Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Me too, me too, I'm wearing my disappointed face! Terrible effort!! Terrible!! Please work on it.
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Sorry then, you're not jealous. You would not want your life to be any different than it is and you do not want to lower your self esteem to the level where your "jealous" OP - so your heart is set, even if he begs for you back and shows up on your door step? You're doing this because it is the right thing. But you're sure that what you guys had was not enough to... even consider fixing? I just wanted to ask you the hard questions. I will be asking myself the same thing when I THINK I am getting over my ex one day. Sorry if it seems counter productive to ask such a question, but I am serious; even at your late stage of recovery and self development, do you STILL know that you would resist a genuine second chance if HE wanted it badly? What if I am single in the future and my ex does this? If I have love inside left over for him that I have buried? DO you even LISTEN to them if, one day, they STILL are adamant they want us? How are you SURE your doing the right thing? Because I do what is best for me (and inevitably as a result, best for him). End of story. THE END.
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 I can't help it if I'm pretty... I just choked on my vodka. Damnit. Can I have some pizza now? 1
Giha Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 To me that is incredible. Ignoring his calls is one thing, but deleting the message before hearing it...I don't know if I could so that. Well done! 1
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 To me that is incredible. Ignoring his calls is one thing, but deleting the message before hearing it...I don't know if I could so that. Well done! Easier to ignore if I don't know what he wanted. Either he wanted his boxer shorts back... Or wanted to return my flip flops still at his house... Or he wants to get married... I like my imagination more than reality. I'm sure I think he misses me more than he does. Deleting his voice mail makes that MY reality. HA HA. 2
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 aisuru's right, Leigh. No matter how many times you say it, your ex is a pig. And whilst ever you tolerate it, you don't love yourself. This times a thousand billion. We try to help, but we're told we're mean and cruel and don't understand. Meanwhile, I have to be honest, I'm tired of leigh turning every single person's thread around to her own situation. It's so disrespectful to the OP and their situation. For awhile, in my head, I've likened it to a dog pissing all over an area to mark it as their territory. It's not supportive. It's annoying. I'm sorry, but it is. 3
Sheilalou008 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Oh hell nah!!! I am not moving to hide from a guy. Nope, no way, no how. Why would I want to see or speak with somebody who didn't want me in their life as their girlfriend any longer? PFFFT. nope, no way, now how. I deserve better than that. If you think this is easy, you are sorely mistaken. I live in a high cost of living city and have a low rent. He can move if it's so torturous for him. Of course I want to see him/kiss him/snuggle him/sex him up. Of course I do. I. DESERVE. BETTER. The end. I do not have means to just up and move every time my heart gets broken. I have a life where I am and running away isn't going to change anything anyway. How come this is not easily understood? I am sure you had a hard time deleting it and it was not easy to just ignore. 1
Sheilalou008 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 If you had read all of my posts, you would know I'm not sure of this decision. I just know this is the correct reaction for me right now. End of story. Doesn't mean it's easy or what my weak self wants. I feel for ya <3 1
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 I do not have means to just up and move every time my heart gets broken. I have a life where I am and running away isn't going to change anything anyway. How come this is not easily understood? I am sure you had a hard time deleting it and it was not easy to just ignore. Well, I was in a work meeting and feeling quiet "snappy" about myself. So deleting was easy. And then I realized what I did.... :lmao: :eek: :laugh: Eh well, it's all for the best. 1
Sheilalou008 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Well, I was in a work meeting and feeling quiet "snappy" about myself. So deleting was easy. And then I realized what I did.... :lmao: :eek: :laugh: Eh well, it's all for the best. No doubt. I remember doing something quite similar back a few months ago. I deleted all the text messages between him and I, it killed me at first. It ended up being the best thing I could have done. There was no point in keeping them. 2
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Leigh, the point is, that SHE is not ready. It does not matter whether aisuru's ex has seen the light. Aisuru is not ready. Only her feelings matter at this point, not his. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! I want pizza now. THE. END. 2
Kristopher1 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Good on you aisuru, it must have been difficult not to listen to the voice mail before deleting it, well done regardless 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He will try again. Unless he finds the love of his life or something, he will be back. I mean, he put up with her when she was drinking and treating him badly and not holding herself together and he still stayed. He sounds like he likes her enough to be back, unless in the unlikely event that he sounds his future wife anytime soon! I have read all her threads basically and I still cannot piece together WHAT she wants to do about it! OH wells.
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Hmm okay. I guess things will just fade out and they will, more than likely, meet other people in the meanwhile. As do most attractive and worthwhile people. Although if he strays single than yeah. He will be back, lol.
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 *lightbulb*. So even if you want them back and believe you could have had something worth having; you have to be on you're own for a couple/few months or however long it takes, to realise you do not need them, and only THEN come back on your own terms, IF they are begging persistently? Basically, forget about them with No Contact, and only THEN if THEY come back and make it clear that want to talk with multiple attempts at contact, do you even consider responding? Never respond right away then? Even if you want to. Wait for incessant attempts from them. And once you personally think you have had enough time to reach clarity about them? OP, when will you know that you will be ready? Is it a certain "feeing" you are after, or will you just "know" lol. Anyways I will try to follow your advice since it seems to get you over your exes more.
KPChick000 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Is it sick that I am kind of jealous? I read your post and it has kind of stuck with me all day. I keep going back and forth. Do I want him to call me so I can decide whether to ignore him or not? Do I want him to never call again so the decision is already made and I don't have to find out how strong I am or am not? I feel like you are ok, but now I am questioning my progress I just read this thread and it made me a little jealous too!! And angry!! (Not at you aisuri- congrats for being so strong!). My ex has been silent all this time, and honestly, I wish he WOULD throw me something so I could decide what to do with it. NC was supposed to give me the sense of control back, but it hasn't worked all that well (yet?) because he is also maintaining NC. I feel like I'm constantly "losing" this battle. Sigh- weak moment here. 2
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I get it, Metal_Chick. You have to get to the stage where you do not jump on whether they want you back or not, and it is more of an after thought (rather than something you actually "wait" on). I do not intend to allow an ex back unless they change their ways, and take several attempts to contact me. I mean, if they give up after one try, they were obviously just bored, horny, or just had not found any better prospects. I think if they repeatedly reach out, then it would mean more. I do not know of a single dude who would give up after one try, if they truly love a girl.
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I would sort of almost...want them to have more experience, with other women, so they actually come to the conclusion of " but ______ is the girl I feel it with the most, even after I have been with really cool girls who I was into" ..I almost feel like, at least in SOME cases; the dudes lack experience with long term R's. IF you were the first person they liked enough to bother with, surely it is best to let them go and confirm that yes, you WERE truly special enough to warrant another chance? I guess it depends on the OP'S guy. Personally, I find out about their prior relationship histories and, well, I would want them to have been around a lot of other girls in order for them to KNOW they truly wanted ME; they cannot just be desperate and horny, and have no good options around them. I have not been in long term relationships in my adult life bar once, and when I was younger and with a total loser. I guess the OP has been around a bit and knows the calibre of men out there. I do not relate to her personally, as I want to go and find better sorts of men than my ex (I really believe he will be the same to other girls/and was not merely like that with me due to lacking the love and feelings to treat me well) I am excited to hear her update lol. I think he does really like her and will prove it. Of not she sounds like she will move on anyways; and perhaps even will of he does clearly want her back!
youngnlove89 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. What immense will power OP! I would have listened to it before deleting it and then probably succumbed to my own weakness and returned the call. So the fact that you can delete it before any of that takes determination. You want to move on, that's inevitable. Excellent. Way to go! You are the inspiration everyone needs right now! Awesome! Good for you. The ball is back in your court now. You put your big girl panties on and showed him! 3
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Thank you all of your feedback and support. Good dialogue. To be fair, it's rare for me to listen to anybody's voice mail so I have that habit in line already. Drives my friends nuts! I'm more a texter or emailer and the ex is a caller or emailer. Today I feel good about my decision to ignore because I realized I don't even know what I would say or how I would say it. A little anxious to know when he'll reach out again, but that's to be expected I suppose. Definitely a little bit of the power play at work here. *shrug* 1
Hockeyguy19 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He left a voice mail. I deleted it without listening to it. I cannot even begin to explain the will power that took. MEH. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. You are my hero, that's so awesome of you!! I wish I had your strength! <3 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Op - I will be in your position very soon. I have to emulate everything you have done if I want to retain ANY self respect (yes it is still there I know I deserve better and have good options in men). I have a gut feeling my ex has unfinished business and will also contact me in the manner in which your ex is doing. And am sure will again sometime soon as per what Metal Chick said. My ex said he accepts No Contact, albeit very reluctantly (he wanted to work things out and I found it VERY HARD to cut him off NOW when I could have enjoyed more time with him:(:(), and he also wants to reach out to me soon after I get back from my trip late July. He has promised to not reach out to me though if he "just wants to be friends". OP - did you make it clear that you DO NOT want to be his friend? I have drilled it into my ex, because I do not want him to call if he has moved ON and just "wants to be buddies":sick:. He is adamant that he will not want to contact me under the guide of "friends" either. I will also need to ignore his first attempt, since if a guy wants you badly enough, they will try more than once to get a hold of you. OP - I am hoping by going No Contact NOW instead of drawing it out further and trying to work things out like he wanted to, will enable me to not hang on his call, since I will have learnt to live happily without him. I read your threads (2 of them) and it sounds like you acknowledged that hell yes, you were a tad anxious about whether or no he would call.. Yet you were not depending on it by any means. My therapist, who I see twice a week next week and twice a week the following week before I depart for Russia/Europe, is giving me exercises to channel thoughts, so that I acknowledge they are only thoughts and do not let a given thought, such as whether or not my ex will reach out, govern my daily actions in a way that is detrimental. Good luck OP, I will be in your position soon and I hope like hell a month and a half of No Contact between now and when I return from overseas will give me enough strength to not answer his call the first time.
Leigh 87 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 that is what I have done:(:(:(:( :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( I DID NOT WANT TO. There was no farewell! He knows. I know he knows this was coming anyway. I do not need to tell him AGAIN. But the OP, you, and other successes out there who respect themselves ALL did what the OP has done; No Contact. On their terms. I have to do, like, what the smarter and better experienced people are doing. People who have been me. I did what my gut told me to do, to retain the shred of self respect I have left. Cos, I do love who I am as a person and all, but something is amiss; I think it is because I was abused and severely bullied, not self hate on a personal level as I do love my personality and I love my actual life ............................................... Good luck to the OP with her future responses to her ex. I just hope he is genuinely interested in HER, and not just .... wanting to talk with no serious intentions of getting back together. I am following what you guys have done even though I do not hate myself in the way you suspect. Good luck OP let us know when he contacts you again.
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