toc200 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Does anyone have any tips to stop the happy memories that are all I seem to be able to remember. There were some REALLY ****ty times but even when I think of those moments I cannot stop thinking of the good times. Anyone else conquer this problem before?
BustedUpInside Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 One trick that I do sometimes is that whenever I think of a happy memory and can't let it go, I do a movie montage in my head of the bad times. Like that time my ex embarrassed me in front of my family, or the time he said something mean to me and it really hurt, and a thousand other times that didn't mean anything by themselves but added together they don't paint the happy picture that I used to try and pretend our relationship was. Hopefully this will help you a little too. The idealization does pass, but it is hard when you are going through it. Good luck and stay strong! 1
SimonSerenade Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I don't know why you'd want to forget about the good things, in my experience looking back on the bad things keeps you pining longer in hope they'll make it better, right now I'd love my ex to call and say sorry, it might make moving on easier but the good things are the only things worth thinking about, thinking about the bad makes me feel like we both wasted our time, it's hard to think like that, the good don't matter much now as your not together but in the long run it would do more for you as a person to think back fondly on the good.
Ginko_Mushishi Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I totally feel you. I had very rough times with my ex... hell, we broke up didn't we? And I only seem to remember those good times, making me miss her even more. Total NC helps with this, I assure you. And make an effort to remember those bad times. They were there, they were the reason you broke up. But don't worry, time always heals.
Author toc200 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 I do not want to forget the good times. I have kept all our photos on my computer but I cant see them unless I open them. I dont dare open my iPhoto. One day I will want to look back at the good times and the photos and just reflect; not to wish what could be. All I think about are the dumb pet names, the road trips, the dinners, the times where she picked me up and all this stuff just makes me want her back. We have been increasing our periods of NC for a while now. Small little hellos here and there. She always initiated them but wanted to talk more but not so much anymore I think she may have fully moved on/found someone else before me and that's starting to hurt and to top it off I just have this golden montage playing in my head.
aisuru Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I shove it down. I force it out of my head. I think of something else. Workout routines, recipes, anything but him. I remind myself of the things he said when we broke up. Then I remember why I don't need to think fondly of him right now. Or the shared memories. I deserve better memories than those final words.
todreaminblue Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Does anyone have any tips to stop the happy memories that are all I seem to be able to remember. There were some REALLY ****ty times but even when I think of those moments I cannot stop thinking of the good times. Anyone else conquer this problem before? You look at the big picture....if it was all rainbows ....you would still be together.....and no amount of good times will change the fact ...now you arent......i have a balance of good and bad times to remember adn i can think of them and not feel anything...either way ...good or bad....that si how i know....i am done.......i have forgiven and its all over.....i move on.....brighter tomorrows....faded yesterdays...deb 1
missy268 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I do this a lot as well then i also think of how bad he was he has just disppeared on me, now explaination , so i've had to pick up the pieces. I think about all our happy memories, then remind myself of the bad, and why i am lucky he has done the above to me, lucky escape, and really deep down, he never made me as happy as i think he did! You will be okay and you will get through this x
omit Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 relationships happen and they have their ups and downs, seems rarely when the relationship falls apart that it happens in a controlled way. Celebrate that it happened be happy some one found you and was happy investing time with you both good and bad. People keep telling me "if it was meant to be then it would not have ended". It is true All we can do is learn what we can from our experience, and move forward. 1
zoobadger Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Does anyone have any tips to stop the happy memories that are all I seem to be able to remember. There were some REALLY ****ty times but even when I think of those moments I cannot stop thinking of the good times. Anyone else conquer this problem before? I'm only a few weeks into the process. Since the happy times I remember all involved traveling with the kids I don't want to stamp out those fond recollections. But my spouse was borderline abusive so there's DOZENS of dismal, sad, and depressing memories, too. So if I start getting a little too nostalgic, I'll recall some of the worst instances of her bullying selfish behavior. It's not a solution - probably only time is - but it does jolt me back into reality.
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