Author Babolat Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Per the LS guide to acronyms: FOO= Family of Origin Her FOO, she is the older of two girls, parents are still together. Her family, econimically, reminds me of mine. Dad is blue collar, mom raised the two girls. Same here. We were poor by today's standards. She went to a very good in state college, lived on campus. Got student loans to pay her way. I am attracted to that "blue collar" mentality, "I take care of myself". She just purchased her first house on her own, which is very attractive to me too. From her comments I can tell she is close to her dad, he helped her fix up her house a lot. I know a lot of of my attraction to her and these other woman is coming from what I did not like in my last relationship, so I know I need to be careful there. However, I am not sold on any outcomes with any of my female friends. If all of them were to start dating someone right now my only disappointment would be not being able to hang out with them as much.
Author Babolat Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 for what it's worth I think you have 'excessive caretaking' traits, ie you want to fix women and neglect your own needs - that doesn't work long term. which is why the bolded is important Yup, you are absolutley correct. I am working with a counselor now who is teaching me how to say "No", and to take care of my needs too. And hanging out with these 2-3 woman, plus spending time alone, is helping me figure out what my needs are. 1
carhill Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Her FOO, she is the older of two girls, parents are still together. Her family, econimically, reminds me of mine. Dad is blue collar, mom raised the two girls. Same here. We were poor by today's standards. She went to a very good in state college, lived on campus. Got student loans to pay her way. I am attracted to that "blue collar" mentality, "I take care of myself". She just purchased her first house on her own, which is very attractive to me too. From her comments I can tell she is close to her dad, he helped her fix up her house a lot. Tip: Hanging out with FOO can be productive. I gleaned far more productive information from late night poker games with parents/siblings/relatives than I ever did by listening to what a woman said. In some cases, I chose to ignore those observations, but that was completely my choice. Does her boyfriend live in the house she bought?
Author Babolat Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Tip: Hanging out with FOO can be productive. I gleaned far more productive information from late night poker games with parents/siblings/relatives than I ever did by listening to what a woman said. In some cases, I chose to ignore those observations, but that was completely my choice. Does her boyfriend live in the house she bought? I do not know, my guess is not. I get the impression this bf is not around a lot. She has made references to living alone, being single, likes her neighbors as they seem to look out for her. Last night we texted for about 2 hours, which was a first (that length of time) and in the end she said she was going to bed, goodnight, which was a first for us. Part of the conversation was her doing research for our next meet up/get together, which kind of surprised me. She metnioned a newer restaurant, asked if I had been there yet, I said No, then teased her and said "are you taking me there" and she said "Yep!" To date our texts have been more formal in nature. She was flirting a bit last night, or just being more open, more comfortable with me maybe. I have noticed the more we have talked the more she seems to be getting comfortable. She is going out of town this weekend with her family; I asked who else was going, expecting to hear him, she said just her parents and her sister and her husband. I agree on the hanging out with FOO comment. With my last gf, I quickly discovered they were all alcoholics and/or drug addicts with major issues and lots of drama. Great people, just drunk all the time mostly. And all her friends loved her, cared for her, spoke very highly of her...once common theme was "she picks the wrong men, you are really good for her".
Author Babolat Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I will add, at dinner the other night I mentioned why the 2 other female friends in my life are safe to me, and she said "So I am safe?" and I said "Yes, you are, especially since you have a boyfriend" I saw a much more open, comfortable side to her this time. She is a very private person and I could tell she was letting a few walls down talking to me, and she was going outside her comfort zone. i even told her that and she agreed. The more I shared about me, the more she kept saying "I never saw you as that type of guy", as if she was surprised to hear I am a decent, good person, not a player. She even said she wants to be more adventerous and try more things, and made a suggestion for the next time we get together.
Author Babolat Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I spent most of the weekend with one of my other female friends. Mostly in groups, with other couples. It's a little odd as it's 2-3 other couples, then us. They are hugging, holding hands, being affectionate. And I will be honest, I miss that now that I am not dating. I am attracted to her. She looked great this weekend. I do not feel like an orbiter though. I was thinking this weekend, what if she starts dating somone? I would be fine with it. What would bother me is not being able to spend as much time with her as I truly enjoy her company and her friendship. I also started thinking what would i do if she "made a move on me". Right now, I think I would pull away, back off if you will, as I am not ready for that. In a couple of more months, once I have finishd my healing/grieving from my last relationship, if I feel that for her, I may talk to her about it, but again, the friendhsip is the most important thing for me right now with her.
Author Babolat Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 We went out again last night. She invited me over to her house so we would not have to worry about two cars. She showed me around her house, zero signs of a boyfriend. You'd think after 3 years there would be a photo, razor, shaving cream, something...I saw nothing. She volunteered he was out of town for the weekend. We went out for dinner and drinks. She said she wanted to have a fun drinking night, that she wanted me to also (she is not a big drinker), so we did. Hit a couple of bars, went dancing. She warned me that when she drinks she may get touchy feely with me; and she did. Nothing serious, no romance, just touching my stomach, chest, holding hands a little bit, touched my leg a few times. hile sitting I would put my hand on her leg and I rubbed her back a few times. I learned more about her and I like her even more. She is a lot younger than me though she is very mature for her age. Has a good job, her own house, etc. We closed the bar down, drove back to her place, talked a lot, sat close on the couch, no romance. I told her I am very attracted to her, she volunteered the same back. We talked about "what now" since we both went into it as friends. She said her intentions were more than friends, that she was going along with me saying just friends. She repeatedly said there is no way a man like me could like her and even acknowledged she does not find herself attractive. I think she is beautiful. Saw a buddy at one of the bars and he texted me later stating the same. She said many times how she has never done this, had a bf and went out with another man. She kept saying she should not be doing this, that it was night right, and she did not know why she was doing it. She has only had 2 LTRs. 1st one cheated on her and I can tell she has trust issues. She said she would be all over me if she did not have a bf. She said she thinks she is emotionally detaching from the bf as he is not ready for marriage. I shared a lot about my last gf and our break up and she said it's odd as that is how she is feeling with her bf, she thinks she is losing interest. She seems foucesed on feeling old (she is under 30), not married yet and no kids. We left it at we probably should not go out again when I left. I texted her this morning to say I had a good night. That led into her apologizing for her behavior that she has a bf and she can't do this, yet she is attracted to me and is curious. She asked me what my intentions were and what I wanted from her. I told her I wanted to learn more about her and i was curious to see where this could go. She is "my type" and I like her. I told her that. She said in some ways she thinks our timing i good as she is open to it, yet maybe it's bad because she does have a bf. I asked about seeing her this week and she tossed out a few ideas on a day and what to do. I am not sure what to make of this. I am still not convinced there is a bf; yet she talks about him. I can tell she is frustrated and she is definitley into me, as I am into her. She thinks I am a player as I have 2 female friends. I feel as if she wants to "let go" but she won't let herself. She kept reaching for my hair and would then pull back. She was touching my arm. She used "the alcohol" as an excuse yet i do not think she was drunk. She said she was tipsy. When I would say things about her that I liked she would say "that's the alcohol talking".
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