aminea Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 So my ex and I broke up a week ago after a year and a half relationship. Our relationship was very happy, we met in college, however there was conflict with my ex's commitment issues that eventually led to the break up. Normally, this would have been a very civil break up. He broke up with me, and even though I was hurt I realize that it was for the best. However, he decided the best way to break up with me was over a text message. After the message he refused to see/talk/text me at all. He claimed he said everything he needed to say, and no more contact was necessary. Naturally the way he broke up with me makes me beyond angry. I did a lot of things for him during our relationship and sacrificed a lot, and I feel like I deserved better. Him and I have been friends for a few years before dating, and we have the same friendship group. Now I am faced with a problem. Our friends naturally ask what happened, and I don't want to create some huge dramatic episode by telling them what happened at the end (and splitting them into me VS him). However, my anger is hard to hide when talking about him with them, and they are starting to think/act like I am pathetic and can't accept/get over the break up and am acting immature and irrational. Thoughts? What would you guys do?
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 If I were you, I would try to keep things as civil as possible. Think about it; if you were at work, would you think it was professional or appealing when a co worker came in and cried and complained about her recent break up? No. It is off putting to put negativity out there for the world to see. Confide in your close friends and family, yet keep things under the radar among your mutual friends. I would not want to see him again, since I would still love him and want to be with him, and would not want to be his friend or see what he is doing in his life (as he will date again surely...). I would, if it were me, tell them this: " yes we broke up, I would like to move on so I would really appreciate it if we would hang out separately. I understand if that is sometimes difficult, but can you please not knowingly invite me to hang out if you know he is there? I am trying to get over him and it would really upset me if I saw him anytime soon" " I would rather hang out a little less with you guys, as much as I like being around you, than risk hurting myself more by seeing him" " I would really appreciate it if you warned me in advance and found out if he is attending events, it would save me a lot of pain" " Can you please not talk about him in front of me, and especially do not talk about his new girlfriends or hook ups" ........... If they are good people they should have no problem making that effort for you, to avert any hurt feelings.
Author aminea Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 The problem is that all my closest friends are his closest friends too. Giving up on all my friends who are also friends with him would mean giving up everybody. I want to have someone to talk too but there is no one who is not also friends with him. In hindsight it was probably a bad idea to start a relationship with someone so closely mingled in my life. I think my main problem is that half of me wants to be a good person and just bite my tongue about the whole thing, but the other part of me gets angry when I see people who claim to say they care about me go ahead and continue hanging out and calling him their friend after how he treated me. I know its not fair to feel that way but damn, it hurts.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I was in a similar position, with lots of mutual friends. My ex fired the first shot by posting on FB for everyone to see "I just dumped ES!" I have a real tough time hiding my emotions and especially anger so I thrashed him to anyone who would listen He did the same Our mutual friends split into two camps, pretty evenly. In general, those that were closer to me before the break up remained loyal to me, and his to him. Those that stayed loyal to me agreed that he is a di ck and asked if it's OK with me to say hi to him if they saw him on around or if I would prefer they didn't. Of course I said it's OK...I found that very sweet 1.5 years post break up, my camp still doesn't talk to him and vice versa.
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Personally, I would be totally happy to give a friend the heads up as to what parties and gatherings to avoid. It is not that much afford to do in my opinion. I would not think it was an inconvenience, having to tell you if he would be there, whenever it was feasible for me to know that information. If he was a real jerk, then I would judge his poor character and probably become closer to you and not really have much to say to him. Even if a close friend screweddd their ex over, if they did wrong (lied, cheated or treated them poorly for no good reason) I would question their character. I have enough friends and don't need people in my life that treat others poorly. I would seriously not recommend spending time with your ex. The pain won't be worth getting to see your friends as much. If they are really close friends they should understand that you want nothing to do with the dude who broke your heart. It will cause you a lot of PAIN if you are to find out, or worse; SEE HIM with new girls. Any idiot knows that, and if they CARE about you, they would actually try to help you avoid feeling that bad.... No one should expect you to just carry on as usual when you're clearly heartbroken....
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