Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 To those of us who put up with less than we logically and intellectually knew we deserved: why? I read about people who have good careers, that sound like nice enough people. Yet, they bother with men who treat them like crap? I am trying to figure out why I put up with bad treatment. Honestly, I do not hate who I am as a person, and I am a very positive women. I literally love life. The only thing I can think of, and can you guys please tell me if you think I am onto something here, is: My dad hit me growing up and called me worthless a few times. I stopped eating and became anorexic. I could not finish college and I remember him walking in and calling me worthless; I was about to drop dead from anorexia and he was calling me worthless for not being strong enough to finish school. Yet, he was a very nice and generous man to everyone else, including me most of the time. I am an only child and he had never hit anyone before. He has been dying of severe heart disease slowly and painfully since I was age 7, and various complications from it (he was the second youngest Australian to have a 6 tuple bi pass) He was too ill to handle me. I was severely bullied because I had bad teeth and acne and had no self respect. I actually hated who I WAS as a person. The fact I knew I was a nice person was all I liked about myself. .............................................................. Fast forward 15 years later, my father does not hit me, we have reconciled. I really love who I am as a women and I honestly do not want to change who I am, as I really like it. I can be lazy but that is probably the only thing I would change about myself, insofar as who I am as a person and my habits towards others. I also love the way I look, albeit I am getting a nose job because I broke it when I was younger doing gymnastics. I would not change another thing about me, visually or otherwise. I like being who I am, as a point of difference from others. Could my past be the reason why I accepted bad behaviour from a guy? And I might add: the way my ex treated me daily was like a wonderful, so on a daily basis he did act like he adored me as a person. It is just he has a weak character and used to sleep with a lot of hookers before we met because he was too lazy to get non hookers as it took work. On the whole he adored me every day and treated me the textbook ways that show a guy is into you. He did, however, have a disgusting habit with hookers. Although I know for 100% fact he could not kiss another women or fool around with a non hooker, as he viewed that as "sick". I read his online journal and know it is how he truly feels. Is the reason why I "do not fully like myself" because my dad hit me, called me worthless, I was severely bullied growing up, and then turned anorexic? For the life of me, I really enjoy living and I really like my personality, the way I am around people, and the direction my life is going. Help? Does past abuse afflict you in your future relationships? I want answers and insight into my own situation and also to hear about other people. I want to be able to bring my therapist back with some well thought out ideas. She always loves to listen to what others have to say. She asked for the name of this website actually.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Disclaimer: I thought I had a great up bringing as I travelled the world and lived overseas and had parents who spoilt me. As it stands, I am really happy and do not CONSCIOUSLY feel upset at all about my past, as I just see it as something that has made me stronger than if I had coasted through life issue free. How do happy people (I literally wake up and think " yay I am alive life is great) sometimes have deep seated issues that manifest in OTHER, non direct ways? I mean, surely people do not have to hate themselves for ALL that hey are and be utterly depressed and feel hopeless? I am certainly not like that, yet I settled for bad treatment? Help!
aminea Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 For me I always thought it was because I didn't think I deserved/could do better. Yes there are a mix of different things that can cause someone to think that way. What made me get past it was realizing that for all this other persons faults, I still loved them. Even though they were the scum of the earth I still managed to love them. If I am capable of loving someone like that, I sure as hell could find a way to love myself (flaws and all). I stopped looking for men who I loved, and started looking for ones who loved me. Through them I learned a lot about respecting myself, and loving myself. That is what made me now capable of loving someone else properly. I hope things get better for you <3
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Thanks a lot for sharing. The thing is, I never thought I did not deserve a guy who was not crazy about me? I did not think I could not do any better - I HAD options. I genuinely believed my ex adored me, but was just a pig.. I didn't think it was because I was not good enough, and that he would magically change for the next girl and realise he treated me badly because " I was not worth much to him" compared to other girls he picks to date. I still settled for the bad treatment though. I am trying to figure out why, since I actually like who I am as a person and I know I could find a decent guy who would fall in love with me and be a good partner? I mean, you say that you were AWARE that you did not think highly of yourself, and you did not think you could do better than guys who did not even like you much!? I do not think I am the hottest thing out there who can get any guy I wanted LOL, but I never thought I would not be able to find men who genuinely were into me and loved me. Go figure ugh... I am SO GLAD you have changed for the better! I am happy to hear you found men who treated you right! At least I have hope for myself, too!
Recommended Posts