hppr Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Sure, some people are predators simply because they are predators. But some guys REALLY do think if a woman is attractive she's "asking for it". I'm sure every woman here can attest to how because she was wearing a shorter skirt or maybe a v neck top some clown assumed she WANTED her ass grabbed, to be cat called repeatedly (and the called names for not being receptive), to be pestered/guilted into a date, etc. I've had men block the door to my car because "I wanna look at you", or hang around my work hoping that eventually ill "crack my reserve" and accept a date, etc. There's some interesting stuff that goes along with being female I'm sure many men just never pondered because its not in their paradigm. Most men don't have to walk around EVERY minute being cognizant of the fact that they are smaller and weaker and can't defend themselves. Thats why women do stuff like tuck keys between fingers or walk in groups to the bathroom. Men joke thinking we do this to be social. Apparently they don't know how many creeps hang by the toilet hoping to catch you alone so they can talk to you... I can't count how many times guys have tried to invade my personal body space that way. If you want to know why those guys act that way towards you it's because you have an attitude problem. It attracts bad guys and generally repels good ones.
ltjg45 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 If you want to know why those guys act that way towards you it's because you have an attitude problem. It attracts bad guys and generally repels good ones. I'm not saying I'm a good guy because even I would say that is a possible lie myself but even I sense that from most women and I just outright avoid them. I got enough problems. I don't need a woman who needs max defense as another problem.
salparadise Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I think my brother would have been less apt to molest me if I was fat like my sister. I think I wouldn't have had stalkers. I think I wouldn't have caused the break up between my boyfriend and his brother for grabbing my breasts, I think I wouldn't have been harassed at my work, I could go on and on. Rich people have some problems: they have few people they can trust. But there IS a difference: a rich person can give away their money, they can shut up about what they have. What is my alternative? Cut off my t*ts? Mar my face? Gain a hundred pounds and compromise my health? You can't give away your body like you can give away cash.... The downside has been WAY more than the positive side from my experience. Don't you know that many women deal with assault by over eating as a means to protect themselves? It's actually a VERY common phenomena for attractive women to go into depression after assault and utterly neglect their physical body as a means to keep away negative attention. AS, I'm sad to hear that these things happened to you. I hope in time that you will find a way to put it all in perspective such that you'll not carry any shame or guilt for bad things that others have done. None of this is your fault- believe this, it is true. We see things relative to our current and recent position, so a wealthy person might be truly distressed by losing a great deal of money and being left with only a few million. On the other hand, a person who doesn't know where his next meal is coming from would be ecstatic to find a $20 bill. It's all relative and completely perceptual. The life experiences of those at the pinnacle of the human hierarchy and those at the bottom are so different that I don't think they can even imagine one another's reality. But whether you can feel it or just process it cognitively, you must realize that perhaps the worst fate in the human experience would be to have no inherent value or respect, unlovable, and no prospects for improving any of these conditions. Being born with inherent value, respect, attracting people who want to love you at every turn, and mobility in society's hierarchy based on these, is a gift. If you can't see it as such then I think you really need to examine your perceptions until you can see life as being wonderful and joyous despite not being easy or perfect. 1
ltjg45 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Oh, so when a man I NEVER met at a concert walks up behinds me and pinches my ass it must be because I have an "attitude problem" he can just sense in the air without ever sharing a single word with me... Ya, makes perfect sense! Did you kick him in the balls? Because he deserves it.
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 It just goes to show how much external factors come into play, especially during childhood, in affecting our personal development and shaping our way of thinking about the world. You can have Atheist on one end of the spectrum, dreading her good looks because of her past experiences; while you can have someone else on the other end of the spectrum who took full advantage of her looks growing up, reaped all of its rewards, and can now extol the virtues of beauty.
Revolver Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Everyone has problems. But everyone's problems are not on the same level. But at the end of the day it's better to be beautiful then not
Ruby Slippers Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 One of my prettiest friends who gets hit on the most has had the weirdest and seemingly least fulfilling relationship history. That's probably because she's kind of a control freak with emotional hangups - but the point is, she hasn't done too great in the romantic relationship realm. Now, if she'd get some therapy to deal with her issues, her dating life would most likely improve drastically, because she has no problem meeting guys who want to date her. 2
hppr Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 One of my prettiest friends who gets hit on the most has had the weirdest and seemingly least fulfilling relationship history. That's probably because she's kind of a control freak with emotional hangups - but the point is, she hasn't done too great in the romantic relationship realm. Now, if she'd get some therapy to deal with her issues, her dating life would most likely improve drastically, because she has no problem meeting guys who want to date her. Everyone has their own problems it's how they deal with them that counts. Someone who is as you describe probably isn't going to change because the root of their problems is their personality and that is sadly set in stone. I have known guys and girls who have those kinds of issues and they have almost always been the same way since they were 8-10 years' old. I can really only think of one woman I have known for years and years who changed from being like that into a genuinely decent person but then I think she really wanted to change.
SpiralOut Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I really enjoy the way some posters on here are trying to say that beautiful women ask to be harassed. Nobody asks for that and even if a woman said to you "please harass me, sir," why the hell would you actually do it?? Either way, the blame falls onto the harrasser. Even if someone has a bad attitude, the responsibility still falls onto you to treat that person with respect anyway. I have been out with my friends having a perfectly good time only to have some random guy scream in my face "I want to f*** you." Pretty sure I didn't do anything to deserve that.
Babolat Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Interesting discussion.... My last GF was gorgeous, had it all, curves in the right places, charming, social, lots of male attention. She truly was the most beautiful woman I ever dated. 40+, Never married, a history of failed relationships/engagements, insecure, fears, anxiety issues, drinking problems, molested as a child, you name it. So yeah, she had lots of problems to deal with. Flip the coin, I am an attractive, good looking male (so I am told), good shape, social, friendly and I get a lot of attention, especially in my age group (40+) and recently I am noticing attening from the late 20s and 30 something female age group. My female friends question why I am not dating more, seeing lots of woman, and even say "you have it easy". Why? Because I do not use my looks to get a woman. If all the woman talks about is my looks, no interest. It has to go soooo much deeper than that for me. And, some of the woman I have dated, and found the most attractive, my friends have said on the looks scale we did not match, meaning she was not a hottie and they did not understand why I was attracted to her. Recently, I was interested in a woman I was very attracted to. My looks hurt me in this case as she said there was no way a man like me could be attracted to her and I was just being nice to her. I tell myself all the time I wish I knew what it felt like to short, fat and bald as sometimes I know my looks get me further than some men.
SpiralOut Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 The same thing goes for attractive men. I'll never forget the extremely good looking man I went on a date with whose attitude was so horrible I don't think he'll ever find a girlfriend. He was a self-admitted misogynist. He also kept complaining about his previous date who said "this isn't going to work" and walked away from him. Good looks are an asset, but like any asset it won't do a person much good if they don't know how to use it.
tbf Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 This thread has gone the expected route. People bashing on attractive people and having no empathy or compassion towards them. It's curious how people expect more from attractive people, than they personally live up to. 6
ThaWholigan Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 This thread has gone the expected route. People bashing on attractive people and having no empathy or compassion towards them. It's curious how people expect more from attractive people, than they personally live up to. The drawback of the "halo effect". 1
Anela Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Sure, some people are predators simply because they are predators. But some guys REALLY do think if a woman is attractive she's "asking for it". This reminds me of when someone told me that their guy friend reassured them over their small breasts, "The girls with the big boobs just want attention." Right, I pumped them up myself, and do so every morning. How they believe such things is beyond me. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) I've always been told I was very pretty from a young age and over time I got tired of it and never believed it until a few yrs ago. I didn't feel pretty at all when I was a teen. I came from a very abusive home and was brutalized mentally and physically. My own mother repeated accused my father of wanting to f*ck me (though he never, ever wanted to or did). She shamed me for being attractive and taking his attention from her. That's pretty messed up, and messes up your self-perception at a young age. I was raped at 14 and came to believe I was a hideous creature, and that the outside of me made other people do bad things to me. I accepted male harassment because of this, which led to inner shame. Not much wonder a pretty girl would hate looking at herself in the mirror. Fast forward many yrs and I have come to accept that yes, I am attractive to men, but that doesn't mean I deserved any harassment or harm. It took a lot of pain to get to the point that I needed to heal and see myself for who I really was. A whole person with incredible value. Outer beauty is meaningless, unless it can be matched with a healthy heart and mind. Edited June 7, 2013 by sweetheart5381 2
lino Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 99% of the 'problems' gorgeous females have could be solved by them choosing better men to be involved with andbetter female ffriends... Though often, the type of women who most commonly complain about such 'problems', have very few or no female friends... I wonder why that is
phineas Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 99% of the 'problems' gorgeous females have could be solved by them choosing better men to be involved with andbetter female ffriends... Though often, the type of women who most commonly complain about such 'problems', have very few or no female friends... I wonder why that is This. However, I think as women reach their 40's their problem is the same as mine. People have let themselves go & regress into their 20's in maturity levels. LOL!
tbf Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 99% of the 'problems' gorgeous females have could be solved by them choosing better men to be involved with andbetter female ffriends... Though often, the type of women who most commonly complain about such 'problems', have very few or no female friends... I wonder why that is Do you feel you were the perfect judge of character, as a teenager and adult? If so, I'm guessing you must be in a long-term relationship or marriage that's healthy and emotionally functional, right? If not, why not?
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Do you feel you were the perfect judge of character, as a teenager and adult? If so, I'm guessing you must be in a long-term relationship or marriage that's healthy and emotionally functional, right? If not, why not? Did he have choices though? I know I didn't. So, for me, the game was/is more akin to 1) seeing what I could possibly attract first, and then 2) seeing if they were right for me. For attractive women (and men), they have a number of options laid out in front of them typically because #1 is taken care of. They will struggle with #2 as well, but typically less because they can attract so many more people, it will be easier for them to find a compatibility match. Think of it as roulette. The more beautiful you are, the more chips you have to play.
tbf Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Think of it as roulette. The more beautiful you are, the more chips you have to play.When men are in pursuit, they're on their best behaviour. The more chips to play, the more possible mistakes and more possible asses who pursue you.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 99% of the 'problems' gorgeous females have could be solved by them choosing better men to be involved with andbetter female ffriends... Though often, the type of women who most commonly complain about such 'problems', have very few or no female friends... I wonder why that is I think the problem is though, physical attraction. Those women could pick the wrong guy, and after it crashes and burns, still go back and pick one of the 'nice guys' like a female poster alluded to earlier. Typically, that man would still be available and willing. But there's no physical attraction with that other man.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 When men are in pursuit, they're on their best behaviour. The more chips to play, the more possible mistakes and more possible asses who pursue you. Well. You take your physical beauty for granted. I tell you. You shouldn't. You don't think unattractive women have to put up with asses and dealing with mistakes? They do. Just when they make mistakes, they don't have another option waiting.
tbf Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Well. You take your physical beauty for granted. I tell you. You shouldn't. You don't think unattractive women have to put up with asses and dealing with mistakes? They do. Just when they make mistakes, they don't have another option waiting.You make it sound like it's a snap to move on after emotional investment. Ever read the break up and coping subforums?
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 You make it sound like it's a snap to move on after emotional investment. Ever read the break up and coping subforums? I don't emotionally invest myself with women anymore. The last woman I emotionally invested in had no romantic interest in me or any physical attraction whatsoever. It took me nearly 3 years to get over her. Pathetic? Perhaps. But see. We go though all of the heartbreak attractive people go through too, sometimes with none of the spoils. Bottom line. Nobody should ever take their ability to physically attract members of the opposite sex for granted.
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