FrustratedGuy91 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I'll try to keep it short. (And probably fail miserably) There's a girl I met 1 and a half years ago through mutual friends. Soon after we slept together, then she got into a relationship so I stopped seeing her. This January she contacts me through Facebook and we start hanging out with a group of people, as time goes by we start going out just the two of us as friends and sometime after that we are friends with benefits (there was never sex, though, just making out and fooling around). Now we see each other at least once a week, BUT it got to friends again so gradually that I didn't notice until now. The thing is I've grown fond of her, we have a lot in common. Personality, tastes, beliefs and we get along extremely well. And then she gives me, what I consider, mixed signs. For example she occasionally mentions how she feels lonely, or how she misses having someone to cuddle with. On the other hand I don't see particular signs of interest (maybe because I fail to recognize them?). Oh and she initiates contact almost everyday, mostly through Facebook, and sometimes texting. Now, she knows I've never been in a serious relationship and she thinks I'm a player, that I have some other girls around. But this has been the case since we met. I never said that to her, though. Nor thought I'd struck people as that sort of person, but I've never denied it either because it has it's uses. I also may have said that I woul never be in a relationship... (Which at the time I believed) So, I wanna tell her that I don't wanna be just her friend. FWB or even more if she's willing. Should I tell her? I had in mind something like going out as usual and after a few drinks (for courage, I'm shy) and then tell her something along the lines of: "We have to stop seeing each other"- she'll ask me "why?" and then I can tell her "Because I'm starting to have feelings for you and I've been friend zone before, that's not what I want with you" Oh and she also made me angry once (details are not important) but when I told her she apologized and told me that she really appreciated me. She also told me, on another occasion, that she "liked" me. And I say it like that because it's the closest translation I can come up with. It's something like less than love, but more than merely liking someone. I guess "being fond" would work too. So, that's pretty much it. I don't know if I should go for it or not. I'm also sure that there're better ways of doing this, so if you people could tell me what you think I'd be really grateful.
AzureX91 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I certainly hope she has your mindset and wants to be in a committed relationship. If for some reason she's not, then maybe the timing is not right for her, or maybe she's not that kind of person to be in a committed relationship. I did notice that you thought that she saw you as a player. So I would be sure to show her that, prove to her that you are not. That you have genuine feelings for her and she's the person you want to be with. That is, assuming she is open for this committed relationship in the first place. These were the two biggest points that came out to me as I read this. I do think that you should go for it, in whatever way you feel most comfortable. I'm sure you will do what makes sense in the moment. Good luck, friend Hope this helped. 1
leafguy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Two Simple sayings I will quote you with that should give you my opinion on the matter. 1. "You never know unless you try" She has given you all the signs you need. Said she likes you, initiates contact, cared enough to apologize when she made you angry. As far as your drinks plan goes...don't bother. Telling her you have to stop seeing her just doesn't work. If you have fallen for her, simply tell her. Be a man, plain and simple. Tell her that you want to be with her, knock off the pretending to be a player or giving the image you have other girls around (this does not have uses), all it will do is repulse them in the long run. Make her feel wanted, needed and most of all, cared about. 2. "No pads, no hemlet, just balls." Basically in a nutshell, don't hide your feelings. Man up, take the plunge. If you aren't clear with her and your feelings, she could take them the wrong way and you might lose a chance with her simply by being shy and trying to act macho. A true dude is in touch with his emotional side and won't cower because he appears a whuss. I was this way at 18 - 21 thinking the tough approach worked. It doesn't. Lay it all out, tell her how you feel, be honest and talk from the heart. It's fine to be shy, but if you truly like her (dare I say love her), you will find the courage to tell her as the reward far outweighs the risk. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Two Simple sayings I will quote you with that should give you my opinion on the matter. 1. "You never know unless you try" She has given you all the signs you need. Said she likes you, initiates contact, cared enough to apologize when she made you angry. As far as your drinks plan goes...don't bother. Telling her you have to stop seeing her just doesn't work. If you have fallen for her, simply tell her. Be a man, plain and simple. Tell her that you want to be with her, knock off the pretending to be a player or giving the image you have other girls around (this does not have uses), all it will do is repulse them in the long run. Make her feel wanted, needed and most of all, cared about. 2. "No pads, no hemlet, just balls." Basically in a nutshell, don't hide your feelings. Man up, take the plunge. If you aren't clear with her and your feelings, she could take them the wrong way and you might lose a chance with her simply by being shy and trying to act macho. A true dude is in touch with his emotional side and won't cower because he appears a whuss. I was this way at 18 - 21 thinking the tough approach worked. It doesn't. Lay it all out, tell her how you feel, be honest and talk from the heart. It's fine to be shy, but if you truly like her (dare I say love her), you will find the courage to tell her as the reward far outweighs the risk. on repeat even if i get flagged because it is all good if you truly like someone playing games isnt the way to go..some girls dont like standing in line or think that they have to...makes them feel second rate...does with me anyway...it really rocks when a guy sees you and only you no line up....no ill settle for her i guess..dont pretend to have girls chasing you ............ dont use alcohol as an ice breaker.....say it straight and with sincerity.it is an admirable thing for a real man to do..i wish you all the best ...hope it works out...good luck...deb
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