When is it time to walk away from all the stupid things they do or say to you?

[eleve82]

I hung on for years, telling myself that he never INTENDS to upset anyone (he can also be very sweet and thoughtful) but when do you draw the line having to take the hits from someone who doesn't try to correct his mistakes/insensitive acts?

 

BTW I'm talking about incredibly non-intellectual, low-level acts like:

- booking the wrong dates on flights despite being told what date to arrive (countless times)

- after "correcting the wrong date", failing to check the itinerary to realise the dates are STILL WRONG.

- And cracks jokes about it, as if not realising I'm already frustrated.

- last year, double bolting the flat with me inside (locking me in, as one of the locks was accessible from outside only)... FOUR TIMES!!!

- losing his keys, resulting in our flat being burgled; first thing he does is ask me to help him replace his gaming consoles when I've lost all my valuables

- Once i had to go thru a surgical removal of abnormal cervical cells, he videoed my reaction during the procedure without telling me and took a picture of the removed cells on his phone, like it was some sort of science project and "oohed and aahhhed" over it.

 

These are only a small sample of the incredibly absent-minded or supremely immature things he has said/done (to me, not including to others) over 5 years. All I hear is how he never means to do these things/wasn't thinking and how I'm "f***king infuriating" because I "only think the worst of him". He has apologised for most of these, but his words are fast becoming meaningless.

 

Is it truly possible for someone to be terminally absent-minded or lack basic sensitivity/EQ that he would keep doing such things to the people around him? He is past his 30s and works in finance so he is not stupid. He has claimed before that this is "just the way he is". Yet the things he has done to me are so embarrassing that he does not tell any of his friends/family so on some level, he must be ashamed of what he has done and have a sense of what is right/wrong!

 

Or am I justified to say enough is enough - I should cut him out of my life for good (ie cut all contact) if doesn't even TRY to improve the way he handles himself?

[quankanne]

there's a term for people like that: Emotionally retarded.

 

and with people like that: You either stop expecting them to change and learn to find happiness with that person (to a point where you sacrifice a lot of your self-esteem along the way because the relationship can never be a fully reciprocal one – he/she is incapable of doing the same for you), or you realize that you deserve more from a relationship and you walk away. And I'm not just talking about someone who is a love interest, but work colleague, a family member, a friend.

 

ultimately, you have to decide how much you will put up with, and to what degree you're willing to "bend" to find a good meeting spot with this person emotionally.

[eleve82]

Thanks quankanne. It completely mirrors my thoughts. He just pulled the silent treatment on me when I asked for clarification on something and stonewalled me for the 10th time, despite my repeated and respectful requests to stop engaging in such negative, hurtful and destructive behaviour.

 

I'm fed up and done and am deleting the last traces of his contacts forever. He can enjoy the fruits of his silent treatment with permanent silence.

[Compromize]

there's a term for people like that: Emotionally retarded.

 

and with people like that: You either stop expecting them to change and learn to find happiness with that person (to a point where you sacrifice a lot of your self-esteem along the way because the relationship can never be a fully reciprocal one – he/she is incapable of doing the same for you), or you realize that you deserve more from a relationship and you walk away. And I'm not just talking about someone who is a love interest, but work colleague, a family member, a friend.

 

ultimately, you have to decide how much you will put up with, and to what degree you're willing to "bend" to find a good meeting spot with this person emotionally.

 

Very well put. This is the reason that I reached the breaking point last week with my ex I have wanted back for the past 4 months. I simply bent until I snapped. Admittedly, she snapped long ago. Hence why we are not together. You can love someone with all of your heart and soul and that does not mean it will work out. Very hard lesson to learn and one that kind of destroys a part on the innocence of the soul. Love does not conquer all.