femmefatale123 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 We usually get together Friday evening, spend all day Saturday, and then I go home Sunday afternoon. He's a self-employed lawyer and has had a habit of going into the office Sunday afternoons to prepare for court Monday. (He goes to court Monday afternoons after working in his office that morning and then works in his office the rest of the week.) If there's a holiday Monday or special event (e.g., Superbowl), he skips going to the office Sunday afternoon, and I'll usually stay Sunday night. He says he's tired during the week and just wants to "crash" lots of nights after getting in from work, so he's not big on doing anything during the week. We do exchange texts every day, and he generally calls me a couple of nights during the week. Occasionally, I call him. While school is going on, I am usually pretty busy, too, as I teach all day and then teach one or two evening classes. Very rarely, we do something during the week (usually at his suggestion), but there are times I'd like to see him more than just weekends. Some background info: we have been seeing each other since January 2012, with a brief 3-month break last year, during which we worked through some issues. We are both divorced. I was married for about 16 years, and he was married for 19. He's been divorced for 16 years, much longer than I have. His ex cheated on him, and he says he has defense mechanisms. I'm the first person he's had an actual relationship with since his divorce. He dated a few people, but he says until he met me, his inclination was to "run." I'm wondering, too, if he moves at a slow pace when it comes to commitment. He also said it took him a long time to "get into" his relationship with his ex, as they dated for 7 years before getting married. Although he is not verbally affectionate and prefers to show care in other ways, he has told me he loves me. He also wanted to be exclusive almost immediately after we started going out, so we haven't been seeing other people anytime we've been together. It's not a long-distance relationship. We live about 12 miles apart, but I'm about to move into town and will be about two miles from him. (It's in a small town.) I'm not purposefully moving closer to him, but there's nothing to do where I've lived for the past five years, and I'll be closer to some volunteer activities in which I'm involved. I'm willing to give him some time if he simply moves at a slower pace, but I don't know if I want merely to be his "weekend lover" five years from now. I am not ready right now, but I might be open very soon in the future to cohabitation or marriage with someone. 1
newmoon Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 i find myself in a similar situation. i have been with my bf for 2 years now and we only see each other maybe 1x a week, perhaps 2x max. we work together, so he counts our time at work together as 'time together' even though we don't actually interact/talk at work ... anyway... i have found that the answer to your question is no a relationship needs an emotional connection to grow (or continue to grow) and you cannot forge a long, deep, lasting emotional bond with someone that you rarely see. being unavailable during the week, using work/busy as an excuse, or 'not being quite ready' or 'just out of a divorce/cheting thing' are all just excuses, truly. someone who is READY will be ready and make space/time for you. you will end up in the same place years from now because this guy is not giving more, which i'm sure you'd welcome. i need to take my own advice, perhaps, but don't settle for less than what you truly want/need. for the relationship to grow you need time together in joint activities/experience so that when the weekend does come along you have things to talk about together. conversation can become strained when there is such limited contact and the people involved are just not getting close enough to ever move ahead. if you are restricted to weekends, you're a FWB, or will start to feel like one 1
Galaxias Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Yeah, similar boat too. Usually, each weekend just gets nicer and nicer, and it does feel like something building. So I think a relationship CAN progres like that, but only if your BOTH happy with what's going on. What does he do at night during the week? Does he really just "crash" or does he hang out with other people or do you know? 1
ThomasD Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Yes, it CAN progress if you both want it to progress and agree on where it's progressing to. My wife and I started out as strangers (with a mutual acquaintance) just writing to each other, sight unseen, 700 miles apart, for over 3 months. Then we met, and shortly after the distance came down to about 200 miles so we spent a few weekends with each other's families . . . and then it was pretty much every weekend (with some more extended times around holidays, school breaks, etc) until we married a little over a year after our first in-person meeting. Still married, almost 39 years later, so I guess our relationship "progressed" through the meet-on-weekends phase. 1
Mr_Flay Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Yes. My girlfriend and I both returned to our hometowns after graduation, which are 75 km apart. Since we both worked, we could only see each other on weekends. We made the most of it, and we talked on Skype every evening.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I think so, I mean I was dating someone and we only saw each other on weekends and it progressed fine.
Phantom888 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Every weekend would be a luxury for me. My lady has her daughter every other weekend, and I have my kids every weekend. During the week, I am free but she has to take care of her child. So at this point we can only see each other every other weekend or once during the week if she gets a sitter. I can't wait to spend more time with her. My lease is up next week, so I have decided to move closer to her so I may be able to see her briefly during the week without much effort. That's the plan...
xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 One word: workaholic. His job demands a lot of him but he's willing to make progress with you by seeing you every weekend. This can go on until one of you gets tired of the routine. As someone above me has said, it can progress only if the two of you are willing to make it work. As it seems, he's complacent with the status quo.
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