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he keeps sayin "what would you do if i ever cheated on you?"

the_opposite_sex

By the_opposite_sex
in General Relationship Discussion

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the_opposite_sex Established Member

the_opposite_sex

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my b/f and I have been through ALOT here lately. Dealing w/ some problems of his, and my jealousy problem that im in the process of overcoming, it's very hard! But he keeps askin the question "what would you do if i ever cheated on you?" and he jokes around about it, and says that he has. Is he "testing" me to see if i truely do love him, or does he want to go out and do his thing? He looked me straight in the eye and said that he swore he was just kiddin. I mean we've been together for 3.5 yrs and he hasn't ever cheated on me. I trust him. He says he don't even realize how much he's been bringing it up, which has been like 2-3 times this past week. But why would he keep asking me/joking around w/ me about it?

Barby Established Member

Barby

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I'm sorry to hear this, especially after your posts about you trying to get over your jealousy. I hope he's only "testing you" but with him knowing about your jealousy issues and all and you trying to get better I can't see why he'd say these things.

 

I don't want to say this but i'm sure you've thought this too, maybe he actually HAS cheated and is trying to get a reaction from you before he tells you so he knows what to expect.

 

I hope this isn't the case but I wouldn't be too suprised if it turned out to be. :(

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the_opposite_sex Established Member

the_opposite_sex

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i just asked him, Barby. And he said that he "PROMISES" he has never cheated. And he said he don't even recall asking me that question all those times.

Barby Established Member

Barby

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Has he said it recently or are you just remembering and wondering what he meant by it when he said it before??

Papillon Established Member

Papillon

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You don't f*ck with someone's mind like that. Your boyfriend needs a swift kick in the ass.

Mr Spock Established Member

Mr Spock

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Agree with pap here. Except it's a knee to the balls. Tell him to smarten the hell up. Think he's trying to cause fights.

magda Established Member

magda

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It could be that he actually WANTS you to be jealous, in a twisted way.

Papillon Established Member

Papillon

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Originally posted by Mr Spock

Except it's a knee to the balls

 

*SHUDDER* :eek::laugh:

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the_opposite_sex Established Member

the_opposite_sex

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he said that he does it to get a rise outta me

dyermaker Established Member

dyermaker

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Tell him to knock that crap off.

 

I'd have a hard time believing him.

Pookette Established Member

Pookette

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Next time he says anything, ask him the same question. Maybe if he really thinks about it and doesn't just dismiss it he'll stop? Or just ignore him for a while after he says something as stupid as that.

 

Or just tell him he's being a dick and you'll leave him next time he says it.

magda Established Member

magda

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If he is indeed doing it to get a rise out of you, then he probably wasn't being truthful about not realizing how often he brings it up. He probably just kept at it because you didn't react strongly enough. Ask yourself why he would want to provoke jealouy in you. He could be subconsciously picking a fight with you - but doesn't want to be the first to attack.

CurlyIam Established Member

CurlyIam

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I hope the answer you give him is " I'd leave you!".

 

Not to spoil your ay or anything, but I also cheated and guess what? I started asking my bf all type of stupid questions linked indirectly to what I had done, to the situation I was in.

 

Open you eyes and ears reaaal big on this one.

Papillon Established Member

Papillon

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I concur with Curly, if my gf asked me that question, a huge red siren alarm with dancing elephants and gay queens waving red flags riding them would jump up in my mind..

cateinaus Established Member

cateinaus

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He is testing the water.

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the_opposite_sex Established Member

the_opposite_sex

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Originally posted by cateinaus

He is testing the water.

 

...meaning, he DOES wanna go out w/ other women? or he is seeing what my reaction will be if he did cheat? I asked him again today if he's cheated on me, and he's starting to get pissed now b/c i keep asking him. He was like "NO I HAVEN'T!" And for him to try to be picking a fight w/ me wouldn't make any sense. We've spent most of our relationship arguing and we're just now getting to a turn around point or we've realized that we're not gonna make it.

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the_opposite_sex Established Member

the_opposite_sex

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OR is he seeing where I stand w/ this issue?

 

sorry guys if i sound a little irrational....but i am. :(

savethedrama4allama

savethedrama4allama

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Do you ever ask him, "what would you do if I got abuducted by a group of wild pigmy goats and they sold me into prostitution?"

 

You don't waste time worrying about the things that are never going to happen. By repeatedly bringing this "what if" to your attention, it is in a sense premeditated cheating.

 

You've asked him a lot if he has cheated and he says no, I doubt his story will change now. If you want to stay together, drop it, and tell him that the next time he asks this "what if" it will be the last.

Moose Established Member

Moose

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He already cheated.....that's my opinion.

CurlyIam Established Member

CurlyIam

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I'm with moose on this one.

 

If he would premeditate it, he wouldn't make a sound ! Guys DON'T want to be caught. The thing is that after they had done it... are just unsure about the damage. It's human. And after a long time spent together it is hard to totally and completelly keep things from the other person. Not to be true.

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the_opposite_sex Established Member

the_opposite_sex

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there's things that lead me to believe he has...but there are many things that make me think he hasn't too.

I just talked to a girl outside who said that the minute she met my b/f, he was asking her if she knew his g/f *me*. Why would he tell everyone, including girls, about me if he wanted to cheat or has cheated?

Moose Established Member

Moose

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He just wanted to know if she knew you, if not, he's got a chance to cheat with her without you knowing.

Stone Established Member

Stone

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Get rid of him! He cheated if he hasn't he is thinking about it or he is playing stupid mind games! :mad:

Artifact Established Member

Artifact

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I remember your older posts too.

 

He needs a swift kick somewhere. Just make sure you kick in the direction of the door.

 

Whether he cheated (yet) or not, saying things to get a rise out of you, playing to your weaknesses, is just an insensitive dumba$$ thing to do. You're young, forget the ring and move on. :eek:

Merin Established Member

Merin

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I think regardless of why your boyfriend is asking you this stupid question.. he knows you have insecurity and jealousy issues and he is a jackass for going out of his way to ensure you remain so :mad:

 

If you don't want to break up with him..

 

Then here is a great answer for his retarded hypothetical...

 

"If you have cheated on me, and I find out.. then I will be doubling exactly what YOU would do IF you found that I've cheated on you"

 

Then tell him, that UNLESS there is something he would like to tell you regarding this subject that he knows how you feel about it and finish up with this...

 

"Now you know, so drop it!"

 

Ugh!

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