say

you met her at a bar and she was drunk and puking in the toilet.

[Mr_Flay]

Plus it's not a great story to tell your kids when they ask where you guys met.

 

Eh, who cares about that. Your kids will probably be meeting their significant others in a much weirder way, which will be normal for that time. Whatever connects two people, they shouldn't be embarrassed because of it. I know of an elderly married couple who claim they've met over newspaper ads (sort of a low-tech variant of online dating), and they proudly state that fact. Nobody seems to think any less of them.

[fiftyofsomethin]

You could just say the actual place where you met up for the first time.

 

And there isn't as much stigma these days about meeting someone online.

 

Who would say they met on a computer screen. So it's much better to say

you met her at a bar and she was drunk and puking in the toilet.

 

Well of course not EVERY way people meet outside of online dating is romantic as hell, but in general it's just, well, more spontaneous/natural in my opinion to meet people "in the wild" and not just both be searching for each other online.

 

Of course this is, again, simply my opinion. Just don't count on me ever going back to a dating site any time soon. Have fun without me, guys.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Eh, who cares about that. Your kids will probably be meeting their significant others in a much weirder way, which will be normal for that time. Whatever connects two people, they shouldn't be embarrassed because of it. I know of an elderly married couple who claim they've met over newspaper ads (sort of a low-tech variant of online dating), and they proudly state that fact. Nobody seems to think any less of them.

 

I wasn't talking about what other people think about them. Who gives a **** about what other people think.

 

I'm talking about the memories you hold yourself. In my personal opinion which I know is not apparently held by many, I would personally just not be comfortable being with someone I know I only found because we were both looking for someone. I much prefer the "natural" or "spontaneous" way of finding them out in the real world.

 

And as I said in the last post, this is just me.

[Mr_Flay]

I would personally just not be comfortable being with someone I know I only found because we were both looking for someone. I much prefer the "natural" or "spontaneous" way of finding them out in the real world.

 

Your opinion is valid, yet I can't help but to wonder why meeting someone intentionally carried this sort of stigma. When I'm hungry, I go out and buy food. When I'm unemployed, I send out job applications and go on interviews. When I desire companionship, I take some steps to meet people. Rejecting this mode of introducing new people in your life a priori shuts you out of quite a few opportunities. Why would meting someone with intention to do so be inherently bad? It doesn't prejudice the potential/future relationship in any way. It may not be the stuff of romance novels, but then we aren't writing romance novels, are we? We're living life.

 

Please don't construe this as an attack, I'm simply provoking a clarification on your part.

[pcplod]

Plus it's not a great story to tell your kids when they ask where you guys met.

 

Well, if asked that question, I would have thought that you would refer to the first time you actually met face-to-face? Saying you met first time on an OLD site on the Internet would be akin to saying you met by correspondence. As for meeting under some exotic or romantic circumstances, how many people do you think can actually ever claim that, at least without being either over-imaginative or just down-right disingenuous? I have always understood that the majority of couples meet through their workplace. What exactly is exotic or romantic about that?

 

I have suspicions that a lot of both women and men have expectations of a prospective partner, through OLD, that are a lot higher than they would be if they met IRL. With the latter, there seems a greater propensity to ignore red flags and to hope or expect that things will work out alright in the end or that somehow the other person can be changed or will change. I don't completely understand the discrepancy in expectations or acceptance between the two scenarios but I understand some of it in that they are driven by the reality of the two different situations and the context in which the individual 'players' find themselves such as bad previous experiences, level of previous experiences, accepting the limitations of either opportunity, and so on.

Edited June 7, 2013 by pcplod

[salparadise]

With [OLD], there seems a greater propensity to ignore red flags and to hope or expect that things will work out alright in the end or that somehow the other person can be changed or will change. I don't completely understand the discrepancy in expectations or acceptance between the two scenarios but I understand some of it in that they are driven by the reality of the two different situations and the context in which the individual 'players' find themselves such as bad previous experiences, level of previous experiences, accepting the limitations of either opportunity, and so on.

 

Yes, you get it! This is a key element in my theory of the differences, and why some people are so disillusioned.

 

In real life our attraction and chemistry filters are subliminal and always working. It requires no perceived effort. We might go through a normal day and see a thousand members of the opposite sex, but our nervous system will only alert on perhaps five. If one of those five also alert on us, it's like a telepathic message is instantly sent between the two brains, and high doses of feel-good hormones are released. At that point, we don't much care about that person's statistical information, whether they're a dog or cat person, or any other shortcomings which might preclude engaging in the activities for which nature designed this highly efficient system. The attraction-chemistry element overrides all the other information gathering and inhibitive processes.

 

On the other hand, with online dating, it's the reverse order. We focus on information as the first priority, and if a person's stats seem to be in order, and if we approve of their amazingly confusing two-dimensional symbol that gives a few clues as to facial proportions, etc., and if the text-based communications are mutually interesting... we MIGHT actually meet in person to see if that attractiveness-chemistry things is working between the pair. So it's very much a manual filter and it's out of order. Who knows how many times we pass over someone with the attraction-chemistry match simply because the information does not seem optimal... information that only serves to confuse our filter and that nature would discard anyway if the attraction-chemistry thing were alerted first.

[RedRobin]

I'm actually seeing someone and only on the site for friends. I have had friends talk about how they use the site to find dates AND friends and I just moved to a new area and thought I would try it. I have had the account for about 5 days and had over 200 views, 60 favs and a lot of messages. However, I don't think anyone is reading that I am not looking to date or they somehow are not taking that seriously. I'm about to deactivate it. I know there are other sites to find just friends; I am using Meetup too.

 

I'm on OkC just for friends/activity partners. In my profile I answer the question right up front why I'm on a so-called "dating site" when I'm not there for dating.

 

And, I tell them that if they put down 'friends' or 'activity partners', I assume they are honest about that.

 

To me, it seems OkC is whatever you make it... and yea, the questions are really helpful to see if you'd get along in any way.

 

I've met a couple of really neat people that way. I doubt I'd ever use it for dating though... If you just check it every now and then like other things, it wouldn't get too burdensome.

 

You might want to try doing your own searches (if you haven't already) and initiating emails to people you want to meet. I do that maybe once a week or so. I'm not really wrapped around the axle on it though. I've got other ways to meet people besides online.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Please don't construe this as an attack, I'm simply provoking a clarification on your part.

 

Never did, we're just having a constructive discussion here, old chap.

 

I have always understood that the majority of couples meet through their workplace. What exactly is exotic or romantic about that?

 

Now just going back to my previously stated opinion, I wasn't implying that every relationship that was ever started outside of a dating site was romantic and sunshine and flowers and whatever. I was just saying that there is a certain.... effort, that is not there when you are both looking for someone on a website specifically designed for finding other people.

 

I'm not saying at all that's it's wrong or I think lesser of people who use these sites, it's just that it's not for me. I like to at least think that I'm putting in a little more effort when starting the relationship even just seeing if the girl I like is even in a relationship already and those other little things. Because when you actually do get the girl, it feels more rewarding. Like you have just won this marvelous prize for completing the marathon that is courting a girl.

 

Damn. I need to get better at making analogies.

[Thegreatestthing]

Ive been on a month,i go on for about an half hour every few days, and deactivated the rest of the time/day.

I have abt 179 msges.I'm surprised its always the same - I get half unattractive guys msge me ,and other half very attractive ,never changes - never anything in between,average guy,normal etc,either perfect looking or bad looking.

Really strange,anyone want to explain this?

 

Rated 5 142 times,but I only rate others on profile content never just pic.

[hudson701]

Ive been on a month,i go on for about an half hour every few days, and deactivated the rest of the time/day.

I have abt 179 msges.I'm surprised its always the same - I get half unattractive guys msge me ,and other half very attractive ,never changes - never anything in between,average guy,normal etc,either perfect looking or bad looking.

Really strange,anyone want to explain this?

 

Rated 5 142 times,but I only rate others on profile content never just pic.

 

Wow, All those 5 star ratings must be great for the ego!

 

As a man, I'd be on cloud 9 with all that attention.

[Philosopher]

I like it . 1000 times better than POF. I don't bother with those who are just seeking friends. I see messaging them as a waste of time. I don't really use the quickmatch tool either.

 

I normally get around 15 views a week and about one high rating every fortnight or so. Though I do live in a big city.

 

From my experience the good points about OkCupid are:

• The matching system means you know you are least someone compatible with those you are contacting. So long as you match well with your date, dates will normally go quite well even if there is no attraction.
  
• Girls seem less flaky than from POF. Though that might just be my experience.
  
• It's free!
  
• Site is very intuitive and easy to use.
  
• Loads of fun quizzes to waste time on.
  

 

And the bad points:

• Lots of people clearly are not serious about meeting anyone from the site. Therefore being free has its downside.
  
• No way to prevent people living 1000's of miles away in another continent from contacting you.
  
• The personality tab on yours or someone else's profile can be inaccurate. It might say you are more artsy than average when in fact you don't even know who Monet is.
  

 

That said while I've been on quite a few dates from the site I still have yet to find someone.

[ChessPieceFace]

I wouldn't bother with someone that posted that they were seeing someone. You seriously are desperate enough to convince yourself that these girls are just lying about their status for genuine reasons? That a single girl on the market, on a dating site, is going to list herself as involved and not be? Ugh.

 

I have a very unfinished profile on OKC and the girls I've seen that weren't:

 

- bisexual

- swinging

- divorced / burdened by kids

- hardcore atheist / fundamentalist / liberal / conservative

- belonging to a race I wouldn't date

- die-hard sports fans

- too fat (and I'm not into skinny girls)

- condescending / selfish / materialistic

 

I could count to very quickly on one hand. With probably just my thumb.

[El Brujo]

Not enjoying my experience on this site at the moment. The girls really do think they're god's gift and seem to be holding out for the perfect specimen.

 

^^That.^^

 

OKC is a typical cookie-cutter OLDS... profiles, profiles, and more profiles, but don't expect the women to initiate, and you can't delete your profile if you decide you don't like OKC.

[Kamille]

^^That.^^

 

you can't delete your profile if you decide you don't like OKC.

 

ah... Yes you can?