I almost broke NC today...and I still want to

[Chi townD]

I felt a bit better today, although I don't think this could have come at a worse time as I'm really stressed out with exams already, and all of this has made things worse tenfold. Although holidays are coming soon and I will be going on a week holiday with friends and family during them (I live in Australia by the way).

 

My ex messaged me today, although I have restrained myself from opening it. All I know is that it starts of saying 'I don't want you to contact me...'. I am curious as to what else is in the message, I know reading it is probably going to cause me more hurt, and might provoke me to respond so at this stage I don't plan on opening it. But after my friend telling me everything last night I have no motivation to contact her at all, and I just get angry thinking about her.

 

Great! I'll see you next year! That's where my next adventure is going to be. I want to see the Great Barrier Reef, and then I'm catching a plane to Melborne. Do some shopping, check out the scene there and chill out in Fed Square, go to Eureka Tower! Don't think I'll see Sydney, when you think of Australia people automatically envision Sydney and the Opera House, I want to go off the path a little.

 

But, that's my point! I got screwed over years and years ago; and I'm STILL making positive changes. And for the better! I made positive changes for me and for a better life without my Ex. And I've done just that. I have a great life and a wonderful wife and I continually look for adventures. Work hard and play hard!

[chados]

why would she text you that. if you decide however to answer which you might as weve seen already. say something like, i never planned too.

[bswzzl]

I was you earlier this year my friend! What helped me was writing letters and not sending them at all but just writing or typing out somewhere how I was feeling and just rambling. That helped SO MUCH. But also, whenever I felt like I was gonna crack, I just texted my friend and told them and they would tell me not to because I'd feel worse than I do when I wasn't talking to them, which was true. I think right now, just getting your mind off her would be best, I would draw, or read, or just work out and work on myself. Writing everything out is the best thing you can do as well.

[TheMink]

Today was quite a weird day. I woke up dreaming about being with another girl that I had a crush on when I was younger and someone I'd recently started talking to again. Of which I was suprised about as the only dreams that I had been having were about my ex. I was quite glad as I felt it was a sign that I was starting to move on. However, undoubtedly as the day wore on I started romanticising about my ex, thinking about all the times we'd had together. There was a family gathering at my house tonight of which was ruined by thoughts of her being there with me as I had always wanted to introduce her to my extended family etc.

 

I honestly feel quite stupid about everything, as now even now that I know that she wasn't the person that I thought she was, and that the relationship wasn't really what I thought it was, I still wish I still had it. I guess I want what I 'thought the relationship was', and 'who I thought she was'.

 

I still haven't opened or read the message that she sent me at the start of the week, as I'm not sure exactly what I want to do. As from what I can see its probably her just going to be her telling me to not contact her and her probably telling me off. And I don't know if I want to read it. However, a part of me is incredibly curious to see what she says. And I don't know if I'll send a reply message or not. Ugh, a part of me just wants to say to her that I wish I never met her.

Edited June 15, 2013 by TheMink

[TheMink]

I really thought I was past this stage. I keep thinking about what could have been. I'm constantly thinking back on the good times we had, and wondering about all the wrong things that I did, and what I should have done, and I'm blaming everything on myself when I know I shouldn't.

[flitzanu]

I really thought I was past this stage. I keep thinking about what could have been. I'm constantly thinking back on the good times we had, and wondering about all the wrong things that I did, and what I should have done, and I'm blaming everything on myself when I know I shouldn't.

 

stay strong dude. very likely not one single thing you could have done differently to change the outcome.

[TheMink]

Well guys I read the message and it said the following:

 

"'I don't want you to contact me anymore. It's over. Just leave it alone and move on. I am trying to get to know someone new. It's my formal date and I like him and we have talked and met up a couple of times. I want you to be happy and move on like I have. Goodbye."

 

I guess this really was the final blow. I feel like I am never going to get over this.

Edited June 16, 2013 by TheMink

[chados]

oh man. the problem with you is that if nobody answers you here on loveshack, or even if they do. "doesnt matter" you do something you know the you should not do. youve done it before and you know its gonna end up hurting you more.

 

you did so good not opening her text. and if i had time, which i didnt and not sure it would have affected you at all but. i would have told you to just delete it so you cant read it. problem solved..

 

this is not the end. being sad is a part of life. getting crushed by your first girl is almost a most for being successful later in life. its gonna do you good when you can let you of the pride. stop thinking about what she says and does. never take it seriously. people do what they have to to come out as good people and not hurting the other one. yet they want a reaction that you miss them. and man did you give her a few of those.

 

stop feeling sorry about yourself. go out and have fun. prove to her but more importantly to yourself that you dont need her. now go talk to some girls;)

[OrangeSnack]

Hi Mink,

 

I just wanted to share with you that I am going through similar experiences at the very moment. I met this wonderful gal for 3 weeks and we had the best times of our lives. (passion, chemistry, affection, whatever you can think of as a couple, we did it) Everything was perfect and one day her friend passes away and she disappears in my life. Without any notice and without any reasoning, I was pushed away from her life. At the beginning, I was confused because I had no idea why I was pushed away, but I kept my hopes up and messaged her once in awhile (still respecting her time alone to grieve and she would still respond after a few hours). 2 weeks goes by, with little or no communication, my confusion led to sadness. I wondered, if she was thinking about me and if she still would ever want to rekindle our relationship. But I had to focus on what was more important to me, my life and well being. After I initiated NC for 4 days, she responds via text, tells me she's back! I was elated but still cautious. We spoke very briefly via text and as I thought things were normal, it turns out to be quite the opposite. After sending her four text messages, she did not respond to any, granted only one of them was a question text (Hi, how are you?). That was last Thursday and now I am going back to NC again. The worst part of it all is that we are still FB friends and I can see her act very normal to her friends which my sadness led to anger. Now that I am over the angry stage, it has led me to regret, which in essence, I feel that if I had a time machine I could travel back to 4 weeks ago and did things differently. Perhaps that could have saved our relationship?

 

What I am trying to say is that my emotions has been on a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have bad days. I wake up in the morning thinking of her and I leave work everyday thinking of her. I remember the good times we have had and I wonder sometimes if she feels that way too. Granted, the friend who passed away was also an ex b/f so it definitely has taken toll a her life.

 

Looking back, this has been a great learning experience. I will always cherished the good times we have had together and I am happy to say that she could have been my first true love. Even though our time was short and we weren't officially bf/gf, the chemistry and the bond we had was like no other feelings, I guess that is why it hit me so hard and I am still trying to recover from this. I have never fallen in love before and I am 26, the reasoning behind it is quite simple, I never had the time. I was always focused on academics, sports, and career. I come from a family that expected a lot out of me and in return I have given them their expectations but now being 26, I feel that there is still something missing in my life and that is a partner/love. I would certainly like to share it with her one day but I know patience and timing is everything. Mink, you're 17, you're still young and you got plenty of opportunities in the future. I know that when you turn 26 and you look back at this, you'll laugh about it and maybe one day she will look back at this and regret all the things she had said in the past. If she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

 

I am so glad that you did not send the letter. It would have been a bad idea, like everyone has suggested. Don't let hollywood films ruin your confidence. I know I am quite inexperienced but I do know for a fact that be careful when you're talking to a friend about your situation, especially if your friend is also a friend of an ex's. People gossip and your secrets will eventually be broadcasted one way or the other. (I am speaking this through experience because I have been burned by my friends who told the girls that I was dating about my true feelings. It almost never works!) Try to keep as many emotions in yourself and vent to someone who you can really trust (family).

 

You're just like me Mink. I have always wanted closure. I have always wanted answers in my life and I guess that is why I have failed multiple times in the dating department. I am happy that you got to hear it from the horses mouth but with my situation, the gal said she's back and now, she's MIA again, but only from me because she's still on fb chatting it up with her friends lol.

 

Be strong Mink, don't ever show your weakness to women in the beginning or else they will take advantage of it. Don't let them run or dictate your life. If it doesn't work out, move on and make yourself better. Make her jealous and one day she will realize what a great guy you are a how stupid and naive she was back then. I know you'll do the right thing and I know your relationship will only get better. It's so hard to understand this but it will help you regain your confidence and it will help you mature faster.

[TheMink]

For me knowing that she's already moved onto another guy has hurt me because it shows me that I wasn't really that special to her and that I can be easily replaced. And just shows that she's been lying to me the whole relationship and throughout the break up. It really hurts imagining her spending time with another guy while I sit at home in a depressed state. Today was difficult as I kind of had an emotional breakdown due to depression suffered from the death of my mother when I was younger, and I really needed someone to talk to and to hold me etc. of which just lead me to think of her with this older guy, making things all that worse. My ex was kind of filling that void in my life, which has now been left wide open.

 

Besides from just getting to know/talk to new girls, find someone for my formal, I don't really have any plans of a relationship. I'm just going to let this grieving process run its course, and take the time to get to know myself better, learn to love myself, and realise that I don't need her. And I know if I do that I'm going to be a much better and more stable person for my next relationship as I'll be much more confident and less dependant on someone else. As well as that I want to find someone that truly loves me.

 

I know that her breaking my heart is a positive in the way that it is going to make me a much stronger person. And chados, I am starting to see what you meant by I will be the one benefiting out of the breakup an not her, as I will be the one learning something from it.

 

I'm confident that I will find someone that I deserve, because I know I'm loving and caring, I have a unique personality and with a little work I will be quite good looking.

[Chi townD]

For me knowing that she's already moved onto another guy has hurt me because it shows me that I wasn't really that special to her and that I can be easily replaced. And just shows that she's been lying to me the whole relationship and throughout the break up. It really hurts imagining her spending time with another guy while I sit at home in a depressed state. Today was difficult as I kind of had an emotional breakdown due to depression suffered from the death of my mother when I was younger, and I really needed someone to talk to and to hold me etc. of which just lead me to think of her with this older guy, making things all that worse. My ex was kind of filling that void in my life, which has now been left wide open.

 

Besides from just getting to know/talk to new girls, find someone for my formal, I don't really have any plans of a relationship. I'm just going to let this grieving process run its course, and take the time to get to know myself better, learn to love myself, and realise that I don't need her. And I know if I do that I'm going to be a much better and more stable person for my next relationship as I'll be much more confident and less dependant on someone else. As well as that I want to find someone that truly loves me.

 

I know that her breaking my heart is a positive in the way that it is going to make me a much stronger person. And chados, I am starting to see what you meant by I will be the one benefiting out of the breakup an not her, as I will be the one learning something from it.

 

I'm confident that I will find someone that I deserve, because I know I'm loving and caring, I have a unique personality and with a little work I will be quite good looking.

 

 

Dude, you know this bitch is a liar! Her "mom" set her up with her formal date. Yeah...right.

 

I've talked and talked about you making positive changes in your life. So, what changes have you started to make?

[TheMink]

Dude, you know this bitch is a liar! Her "mom" set her up with her formal date. Yeah...right.

 

I've talked and talked about you making positive changes in your life. So, what changes have you started to make?

I really don't want to think about everything that was going on behind the scenes. Especially considering the guys my ex and her friend are going with are also coincidently friends as well. But never the less I don't really want to think about that stuff too much anymore, more or less I want to think about myself and where I'm headed, a how I'm gonna raise my self-esteem and self-worth out of the toilet. Because maybe one day in a few years I might want to catch up with her or something to see how she's going, and when that day comes I definitely want her to see me, and regret treating me the way she has.

 

Besides doing activities that I had kind of stopped doing since the breakup I have made some positive changes. I have started working out, I have been trying to strengthen my friendship with my current friends, I've started talking to a girl that I perceive to be out of my league (that's the teenage/high school part of me talking), I'm planning on talking to a lot more of them, and as well as this I plan on getting a part time job sometime in the near future.

[Chi townD]

Hey, no disrespect intended dude. I just wanted to point these things out to strengthen your resolve to continue with NC.

 

I hate to say it, but if you haven't had your formal yet. If it were me, I would just skip it. BUT! I wouldn't be sitting at home either! Have a game plan and make it a point to go out and do something fun.

 

It would probably save your sanitiy.

[TheMink]

My and ex and I go to different schools, both single sex private schools meaning we invite people from different schools. The night of her formal I'm going to a concert. And my formal isn't until the end of the year, and my ex definitely won't be going to that.

[chados]

Don't think she didn't like you, getting another guy as fast as he can doesnt prove anything else then that she's rebounding. Not saying she will

Come back. But she's desperate and it might end in a week. However it doesn't mean she never loved you. But it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is thy you're gonna come out stronger. And appreciate it

Later in life. That's a promise

[TheMink]

I don't even know what I feel anymore, my feelings have just gotten so messed up. Sometimes I just want her back, sometimes I want her to just apologise and other times I'm just angry and want to swear and rant and hurt her.

 

As far as I'm aware she's not officially together with this guy. But I guess they're just seeing each other. Even then whether they get together and they break up, or she gets rejected I cannot imagine her coming back to me.

 

Hearing my friends telling me that there were rumours that she was going to break up with me after her formal anyway ruined my day today as well. I just feel pathetic knowing I was just used as an emotional crutch for the best part of a year and that I was lied to for so long. The whole thing feels like it was just one big masquerade. I want to hate her.

 

It's stupid but a part of me feels like I don't deserve to be this depressed over this or something, when I think about the things she's gone through in her life. Which may sound stupid but it's something that keeps going through my head. I mean, it's been two months, I feel like I should be getting over this by now, even my friends are getting fed up with the way I am at the moment. It feels like this is never going to get better. I've started talking to someone else and made a new female friend, although it hasn't really made things any better. I don't feel like I am in any state to getting out there and meeting someone new, it's as if being down and feeling sorry for myself has become a routine and a normal part of my life.

Edited June 21, 2013 by TheMink

[TheMink]

I'm on holidays at the moment, but it's being ruined a little bit by thoughts of her as we had planned for her to come with us.

[ladyabstrused]

I've not read all the posts in this thread.

 

But from my experience, breaking NC only leads to more pain and hurt. But if it takes you to go through it to learn it, go on, break NC. But just beware, it stops you from moving on and healing, it only digs deeper into your wounds, it only brings more pain and hurt.

[TheMink]

I was so close to calling her just before. I'm on holidays with family and friends at the moment but I am not enjoying myself at all. It's late at night right now and everyone is asleep except me. I haven't felt so down and depressed before, and so incredibly lonely. Even when I'm surrounded by family and friends I still feel lonely.

 

I had her number up on my phone and I was so close to pressing call. I don't know what I wanted to say, just to hear her voice would have been enough. I think I just wanted to jabe a conversation with her. I've already lost all of my dignity anyway. It's just a cold lonely night and I'm sitting here rugged up alone and watching TV. I was on the verge of crying. I'm starting to question my mental stability. I've turned from hatred of her last night, to sitting here by myself on the verge of having a breakdown and thinking about how last time we were here on holidays I was texting with my ex constantly, to now her not even wanting me to contact her.

 

I know you guys are probably getting fed up with the constant posts but I feel alone in this whole ordeal. I don't think I've been this depressed in my life, and it feels like its never going end.

Edited June 22, 2013 by TheMink

[heart12]

Here's the thing Mink..... your friends and family- they can be short term pick me ups. They can distract you. They can try and help you.

 

Ultimately, there is only ONE person who can make you happy again.

 

(Hint: It's NOT your ex)

 

The only person who can change their attitude and decide to start being happy again is you. You are going to have to find the strength to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take on the next step.

 

Since the beginning of time people have had their hearts broken. You are NOT alone in this.

[Simon Phoenix]

I was so close to calling her just before. I'm on holidays with family and friends at the moment but I am not enjoying myself at all. It's late at night right now and everyone is asleep except me. I haven't felt so down and depressed before, and so incredibly lonely. Even when I'm surrounded by family and friends I still feel lonely.

 

I had her number up on my phone and I was so close to pressing call. I don't know what I wanted to say, just to hear her voice would have been enough. I think I just wanted to jabe a conversation with her. I've already lost all of my dignity anyway. It's just a cold lonely night and I'm sitting here rugged up alone and watching TV. I was on the verge of crying. I'm starting to question my mental stability. I've turned from hatred of her last night, to sitting here by myself on the verge of having a breakdown and thinking about how last time we were here on holidays I was texting with my ex constantly, to now her not even wanting me to contact her.

 

I know you guys are probably getting fed up with the constant posts but I feel alone in this whole ordeal. I don't think I've been this depressed in my life, and it feels like its never going end.

 

Delete the phone number and remove that temptation.

[chados]

i will have to agree with the above post. remove everything that reminds you of her.

 

dont make looking back a daily routine.

 

be honest with yourself and people here on loveshack thats trying to help you, cause if you keep doing things that you say you wont do. and that people advice you not too. youre wasting everybodys time.

 

yes your pride has been hurt. doesnt give you a reason to hurt it even more.

the more youre hurting yourself. the more time you need to let go. and the more you'll end up looking back thinking about what you should have done.

 

your friends might be annoyed. but not only because they have to listen. but because you wont listen to them.

 

you know she's not worth your time. she's become an addiction. its time to break the addiction. go on a date with someone that you really like. and im sure you will see that the reason you're sad is because she broke up with you and not because you need her in your life.

 

if you need to. go see a psychiatrist. sometimes its easier talking to someone you dont know and that you know will listen.

[TheMink]

I think I'm feeling a little bit better at the moment, I'll be home tomorrow, and I was thinking about possibly meeting up with someone I started talking to, however I don't expect anything to come out of it. It's around two weeks of NC no, everything feels so surreal, it's like the last 3 months have gone by so fast.

 

I have been thinking and I don't think it's that I miss having a girlfriend, but I do actually miss her, or at least who I thought she was. Which I think is due to the connection that I had with her in regards to her depression/anxiety issues. Which over the last few days has got me thinking and wondering if I should have tried remaining a friend to her for that reason.

 

I do fantasise about her trying to come back and beg me, just so I know that I actually meant something to her, even though I wouldn't take her back. Because even if she wasn't the person I thought she was, she's changed now. I think the part that hurts the most is that she's happier without me. And I constantly think about all the things that I could have done better, or change the way I acted.

 

I'm still suffering from the feelings of rejection, and my pride and sense of worth being damaged. I need to stop thinking about her and what's she's doing. I just still can't believe the things she was saying to her friends and that she was this totally different person and basically just used me.

 

Her formal is in a couple weeks so I'm just waiting til it's over so I can stop thinking about it. There are things that remind me of her that I feel like I need to avoid, there are songs on my iPod that I need to skip, and for example I want to start getting back into reading books, however I'm apprehensive about it because my ex used to read a lot. Those kind of thoughts are really annoying.

Edited June 28, 2013 by TheMink

[chados]

you are hurt cause of the rejection. you are hurt because everything that you did to help her with her depression doesnt seem to mean anything anymore. basically youre hurt because someone close to you left you in a way that wasnt normal in your eyes. these are the worst breakups. cause nothing they say or do makes sense. which makes you loose trust not only to that person but also other people.

 

we humans tend to think to much. the reason she left you was because the attraction she once had wasnt there anymore. she can tell you a lot of things but you dont stay with someone if you never had any attraction wether its because of someones body or because of someones brain.

 

so dont worry to much about if she ever loved you. im sure she did. the problem is that the attraction isnt there anymore. sometimes you get fed up with people and when you dont get left alone you can say and do things you dont really mean.

 

i wanted to hate a girl once. but i couldnt. i was angry but i couldnt hate someone that i loved a few weeks earlier. and right now i couldnt care less about her. i still dont tell her hi when i see her. not because i would feel akward. just because i choosed to stay away from her. and two years later i cant go back. there is nothing i want to stay to that woman. to say that you should stay and help someone that doesnt want to be helped. and who's not talking to you is just wrong. now if she would come up to me and say, im sorry for all that i did to you. i would respect her but i would never go back.

 

 

remember i was in your situation two years ago.

[TheMink]

This week I haven't been thinking about her as much which I am glad about. I've been thinking about my relationship and I kind of regret putting so much into it, and I feel so stupid for falling in love with her and putting so much into the relationship. I think the worst part for me is the whole depression thing. I think I would be able to deal with the break up if I hadnt become so emotionally invested with her because of her depression and her past, I wanted to be her knight in shining armour I guess, but at the end of the day I guess didn't mean all that much. That really is the worst part of the whole thing, is that I wanted to 'save' her I guess.

 

I feel like I'm going through the slow acceptance stage at the moment, although think I'm feeling like I've been abandoned by the first person that I've cared about. And it's made me feel like I've been stabbed in the back or abandoned or something. Dealing with drama with my friends has just added on to these feelings, considering I'm probably going to lose most of my friends because of some bull**** that's going on at the moment. I'm really starting to feel as if I just want to steer clear from relationships of any kind at all. Total solitude is sounding like a good idea right now. I can't wait til I start Uni next year and meet some new people.