Big Andy Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 hi, My girlfriend gave me the "I need space" chat about 8 months ago, just after valentines day, I struggled like holy hell to cope, and things seemed very bleak at the time. She'd just started uni and made new friends, (she has a lot of different groups of friends) and decided that she didn't want to be with anyone, she wanted to have fun with her friends and not have to worry about anyone else! I aksed her if this included meeting other people, and she said she didn't want to be with anyone! this obviously hurt a lot, as I see her as "THE ONE", someone who I love and respect above any other. Anyway, during the following 6 months we remained friends, I still helped her out when I could, we saw each other as friends, even though it killed me to say goodbye to her without saying "l love you", even though everyone thought that she was using me, I would still help her out in any way I could because thats the type of person I am. Anyway, a couple of months back, she called me up and we went out, she said "we need to talk", we went to hers and I asked her what was up, she said "if there's anything you want to tell me, please tell me now", I had nothing to "tell her" that she didn't already know, but I knew that she obviously wanted to tell me something which I wasn't going to want to hear! Boy was I right. She's studying media at uni, and arranged to help out on a music video shoot off her own back, I helped her to sort it out, helped her write emails and letters. As I said before, she said she didn't want to be with anyone at the moment, didn't want a relationship, so it obviously hurt me when she told me that she'd met a guy on this video shoot who she got along well with, she slept with him and they started "dating" so to speak, until he went back to his ex. This devastated me, as I had refused the opportunity to be with othe girls out of respect for her, until I knew that there was no chance of us being together. She said that being dumped by him made her realise she'd treated me like s***, and that maybe we could try again. Whilst I was upset at her betrayal (was it betrayal if we weren't technically together) I decided to give it a go. Since that night though, she has been holding back, when we see each other, she won't hold my hand, we don't kiss, we don't have sex, we basically just act like friends, who hug sometimes. I asked her why she was holding back and she said she didn't want to get my hopes up! Whenever i try to even touch her, she pulls back, which hurts me a lot. She works 5 nights a week, and weekends, so the time we spend together is precious to me, but it feels like its just massaging her ego, by keeping me there, is she making herself feel better while making me feel like s***? Whilst I understand that she has to juggle work (3 jobs) and uni, she has 2 nights off during the week, last week, she said she didn't want to see me as she was tired and needed "to chill out", which was fine! She then called me to say that her uni friends were going out, and she was going too, don't wait up! Charming! The rejection of my advances towards her has really dented my confidence and self respect, I used to feel confident in her prescence, like she really fancied me, and I just don't feel that at the moment! When we see each other, I sometimes forget myself, and try to kiss her or touch her intimately, and she goes off on one and says I'm "pushing things one step too far". If she didn't want to be with me, why say "lets try again?" Am I being stupid in trying to make this work? Am I pushing her too much? I'm confused and frustrated! By the way, despite the picture I've painted here, she is the sweetest girl you could ever wish to meet, I just feel as though I'm way down the list of her priorities at the moment. Any advice for me here? Thanks Andrew
Big Andy Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Update Not 4 hours after posting the thread, I receive a message saying "I think we need some time apart, proper time, not just one or two weeks! I'm so busy, and its selfish of me to only see you once a week! I'm so busy! I don't have time for a relationship!" I wouldn't mind so much, but it was her idea to try again, I had just come to terms with the fact that I'd lost the love of my life, and then I'm given a glimmer of hope, and now I'm back at square one all over again! I'm gonna end up feeling exactly like I did 8 months ago, and thats not something I want to feel like ever again, and yet I know I will! Here we go again!
Weird Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 tell her she is pissing you off (or don't) and just "move on" in a matter of speaking until maybe she grows up and comes back to you in a real caring way. Right now she is using you bro.
LexiB Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 That is so horrible. I'm very sorry. Its one thing for her to be confused about life and what she wants out of it, but to drag you into it...thats just...inconsiderate...a complete disregard for ur feelings. I cant believe shed be so casual with your heart...She prob has no idea of the damage shes causesd--for the SECOND time. Since she's going thru this wishy-washy/ I-need-to-find-myself stage, consider her request for proper time apart" as a gift. You shouldnt have anyone whod be so casual and just plain careless with your heart. If she does call/email/text/or whatever you b/c she "just wants to say hi" or "catch up", I suggest you dont respond unless she has something MEANINGFUL to say to you (let calls go to VM!). And I mean OBVIOUSLY meaningful--not you analysing every word of her message trying to find a hidden psycological meaning behind it (lol, been there, done that!). And even then you might not want to respond immediately. When she wants you back--REALLY wants you back--she should be willing to put in a little extra effort to get you--its human nature Best Wishes!!
Good heart Posted October 9, 2004 Posted October 9, 2004 she seems to be very inconsistent and sending a lot of negative messages to you. Anyone she is trying to love you but it looks like it is an effort rather tahn natural feelings. the best way is to think of all her negative aspects and concentrate on them and forget her positives (beauty, sex , ex loving personality etc...)and you will be able to forget her. Treat her as a dude when she calls you and do not call her , indifference is the strongest weapon of a man and if you are a great actor she might improve her behavior, if she leaves you for good then its seems that she was acting her love and your behavior have tested her indifference. women are very fierce these days so be a wolf or you will be eaten alive.. take care
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