elisee8d Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Alright, so I started talking to this guy about a week ago whom I met online. I'm not a big "online dating" person, but we had good conversation so I went with it. I know he's a real person and this isn't a catfish type of deal, so let me get that out of the way. It's been about a week, and he's ALL about me, almost to the point where I feel creeped out by it. He constantly calls me sweetheart, beautiful, princess, etc and tells me that he can't stop thinking about me and that I'm always on his mind. He thinks I'm special and different and tells me that he'll give me everything I need and more and that he wants to make me his girl one day, and that all he wants to do is make me happy and talk to me as much as he can. Most of this is really sweet and I would appreciate it if we had been dating for a while, but after a week? This guy hardly knows anything about me, except he thinks he already does. He thinks I'm perfect, and that makes me feel uncomfortable because I know I'm not... no one is! It feels like he's putting me up on a pedestal and I can't help but feel like I'll disappoint him when I meet him. I'm not a typically insecure person, but how highly he thinks of me already makes me think I'll never live up to it. I asked him why he seemed so sure about me without even having met me yet, and he said he knows good vibes when he feels them, thinks we have a connection, and can tell I'm special. That's nice and everything, maybe he's more perceptive than I am... but I need to know someone much better before I can put so much time and thought into them. I feel bad because I have reservations about being so lovey-dovey back to him. I need to know someone a lot better to tell them things like how happy I want to make them, and to decide if I want to be with them or not. Is that just me?! For our first time hanging out he asked if we could hang out at my house, and I said no and that I wasn't comfortable with that and that the fact that he suggested that made me kind of second guess his intentions and the sweet things he says. This made him VERY upset and he was so insulted that I would think that of him, and he went on to tell me that he's not like guys I've been with in the past and that he's different and couldn't believe I'd say something like that. I explained myself and he realized he was wrong and apologized. We're both in our 20's, but he's been engaged before, living with his ex fiance, and the girl left him, but I don't know why. He said she didn't give him a reason. This might be a silly way to judge, but I think that if he was engaged then he obviously is normal to some extent to get a girl to agree to MARRY him. I found her on a social networking site through him and looked through her pictures, where there were a lot of them (creepy, I know..) but he seems like a normal guy in their pictures, and she seemed over the moon to be with him. The fact that he was in such a serious relationship makes me think that maybe he's just a really good guy who was with someone for a while who he was used to showering with compliments, so he doesn't know that that's weird to do early on? Or maybe I'm wrong, and this isn't weird? Someone close to him passed away not too long ago, so maybe he could be vulnerable? He's just coming on so strong, and I'm not used to someone being so forward with me or so nice to me. I'm not sure if this is just my own silly reservations and trying to sabotage a potentially good thing to avoid getting hurt, or if he's just a clingy guy I really should cut things off with. I've gotten mixed opinions on this from my friends and family, so any opinions or advice would be helpful since I'm just at a loss over here. Thank you!
Treasa Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I can't even tell you how big of a bad vibe I'm getting about this dude. He reminds me of a couple of my exes, who acted exactly the same, and both ended up being narcissists and extremely emotionally abusive and immature. Out of 30+ boyfriends, they were the only ones, and I definitely get that same bad feeling reading your post. If it's been so short an amount of time and you're already questioning these things and having these issues, you might want to get out. I know I would. At the very least, back off, set the pace, and don't let him manipulate you into feeling, saying, or doing something that isn't natural for you. You seem to have a lot of common sense. Just fearlessly stand up for yourself when it comes to these issues. If his feelings are hurt because you established your boundaries, then he's not mature enough to date anyway. 4
MidwestUSA Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Run. He was ballsy enough to invite himself to your place, but upset at your reasons for saying no? You haven't met him, and probably shouldn't. If you do end up on a date, go to a very public place and meet him there, don't let him know where you live. Oh, yikes, I've met a couple of these. So sorry. 2
Author elisee8d Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Well thank you! I'd like to think I have a decent amount of common sense... I credit it to having been stupid in the past and dealing with a lot of jerks - it's why I'm doubting the nice things he's saying... also why I never know if my thoughts are spot on or clouded up by experiences in the past, so it's a win-lose. And oh, of course! If I were to meet him I would go to a public place and have my friends and family know where I was at all times so they could come and rescue me if need be. I do kind of have an interest in him, and I do feel like he'd be a good guy... I'm just not a fan of this over-complimenting so early. I'm a huge sucker for that kind of stuff once I KNOW I really like the person, because then it means something coming from them. He's made an appoint to tell me that he isn't controlling, possessive or aggressive in relationships, that he's loyal and independent in his life and prides himself on being a "man" instead of an immature boy, like he says I've been with in the past... which is true. I can't tell if he's being so nice because he knows I've been with terrible guys in the past, or what, either. But that's very true about setting the boundaries... that's what I'm trying to do right now, hinting at the fact that I find it weird that he's so sure about me so soon. It's also kind of hard for me to stand up for myself though, thanks to a past relationship, but that's a whole other story. So you guys both think I should definitely get out while I can? Just out of curiosity, is it because of his being overly nice setting a red flag? I saw it as a little weird, but not any indicator of serious problems to come... then again, people on the outside can always see situations more clearly. Is there ANY chance he's actually just this sweet, maybe even a hopeless romantic? I've never dealt with a guy like this before, I always had men who were inconsistent with their feelings and flip flopping about wanting me or not, so this is nice, and at the same time weirding me out. Jeez, I don't even know how I feel towards him right now. Ugh.
Treasa Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He's coming on too strong and too hot too fast, he's getting unreasonably angry with you, and he feels the next to tell you that he's not controlling, etc? I would be so out of there and thankful he didn't know my address. I mean, you haven't even met him and you're already posting for advice. Does that seem like a good start? 2
tricolors Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 You haven't met this person in real life yet, you've only talked to him for a week online, and: He says: You're a princess. You're special and different. Can't stop thinking about you. You're perfect. He'll "make you his" some day. Do you seriously have to ask if this is normal behavior for someone who has never even seen you before? Really? Some of the above would be appropriate after you've been really dating for a couple of months. 2
PutARingOnIt Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 That's how they always are in the beginning. I had one telling me we had a connection before we had even met in person. Don't believe it. He is just trying to get some, that's why he wanted to come over to your place to "hang out".
KatZee Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I can't even tell you how big of a bad vibe I'm getting about this dude. He reminds me of a couple of my exes, who acted exactly the same, and both ended up being narcissists and extremely emotionally abusive and immature. Out of 30+ boyfriends, they were the only ones, and I definitely get that same bad feeling reading your post. If it's been so short an amount of time and you're already questioning these things and having these issues, you might want to get out. I know I would. At the very least, back off, set the pace, and don't let him manipulate you into feeling, saying, or doing something that isn't natural for you. You seem to have a lot of common sense. Just fearlessly stand up for yourself when it comes to these issues. If his feelings are hurt because you established your boundaries, then he's not mature enough to date anyway. Agree, agree, agree. My last ex came off strong. Not as bad as this, but he still went like above and beyond to kiss my a.ss very early on. Saying I was what he had been looking for his whole life, and that I was his angel, and complimenting me up and down... just really trying to butter me up. Like Treasa, he wound up being a narcissist, super self absorbed, selfish, and emotionally abusive. It's like he wanted to really sweep me off my feet, to fall for him, only for him to just become the kind of person he really is. It's really shocking to me to see this because I've been talking to a guy for the past week as well. He does not act like my ex AT ALL. It's just him being normal. He doesn't try to say all these things, kiss my a.ss, or any of that phony stuff. It's just him being him, me being me, and we've been hitting it off so we'll see where it goes. I would never date anyone that acted like my ex ever again, and I would advise you stay away from this creep as well. 1
KatZee Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He's made an appoint to tell me that he isn't controlling, possessive or aggressive in relationships, that he's loyal and independent in his life and prides himself on being a "man" instead of an immature boy, like he says I've been with in the past... which is true. I can't tell if he's being so nice because he knows I've been with terrible guys in the past, or what, either. OK so, a guy who isn't controlling, possessive, or any of these things isn't going to make it a point to outright say it. You're just going to KNOW these things based on how he acts. A genuine guy isn't going to boast about all his characteristics 5 seconds after meeting him. A genuine guy also isn't going to call himself a man, and not immature right after telling you that all you've been with are immature guys. I really hope you just end this now and don't waste a second meeting him. 1
FitChick Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I think he is desperate to get another girlfriend to "punish" his ex for bailing out on him before the wedding.
todreaminblue Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I think you should take your time......if you feel uncomfortable let him know......if he is the right guy for you...he wont want to make you feel that way...some people are more expressive than others......and you have to take into consideration that fact people express themselves differently......i would not be comfortable with a guy calling me princess at any time......three years or three minutes into a relationship.......dear is another one....my nanna and grandpa called me dear...i believed they thought i was......someone who hardly knows me .....its a nah....... always say how you feel if someone makes you uncomfortable......says me who is into avoidance......smilin...just be you and tell him when you dont feel right about something he says...that way the channels of communication are open...also say to him when you chat next...if ever there is anything i do or say that makes you uncomfortable you can tell me you know ...i woudl liek that honesty from the beginning...that way it makes it a two way street....the best street to be on for both of you...no crossed wires overhead........good luck...deb
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