Bastille Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Ok, So I know you probably get a problem like this a lot. Anyways theres a guy who i've been seeing.. We're both 23 years old, he's incredibly shy and we've got mutual friends and after been out a few times together as a group he asked me for my phone number. After exchanging a few texts for only a day (Tuesday) he asked me out for some drinks the following Friday, which I agreed to. I didn't hear anything then until I decided to text him on the Friday and ask him if he was still up for drinks which he was and then went on to plan. All went fine, he was still his usual shy self, and it took a lot of probing and work on my side to keep the conversation going at times but some of the time we were laughing away and having fun. By the end of the date though I was beginning to hit a brick wall with him in conversation, he was no longer elaborating on anything or asking any questions, just replying to mine quite short. I put it down to being tired and called it a night. The next day (Saturday) I text to say thank you and that I enjoyed the night which led to texting on and off all day. By Wednesday I hadn't heard anything from him so I decided to text him to which his replies were great and he was carrying the conversation quite a bit so I asked him did he have plans the weekend and if he wanted to get together and he said yes. I get the impression that he is interested as I don't see why he would respond as much as he does when we do text or why he would say yes to a second date. But he doesn't initiate conversation, How do I get around this? I don't mind contacting him first but it would be nice to not have to do it all the time. Do I put it down to shyness, or could he just be too nice to say no and should I just give up? And should I wait til I hear from him to arrange plans for Saturday and if he doesn't forget about it?
undergroundlife13 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I think you should wait, the fact he was short with you makes me wary...just be cautious
Tinie Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I totally feel you, sometimes it's kind of frustrating. But if you want to be seeing a shy guy, be prepared that he probably won't do much of the initiating. Don't expect him to initiate because it's kind of his nature that he won't. I agree with the other poster though, short answers are sort of...off putting. I'd say give him another chance. Some guys don't really have that much experience. He might ease up once he gets to know you better. 1
FrustratedGuy91 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Some guys don't really have that much experience. He might ease up once he gets to know you better. As a shy person myself, I agree completely.
KatZee Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Umm... well I think you're kind of carrying the "relationship" right now which isn't a good thing. Since he asked for your number and he asked you out, it was up to him to confirm the date. You shouldn't have to chase a guy down to ask if you still have plans. Also, the lack of conversation at the date, the lack of interest on his end to even ask questions about you. He also didn't follow up after the date, YOU did. Then YOU initiated the texts the next day, then YOU asked him out on the weekend. You're pretty much emasculating him right out of the gate. You're not letting him pursue YOU, and you're making excuses by saying he's "too shy" or "too nice." I'm going to tell you what the deal is. He's not interested. A guy who's interested is going to make moves, even if slightly awkward he's going to try and flirt, talk to you, get to know you, make sure you know he had fun with you. I would just stop contacting him at this point. See what he does. 3
salparadise Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 You're pretty much emasculating him right out of the gate. You're not letting him pursue YOU, and you're making excuses by saying he's "too shy" or "too nice." I'm going to tell you what the deal is. He's not interested. A guy who's interested is going to make moves, even if slightly awkward he's going to try and flirt, talk to you, get to know you, make sure you know he had fun with you. I disagree, unless she's just not interested because of him being shy. If she's interested, then she needs to do what it takes keep things moving and help build his confidence. There are some great guys that just need a bit of experience with an understanding woman like her to bring them out. The shyness is not who they are, it's a barrier they need to break through. I commend Bastille for seeing the potential in a guy like this, and being willing to think outside of herself, doing what most women won't, making something good happen for the both of them.
KatZee Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I disagree, unless she's just not interested because of him being shy. If she's interested, then she needs to do what it takes keep things moving and help build his confidence. There are some great guys that just need a bit of experience with an understanding woman like her to bring them out. The shyness is not who they are, it's a barrier they need to break through. I commend Bastille for seeing the potential in a guy like this, and being willing to think outside of herself, doing what most women won't, making something good happen for the both of them. He's also 23. Not 14. There needs to be a point where a guy kind of pushes past that sort of immaturity and awkwardness. These two have mutual friends, they've been out several times together, they've been on a date, they've been talking via text, etc. I think the fact that SHE'S been the one to initiate everything, and the fact that he doesn't even follow up, nor does he initiate any sort of communication between the hang out and the next "date" initiated by the OP screams lack of interest. There's shy, and then there's completely disinterested. One word answers? Not even bothering to ask questions about the OP? I mean come on.
Roadkill007 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He's also 23. Not 14. There needs to be a point where a guy kind of pushes past that sort of immaturity and awkwardness. These two have mutual friends, they've been out several times together, they've been on a date, they've been talking via text, etc. I think the fact that SHE'S been the one to initiate everything, and the fact that he doesn't even follow up, nor does he initiate any sort of communication between the hang out and the next "date" initiated by the OP screams lack of interest. There's shy, and then there's completely disinterested. One word answers? Not even bothering to ask questions about the OP? I mean come on. well, she did say he asked her for her phone number, and also at some point he carried the conversation (although it was via texting, lol), so it's not as if he's 100% passive. So I think you're right in the sense that he's not "shy" to a point where he doesn't initiate contact because of it. It may just be awkwardness though. I mean if he hasn't gone "this far" before, maybe he's feeling super awkward and thinking "what do I do from here". Overthinking often screws me over, so that's why I'm thinking it may be a problem in this situation.
KatZee Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 well, she did say he asked her for her phone number, and also at some point he carried the conversation (although it was via texting, lol), so it's not as if he's 100% passive. So I think you're right in the sense that he's not "shy" to a point where he doesn't initiate contact because of it. Exactly. So he's not shy enough to not make a move and ask for a number and carry conversation. So the fact he went from THAT, to now THIS. I mean he probably went on the date, realized there was no connection and that's that. This is what happens with dating. You go on a date with that person, check it out, and if the person doesn't enjoy the night they pull the fade out. Which it sounds like what he's doing. Even if he felt awkward, he really can't be THAT awkward where he can't send a simple text that says, "Hey how's your day going?"
ltjg45 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 If there is one thing shy guys don't do, that is asking anyone for anything. The simple fact that he asked the OP for her number tells me that he has enough interest to approach her and ask her out. Apparently, his interest in the OP died out. OP needs to just leave him alone and, if he wants to continue dating her, he needs to take the lead. His excuses for being shy died out the moment he asked her for her phone number. Truly shy guys just don't do that unless there is a reason for it. 1
salparadise Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He's also 23. Not 14. There needs to be a point where a guy kind of pushes past that sort of immaturity and awkwardness. These two have mutual friends, they've been out several times together, they've been on a date, they've been talking via text, etc. I think the fact that SHE'S been the one to initiate everything, and the fact that he doesn't even follow up, nor does he initiate any sort of communication between the hang out and the next "date" initiated by the OP screams lack of interest. There's shy, and then there's completely disinterested. One word answers? Not even bothering to ask questions about the OP? I mean come on. It's hard for us to know exactly what's going on in his head. Generalizing about shyness, theorizing about how such a guy should behave, and then attributing those vague notions to the OP's guy doesn't make it so. I think she should stick with him and try to understand what's going on with him specifically before coming to the conclusion that he's not interested in her. There is a major distinction to be made between what she's willing to do for him, and his motivations, vs. how most women expect a guy to behave and how much shyness they'd be willing to deal with before kicking him to the curb. OP, I say stay on board and keep encouraging him until you figure out that a) he's really not interested, b) bringing him out is more than you're willing/able to do for him, or c) he emerges and becomes an amazing partner.
AzureX91 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I think he just needs to be more comfortable with the girl, then conversation, inviting out to places would come more naturally. And when she feels he is comfortable and familiar enough, maybe at the end of a nice date she can talk to him directly (maybe not too seriously) about scheduling a "follow-up" get-together. I think this can allow for a more cooperation in the current relationship. Conversation may go like: "That was really fun! Where should we go next time? When do you want to go?"
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