Is once a week a reasonable amount of time to spend together in a two year r/s?

[ihateusernames0]

I'm going to give some background first because I'm so sad and don't know if my boyfriend is spending too much time with friends or not since this is my first relationship.

 

So during the school year, we live an hour away from each other because of college. We used to visit each other on weekends. Two weeks ago, I came home for summer break. First of all, let me say that he broke his phone. He lives on his own and lives off a biweekly $200 paycheck so he doesn't want to spend $100 on a new phone so we never talk anymore. When we do talk, he will use his roommate's phone to talk to me but that's about once a week. Okay, so when I came back to my parent's for summer, he called me three days later and talked to me a bit. Then I found out that he was going to be hanging out with his best friend that day and the next, Wednesday he would be going to visit his family, Thursday to Sunday he took time off work to go with his friend to his friend's hometown to spend time with his friend and friend's family. He came back Sunday, called me on Monday through his roomate's phone, asked to hang out Tuesday but I told him I was working. I told him I'm off Wednesday (today) so we planned to hang out today. Well today, he told me tonight and tomorrow he's hanging out with his best friend, Friday he's going hiking with friends, Saturday he's hanging out with another friend, then Saturday night after work he's going to visit his family and stay til the next day before he starts work.

 

We used to hang out 3-4 times a week when I'd be back home for breaks. When we visit during the school year, it's for about 3 days. I feel so disappointed and neglected. The worst part is he loves me, I know he does, the way he is around me, he always tells me he misses me, he always thinks about me, he's always all over me and gets me gifts and is the perfect boyfriend but only for the time we spend together.

 

Should I be upset that I only see him once a week? I thought that after two years together, we should be spending more time together, not just once a week going to the movies, eating out and then having sex but doing more activities together throughout the week.

[Cutiepie1976]

Unfortunately, you are in the death throes of a relationship that's ending, where one person loses interest and gradually fades away. Nothing you can do to change the outcome.

 

Two choices:

1. Accept that things are winding down and busy yourself with your friends, your hobbies, your interests.
    
   -or-
    
    
   
2. Prolong the agony for you (not him) by fighting, clinging, and struggling to get the relationship closer to what you once had.
   

 

Either way, he'll be hanging primarily with others this summer. Tough break. Focus on your friends. You'll need their support as this unfolds.

[Lani]

Cutiepie's on the money..

 

I'm sorry

[Ed the 3rd]

Yeah just cut that guy off. I'd put a girlfriend of 2 years before "hanging with friends".

[newmoon]

I feel your pain as I am in a similar situation. my bf (of 2 years) and I have only been seeing each other about 1x a week. the dates are fewer, the calls are none, the texts are none, no sex, no kissing, etc. we have both lost interest, and when that happens there is a steady decline in everything that once was. we have talked about our problem and we are still (both) trying to work it out and see if we want to remain together. you have to ask your bf what is going on, you really do. ask where you stand and what he sees happening between you guys, because it does hurt very much to be so neglected. I feel that way too. you need contact from your partner to feel loved/cared for and when you don't receive it then you know something is wrong, and something is, in your case. give him the chance to explain and go from there, but it does sound like perhaps he is losing interest. the good news is that (sometimes) all you need is a change of some sort to rekindle things, especially in a longer relationship. also, keep in mind that nearing that 2 year mark some guys start to feel more 'pressure' from us to be more committed, live together, etc. and step it up in some way. this could be his way of responding to any pressure (by backing off) so look at what has been going on and possible reasons why he might prefer to be more alone.

Edited June 6, 2013 by newmoon