chados Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 This week I haven't been thinking about her as much which I am glad about. I've been thinking about my relationship and I kind of regret putting so much into it, and I feel so stupid for falling in love with her and putting so much into the relationship. I think the worst part for me is the whole depression thing. I think I would be able to deal with the break up if I hadnt become so emotionally invested with her because of her depression and her past, I wanted to be her knight in shining armour I guess, but at the end of the day I guess didn't mean all that much. That really is the worst part of the whole thing, is that I wanted to 'save' her I guess. I feel like I'm going through the slow acceptance stage at the moment, although think I'm feeling like I've been abandoned by the first person that I've cared about. And it's made me feel like I've been stabbed in the back or abandoned or something. Dealing with drama with my friends has just added on to these feelings, considering I'm probably going to lose most of my friends because of some bull**** that's going on at the moment. I'm really starting to feel as if I just want to steer clear from relationships of any kind at all. Total solitude is sounding like a good idea right now. I can't wait til I start Uni next year and meet some new people. dont see this helping her time as a bad choice. be proud that you tried to help her no matter what she did. you could not know how it would turn out. and im sure she appreciated it. first you break down, blaming yourself and you'll see her as the best thing that ever happened to you. then all this will probably turn to anger against her and you'll think that everything you did was for nothing. then all of the sudden you stop thinking about her and you will stop blaming yourself.
Author TheMink Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 dont see this helping her time as a bad choice. be proud that you tried to help her no matter what she did. you could not know how it would turn out. and im sure she appreciated it. first you break down, blaming yourself and you'll see her as the best thing that ever happened to you. then all this will probably turn to anger against her and you'll think that everything you did was for nothing. then all of the sudden you stop thinking about her and you will stop blaming yourself. No matter what she's done to me throughout the breakup, how she's treated me and disregarding the truth as to what I was to her, I still deeply care about her. I know that she doesn't 'need' me now, but I guess I still feel like a bad guy for not trying to stay friends with her, and I'm starting to regret my actions in regards to pushing her away. I feel like I should have still tried to stay friends and support her whenever she needs it. I guess I've been thinking about the time she said I was the only one she could talk to about her problems, even after she broke up with me. I guess I also hate that I'm on bad terms with her, and that I kind of feel like 'the bad guy' in all of this, even though she's the one that dumped me and that she screwed me over with the whole formal thing, and she's movin onto someone new. I've gone through the stages that you listed above countless times, it's like a circle.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 No matter what she's done to me throughout the breakup, how she's treated me and disregarding the truth as to what I was to her, I still deeply care about her. I know that she doesn't 'need' me now, but I guess I still feel like a bad guy for not trying to stay friends with her, and I'm starting to regret my actions in regards to pushing her away. I feel like I should have still tried to stay friends and support her whenever she needs it. I guess I've been thinking about the time she said I was the only one she could talk to about her problems, even after she broke up with me. I guess I also hate that I'm on bad terms with her, and that I kind of feel like 'the bad guy' in all of this, even though she's the one that dumped me and that she screwed me over with the whole formal thing, and she's movin onto someone new. I've gone through the stages that you listed above countless times, it's like a circle. You shouldn't be friends with her. And it's not your job to, for a lack of a better term, play "Captain Save-A-Ho". A relationship is supposed to be built on mutual respect, admiration and attention, not you being a caseworker. In the future, I'd advise you to be less of a fixer.
Author TheMink Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I'm so sick of all these thoughts, I just wish it would all end. It's almost been 4 months but I'm still not over this. I feel like such a weak person, my sense of self worth is gone. I'm depressed as well, I've just been sleeping the days away, not getting up until late afternoon and going to sleep at 4 AM. I've become addicted to the lonely nights listening to angry music and being on the Internet and just being in a mindset if self pity. I realise that the relationship wasn't going to work out, and that she is a damaged person that not even I could fix, but I know that I loved her and I still do. I wanted to make an impact on her life, in a big way but I just feel like I failed at that. I think I've realised that the time with her was the most meaningful and enjoyable period of my life so far, and I'm just trying to cling onto it with all that I have, even if that means me wallowing in self pity and memories that just cause me pain, and cause me to feel depressed. I find it hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, or see how long these feelings are going to drag on for. However I'm experiencing this weird mindset at the moment where I feel like I'm undeserving or weak to have these feelings, because I just think about what she's been through in her life and it doesn't really compare. I wish I could stop thinking about her life and what I was imagining what it would be like if we stayed together. I'm still trying my best with NC, still working out to improve myself and looking for a job etc. but it's not really doing much to end this toxic cycle I'm in.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) Are you hanging out with other friends and meeting other people? You need to bust out of your comfort zone. You need to say "f--k this" when you feel like wallowing to angry music and force yourself to do something constructive. And your obsession with trying to fix girls is misplaced. Why not find a girl that you can just like that doesn't need fixing? Why are you so hellbent on being Captain Save-A-Ho? The last thing I personally want is to have to "fix" a girl. Edited July 9, 2013 by Simon Phoenix
Sleepwalk Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Dude,I am kinda sorry,and kinda not sorry.You need to man the hell up,dont imagine how it was with her,imagine how you were before you met her.Just skip out the parts with her included in the frame,GET IT.I had similar feelings to these,I had my ex on Social websites,things like skype and etc.And when I saw her online,even though she was out of my mind already,It still bothered me,it ruined my day.So I just decided to delete her,phone number and everything.She still has some of her things at me,unsignificant in price or size,but they have no meaning anymore. I used to sob and blame myself,but that's just overthinking.I had a thread here,I didn't get much of answers,but the one I got made me fall back into reality.You are not the first one,she is not the center of the world,and ultimately,YOU ARE NOT OVER HER.You would take her back anytime,and that is just weak.She left you and laughed you out,this "relationship" would only be based on domination,and she having all the space she wants.You would be an object of pity,something to look down on.If the presence of hers is what you want,then sir,that is a really bad viewpoint,I must say. You can't make someone love you that has you as a past chapter in their book,get over it.Occupy your mind,because you don't seem to do that.She is still in the main frames,and everything else is secondary in your head. I won't lie,I think about my ex everyday,and about the times we had,and about how good everything was,and how amazing some moments were.But there are good memories in our life,that we just look back on,and smile on the inside.This should be one of those,if you can group it that way.Or either forget it.It shouldn't be a material to feed your sadness and depression on.Understand that.
Author TheMink Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Last Friday it was her formal, the dreaded day finally came. I was able to keep my mind mostly off things on the night as I was at a concert. But sure enough I saw photos of her in my news feed from mutual friends etc. Seeing her with this guys arm wrapped around her made me sick to the stomach to look at. It was probably one of the most painful things that I've had to look at. For the last few days I've become more and more depressed. I feel as if though that it's not just because of what she did to me, or that she's now happy living her life with someone else, but it's because I'm alone again. I'm 17, and growing up I never knew my Dad and my mother died when I was one, so I've lived with my grandma and aunt and uncle at different periods of my life, and I have no siblings whatsoever, so I've have never really had anyone close or anyone to talk to about these problems. For the last year all that lonliness went away but now...it's back. I felt as if though I finally found someone or something that meant for something. In regards to me being Captain 'Save-A'Hoe', well it's not as if I went after her or I fell in love with her because of that, I feel the way I do because I deeply care/cared about her. I'm a sensitive caring person, I know I'm only young and or whether or not I sound like a dumb kid, but I know that I was truly in love. However this whole experience has made me second guess myself in a way, because if I'm not good enough to be able to provide something or help a girl that has gone through those kind of experiences. And after it all she hurt me in such a dehumanizing way.
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Dude, block her from your Facebook. Not de-friend her. BLOCK HER!!!!!
Author TheMink Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 (edited) She is blocked on FB, the photos of the night were all uploaded by a mutual friend not her. Edited July 16, 2013 by TheMink
chados Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 there is nothing bad about being dumped at 17. my friend was around 25 and he broke down. id say the sooner the better. its not fun being a grown up thinking that youve failed. but come one. you have barely started your life. this was almost bound to happen. happens to everyone. a couple of months is nothing, trust me "nothing". some people in here are having problems for more then a year. the problem is that people arent listening to others thats been in this situation. what you do is that you go to your end your ex mutual friends. you press do not show posts from this person. and you wont see any pictures. then i would go somewhere. maybe even outside the country. i think you came from australia. ive been there and i know that new zealand isnt very expensive to travel to. or why not go to another city? have som fun. meet new people. if this isnt an option. at least go out and meet new people. i know you want to be home doing nothing. but this is a really bad idea. ive done it. my friends have done it. it is a completely worthless thing to do to yourself 1
Author TheMink Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 The last week or so I've been a lot better. I've really been focussing on myself and working out etc. However the only really recurring problem besides people mentioning stuff she's been doing to me, is that I still 'love' her. And not really in the sense that I want her company or want her back. It's that I care about her, as for example I know her mum sleeps around and she brings guys back and has loud sex with them at night for example, which effects her. And I know that she still suffers from anxiety attacks etc. I know that this girl is a bitch and that I deserve better, and I will find better. But there's this part of me that still deeply cares about her well being. I guess you could say its that I feel sorry for her, but I think it's more complicated than that.
chados Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 ive been in this situation and a part of me wanted to hurt her and hate her, but i couldnt. a person that would do that in a situation like this is either a person with a lot of hate or a person that thinks it will bring her back. im pretty sure that you dont know exactly why you care about her. like you said its more complicated. my guess would be that youre just a nice guy that dont want to hurt someone you once loved because its just not who you are. and it wouldnt make you feel any better. i dont think it has anything to do with you being worried about her. i dont think she deserves your time. i think its a way for you to tell yourself that youre still the victim and the better person. which might very well be true. but dont mix this up with whether you like her or not. there nothing wrong being disappointed and mad. we all want to be appreciated by our exes, at least at first. then suddenly we dont care anymore. 1
Author TheMink Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 I'm glad that the worst part of the breakup is finally over. The only real pain I feel now is hearing about her posts on FB or whatever. I've been kind of nostalgically thinking back on the start of our relationship last year, and kind of reliving it in my head. I've been listening to the same music that I was listening to around that time, and while I've been out and about I've visited where we first met up. Because the beginning of the relationship is what I'll remember when I think back on it. I know that I'll never 'hate' her. I've started dedicating myself to working out, which has helped me keep my mind off things, and because I got sick of being so 'woe is me'. I'm kind of getting a pleasure out of it because I do plan on possibly meeting up with her in a couple years to catch up or whatever and she'll see how much I've changed. I do find myself thinking about wondering how she'll remember me, even though it doesn't matter. I wonder if she'll ever think back and remember me. I do know that she'll never forget me because I was her first love, and the first person she had sex with. Although I do wonder if she'll look back on our relationship fondly or not.
chados Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 we always look back. but that doesnt mean we change our minds. it doesnt matter right now. its when you can let go you can start moving on and feel better again. its just one of those relationships you have when youre young. although its a good experience. a part of me still think that relations before being an adult is a bad idea. cause its rare that it ever works out. glad youre feeling better though. just give it time. it took me months.
lovesucks76 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I'm glad that the worst part of the breakup is finally over. The only real pain I feel now is hearing about her posts on FB or whatever. I've been kind of nostalgically thinking back on the start of our relationship last year, and kind of reliving it in my head. I've been listening to the same music that I was listening to around that time, and while I've been out and about I've visited where we first met up. Because the beginning of the relationship is what I'll remember when I think back on it. I know that I'll never 'hate' her. I've started dedicating myself to working out, which has helped me keep my mind off things, and because I got sick of being so 'woe is me'. I'm kind of getting a pleasure out of it because I do plan on possibly meeting up with her in a couple years to catch up or whatever and she'll see how much I've changed. I do find myself thinking about wondering how she'll remember me, even though it doesn't matter. I wonder if she'll ever think back and remember me. I do know that she'll never forget me because I was her first love, and the first person she had sex with. Although I do wonder if she'll look back on our relationship fondly or not. Tough man, sorry. Stay off FB if you can. It won't help you right now.
Author TheMink Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 we always look back. but that doesnt mean we change our minds. it doesnt matter right now. its when you can let go you can start moving on and feel better again. its just one of those relationships you have when youre young. although its a good experience. a part of me still think that relations before being an adult is a bad idea. cause its rare that it ever works out. glad youre feeling better though. just give it time. it took me months. Thanks for the reply, things are going really well at the moment as it seems I've met someone new. Although it seems there's going to be a few issues with that too, just my luck. I'd love to get your opinion on it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/420367-really-bad-idea-i-m-apprehensive
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