AverageCat Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 This post is out of curiosity. Do you guys think it's OK to have friendships with opposite sex people who at one point wanted more from you (or your SO)... So suppose G1 starts flirting with your gf. After she makes it clear to him she is in an R is it normal for them to become just friends? Also what about ex-es who your SO obviously has no interest in anymore, is it OK for them to just be friends? I am kind of divided in my opinion about this that is why I'm asking
Galaxias Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Kind of in a similar quandary myself...all I know is that it makes me uncomfortable that my boyfriend is "friends" with his exes and especially with women that I've personally seen throw themselves at him. You know, those "friends" who like ALL of the SO's posts and pictures, EXCEPT the ones that involve you? And the SO doesn't say or do anything about it except comment or like back? I don't know if it's ok or not, to tell you the truth. As long as the SO is setting REALLY clear boundaries, then maaaaybe...I guess. But I just don't see the point of being friends with these people other than to have that ego boost or leave options open or something. Unless maybe there's like a business connection or whatever and you kind of have to stay in touch. But beyond that, I just think it's a bit creepy. Also, it seems to me that your SO would definately have to be VERY open about what's going on and when, and include you if possible (if it's just that effing NECESSARY for that person to be in their lives). Why do you ask? Are you facing a situation like that right now? 2
Author AverageCat Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Kind of. My SO gets hit on quite a lot. She insists on wanting to be friends with her ex, although the guy literally sends her love messages. She is not contacting for now, but says that if the ex will stop his feelings then she will obviously take him back as a friend (they had been friends for 10 years prior to being together)... And whenever she meets people through social circle that hit on her initially, says she tells them sh has a bf and then if they know their places she can be friends with them. Never lets someone drool over her. That IMHO would show that she hasn't made it clear to the other person where she stands and the other person still thinks they have a chance. (i.e there needs to be an amount of lead on for that to happen)
todreaminblue Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Kind of. My SO gets hit on quite a lot. She insists on wanting to be friends with her ex, although the guy literally sends her love messages. She is not contacting for now, but says that if the ex will stop his feelings then she will obviously take him back as a friend (they had been friends for 10 years prior to being together)... And whenever she meets people through social circle that hit on her initially, says she tells them sh has a bf and then if they know their places she can be friends with them. Never lets someone drool over her. That IMHO would show that she hasn't made it clear to the other person where she stands and the other person still thinks they have a chance. (i.e there needs to be an amount of lead on for that to happen) I am friends with both my exes....i have been friends and still am with guys who have hit on me..i find that the guys who only are interested in one thing....when they get told no....they fade away anyway......when they see you mean it when you say, it aint gonna happen, the ones who are not truly interested in friendship...dont hang around, if the boundaries are defined, if they are interested in being a friend they respect those boundaries....as friends always would...if they break boundaries while that person is in a relationship or even without....then they are no longer friends in my opinion..deb 1
Galaxias Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Kind of. My SO gets hit on quite a lot. She insists on wanting to be friends with her ex, although the guy literally sends her love messages. She is not contacting for now, but says that if the ex will stop his feelings then she will obviously take him back as a friend (they had been friends for 10 years prior to being together)... And whenever she meets people through social circle that hit on her initially, says she tells them sh has a bf and then if they know their places she can be friends with them. Never lets someone drool over her. That IMHO would show that she hasn't made it clear to the other person where she stands and the other person still thinks they have a chance. (i.e there needs to be an amount of lead on for that to happen) Hmmm, I don't know... I've had "friends" for YEARS that I thought no way do they like me or whatever, felt safe with them, and then bam one day out of the blue they'd like kiss me or attack me or something. So I don't think any amount of time involved is going to change if someone is interested in you and is lying in wait. If your girlfriend isn't leading these people on, and isn't out there looking for this kind of attention, and these people still want to be friends, then I guess it could happen. But, seriously, ONLY if she's open with you about all of it, and ONLY if your included in whatever goes on (or at least your given the option of being included). None of this finding out after the fact ****, you know? Or, she's going out to meet " a friend" that she won't specify.
TheGuard13 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Do you guys think it's OK to have friendships with opposite sex people who at one point wanted more from you (or your SO)... Yes. It's called "Being an adult about it". 2
apple OR orange Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 most people dont like this and as i never trust anyone on a personal level i never trust anyone whos now friends who did do more or wants to do more. However i notice most women dont like guys who have friends who wants to hit on them OR they think they do.
Author AverageCat Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 Ive been thinking more about this and I guess yes, but it depends on the level of friendship. At the end of the day I trust my girl and that's what's important. 1
Galaxias Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Ive been thinking more about this and I guess yes, but it depends on the level of friendship. At the end of the day I trust my girl and that's what's important. That really IS what's important. A person who is trying to marginalize the SO and communicating lovey or suggestive things and trying to undermine your relationship when you're obviously with someone who makes you happy, THAT person is not your friend. They're just lying in wait to pounce for their own selfish purpose. The way I've come to see it is, a friend, a true friend, will want you to be happy because they love you, and they will SUPPORT your relationship and be a positive part of it. So, yeah, in a case like that, the more friends the merrier...no matter HOW you met them. If it's a real friend, they'll be a friend to BOTH of you. 2
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