s_j_dimi Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The boring stuff: Both 25. Been together 18 months. Just moved in together 3 months ago. We are going on a cruise later this year. We are going with another couple who are pretty open in their relationship. They wont admit to being swingers but I know they have both had other partners. We had them over for dinner the other night and had a few drinks and they started bragging about how they were free to do whatever they wanted on the cruise and said we would be surprised by how prevalent it is. Then they told us we should join in and we all had a laugh and joked around a bit about it and that was as far as I thought it was going to go. That night in bed she asked me if I was interested in seeing other people/couples on the cruise. She openly admitted that she was turned on by the idea. I honestly didn’t know what to say and I think I was fairly rude when I said no. In her defense she did say she wasn’t sure if she could actually go through with it but she was interested to give it a go. That was a week ago, she asked me again last night if I had thought about it anymore. Using the lines “you can be honest”, “I wont be offended” and other such lines. She kept pointing to this other couple as to how successful it could be. After I said no again she seemed disappointed. When I pointed that out she said she wasn’t and when I quizzed her a bit more and asked some other questions she was adamant that she would never cheat so I need not worry, she wanted me to be involved or nothing would ever happen. We have fantasized many times in bed about others, especially another woman, but I was just taking that as fantasy and nothing more. I think she may want to make the fantasies reality. I do believe that she would never cheat but given she has asked twice now is there an underlying problem that I need to address or be aware of? Is this all just a bit of a fantasy that will subside or am I likely to be dealing with a cheating spouse sometime in the future?
will1988 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The fact that she is asking you I think is a good thing. If she was a cheater she would just cheat and hide it behind your back. Maybe she was intreuged by the idea that your friends presented. Or maybe she thought that their lifestyle was something that you may want. She might be interested in it a little, the freedom to have her cake and eat it too. However, I don't think you can judge that interest as her wanting to cheat on you. Thats why she asked how you felt and what you wanted to do. Also, your friends may make it seem like a great thing, but they might fight all the time behind closed doors. It is very hard to find two people who are in to swaping and swining, especially ones that are on an equal footing on the same page. People tend to get jelous or insecure. Also, since you brought up the three some bit with another woman prior to your GF's interests, she may actually think you want to try that lifestyle. Of course most guys want to have a threesome at some point. However, from being offered it, and knowing people who have done it with their GF's it is a very bad idea. The GF may think it is hot, but the second it becomes reality and not fantasy she may get jelous and insecure, and the second you touch the other woman she will could go nuts... and if you do the deed, she will be jelous and angry after the fact. Not in all cases, I'm sure, but in most that I know of. That's why if you want to have a threesome or sleep around it is best to do it while single... less complicated. Enjoy the cruise and enjoy it with your GF and only her. If your couple friends try to pressure you two in to swining or swaping tell them that while you thank them for their interest in your relationship, it is not their relationship.
Author s_j_dimi Posted June 7, 2013 Author Posted June 7, 2013 The fact that she is asking you I think is a good thing. If she was a cheater she would just cheat and hide it behind your back. A good thing? She is telling me that she is interested is sleeping with other men, women and couples and it's a good thing? My friend told me the same thing but I just can't see it as good. I guess it's good that she told me instead of cheating but it's not good that she wants to do it. I understand she wont cheat so there is some comfort in that but she still wants others. As enticing as having a threesome with her is I just don't think I can share her. Enjoy the cruise and enjoy it with your GF and only her. That is what will happen but now I have that lingering feeling in the back of my mind and I don't think it will go away. When she is chatting to a guy at a bar I never used to have any issue with that. Now I think I will always be wondering whether she wants more with that person. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it and hope it subsides with time.
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