vdh Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Hi. I dated my ex for 4 years, from the time we were 16-20 (we're turning 21 in June, I share a birthday with him and his fraternal twin). We are each other's first LTR and we were each other's first time in bed. We broke up briefly from mid July 2012 to beginning of September 2012 because I had given him an ultimatum to stop being involved with some bad **** he had been lying to me about. Nothing with cheating or other girls or anything. He didn't stop and so we broke up, then he stopped so we got back together and were together until mid March of this year. He is extremely into the gym. And when I say that I mean like he basically lives there, is always working out (sometimes up to 3x a day) and when he's not working out, he's working (BMW dealership) or hanging out with his friends who were my friends as well. I also work, go to school, and work out when I can but its not nearly to the degree that he does. We would only see each other 1 - 2x a week, and it would only be for a couple of hours at the most at a time. Fine, I can handle that. But he would leave my house after like an hour to go work out, and stopped spending the night. I couldn't sleep at his because he lives with his parents, their house so their rules. In between seeing each other we had almost no communication, he would never really text me first (or back if I did text him) or call me. He would always hang out with mutual guy friends but I was never invited even though all the other guys invited their girlfriends. I was the one initiating everything, all the time. Finally it came to a head and I asked him if he saw a future for us, because it didn't really seem like he was putting much effort into our relationship. We had been arguing and fighting a lot about spending time together- he was completely satisfied with how things were, I wasn't. I needed more. After 4 years together, you should know by now what you want, young or not. I wasn't asking him to marry me or anything like that, just if he honestly could see us being together in a couple years. For me it was a no-brainer, obviously I saw our relationship lasting. He admitted he'd been thinking about it and he said he honestly couldn't see himself being serious with someone who didn't share the same lifestyle as him (gym rat, basically) and didn't want me to 'change for him' either. All I heard were a bunch of excuses and so I asked for a week break to really think about if that was something I could truly accept. A day into our 'break' I wound up going out and got stranded and needed a ride so I called him, he came and got me and we got into a nasty fight, screaming and yelling and I was hysterical, he dropped me off at my house and drove away, wouldn't listen to me and wouldn't answer my calls. I was completely shocked and devastated, it was unlike him to be so cold and ignore me like that. The next morning he came over and we broke up. There was a lot of tears (on both of our behalf) lots of 'I'm sorry's, I love you's" that kind of thing. My heart broke when I watched him leave the house and absolutely fall apart in his car, sobbing and hitting the steering wheel for 5 minutes until he got himself together enough to be able to drive away. We were both absolutely devastated to say the least. I've been maintaining NC except for a couple slip ups, on Easter Sunday I drunk dialed him (classy I know) and we talked for 20 minutes and then he hung up on me saying he needed to work in the morning. Ugh. And then last week I emailed him, I really don't want to get into it but basically I had a weak moment saying I miss him and hope we can be friends one day- this guy was my best friend for nearly 5 years. No response (obviously). I just don't understand how he can forget me so easily, how he hasn't caved at all and talked to me, it's mind blowing. I've been keeping myself busy and doing tons of things, but nothing ever fully distracts me from the fact that he's not a part of my life anymore and it kills me sometimes. For being so upset when we broke up, he seems like he could give a **** right now and is just so happy and partying all the time- how does he do it ? It makes me feel like I wasn't important to him, at all. It's honestly to the point where I get jealous when I hear people say "my ex won't leave me alone". Mine seems like he could care less about me and we were together for 4 years. I just can't wrap my head around it. I admit, I have rebounded with some 25 year old guy I met one night about a month after we broke up. We hooked up on a few occasions but I came to my senses and cut him off. He was the 2nd guy I've ever slept with- my ex being the first. I don't know why I did it.. I guess to feel wanted by someone, I know it's ****ed up and I do regret it. I don't know, I guess I'm just venting. I know my story is typical, I'll love again one day blah blah but right now it just seems like that's not possible. I feel like I'll never love anyone the way I loved him- and vice versa. I could really use some words of encouragement right now, I'm really hurting, thanks
switch01 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I'm in a situation like that.. It seems like they change overnight and you just cant wrap your head around it. All you can do is tell him how you feel and bow out of his life for a while. It hurts like hell I know, I'm there right now. Just stay strong, there is a guy out there that you will fall in love with again if he doesnt want you back.
Imperfectionsbeauty Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Yeah, I feel ya:( I'm on a "break" from a 2.5 year relationship for similar reasons. Except mine is not a confirmed break up. It sucks but it seems like its guys ways of handling emotions. They would rather avoid the situation. Which is exactly what my bf/ex/whateverheis is doing. Whereas us girls want to talk about it and get answers! Ugh, I hate emotions lol
Author vdh Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 I'm in a situation like that.. It seems like they change overnight and you just cant wrap your head around it. All you can do is tell him how you feel and bow out of his life for a while. It hurts like hell I know, I'm there right now. Just stay strong, there is a guy out there that you will fall in love with again if he doesnt want you back. Ahh I know, I just can't believe in the 2 and a half months we've been broken up I haven't got anything, not even a ****ing text message that says "hi" ! What the hell ! Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot, and it's nice to know I'm not alone .. It really feels like it sometimes.
Author vdh Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Yeah, I feel ya:( I'm on a "break" from a 2.5 year relationship for similar reasons. Except mine is not a confirmed break up. It sucks but it seems like its guys ways of handling emotions. They would rather avoid the situation. Which is exactly what my bf/ex/whateverheis is doing. Whereas us girls want to talk about it and get answers! Ugh, I hate emotions lol Spot on ! Haha. I know what you mean. I feel like my ex is the most stubborn person on this planet, would rather cut off his own hand than talk about feelings, lol. I just don't get it.
JadedRomantic Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) Yeah ... I totally understand you and am in the same boat at the moment. All I can say as some comfort after (extensive) searching and reading ... men and women process emotions and displays of emotion very differently. With such a strong reaction from him on the car, you can pretty much guarantee that he is not already 'over you' or not thinking of you. Obviously you have a very strong and deep connection and bond with him and 5 years or knowing each other is nothing to just throw away. However, you guys are pretty young. You wonder what you may be missing or what else is out there. And it's not that you're not happy with the one your with, you're just ... wondering. And then that 'wondering' sort of manifests itself into a constant and strange, 'not like him at all', heartbreaking things happen. I think you should lay low a little and give yourselves time to process some of these emotions without being all up in each other's space and face while doing so. Like ... really give him some time. NC at all for at least a month. NONE. I stopped texting and calling my ex as soon as the confusion was over and I cracked here and there but after about 3 mnths of LC and 1.5 months of that being NC, he's been texting me and calling me. Not anything romantic and rekindling, but ... If you need to cry, then cry. Call your close friends or family or go on here lol Everyone has experienced heartbreak or broken someones heart at some point so they understand and at times like this, you just need to vent and rant and ask and cry =) It's so hard, I know, but keep ya head up! Edited June 6, 2013 by JadedRomantic too many typos
Author vdh Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 JadedRomantic, Thank you so much ! Sound advice. Yeah I've been trying my best, honestly only talking to him twice in the past 2 and a half months is like a world record for me , lol. But I do need to stop checking his instagram, I'm not following him but I still see his name pop up when he 'likes' any of our mutual friends' pictures and I get tempted and look at his profile. And he just seems so happy without me .. On one hand I am glad he's happy, I want the best for him and I always will. But on the other hand it hurts knowing he's just livin it up and having a blast without me, you know ? That should fuel my fire to get over him but it just makes me sad, lmao.
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