I said some TERRIBLE things to my ex...

[J_L_C]

As most of you know I have had a really rough time getting past my relationship and its been over 10 months.

 

I've been filled with Unresolved feelings to the point where I have been filled with such complete rage, hopelessness and despair. I have been in so much pain for nearly a year and I just haven't known how to move on or how to stop it. He has never really given me the chance to express my frustration and for my own peace of mind I decided to tell him everything I have been feeling about him since the breakup. I didn't do this for him, I did this for me. For the first time I feel a release of all of the emotions and feelings that of been swirling around inside of my head for such a long time. But I said some terrible things to him. Many of you know the disgusting and disrespectful way in which he treated me and because of that I have felt so low and down on myself due to the way he made me feel.

 

I'm feeling really guilty today based on all of the things I said to him, but in a way I feel like he deserved to know everything he made me feel. I am finally done with the idea of my hope for reconciliation and in a sense this release has freed me from this prison my mind has been stuck in.

 

But now I feel so extremely horrible, ashamed of myself and guilty for all of the things that I did say to him. Now I have a whole other problem on my hands here. My conscience is getting the best of me. Despite how poorly he treated me and despite what a bad person he is, I don't know what to do with these feelings now that I have unloaded them on him.

 

I feel anxious and sick to my stomach. I'm worried about my well-being now and the aftermath of what I did.

[Simon Phoenix]

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why No Contact is essential. You keep violating it and you keep finding extreme pain. You really need to stop this. It's gone way past acceptable.

[Zahara]

You started with, "if I know he is in love with someone it will help me move on." You found out he was in love with someone and you spiraled. Didn't help you one bit.

 

So, instead of that helping you move on, it reignited anger, jealousy and bitterness. Now you've unleashed and here you are again, stewing in your own self-inflicted mess.

 

Don't know what else to say to you. It seems like you don't want to help yourself. Advice is not being adhered to so what else can anyone say on here that will help you? I am not sure how far rock bottom is for you to finally realize you cannot go down any further.

 

One thing is for certain and that is you are severely lacking self-esteem and self-respect. And what's even more frightening is that you're out dating!

 

In a few days you will post another thread about how you apologized to the ex for all the things you said and I am sure you'll then have created a host of new unresolved emotions once again.

[destroyed4sho]

First of all, dont get down on yourself because this dysfunctional person dumped you. You did nothing wrong.

Second, I am about the same months broken up with my ex and I am still not over it either. For some people it takes longer. I have accepted that fact that I will not be over my ex for a while and I just have to move on with the pain and thinking about them and the relationship everyday and I feel better for it.

Third, stand behind whatever words you said to him. It is good that you got it all out instead of bottling it up inside. You said those terrible things for a reason and meant it. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. He did many things far worse to you.

Are you ready now for NC FOREVER??

[J_L_C]

First of all, dont get down on yourself because this dysfunctional person dumped you. You did nothing wrong.

Second, I am about the same months broken up with my ex and I am still not over it either. For some people it takes longer. I have accepted that fact that I will not be over my ex for a while and I just have to move on with the pain and thinking about them and the relationship everyday and I feel better for it.

Third, stand behind whatever words you said to him. It is good that you got it all out instead of bottling it up inside. You said those terrible things for a reason and meant it. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. He did many things far worse to you.

Are you ready now for NC FOREVER??

 

Thank you. Your words really reassured me. I am definitely at this point never going to contact him again. I have nothing left to say because I said everything I've ever felt about him and the situation. Like I said, it did feel good to release all of this emotion but I can't help but still feel guilty that I am now the bad guy. I have no intentions of contacting him to apologize. I am tired of the back-and-forth and I said everything I meant to say. But it still hurts me to know that despite his terrible disrespect and actions towards me, I have now lost my dignity and respect in his eyes. Even after our breakup he would tell me I am a sweet and wonderful person, but after the things I said to him now he will think I am a total bitch and now I have shown my true colors. Obviously if he hadn't treated me the way that he did or said the things that he said I would have no reason to feel these emotions and therefore would have had nothing bad to say to him, but the fact remains he was a terrible person towards me at the end and these bottled emotions are finally out.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you. Your words really reassured me. I am definitely at this point never going to contact him again. I have nothing left to say because I said everything I've ever felt about him and the situation. Like I said, it did feel good to release all of this emotion but I can't help but still feel guilty that I am now the bad guy. I have no intentions of contacting him to apologize. I am tired of the back-and-forth and I said everything I meant to say. But it still hurts me to know that despite his terrible disrespect and actions towards me, I have now lost my dignity and respect in his eyes. Even after our breakup he would tell me I am a sweet and wonderful person, but after the things I said to him now he will think I am a total bitch and now I have shown my true colors. Obviously if he hadn't treated me the way that he did or said the things that he said I would have no reason to feel these emotions and therefore would have had nothing bad to say to him, but the fact remains he was a terrible person towards me at the end and these bottled emotions are finally out.

 

Stop worrying about how you look to him. That's your problem (among other things).

[J_L_C]

Stop worrying about how you look to him. That's your problem (among other things).

 

It's not about how I look to him. It's my conscience in knowing I brought someone else down and said such terrible things. I'm not a nasty person by nature, but the extreme hurt I've been feeling for such a long time just kept piling up and up and up, until I finally exploded. I've held so many things in with regard to my feelings about what he's done to me and I sure let him have it. I feel like a bad person now. All this time I've been complaining and I've been so hurt by HIM being such a bad person, and then I go off on a tangent and do this? I can't forgive myself.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you. Your words really reassured me. I am definitely at this point never going to contact him again. I have nothing left to say because I said everything I've ever felt about him and the situation. Like I said, it did feel good to release all of this emotion but I can't help but still feel guilty that I am now the bad guy. I have no intentions of contacting him to apologize. I am tired of the back-and-forth and I said everything I meant to say. But it still hurts me to know that despite his terrible disrespect and actions towards me, I have now lost my dignity and respect in his eyes. Even after our breakup he would tell me I am a sweet and wonderful person, but after the things I said to him now he will think I am a total bitch and now I have shown my true colors. Obviously if he hadn't treated me the way that he did or said the things that he said I would have no reason to feel these emotions and therefore would have had nothing bad to say to him, but the fact remains he was a terrible person towards me at the end and these bottled emotions are finally out.

 

I don't believe you. Your bolded quote indicates otherwise, that you still care about how he perceives you.

 

It's not about how I look to him. It's my conscience in knowing I brought someone else down and said such terrible things. I'm not a nasty person by nature, but the extreme hurt I've been feeling for such a long time just kept piling up and up and up, until I finally exploded. I've held so many things in with regard to my feelings about what he's done to me and I sure let him have it. I feel like a bad person now. All this time I've been complaining and I've been so hurt by HIM being such a bad person, and then I go off on a tangent and do this? I can't forgive myself.

 

And it's this which will cause you to continue this cycle and stay in your state. What's done is done. Move forward instead of trying to go backward and correct. You keep trying to fight through quicksand and instead you are sinking. Stop trying to right the past -- you can't. Move the hell forward.

[Zahara]

It's not about how I look to him. It's my conscience in knowing I brought someone else down and said such terrible things. I'm not a nasty person by nature, but the extreme hurt I've been feeling for such a long time just kept piling up and up and up, until I finally exploded. I've held so many things in with regard to my feelings about what he's done to me and I sure let him have it. I feel like a bad person now. All this time I've been complaining and I've been so hurt by HIM being such a bad person, and then I go off on a tangent and do this? I can't forgive myself.

 

I can bet you didn't bring him down. I can bet he read it, snickered about you lashing out because you're angry and bitter about him finding a new woman. Do you actually think you hurt him? Nope.

 

You did what you did. If anything I am sure 99% of what you said was true, I'm sure harsh but true.

 

And so what if he thinks you are a bad person? It doesn't matter anymore. I can tell you he doesn't even care to think what, who, how you view him because he's invested and distracted by the new conquest.

 

You keep digging yourself into holes. Please stop self-destructing. You're placing too much emphasis on a guy that doesn't care about anything but himself.

Edited June 6, 2013 by Zahara

[Simon Phoenix]

I can bet you didn't bring him down. I can bet he read it, snickered about you lashing out because you're angry and bitter about him finding a new woman. Do you actually think you hurt him? Nope.

 

You did what you did. If anything I am sure 99% of what you said was true, I'm sure harsh but true.

 

And so what if he thinks you are a bad person? It doesn't matter anymore. I can tell you he doesn't even care to think what, who, how you view him because he's invested and distracted by the new conquest.

 

You keep digging yourself into holes. Please stop self-destructing. You're placing too much emphasis on a guy that doesn't care about anything but himself.

 

Yep, her words affected her a hell of a lot more than they affected him. He might have gotten a good chuckle out of it.

[Zahara]

Yep, her words affected her a hell of a lot more than they affected him. He might have gotten a good chuckle out of it.

 

I'm sure he was sitting there snickering, 'Mission accomplished!" He got the reaction he needed and I am sure his ego ballooned knowing she reacted because she was affected by him moving on to someone else. He's going about his day not even thinking about what she said.

 

But here she is on the verge of another meltdown, to the point of never being able to forgive herself. It backfired.

[KatZee]

OP, I mean I kind of get where you're coming from, but I think you should have gotten all of that off your chest right off the bat. Not 10 months later. Because NOW to him it comes off obsessive and I agree he probably laughed.

 

I did the same thing to my ex but I exploded on him right when we broke up and I said some of the nastiest things to him that I've ever said to anyone. I frankly didn't care, and over a year later I still don't care, I still have no regret, and I don't feel bad if he was hurt by it at all. So in this regard, I can see why you would be so angry, and hurt, and unleash on a person who did you wrong.

 

I don't know your back story but if you're not in NC then get into it, NOW. I see here someone said that you keep digging yourself into holes and checking up on the ex. STOP.

 

Stop obsessing about what he's doing, who he's with, what his life is like, how he's happy and you're miserable. Just STOP.

 

Instead of focusing on him, focus on yourself. The reason you're 10 months out of a breakup and still feeling like you did on day one is because you're not doing much to help yourself.

 

I'm 12 months out of my break up and I'm talking to someone new, have been moved on for many months now. I actually came across pics of my ex and his new gf and felt absolutely nothing (except pity for his new gf ). Do you want to be where I am? Then you need to make the changes.

 

Yes, he hurt you. My ex did the same. My ex was a massive liar, emotionally abusive, a cheater, a narcissist, self absorbed, selfish... pretty much any negative adjective you can think of--- that was my ex. I realized that I would never forgive him for what he did to me. And that's fine, because the only person that needs to be forgiven in my situation--- IS MYSELF.

 

You have a lot of rage in you, I remember being there. And then I tried looking at it objectively and I realized that 90% of the rage was at myself. For staying with him longer than I should have. For ignoring red flags. For making him my entire world and allowing him to walk all over me. For staying when he told me he cheated. For making excuses for him whenever he did something wrong or disrespected me.

 

Forgive yourself. You chose a bad apple, you stayed with a bad seed. Take these lessons, learn from them, pick yourself up and move onto the next person with tons more wisdom than you had before.

[Kamille]

Good! Glad you expressed your anger. If you're not someone who usually expresses anger, it's to be expected that you'll feel a bit of guilt. But please take some time to be proud that you stood up for yourself. Also, realize that the guilt means you still care what he thinks. Which, really, it doesn't matter one iota what he thinks.

 

By expressing your anger, you're acting on the realization that there is nothing to salvage from this R. Please be gentle to yourself, give yourself a big hug and realize that you did what you needed to do to move on.

[KatZee]

Good! Glad you expressed your anger.

 

By expressing your anger, you're acting on the realization that there is nothing to salvage from this R. Please be gentle to yourself, give yourself a big hug and realize that you did what you needed to do to move on.

 

Yep. This too. This was one of the main reasons I unloaded on my ex as well. We were DONE. I was tired of his lies, his disrespect, his shady behavior and I just let him have it. I didn't care one ounce what he thought of my outburst. As far as I was concerned he was going to hear what I had to say, and he was going to know what I really thought of him.

 

I knew the only way I was going to start to heal was if I finally stood up for myself and let him know just how big a piece of s.hit he was. And it really did help because it was like a huge weight off my shoulders. It was done. There was nothing left unsaid, and I finally put him in his place for all the wrong he did me.

 

And then I wiped my hands of him and moved on with my life.

[J_L_C]

I've been thru therapy. Nothing will help the damage he caused. Nothing will take away this pain I feel. I want to just say goodbye to the world because I cannot live in this prison anymore and it's the only thing to stop it.

[Minneloa]

I've been thru therapy. Nothing will help the damage he caused. Nothing will take away this pain I feel. I want to just say goodbye to the world because I cannot live in this prison anymore and it's the only thing to stop it.

 

Please pick up the phone right now and call a suicide hotline. This is extremely serious, and trained professionals can help.

[inaya42]

friends,

 

stop insulting and attempting to shame JLC. she is obviously suffering and seems to have very low self-esteem. everyone on this site knows the despair that follows the end of a relationship, particularly when it happens in such a disrespectful way. the ending of particularly toxic relationships can cause PTSD.

 

and being ridiculed by internet strangers when you are seeking solace and support is not helpful. my goodness...

[dreamingoftigers]

I've been thru therapy. Nothing will help the damage he caused. Nothing will take away this pain I feel. I want to just say goodbye to the world because I cannot live in this prison anymore and it's the only thing to stop it.

 

EMDR and call a distress line.

 

Go for EMDR therapy.

 

And whatever underlying belief says you have to suffer for love, what is that one?

 

What is it you tell yourself that sets you over the edge like that?

 

Is it that you're "an awful person" or "don't deserve to be loved."

 

Because those people deserve it for sure bit tend to attract the buggiest douchebags that bring them even more down.

 

And get reading Taming Your Outer Child.

 

Quit abandoning yourself. I've been there. You can't full the pain that way and your energy is so depleted that just thinking about following through is a chore.

 

You didn't act a way that you liked . But you also know that it's damned true what you said. Now stop punishing yourself for treating him asked than perfect. He wasn't perfect. He was an arsehole who's lucky that's all he got.

 

You aren't made of steel, your a human being with a heart and brain and feelings.

 

Some days the low road is a little more scenic. Cut yourself some slack.

 

There's an unbroken guy waiting for you at the end of this. Now get better so yiu can go find him.

 

Whatever is bothering you, go for EMDR.

[dreamingoftigers]

JLC

 

Are you still there reading the thread?

 

You can PM me and we can talk if you would like.

 

I know how it feel when the walls close in and you're by yourself.

 

Your pain is so very evident and it runs really really deep.

It's hard when you elevate someone and they treat you like something disposable. I won't talk you out of ending things if you want to.

 

But at least do it with some peace first. PM me.

[inaya42]

so enough? enemies? this is very intense and polarizing language for generally empathic and supportive folk...

 

anyway, brutal honesty and bluntness can shame those who are traumatized. and i get that there might be some frustration with someone who fails to move on after almost a year and continually posts about her despair. but trauma can have a lingering effect.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm "new" here.

 

But I can see what Inaya is saying because pre-trauma therapy a lot of this stuff would have hit me like bricks. Rightly or wrongly.

 

ESP hearing that he was "laughing at me."

 

Just my $0.02

Edited June 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm "new" here.

 

But I can see what Inaya is saying because pre-trauma therapy a lot of this stuff would have hit me like bricks. Rightly or wrongly.

 

ESP hearing that he was "laughing at me."

 

Just my $0.02

 

Meh, J_L_C and I have talked a bunch. She knows I wasn't making fun.

 

I was just giving her perspective to try to make her not feel bad about doing something that, while unnecessary due to the harm it could cause her, that she was justified in doing from a right/wrong perspective. She shouldn't feel bad about telling this jackass off because she thinks he'll feel bad, because he doesn't. And even if he did, who cares because he wronged her severely. She's been putting this awful, awful, awful person on a pedestal for 10 months now. My pointing out that example was for that purpose, to reiterate how awful he is and how she shouldn't feel bad about it.

 

And what you are saying further illustrates why we believe J_L_C needs professional help, because we aren't professionals.

[Robert]

Anymore off topic thread jacking earns the poster an infraction

 

Thanks

[crazy1234]

As most of you know I have had a really rough time getting past my relationship and its been over 10 months.

 

I've been filled with Unresolved feelings to the point where I have been filled with such complete rage, hopelessness and despair. I have been in so much pain for nearly a year and I just haven't known how to move on or how to stop it. He has never really given me the chance to express my frustration and for my own peace of mind I decided to tell him everything I have been feeling about him since the breakup. I didn't do this for him, I did this for me. For the first time I feel a release of all of the emotions and feelings that of been swirling around inside of my head for such a long time. But I said some terrible things to him. Many of you know the disgusting and disrespectful way in which he treated me and because of that I have felt so low and down on myself due to the way he made me feel.

 

I'm feeling really guilty today based on all of the things I said to him, but in a way I feel like he deserved to know everything he made me feel. I am finally done with the idea of my hope for reconciliation and in a sense this release has freed me from this prison my mind has been stuck in.

 

But now I feel so extremely horrible, ashamed of myself and guilty for all of the things that I did say to him. Now I have a whole other problem on my hands here. My conscience is getting the best of me. Despite how poorly he treated me and despite what a bad person he is, I don't know what to do with these feelings now that I have unloaded them on him.

 

I feel anxious and sick to my stomach. I'm worried about my well-being now and the aftermath of what I did.

Its all said and done now.Let it be.Whats done is done.Sometimes we have to stoop to their level to show them their true colors and i guess thats exactly what u did even though its out of you'r comfort zone.You did what u thought was right at that point of time.Don't let this beguile you and make u feel worse.Take it easy.

[robaday]

Dont feel bad about it at all!!!!!!! I finally let rip on mine few months back. Ive been nice and friendly throughout last year - guess what? the nicer I was the more horrible she became!!!! I let rip, and she started whining we could have been friends.....u know what? who cares anymore? its over, you dont need him and by telling him off youve shown him that!

 

My thinking has changed one hell of a lot over the last year. Sick of being a psychophantic pandering guy with major passive aggresssion. Say what you mean and mean what you say, if you cant stick up for yourself who will stick up for you? self respect is boundaries, you were treated badly so you defended yourself